


How to Begin a Forgotten Love

by rosesweetchild



Category: Junjou Romantica, Renai_Neet_~Wasureta_Koi_no_Hajimekata (Jdorama), Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi
Genre: AU of a Jdorama, Dating, Family, M/M, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:28:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 42
Words: 104,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23265469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesweetchild/pseuds/rosesweetchild
Summary: Yokozawa Takafumi is 30-years-old and busy as a salesperson at a small publishing company. His main concerns are his career and his two younger siblings who he's raised since his parents died when he was a teen. He's still burned from his last relationship eight years ago. He and two of his friends meet three other guys. Soon he is thrust into the awkward and frustrating world of dating. Will he survive the process?
Relationships: Kisa Shouta/Yukina Kou, Onodera Ritsu/Takano Masamune, Shiiba Fuyuhiko/Usami Natsuko, Yokozawa Takafumi/Kirishima Zen
Comments: 5
Kudos: 69





	1. Takafumi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Congratulations! It's a divorce!

Yokozawa Takafumi frowned as he surveyed the wedding hall looking for Onodera Ritsu. Or in this case, Divorce Hall. His old school friend, Kisa Shouta, was celebrating ending all ties with his now ex husband, Hatori Yoshiyuki, who Yokozawa never liked anyway. His mind went back to the fiasco yesterday afternoon. 

Why was he stuck with such a useless subordinate, like Hemni? Okay, he was personable, and, yes, he worked hard even if it meant overtime. Still. Who thinks 100 copies is 1000? They’d ended apologizing and bowing over and over to mollify the bookseller just so they wouldn’t lose their account, which might not have worked, given how livid the man was. 

Since when did any bookstore order that many books from their company? Even the biggest of the Books Marimo chain had never ordered that many of even their biggest selling title. Hemni seemed to have confused their small niche company of self help books for Marukawa Shoten. Which is why he’d let him have it as soon as they’d gotten back to the office, which had been overheard by his manager, Yukina Kou, who had decided to, yet again, give him a lecture. 

“Mr. Yokozawa, aren’t you being a little harsh on your subordinate? I know you’re the Wild Bear and everything, but still.” Wild bear! Why did everyone insist on calling them that?

“If he can’t handle a little criticism, then he’s in the wrong business.” He scoffed. How weak can you get if you can’t handle a little heat? And what had made it even worse is the idiot hadn’t even apologized right away to the store manager until Takafumi had to tell him. Instead, Hemni tried to explain himself. What an idiot. He had been right to tell him off. How else was the guy going to learn? This wasn’t pre-school!

Then he’d overheard Hemni complaining about him to the director. Just what he needed. Yokozawa walked over and stood discreetly around the corner while pretending to peruse the latest sales data. 

“I just don’t understand. I’m trying so hard, but Mr. Yokozawa makes me so nervous I’ve lost eight kilo in the last six months! Maybe he’s a robot, because he doesn’t seem to understand that humans make mistakes sometimes! I’m even thinking seriously of applying for a transfer!” 

Yokozawa bit his lip. Had he been that bad? Wasn’t Hemni just a weak guy? He was concentrating so much that he barely had enough time to move away before Hemni discovered him eavesdropping.

All this meant yet another speech, this time from Director Usami Natsuko, and there was nothing more she loved than to lecture. Except she called them ‘pep talks.’ Especially with Takafumi. Maybe it was because she knew he’d lost his parents? Who knew why she had decided to be his life coach almost as soon as he started working in the sales department from Marukawa. It had been a challenge adjusting to the new position. Usami Publishing was a fraction of the size of Marukawa and although he left there to make it easier to distance himself from his ex at that point he was a wreck emotionally. Somehow the director had sensed this in him. He’d long suspected that the reason she’d started a publishing company devoted to self-improvement books was her deep-seated need to tell people how to run their life. Not that he didn’t like her. She’d never patronized him. She had just taken him by the hand and somehow got away with it. 

Still, he wasn’t a life coach, but a salesman, so why was he tasked with mentoring the likeable, but clueless Hemmni? 

Then he’d given him a copy of the same book he’d had such difficulty with, The Cinderella’s Guide to Love, and told him to study it, and it was clear she’d meant not just in his capacity as a sales person so he’d know something about what he was selling. 

Takafumi kept scanning the place, and frowned. Where was Ritsu? And what was the point of an occasion about something negative? Or was it positive after all? Sho was a lot better off without a guy who had been controlling, prone to jealous fits of anger and overly possessive. It had been weird from the beginning. Kisa Shouta had always gone for one-night stands. He was well known for two things: being an expert at oral sex and looking like he was 15. It was kind of disturbing how many men had gone for the jailbait look. And then suddenly a few years ago he’d announced his engagement to Hatori Yoshiyuki. 

One good thing from all this. Hatori worked as a manga editor for Takafumi’s ex, and he’d suffered through numerous social gatherings having to awkwardly see him and his boyfriend. Saga Masamune. It had been bad enough that they’d broken up eight years ago, but the worst thing was how the whole time they’d dated, Saga had been really in love with another man and had tried to hide it. And of course the man had felt awful, because he’d ‘cared for’ Takafumi. But once he’d re-met his ex boyfriend who’d been living in Australia for the last ten years, a short two weeks later it was: I’m sorry, Yokozawa, I really care for you, but... Arrrrrrgh! The last thing he needed now was to think of Saga with his concerned sad golden hued eyes focussed on him. 

He turned to Shouta, who looked handsome in formal dress, in a chibi sort of way, and finally spotted Ritsu whose tie was askew, clearly out of breath and thirty minutes late according to his watch. Oh well. 

“Ah. I’m glad you’re here. What a depressing event. Kisa looks great though. Sorry for being late. I was on the train, and I’d just gotten to the good part in my novel and I missed my stop.” 

“Ah? Which one?” 

“When the Panda Calls. You know? Usami Akihiko’s newest. I was just at the good part when the person you had been posing as the protagonist's best friend-”

“Woah, woah, no spoilers! I’m planning on reading that soon!” 

“Fine.” They were both voracious readers which is how they’d originally met in their apartment building one day. They’d been waiting for the elevator which turned out to be broken, each holding a book, and being typical readers, they’d immediately broken into a discussion about the merits of what they were both reading, which had turned into dinner and beer at Onodera’s. 

Onodera had a variation on his usual look: button down collared shirt paired with a sweater, but in a slightly fancier variation including his almost always present beanie, cream colored to match his sweater in this case.. Did that man ever go bare headed? 

Takafumi had stuck with his usual business attire.

Onodera adjusted his beanie and pointed at the soon to be divorced couple who was surrounded by well wishers. 

“Is it true that they’re getting divorced because Kisa got a cat?” 

“That’s what Shouta told me.” 

“Well you’ve known him since middle school, so you’d know the truth.” 

Except, Shouta had been extra fidgety and avoiding eye contact, clear signs he was lying. And Takafumi had responded the way his old friend expected him to; by pretending to be oblivious. Eventually the truth would come out. 

Onodera didn’t seem to realize the full import of Takafumi’s silence and kept chatting while sipping from a tumbler.

“They looked weird together. I think Hatori-san was pulling him down. I’ve always thought he was creepy.” And you don’t know the half of it.

“It’s over now at least.” 

“He looks happier too. Let’s mingle. Do you know how many available men are here? And most of them are probably gay. Like that guy!” Onodera pointed to a tall chestnut haired man across the room who looked surprisingly good in his suit. Not that he cared about that. Or how the man was totally his type: tall, handsome and radiating confidence, and… he had to be built. That was obviously muscular definition showing through his suit jacket. He shook his head to clear his mind. Why was Onodera talking about men, anyway?

“Oi! Onodera! Don’t you have a boyfriend?” 

“Yeah, but a little looking never hurt anyone. We’re window shopping.” 

“I detest shopping.” 

“What about this young guy?” The brown haired man was talking to another guy handsome in a boring idol-type. He was slightly shorter, younger and dressed a lot more casually than everyone else. 

“Let’s go over and introduce ourselves. It will be good practice for you on choosing a guy. Or how to not choose one. For instance, that short otaku over there? Forget that.” Onodera sniffed to express his distaste as they passed a black haired man with glasses who seemed absorbed by a cat video on his phone, and who might have been handsome if he hadn’t had scarring all over his face. Maybe he’d had bad acne as a teen. And, although he was shorter than either of the other two, he was still taller than Onodera. Still, he looked sweet in a friendzone kind of way and Takafumi knew first hand just how that sucked.

Takafumi shuddered. He was so much better off not getting into dating. Just a few minutes looking at guys reminded him of how bad the dating scene had been. And what was up with Onodera? 

“Are you sure everything’s fine with your boyfriend, Onodera?” 

“Yes. Everything’s fine, but I don’t know how committed he is, and who knows about the future. I need a man who knows what he wants and who isn’t afraid to take charge.” 

“You say that, but we all know that you’re the one who likes to be in charge.” 

“Yeah, well, I guess you have a point there, but in bed… maybe that's what I’m talking about.” The younger man elbowed Takafumi playfully. Seriously, had Onodera gotten a personality transplant ? Usually he was sweet, serious and way too high strung. Except when he’d had a couple of drinks. Suddenly it all became clear. The entire time he’d been sipping from a nice big tumbler. Onodera was more than just buzzed right now. 

After The ex husbands thanked everyone for coming, Onodera had managed to drag him and Kisa to a sofa. How convenient. The two men they’d been eying before were there with the sweet geeky guy. 

The tall chestnut haired man was passing his business card out and Takafumi almost laughed as he looked at the smiling face of Kirishima Zen of Kirishima Dentistry, Family dentist. 

“So you’re a dentist?” Onodera said redundantly while smiling brightly at Kirishima. 

“Yes. Please come visit some time.” 

“‘One of the top twenty dentists in Japan,’ Yokozawa read aloud. Seriously? What an ego. 

Kirshima laughed nervously. 

“Ah, ignore that. It’s kind of embarrassing.” 

Takafumi rolled his eyes and mumbled under his breath quietly, “So why even include it?” 

Next to him was the other guy Onodera had all but slobbered over earlier. His name was Yanase Yuu. He had a mop of brown hair, and said he was a freeter like he was proud of it. So he isn’t in college, doesn’t have a job and sponges off others. Great.

Onodera elbowed him. 

“Psst? Give them your card?” 

Takafumi handed them out not before glaring at Onodera. No more liquor for you, he thought. Yet another thing to deal with. What a pain.

“I’m Yokozawa Takafumi and I work in sales at Usami Publishing.” 

Kirishima smiled brightly. “I’ve read all of Sumi Ryouichi’s novels! I’m a big fan!” 

“We only publish self improvement books.” Idiot!

Mr. Friend Zone handed out business cards. No. Takano Masamune, a flavor chemist whose business card doubled as a box of candies which had flavors he’d invented. He had to give the man points for that, but did his name have to be Masamune? And aside from being a bit shorter and his face having scarring, he even looked enough like Saga that he could have passed for his shorter plainer brother, except Saga had been an only child. Who knows. Maybe they were twins, who had been separated at birth? And maybe Takafumi should have stayed at Marukawa in the Shojo manga department, his first publishing job and where he’d gotten Masamune a job thinking how amazing it would be working with who he thought was the love of his life. On second thought, he was a lot better off now.

The conversation was tame, if boring. Kirishima asked how Kisa, Onodera and Yokozawa knew each other, but then Yanase had sat next to him as in right next to him. As if that hadn’t been enough, he then started pressing his leg against Takafumi’s. 

“Are you seeing anyone right now, Yokozawa? 

“No. I’ve been single for awhile. Happily single.” Maybe being known as a wild bear could help him for a change. He channelled his best ursine look while glaring at Yanase, who was either oblivious or pretending to be.

“Ah. How long have you been single?” 

“Long enough.” 

“How long? One year? Three?” 

“Eight. Eight years. And rude much?” He stood up angrily and looked around...

to see Kirishima with a surprised but smirk-filled look on his face and everyone laughing. Time to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently saw the jdorama, Renai Neet ~Wasureta Koi no Hajimekata which stars Nakama Yukie as a salesperson for a book publisher. Okay, it’s not manga, but immediately I thought: Yokozawa, which is amusing if you know who Nakama Yukie is. Not all the characters are a perfect fit, but it’s an AU, so just go with it. That said, I am trying my best to keep them in character for the most part.
> 
> With coronavirus wracking havoc for so many people, I debated including it or just ignoring it so we can think of something else for a change, and I ended up going for the latter.


	2. Masamune

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Gorgeous Guy Alert. Prepare to sigh in frustration.

Chapter 2 Masamune

Masamune couldn’t remember when he started going drinking with Kirishima and Yanase, or who had chosen the place, which had an upscale feel with an airy décor. And if Yanase did have a knack for driving him up the wall with his breezy attitude toward life, they had enough in common that overall, he enjoyed himself. 

He kept getting a feeling that they were missing something which would make the sessions perfect.

Then one evening, they were sitting at the bar sipping their drinks of choice when Kirishima spoke.

“Matcha tiramisu.”

“Eh?” Masamune asked confusedly, wondering if Kirishima had finally drunk enough to become inebriated. That guy could hold his liquor.

“This chardonnay’s needs to be paired with some matcha tiramisu. Or maybe strawberry shortcake.”

This had had led to a discussion on how to pair desserts with drinks. Even the wait stuff joined in. A week later a dessert menu had been introduced, and they started coming even more often.

It was only natural that they’d head there after the divorce party.

Kirishima was in his usual talkative mood, which was great for Masamune, who

“Eight years. Can you believe it? How is that guy even alive? I’m feeling kind of sad for him.”

“Guys like that can be amazing in bed, though,” Yanase chimed in.

“Amazing? When he hasn’t gotten any in eight years! _Eight years_!” Kirishima’s eyes popped out weirdly as he raised his voice and customers turned around to see what the commotion was.

Kirishima was so over the top sometimes. He had probably never lacked for a bed partner the way Masamune often had. Masamune had never been as deprived like Yokozawa had, but nothing in his life had ever been simple.

He’d spent most of his childhood reading and trying to ignore his parents’ fights in the background. Things started improving when they’d divorced, but by that time, the bullying had started. Because he had been shy and short. He eventually shot up in middle school, but then acne made his life a living hell. To top it all off, when he was fourteen, he realized he was gay, and perpetually drawn to the straight guys.

And then when he’d finally accepted his sexuality in college, he was almost always stuck in the friendzone, and most guys couldn’t get past his acne scarred face.

That led to painful but somewhat successful trips to the plastic surgeon. 

The one thing that kept him sane was his cat Sorata who he’d found abandoned in middle school and raised, and his love for chemistry and food science, which eventually led to a successful career as a flavor chemist.

Once he’d been working, and had a stable income, he’d been able to get a lot more dates. In fact, his skills in bed had had been appreciated by many men in the past. And if he’d had times where he’d been single, it was more like six months at a time.

He gingerly put a fork into his tart and took a small bite. Kirishima frowned.

“Relationships are pointless. Sex, yes. But a relationship? Why? I’m busy enough with my dental practice and my friends. And I’ve met so many men and woman where you go to bed with them and the next thing you know they’re clinging to you and won’t go away.”

Yanase laughed and pointed at Kirishima.

“You are such an S. That is so harsh!”

“Yanase, trust me, I’ve been around. Take these guys we just met. The eight-year guy. He looked perpetually angry and stern the whole time. No wonder he hasn’t gotten any. Who wants that?

“Then you have the guy who broke up with his husband because of a cat. A _cat_? Is this why we fought for same sex marriage? So, we can make the divorce rate even higher?

“And then that last guy. Way too fancy for my taste. Everything he wore was brand-name. His underwear probably costs more than my entire outfit. That guy screams high maintenance. Those types are used to spending money, and then they start spending _your_ money and the next thing you know you’re working like a slave just to make them happy. Forget that!”

As if to emphasize his point he dug his fork with a flourish into a strawberry and took a bite.

Masamune frowned at this description, as he thought of Onodera, his round face, short light brown hair and fierce green eyes, and slight build. He hadn’t been aware of the brand name clothing. What he had been aware of was an intensity. He had a vague androgynous look, which made Onodera look even more delicious somehow.

“That was Onodera. I thought he was cute.” _Or maybe gorgeous was the word,_ _and also totally out of my league._

“Ah! Takano’s obviously an M. Maybe you and Kirishima should dating each other.”

Masamune decided to ignore that comment and from the looks of it, Kirishima was doing the same. 

“Cute can only take you so far, Takano. Although he had a certain ferocity. I’ll give him points for that. I like a guy with a bite; a stubborn type you can take down a notch or two.”

“See what I mean, Takano?” Yanase was finding this whole conversation hilarious. “S! An undiluted S all the way. I’m staying away from you.”

“He just said you’re not his type, Yanase.” Masamune smirked. Yanase was hardly stubborn or prideful. Otherwise, he would have a career and his own apartment.

He thought back to the three men they’d met. Yokozawa had been strange and confusing. He was tall and somewhat overpowering and at the same time every time they’d made eye contact the guy flinched a little. It was like the man was being reminded of something painful from the past. Kisa had just broken up and that left Onodera and Onodera was wonderful. He didn’t know why. He just felt drawn to him. He wanted to know more.

Masamune had been concentrating so much, it took him a moment to realize a woman had approached the bar.

She was tall, with silver colored hair and had an air of nobility. She looked immaculately groomed in her kimono. Then she went straight to Kirishima and smiled broadly.

“Zennie!”

Masamune smirked. Whoever she was, she’d known Kirishima for a long time. There was something perfect about a grown man being spoken to like he was ten years old, especially when it was someone like Kirishima Zen who radiated perfection. Kirishima Zen had probably been Mr. Popularity in high school.

He smirked again even though he knew it wasn’t nice. _Zennie_. 

Kirishima seemed perfectly fine and looked up happily.

“Ah! Mrs. Usami! It’s been so long!”

“Agreed, but I’ll always remember that ten-year-old boy who broke his leg while trying to climb a tree and fell into my backyard.”

“Oh no! Don’t remind me! But you were so nice about it. I still remember your homemade taiyaki you used to send over!” He introduced Masamune and Yanase to what turned out to be his former neighbor from his childhood years.

And then the two of them started reminiscing.

Blah blah blah.

How boring to hear Kirishima Zen go on and on with his old neighbor about what had almost certainly been an idyllic childhood. He would never have been bullied.

Masamune frowned. Why was Kirishima getting on his nerves so much today? It was weird. Normally they got along well. But now he’d met the perfection that was Onodera Ritsu, being around someone like Kirishima Zen only underscored what he lacked. Whatever. Onodera might be a complete jerk. He wasn’t worth freaking out over. He’d go home and snuggle with his beloved cat Sorata and binge watch one of his Kitayama Hiromitsu dvds. Maybe _Tora-san_

He was just about to get up to leave when Usami spoke.

“Gentlemen, I have a proposition for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figure everyone knows what S and M are, right?
> 
> The pictures I included are of Kitayama Hiromitsu, Dean Fujioka and Sasaki Kuranosuke. 
> 
> I saw Kitayama Hiromitsu in Kasuka na Kanojo, and he reminded me a lot of Onodera. So, I figured Takano should be a fan. Speaking of Takano, Dean Fujioka in Dame na Watashi ni Koishite Kudasai reminds me of him a bit, namely because his character is also tall dark haired with glasses and is good looking in a geeky sort of way. 
> 
> I put that Kirishima's eyes popped out in honor of Sasaki Kuronosuke, who plays the original character in the jdorama and is great at the eyes popped out look.


	3. Ritsu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Some guys cheat. Welcome to Heartbreak City.

Ritsu smiled. He really shouldn’t be. But he loved being at home with friends and the delicious food only added to his enjoyment. Which was bad, because Yokozawa was clearly upset, and he should be listening instead of zoning out. He tried to look concerned as he listened to Kisa, who was, thankfully, summarizing the situation. 

“I think I’m confused. Tell me if I have this right, Ta-fum. Kirishima sent a huge bouquet of balloons. Nice.” Kisa beamed. “Oh, and Takano’s a stalker? Creepy!” 

Great. He had thought there was something weird about that guy. He kept giving him this sad intense gaze. 

“No! Kirishima guy called me and asked me out to dinner, so I said no. I was in the middle of a meeting! Then Takano sent me the balloons. Do I look like a guy who’d appreciate heart shaped balloons?” 

“That is kind of random. Was there chocolate or dorayaki at least?” 

“No. And if that wasn’t bad enough, Kirishima shows up in my lobby with roses. Red roses. I can’t make this up! I’m just glad none of my co-workers saw him. I’d be teased for days.” 

“Weird. Who was stalking you? Don’t tell me that freeter loser showed up?” 

“No, you were right. Takano was following me, but he was woefully bad at it. I waited for him to show up and he tripped right over my leg.” 

Ritsu snorted at the idea of Takano the stalker flying in the air with a comical shocked look on his face. 

“It was weird. He seemed bored; like he was doing this for a homework assignment.” 

Kisa looked thoughtful, which in Ritsu’s experience was usually not the best thing.

“Or maybe it’s out of his control. He’s drawn to you because of your pheromones. It’s like they’re attacking his sense of reason. I saw a video on Niconico about how certain foods or scents can affect people. I knew a guy who got turned on by sakura scented body wash.” 

Onodera smirked. Lucky for him, Haitani got turned on by practically anything he did or wore. 

Yokozawa scowled. 

“That sounds like bs. What do you think, Onodera?” 

“Me? Well, you do have two guys to choose from. If I were single, I’d choose Kirishima hands down. He’s got looks, brains and if he’s got his own practice, so he’s financially independent and won’t sponge off you like that freeter.” Even if he came across as arrogant, shallow and surprisingly idiotic. 

“Onodera as usual speaks words of brilliance. And I’m not even saying that because you’re letting me crash in your second bedroom.” Right, Kisa. Just keep telling yourself that. 

“The whole thing is pointless. I don’t have time for these games.” Yokozawa looked extra frowny.

“Then why’s this in your briefcase?” Kisa smiled as he picked up a book out of his friend’s briefcase. Cinderella’s Guide to Love. Weird title. 

“It’s for work!” 

“Right.” Kisa opened to the first chapter and began reading. “Becoming Cinderella: Inner royalty is all about taking charge: of your life and your choices. When’s the last time you took the initiative or tried something new? It’s like exercising. At first it hurts, but as you use your muscle it gets easier and more and more rewarding. It might mean going out of your comfort zone, but the rewards can be endless.” 

“Relationships aren’t for me, and I have obligations. My sister and brother might be older now, but they still rely on me and I’m busy with work. Everything else is unnecessary.” 

“You have a point. Dating doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll meet a good guy, just that you’ll meet a guy, who could be a complete loser, like that stalker,” Ritsu shuddered. “Still, at some point the benefits can outweigh the risks. I met a good guy, so why not you?” 

“And I met a guy who left me for his author. I didn’t want to open up old wounds, so I said it was because of the cat, Ta-fum, but Hatori pulled the same crap your ex did. He never told me that he knew this guy since middle school, and he’d been cheating on me for the past six months. Asshole.” 

“That’s horrible. You could have told me. You don’t have to protect me. I’m way over this. It’s been eight years. And by the way, I never could stand that Hatori bastard.” 

“Yeah, I knew. Your eyebrows always get extra furrowed when he was around. Anyway, enough about me. You should date, even if it’s just casually. That’s what I’m going to do. Go clubbing with me in Ni chome.” 

“You know that’s not my scene.” 

“Fine. Then, pick one of these two guys and date him. Don't worry about what happens. Just get out there. Just get into the water.” 

“Yeah and drown!” Yokozawa growled back. 

Onodera smiled. Those two were funny together. They often squabbled, but he could see why they had stayed close over the years.

His phone went off. Arata! And about time too. They hadn’t gotten together in a week and a half because another mangaka was late. Again. Even if Arata had more prestige as Editor-in-Chief at Shuudansha’s Earth magazine, Ritsu would never want to trade jobs. He’d been working at a marketing for a PR firm for three years now, and just recently had been promoted to Creative Director. 

Smiling, he answered the phone.

“Arata! How’s life on Earth?” It was a bad joke but Arata always enjoyed it. It was their joke.

“Fine. Ritsu, can we meet in about half an hour? I need to talk to you.” Weird. Arata was a confident guy, but now he sounded nervous, because of something important. Could he be proposing? They’d been together for two years now. Maybe? 

A little over an hour later Ritsu was nicely buzzed and waiting anticipatedly. Arata was so gorgeous. Why hadn’t he thought to bring an overnight bag? He’d just have to pick one up. It wasn’t on the way to Arata’s place but-

“Ritsu, I have something important to say.” 

“Ah! I’m listening.” This was happening, wasn’t it? And he only realized it now, with Arata leaning in and peering at him intently that this is what he wanted too. Yes, he’d marry him! 

“Ritsu?” 

“Yes, I’m listening.” 

“I know it’s a shock, and I’m sorry to ask you this way.” 

“it’s fine! Just ask me.” 

“Okay. Ritsu? Would you please break up with me?” 

“Wh-what?” he spluttered back. 

“I, uh, got my girlfriend pregnant and I’m going to marry her.”

“Girlfriend?” Ritsu felt shock turn into anger. 

“Calm down, Ritsu. You know I’m bisexual.” 

“But I’m your boyfriend!”

“Boyfriend. Right. Look, I’ve had an amazing time with you, Ritsu, and this has nothing to do with your situation, you know, as a pre-op.” Then why even mention it? Arata knew how sensitive he was about this. He knew all the troubles he had with getting doctor’s approvals and funds to cover the testosterone. 

“But I’m going to be doing the operation soon. I’ve got an appointment next week at my doctor. We’re restarting the protocol and they have to do some tests, but they said I’d most likely be able to have the surgery in two months!” And finally have a decent Adam's apple. It was stupid, but he wanted one anyway. 

“That’s great, Rittie. I’m sad that I won’t be able to share that moment with you, but you’re strong. You’ll do great. Anyway, I’ve really got to get back to work. Good luck.” 

Ritsu tried to push back the tears as he rushed out. So many memories rushed by. Growing up, his friends had always been boys, but it wasn’t until middle school that he realized that, biology notwithstanding, he was also male. He chopped off his shoulder length hair and managed to get permission to wear the boys’ uniform. This had come at a price. He’d been bullied relentlessly, but it had been worth it. Then he’d realized he also liked boys, like really liked boys. 

It had been so confusing, until he turned to the tried and tested method: research. 

As he learned more about who he was and people who were like him, his confidence rose as well. He knew who he was and who he wanted. And if his parents eventually disowned him, it was okay, because he was successful in the publishing world without his parents’ help or the precious Onodera Shuppen. And he’d made friends over the years who accepted him for who he was that it almost didn’t matter. Well not that much.

Like Yokozawa. They’d hit it off immediately. Same with Kisa. He remembered when he decided he’d hit them with the bombshell. 

He hadn’t planned enough on how to say and he’d end up blurting it out in the genkan.

“Hi! I’m a female to male transsexual.” 

He looked up, expecting to see shocked looks only to see Yokozawa giving him a gentle smile and Kisa laughing excitedly.

“Finally! I was wondering when you were going to tell us!”

“It’s that obvious? It’s my neck, right? I’m still trying to get approved for reassignment. It’s taking forever!”

“It’s not that obvious, and thank you for trusting in us,” Yokozawa had said quietly, and Ritsu realized then that everything was going to be okay.

He was going to get through this. And Haitani stupid Arata couldn’t take that away from him. 

Apologies in advance as I’m not trans. I’m trying to approach this sensitively and I hope I’m not failing here.

I like the idea of Kisa being friendly and fun to be with, but Yokozawa being a rock for Onodera. The only reason Yokozawa can’t stand Onodera in canon is because of Takano, and without that dynamic in place, I can see them being friends.

I also liked Kisa and Yokozawa being old friends who bicker. And I hope you enjoy Ta-fum. Maybe Kisa would call him Ta-chan. 

I’m using Haitani Arata, because according to the wiki that’s the correct name, not Shin

Just a reminder: As I wrote in the notes to Chapter 1, I split Takano into two characters, Saga and Takano. I did this so Yokozawa could still have him as his unrequited love in his backstory, and so I can have Takano be one of the main characters. Why do they look so much alike? Well if Oguri Shun can play a modern teenager who goes back in time and looks exactly like Oda Nobunaga who just happens to show up right afterward, then I can turn Takano into two people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like the idea of Kisa being friendly and fun to be with, but Yokozawa being a rock for Onodera. The only reason Yokozawa can’t stand Onodera in canon is because of Takano, and without that dynamic in place, I can see them being friends.
> 
> I also liked Kisa and Yokozawa being old friends who bicker. And I hope you enjoy Ta-fum. Maybe Kisa would call him Ta-chan. 
> 
> I’m using Haitani Arata, because according to the wiki that’s the correct name, not Shin.  
> 


	4. Takafumi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Hitting actual live targets at the batting cages is illegal. Violators will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

Takafumi raised his bat and waited for the next pitch.

He’d forgotten how relaxing a batting cage could be. For each ball, he imagined it was another annoying idiot He rolled up his tee-shirt and swung. 

Yukina Kou. 

Miss. 

Hemni. That stupid smiling idiotic Hemni.

Hit. Much better. 

Stupid Saga who was probably married now. 

Miss. 

Who next? Hiyori? No, it was wrong to envision her. He’d do anything for her. Or almost. And if she drove him crazy, isn’t that what little sisters did best? And she tried so hard, like on nights when he had to work overtime, she and Misaki made dinner. They were great cooks, but the mess… he suspected they had a contest on who could dirty the most dishes. 

What about Misaki? Nobody’s kid brother was cuter. But if he had to tell Misaki to put away his laundry one more time, or to lower his voice, somebody’s precious Ze Kan figurine was going to have a little ‘accident.’ Okay, maybe not, but it was amusing to think about anyway. That kid. 

He wiped the sweat off his forehead and grinned. He’d always been good at baseball both as a hitter and as an outfielder. In fact, his team had been this close to getting into Koshien. 

He vaguely felt the presence of somebody behind him. 

“Hey. Great hitting.” 

Takafumi turned around. Crap, He missed! What was that freeter from the divorce party doing here?

“Mr. Yokozawa?”

He grunted in reply.

“I’m Yanase Yuu, remember me? Want to make a bet? Whoever gets five home runs first wins and the loser buys dinner. Are you in?” 

He looked at Yanase, who didn’t look the slightest bit athletic, and raised an eyebrow. 

Then proceeded to pommel him. 

Only to discover after they’d eaten, that the guy didn’t have money. Why hadn’t he seen that coming? 

Yanase then looked at him kind of like the way Misaki did when he’d made a big mistake and hoped that if he’d open up his emerald eyes large enough and look innocent enough, his brother would let it slide. 

“Sorry.” 

He was about to tell him off, when out of nowhere, the younger man reached up, pulled his head down and smacked his lips against his. Takafumi instinctively gave him a shove.

“What the hell was that?” 

“Sorry, Mr. Yokozawa. You just looked so cute; I couldn’t resist.” 

Cute? Cute? Yanase expected him to believe that? His face didn’t do cute! 

What made it even more infuriating is how Yanase just smiled and laughed idiotically, and even worse, blew him a kiss and waved before finally leaving. 

It pissed him off so much it kept him awake for hours. This guy was one hundred years too early to be randomly kissing him. No. Two hundred freaking years too early!

The next thing he knew he’d overslept the alarm, and only had time to grab an apple for breakfast leading Hiyori to lecture him about a proper breakfast, which was just wrong. As if that wasn’t enough, Yukina was in this extra sparkly mood and instead of lecturing proceeded to patronize him for what seemed like hours. 

“Yokozawa, you work so hard, but if only you’d have a proper schedule, this wouldn’t happen.” 

BLAH BLAH BLAH!

He kept having a bad feeling there was something he was missing but was too busy to look into it so it kept bothering him in the background. By 1:30pm he was tired, irritable and nervous.  
And that was before Hemni interrupted him smiling happily in a sing-song voice.

“You’ve got a package, Yokozawa!” 

Oh no! Another bouquet of balloons from Takano Masamune. This time they were white bunny-shaped ones. How embarrassing, and now his co-workers were laughing as they accosted him. ‘Yokozawa, who’s your new friend?’ “Do they know someone for me?’ etc. 

Why couldn’t Takano take no for an answer?

He found the man’s phone number from the order slip.

“Hello? Takano?” 

“Yokozawa?” 

“Please stop sending me weird gifts. It’s causing me huge problems!” 

Slam. 

Another phone call. If it was Takano, Kirishima, or the freeter he was going to yell and show them exactly what a wild bear sounded like! 

It was Bunseido Books, asking why they only received 100 books out of their order of 1000? But hadn’t that been a mistake? No, it hadn’t been a mistake he found out after he and Yukina rushed down there to do damage control. 

The guy had yelled and yelled. How were they going to make it up to him? And did they realize how empty the display looked? More apologizing and bowing. More of Yukina saying he wasn’t apologizing properly. 

He then apologized yet again when he and Yukina were walking on the way back to the office, only to have Yukina looking extra sparkly sadly smile at him. 

“Yokozawa. You need to change your attitude. You put people down, say what you think without consideration for others. People call you difficult. It doesn’t matter who. Seniors. Subordinates. They all call you difficult! And I’m saying this because I care! Do you know who fixed this mess? Hemni! It’s ironic, isn’t it to have the junior who you’re always criticizing be the one to save you?” 

By the time he got to his desk he was annoyed and frustrated and he still had this feeling he was missing something important. 

A quick perusal of the calendar solved the mystery. How could he have forgotten Misaki’s birthday? And Misaki must have realized he’d forgotten, because he hadn’t said Happy Birthday in the morning. And it didn’t matter that he’d barely had a chance to breathe, he’d seen Misaki and hadn’t said it. It was his job to give him what their parents couldn’t. His responsibility. Crap.

Still. It’s not like he’d forgotten. He’d just had a crazy day. And he still had time to fix it. He’d leave early from work, go shopping and prepare a special birthday dinner, like he always did. He’d make all Misaki’s favorite foods: Ebi fry, gyoza, soup, Lotus Root kinpira and strawberry shortcake for dessert. And they aleady had gyoza in the freezer, ready to be fried to perfection. 

He was so focused on the task at hand, he almost didn’t see Kirishima Zen standing on the sidewalk. His office was nowhere new Kirishima Dental and yet for a second time this guy appeared, like he had all the time in the world. 

He was wearing a grey suit, with a white handkerchief sticking out in the pocket. That was okay, but he had paired it with a red and pink cravat. Kirishima clearly picked up his fashion tips from old British movies. He didn’t have time for this! Or the limo and driver with a seat stacked with a tray containing champagne, fluted glasses, a fruit platter and a red rose. Or Kirishima greeting him with that perfect smile. Well, he was a dentist, it was expected.

“Hi!” he spoke brightly. “I thought we could have a nice drive and enjoy the stars together.” 

This was ridiculous! And they were in Marounochi, not Ni-chōme! Yes, it was a lot easier to be gay nowadays, but Takafumi wasn’t officially out at work. People knew, but they didn’t talk about it, which is how he liked it, and how he wanted it to stay.

He didn’t have time for this. He had a birthday meal to prepare! He started walking fast. He’d go to Nakamuraya. They usually had the best prices.

“Wait! If you don’t like stargazing, can we go out for dinner?” 

“I’m in a hurry. I have to go shopping.” 

“Perfect! I’ll go with you and we can make a delicious repast together!” 

“Don’t you have a car waiting for you?” 

“It’s completely fine! Let’s go grocery shopping.” 

Nakamuraya was packed. Takafumi concentrated on his shopping list. 

“I was thinking maybe we could go out later?” 

“No time.” Takafumi grabbed another item and threw it in the cart. 

Suddenly Kirishima turned the cart around, blocked his way with it and stared at him. 

“I’m serious about you. Does knowing that change your mind?”

His light brown eyes seemed to be boring into him. He really was good looking. Probably knew it too. 

“No.” 

There was a group of people all clustered around a table of prawns for sale. Perfect. That could keep Kirishima busy while he finished the rest of his shopping. He smirked. He was bad but Kirishima was being obnoxious!

“Ah. Could you get me a pack of prawns from over there?”

“Of course! Be right back!” 

Takafumi quickly finished the rest of his shopping only to see a triumphant looking Kirishima reappear, his hair a mess and cravat askew and a pack of prawns in his hand. 

“Thank you. Well, I’ll be going now. See you.” 

Takafumi headed quickly to the checkout counter not before noticing Kirishima’s shocked look which was kind of cute. He almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

Hours later, the food was cooked, and the table set. Misaki would have a perfect birthday dinner and it didn’t matter that they were orphans because his big brother was there to take care of him like he always did. 

Except that nobody showed up. He waited and waited. 

Finally, at ten o’clock he heard the front door open. Where had they been? They knew birthdays were special family time. 

And yet here they both were smiling like it was a normal evening. 

And Takafumi had tried so hard not to yell or glare at them. And wasn’t succeeding.

Hiyori looked at him and shrugged, as if to say, “what’s the big deal?” 

Then they noticed the huge spread on the table and at least had the decency to look surprised.

“What’s the big deal? I worked hard making this dinner for you, because that’s what families do. We celebrate together. We do this every birthday!” 

“Well maybe we shouldn’t anymore. We’re not kids! We have our own lives now!” 

“Excuse me? I’ve worked so that neither of you would feel alone, and even if we didn’t have Mom and Dad, you could still have what every other kid had. That’s the only reason I’ve worked hard!” 

“And yet you forgot it was Misaki’s birthday didn't’ you? Then you remembered and randomly decided you’d make a huge dinner and then just expected us to go along with it?” 

Before Takafumi could respond she ran out and slammed the door. 

Since when had Hiyori yelled at him before? Where had that little girl gone? 

“Big brother?” 

He turned around to see Misaki meekly approaching him. “The thing is Hiyori took me out to a family restaurant for dinner. She told me you’d been so busy lately; she didn’t want to bother you. Thanks! I’ll have the cake tomorrow okay. And, Brother, try and take care of yourself. It’s not like we’re going to be together forever, right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiyori is aged up to 17 and Misaki is aged down to 15.
> 
> And Nakamuraya is a real store, but the only reason I know about it is because it's featured in the live drama of Kinou Nani Tabeta? (What Did You Eat Yesterday?) . If you know the drama you'll know that the music sticks in your head forever. Here's a link: 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8snWdhqbkQ


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Freshly paved road. Take alternate road to hell.

Kirishima, Takano and Yanase were gathered at their favorite dessert bar. Perched upon their stools they nibbled at their lemon squares, macarons and a petit four on their fancy rectangular dessert plates. 

Usami Natsuko. Kirishima always remembered her as being friendly, but right now she seemed annoying. He wasn’t a superstitious person, but if it turned out she was really a kitsune, a fox spirit, it would make sense. Otherwise, what was the point of her putting them up to this contest of who could get Yokozawa Takafumi to date them? Kitsune or not a kitsune, either way he was done. Kirishima raised his fork for emphasis as he looked towards his old neighbor in complaint.

“I know you’re trying to help Mr. Yokozawa, but this has been a colossal waste of time! I’ve gone out of my way to be nice to him and ended up looking like an idiot, and it’s getting expensive.” 

“Nobody said you had to hire a limo.” Takano mumbled and frowned into his dessert. 

“Says the man who ordered a bouquet of balloons and a gift basket? Anyway, if you’re going to do something, you do it right!” 

“I’m sorry, Zennie. Takafumi didn’t used to be like this. Yes, he’s always been headstrong, but in a reasonable way. He was mindful of others and their feelings. But he’s become so obsessed with being recognized at work that he’s lost sight of the people around him. I’m worried that his life will get smaller and smaller if he continues this way. I was hoping you could help him think of himself again.”

“Fine. So, let him pick up a hobby in his spare time. Why does it have to be love? Personally, I’m satisfied with my life as is. My career is fulfilling, and I’ve got friends. Just thinking of living with somebody again means change, and your time, freedom and money are gone. Why even do it?” 

Takano nodded. “I agree. I’ve got Sorata if I need companionship.” And if any of them needed companionship of a different type they all knew where to get that too.

“Yeah. What’s the point in all this?”, Yanase questioned as he attempted to spear a macaron.

“The point is connection. We all need connection. We shouldn’t be afraid of being hurt or going too deep. If you can’t accept love, then you can’t love back either. That’s what I’m hoping Takafumi will understand.” 

With her lecture finished, Usami Natsuko said her goodbyes. 

Around the same time the subject of Takano, Kirishima and Yanase’s frustration was at work late thinking as he finished up another day at Usami Publishing. 

Hemni. 

He had been so harsh to him when he’d messed up the sales order. Too harsh. At the time it seemed necessary and reasonable. Hemni had deserved it. He was young and inexperienced and stupid and… 

He’d gone way overboard. Somehow that lecture from Yukina had made it clear. He owed his subordinate an apology and what a perfect time. Everyone else had left already but Hemni was still working.

He girded his courage and went over to Hemni’s work area and cleared his throat. His subordinate looked up and stood up nervously. 

“Is everything alright, Mr. Yokozawa?” 

“Hemni. I need to apologize. I thought the memo was a mistake, so I changed it and made the real error. I’m really sorry.” He bowed low to make it even more clear. 

“It’s fine. It’s my job! Please don’t… do that. Anyway, I’m leaving first. See you tomorrow!” 

Great. Hemni looked even more nervous and freaked out than he did before as he grabbed his briefcase and coat and exited the room. 

“Takafumi.” 

He looked up. When had the director gotten back? 

She handed him a piece of construction paper. He must have dropped it. He kept it at work to keep him centered. Misaki’s project from Parents day at school six years ago. The picture showed stick figure versions of him, Takafumi and Hiyori in front of what was supposed to be their home. He smiled remembering that day. He’d gotten to the school building a little late. All the parents were already lined up against the wall and listening to each child talk about themselves. He remembered worrying people would notice Misaki’s hair being extra messy, wondering if they’d judge him badly for it. He remembered those bright big emerald eyes as Misaki talked about his big brother who took care of him and his sister. 

He smiled. Time to go home. 

He took his time. He’d called Hiyori hours ago to let him know he’d be late. He noticed Onodera with a poufy white hate sitting by himself at an outdoor eatery. Perfect. He could use the company and some dinner as well. He ordered some ramen and a beer and sat down. 

“How’s things going?” He asked as he slurped down some noodles. 

“Surreal. My boyfriend asked me to break up with him. He’s gotten somebody pregnant and wants to get married.”

“Shit!” That wasn’t surreal that was crappy. 

“Yeah. It’s kind of funny. I’ve got a job, my own apartment and a guy who liked me for who I am when the reality was I was just a novelty to him.” He wiped his eyes and smile. “What a jerk, right?” 

“A typical asshole who doesn’t deserve a good guy like you. Makes you embarrassed to be male.” Yokozawa scowled. 

“Yeah. How was your day?” The younger man smiled sadly. 

“I made a mistake at work and my manager told me not to be conceited. You know, I’ve spent so long trying to be strong. Even when my parents died I couldn’t cry. I just knew my sister and brother were relying on me. I had to prove I could do it and not let anyone in. And now I’m realizing, maybe I don’t know, it’s time to change? Even my ex complained I never depended on him.”

“One thing I do know is I want a relationship where we support and complement each other. Something that’s deeper than family and friends.” 

“Hmm. I think you have something there. Let’s drink to that.” 

Later at home he loosened his tie and thought of his conversation with Onodera. He was right. What was important was a supportive and understanding relationship. Misaki was right. He and Hiyori were growing up. It was time for him to think about himself.

He opened up his closet and took out a shoebox. He hadn’t worn his doc martens’ slip-ons in years. Then he found his navy leather jacket. He just needed some skinny black jeans and a tee-shirt and he was set.


	6. Takafumi - A Tale of Three Dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Date Week! It's guaranteed to drive you crazy.

Takafumi stared at his phone and frowned. Which one to call? Takano or Kirishima? Yanase was a waste of time, so he was out. Maybe the shorter one - Why Onodera had even called him that, he still didn’t understand. Takafumi was 180 cm, and Takano couldn’t be less than 175, which was hardly short. Anyway, it was him or the dentist. He furrowed his brow and frowned. 

This was stupid. It wasn’t like he was invested in either of them. He had their numbers and he just needed to make the call. The point was to get out, so it didn’t matter which idiot he chose. Well, as long as it wasn’t the freeter.

As if in protest his phone solved the problem for him by ringing. He didn’t recognize the number. 

“Hello?” He answered rather awkwardly, and was rewarded with the sound of the biggest idiot of the three men he’d met, who was sounding way too overjoyed.

“Hi! Yanase here. How are things going?” 

“Why are you calling?” 

“Do I need a reason, Mr. Yokozawa?” Yanase said his name in what he probably thought was a cute sing-song way and Takafumi involuntarily winced. Did the younger man think he was a five-year-old?

“Uh, yes. Usually when somebody calls, they have a reason.” 

“As usual, you are as wise as you are handsome. I do in fact have a reason. To ask you a question. Would you like to go on a date with me?” 

“A date?” This was ridiculous. Why was he sounding shocked, when Yanase had so far had the subtlety of a hammer? He frowned. Yanase had to be the least appropriate guy of the three men he’d met. He was too young, not tall enough, cute, and stupid when he liked tall, smart, gorgeous in a manly way and brooding. Someone like Saga Masamune, who shouldn’t still be occupying a place in his thoughts. This was the whole point of this. To get out and meet new people and to get rid of Saga Masamune once and for all. Maybe a date with someone so anti Saga would be an antidote.

“Fine.” 

“Seriously?” 

“Yes. You don’t have to sound so shocked. Text me the details.” 

He hung up the phone, only to see two pairs of eyes eagerly looking at him. Crap. He hadn’t been paying attention as he walked around the apartment. When had Hiyori and Misaki shown up?

“Big brother!” Misaki bounded over to him excitedly. “Who’s the guy?” Takafumi decided to ignore the fact that Misaki seemed to know his sexual preferences without ever being told. Stupid him. He had been told. By a well-meaning Hiyori, who was acting for once like the young girl she used to be: her eyes popped open and a big smile on her face. Cute. He’d missed that. It almost made him forget she was getting involved in his private business. Almost. 

“This is huge, big brother! You’re going on a date! Leave everything to me. When are you going? I’ll put together the perfect outfit for you.” 

“Oi! What are you doing listening to people’s conversations? And trust me, It’s not a big deal.” 

“Not a big deal! It’s a huge deal. He could be my brother in law one day!” Misaki sputtered excitedly and loudly as he and Hiyori followed him to his bedroom

“Trust me. I’m not that interested. He asked, and I figured I’d give it a chance. And Hiyori, I have an outfit.” 

“Yeah I know! One of your business suits. Which is just wrong. You need something else. Something like-

“Black jeans, docs, and a leather jacket?” He smirked as he showed her the pile of clothing and the shoe box he’d prepared earlier and watched her expression change from surprise to approval. 

**Date One: Takano Masamune**

In the end, Takano and Kirishima had also called to ask him out, which was just weird. Was it “Date Yokozawa Week” or something?

He ended up meeting Takano first at an art gallery with sculptures. One was this huge face with weirdly placed teeth. He found himself wondering what a dentist like Kirishima would think of it, which was just wrong. 

It was also just awkward, because he hadn’t been wrong at the divorce party. Takano was eerily similar to his ex. Despite being maybe ten cm shorter, they appeared to have a similar build and even his voice was similar, which was driving him nuts. At least Takafumi looked good, even though he realized too late that these shoes had never been broken in and were starting to become painful. 

After what seemed like never ending walking they’d finally sat down on a bench where he could take off his right shoe and inspect his foot. Great. No wonder he was in pain. He’d gotten a blister which had popped at some point.

“Here.” Takano held out a band aid. That was surprisingly nice. “I hate when that happens.” 

“Thanks. I was trying to be cool. I should have just worn my regular shoes, but vanity took over.” 

“It’s fine. I should have taken us somewhere else. This was kind of boring, right?” 

“Nah, it’s fine. I like art.” 

“Me too. I don’t really go on dates much, though, so I’m a bit rusty. Want to try a candy I made? That is, I created the flavor.” 

“Sure.” Takano put a few round hard candies in his hand and he popped one in his mouth. They were surprisingly flavorful and yet fresh tasting, without the usual artificial taste. 

“Delicious!” 

“Thanks.” 

Takano was surprisingly thoughtful. Why surprising? It’s not like he knew what he was like. He was just so unlike his confident, brash ex. Although that wasn’t really fair to Saga either. What had made it so painful, was how nice Saga had tried to be, but somehow that just made everything worse.

“Yokozawa,” Takano broke the silence. “Do I make you uncomfortable?” Great. Takafumi could add perceptive as another Takano trait. He looked down, slightly embarrassed.

“Sorry. I was hoping it wouldn’t be obvious. It’s not you. You just look a lot like my ex.” 

“Oh.” 

“You sound like him also. Saga Masamune. Do you know him?” 

“Saga Masamune? If you’re talking about the editor at Marukawa, then he’s my first cousin. His mother and my father are siblings. We’re named after the same person, not really sure who. Probably a grandfather somewhere. We’re about the same age.”

“That’s the one.” 

“He’s your ex? That’s kind of funny. My mother’s always asking why I can’t be more like him. She definitely wouldn’t do that if she knew he liked men. Weird. I always thought he was straight.” 

“Well, he left me for another man, but he’s dated women. I guess he’s bi.” 

They ended up having a nice if somewhat stilted conversation afterward, but somehow it didn’t surprise him that Takano shared a connection. 

**Date Two: Yanase Yuu**

The next date was fishing with Yanase Yuu. Which was more his speed. Well the fishing was. Yanase seemed less concerned with catching an aquatic creature and more interested in chatting. 

“Mr. Yokozawa, why don’t you have a boyfriend? Or a girlfriend maybe?” 

“I’ve never been interested in women. And I don’t because I don’t.” 

“You’re so gruff. You know if you keep frowning the wrinkles by your brow will become permanent?” 

“Sounds like BS to me.” 

“Anyway. So you aren’t interested in getting a boyfriend, even though I already said I liked you?” Yanase sounded horrified, but also so over the top. 

“Uh… yeah. You sound like you’re joking.” 

“Fine. So how should I say it, so you take me seriously?” 

“It’s not how you say it. There has to be a reason for asking. Like you have similar interests, or other commonalities. Things we don’t have. That’s why you come across as forced -” He blinked. Yanase had gone over to him, crouched down and gentled smoothed his hair. Takafumi instinctively smacked his hand away. 

“What about love at first sight?” Yanase stared at him with a soft smile on his face. Correction: an idiotic smile.

“Don’t believe in it.” 

“Yeah. I guess I agree. But, with you it was different. I liked you right away.” Takafumi rolled his eyes and snorted.

“Oh please. You’re an idiot.” 

Yanase made what sounded like a nervous laugh. “But really!” 

He probably said something else, but Takafumi had gotten a tug on the line and was focused on bringing I in.

“I’ve got something!” He said happily and was rewarded with a nice fish. 

“Wow! That’s huge!” Yanase ran up to him to kiss him and was rewarded with a quick punch to the gut. This guy didn’t seem to get the message: keep your distance! 

So far, he’d had two dates, and the best thing he could say was that Takano was a sweet guy. Boring, but a genuinely nice-natured person, which had been refreshing, even if he was his ex’s first cousin.

**Date Three: Kirishima Zen**

Fpr some reason the caramel haired dentist had made reservations for them at a fancy French restaurant, even though Takafumi hadn't asked him and would have preferred an izakaya. And yet the guy made it seem like he should be showered with praise.

They had sat down at their seat and Kirishima asked with a huge smile on his face, “May I suggest the champagne?” 

“You can, but I’m ordering beer.” 

“Fine. Order anything you like! The black turtle soup that person over there is eating looks delightful!” 

“No, thank you.” Seriously? Turtles?

“In my experience, most people enjoy being treated to special foods like black turtle soup.” 

“And? Taste is subjective.”

“You’re right. What about some delightful foie gras?” 

“I’m not into animal torture.” 

“Caviar?” 

“Not my taste.” 

“Are you usually this picky?”

“I eat most foods. You’ve just managed to pick the major exceptions.” Next thing he’d be suggesting was escargot!

“You should consider being more open minded.” 

“And you should consider suggesting dishes someone would want to eat.” 

“Interesting. Somebody who nitpicks so much… it’s a pity because that’s probably why they can’t get a boyfriend for eight years.” Kirishima kept smiling but his eyes had narrowed. What a jerk!

“It’s not that I couldn’t get one, it’s I didn’t need one.” Certainly not an arrogant snot like you, he thought while smiling back brightly.

“And that’s such a pity, because someone like that is usually the one left on the shelf, because their price is too high.” Takafumi felt his nostrils flare, but kept the smile on his face.

“I appreciate the tip. It must be lonely, being almost 40 and still living all alone.” Takafumi discreetly tore his napkin to shreds as he spoke. Kirishima Zen made Yanase Yuu look like the perfect specimen of manhood. 

“Being alone is much preferable to living with someone awkward and annoying, I’m sure you’d agree.”

“Of course.” Whack. He imagined the perfectly dressed and coiffed Kirishima getting a well-deserved smack to the face. He’d never been a violent man, but somehow both Kirishima and Yanase were bringing out his violent side. 

Takafumi slugged back his beer and was overjoyed when he finally made his exit. What a waste of time. Kirishima Zen was a self-absorbed asshole, and he didn’t even need the ‘post mortem’ session to tell him that. Although it was good to have one anyway at Onodera’s, where they and Kisa enjoyed another beer and a nice cup of tea over rice. 

“I’ve learned something important. It doesn’t matter how good the food is if you’re with a jerk.” And in this case, the food hadn’t even been that appetizing.

“It was that bad?” 

“He acted like I should be showering him with gratitude simply because he took me to a fancy restaurant and then took offense because I don’t like eating turtles or fish eggs.” 

“It did get one Michelin star, Ta-fum.” 

“You know me, Sho. I couldn’t give a crap about stuff like that. I’ll take a ramen restaurant any day over fancy food you can’t pronounce.” 

“Yeah. I guess I see your point.” 

“What about Takano?” Onodera asked while he adjusted yet another poufy hat on his head. He was the only guy he knew who wore hats indoors. This one was powder blue and it matched a light scarf he wore. He frowned. He wished Onodera would get over his Adam's apple obsession. Maybe now that he was about to start his protocol up again, he’d become more relaxed. He tried to focus on Takano Masamune. 

“He appears to be a genuinely nice guy, but we couldn’t keep a conversation going. And he looks like Saga and is even related to him. Did you know that. Sho?” Hatori presumably knew Takano, otherwise why would he have been at the divorce event? He noticed his oldest friend shift in his seat nervously. Ah. He had known. He could read Kisa Shouta like a book. 

“I didn’t want to tell you. I never knew you’d meet Takano. Was that an issue?” 

“It just made things more awkward. It’s not his fault his cousin’s my ex. So that was Takano. And Yanase was an idiot, as usual.

“I really tried. I dated three guys, but it was such a waste of time, and it’s exhausting.

Onodera adjusted his hat and put a comforting hand on Takafumi’s shoulder.

“That’s true. Still, it’s not like you were expecting much, so you haven’t lost anything. And you’ve gotten out, which was the main point. And you look great in leather. The next guy will be better… Maybe.” 

“That’s an inspiring message, Onodera. Especially the end.” Kisa laughed. “You can still go with me to Ni-chōme, though. I’m going to go tomorrow night. There are tons of guys to pick from. That last guy I met there was amazing! I mean the technique this guy had made me almost consider seeing him again.” 

“No thanks.” Takafumi frowned. Shouta seemed to have gone back to his old habit of picking up guys for one-night-stands. All because of that jerk Hatori. Still, Shouta was an adult and it wasn’t his business to say anything. Somehow though It was hard to turn off the ‘nurture’ switch, which had become so much a part of him as a result of raising Hiyori and Misaki for so long. Maybe he really was the ‘mama bear’ Hiyori liked to teasingly call him.

“What about your fishing date with the freeter?” Onodera. Probably trying to change the conversation from one-night-stands. Onodera Ritsu was so different from Shouta in many ways. Kisa Shouta must have charmed him the same way Takafumi had been charmed years ago. 

“Yanase says these off the wall things. Like ‘what do you think of love at first sight?’ And he has no money. I paid for everything, even though he’s the one who asked me on the date. Typical freeter.” 

“Yeah, that’s a major liability. I wouldn’t go near that guy just for that reason alone. I’ve always dated guys who can hold their own financially.” 

“I’d sleep with him though.” Shouta added thoughtfully, albeit unhelpfully. 

“Basically, you’re doing great, Yokozawa. Now you just have to meet people who aren’t total losers and you’re set!” As if to emphasize his point Onodera slapped his back cheerfully. Takafumi was consoled with the fact that at least he had work tomorrow, and then sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought Saga and Takano being doppelgangers a little far fetched, but oftentimes first cousins can look like each other so I figured this makes a reasonable explanation. The assumption is Saga looks like his mother and Takano looks like his father and the two siblings look alike.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you can't stand the heat get off the court.

**Ritsu**

Ritsu adjusted his hat again and sat back in his chair at Yokozawa’s. His next transition appointment was next week, so why had he wasted his time at the LGBTQ+ Marriage Bureau? He bit his lip. He knew. Deep down he believed that the guy who could fall in love with him now, would fully accept him. It wasn’t realistic. Wasn’t the whole point of transition to make his body fit his self-image? Still, perhaps it was too much pride, but it would be a big sign that it was meant to be if he met the right guy now.

And that’s why he’d gone to the marriage bureau. They were like all the other companies. They used computer systems and algorithms to come up with appropriate matches. Ritsu frowned, remembering how badly it had gone. He should have known right away the matchmaker wasn’t going to give him a fair chance. He had summarized Ritsu’s criteria with a pained expression on his face, and okay, maybe his criteria could be criticized as being on the shallow side, but they were important!

“I have your specifications as someone who earns a minimum of ¥8 million a year, is at least 178 cm tall and who graduated from a private university, which makes me wonder if you’re really serious about marriage at this point.”

“What are you saying? Why would I come here if I wasn’t serious? Of course, I’m serious!” 

“I’m glad to hear that. Why don’t we just change a few points slightly: the income requirements - ¥3 million seems more than reasonable, and I’ll lower the height requirements. Also, there are some excellent public universities, so take that out. And I’ll search again.” He had pointedly ignored Ritsu’s cries of protest. “Amazing! I’ve found someone who’s showing a 97% compatibility with you!” Ritsu had excitedly turned to look at the screen only to end up frowning at a picture of Takano Masamune. He shuddered at the memory, as he sipped from his mug of tea.

Putting the mug down perhaps a bit too forcefully, he complained mostly to himself, “living in this world means giving up everything important.” Looks, income and prestige. Gone, gone, gone! And maybe he shouldn’t be shallow, but Takano Masamune was the one guy he wouldn’t be interested in!

“Eh?” Takafumi walked by and sat down.

“Nothing. I’m just contemplating life.” 

“Got it. I’m not getting life either. Maybe you can help. It’s Yanase Yuu. He did something surprisingly nice. I was walking to a store bringing books for a book signing. One of the bags broke on the bottom. Books were everywhere. And he showed up and helped me bring the books over. That made me want to be nice, so I took him out to eat. 

“I figured I’d look at some sales data while we’re eating. I have an important meeting tomorrow for Amami Hikaru’s new book. He responds to his free meal by taking away my papers. Then he says in this ridiculous voice, ‘when you’re with me I want you to concentrate on me!’ Jerk!”

“He kind of sounds corny, although usually when you’re with someone it is considered rude to read in front of them.”

“This wasn’t a date. It was simply a free meal, which being a freeter he should have appreciated better. Oh. That wasn’t even the worst part. He took off my tie! My tie! In the middle of the restaurant and wouldn't give it back. He just said I looked better without it.” 

“Okay, that’s a little bit weird. Although, I do like the way you’ve styled your hair. It looks good on you with your hair swept back.” And Yokozawa looked a lot better without the tie, much less severe. 

He was rewarded with a frown.

“Even you’re telling me that?” Ritsu raised an eyebrow.

“Ah! Somebody else commented already? Who was it?”

“Nobody in particular” Ah. It all became clear. Yanase Yuu must have done the re-styling. There was something about Takafumi's blushy face that made it obvious, and only Yanase would have the guts to do something like that. 

“You really do look good with your hair this way, though. It shows off your eyes and you look hot.”

“Hot?” Takafumi said that as if this was an insult. Ritsu didn’t understand why the man had such a hard time taking a compliment. He found himself wondering how Takano did with compliments and shook his head. It was crazy, but since seeing his picture at the marriage bureau he couldn’t get the guy out of his head. 

“How is it going with him, btw?” 

“Who?” 

“You know. Him. Takano.” Takano. If Takano were busy with Yokozawa, then that heartless matchmaking guy would be forced to find a different guy for Ritsu; a more compatible match, someone taller, more handsome and who preferably enjoyed literature over flavor formulas. Still, Takano Masamune would probably be kind and attentive to whoever dated him. Ritsu frowned, and Yokozawa looked perplexed. 

“It’s… I don’t know… Takano’s obviously a nice guy, but...”

“Yes he’s nice. Maybe it’d be easier to find happiness with a guy like him.” For you. 

Takafumi looked up with a surprised expression on his face. “Eh? Maybe, but I’ll pass.” 

“Me too.” So why did he feel so guilty? Suddenly Ritsu heard an unfamiliar voice from nearby.

“Really?” 

Ritsu and Takafumi both turned around to see Takafumi’s siblings and a handsome young man- maybe Hiyori’s boyfriend- with joyful smiles on their faces.

“Mino!” Takafumi pointed with a frown on his face. Ritsu found himself feeling sorry for whoever dated any of Yokozawa’s siblings. “How long have you been standing there?” 

“Ah!” Misaki smiled. “About the time Mr. Onodera said ‘how’s it going with him?’” Misaki said way too cheerfully. 

“That long?” Poor Takafumi. He might be a challenging guy to have as a big brother, but it was probably equally challenging to have two teenage siblings getting into his business.

“I know we don’t know each other well, but if you ask me love has to be fresh.” Mino said philosophically, when he was way too young to know anything. 

“Fresh?” Yokozawa frowned. Clearly, he was just as confused as Ritsu was.

“Don’t think. Feel.” 

“Wow. That’s deep, Mino.” Hiyori smiled and put a hand on her boyfriend's arm. Mino looked at her proudly as she led him away. 

Ritsu frowned. “Don’t think? That’s ridiculous. You need to think! It’s like breathing!” 

**Kirishima**

While Ritsu mused on thinking, Kirishima Zen was sipping a shōchū while speaking to his old neighbor, Usami Natsuko, who he seemed to be running into a lot lately at his favorite dessert bar. He sighed and brushed his hands through his hair absentmindedly. 

Last night had been horrible. First he had needed stomach medicine last night due to the foie gras. Yanase Yuu had laughed at his discomfort and told him Yokozawa didn’t like him, which was annoying, and even more perplexing was why he was annoyed. Who needed somebody like Yokozawa Takafumi? The man had a perpetual frown on his face, and didn’t appreciate anything either. He was still wincing as he complained to Natsuko.

“The date was horrible and the worst part was no matter what I did, I couldn’t make it work. Everything I said pissed him off. And then everything he said pissed me off. It made me realize that nothing Is truly enjoyable unless you’re by yourself. Anything. Beautiful scenery, a concert, food, drink. It’s all better enjoyed with me, myself and I.” 

“Seriously, Kirishima Zen? That’s rather cynical of you, and wouldn’t that be lonely?”

“Says the woman who’s also single?” He smiled to show it was all in good humor. 

“Ah. I can’t argue there.” She laughed and took a sip of her drink. 

“I’ve always felt that some people have high expectations from a committed relationship. Money, status or perfect looks. I’ve tried to meet those expectations over the years from the men or women I dated, but each time I tried to meet their expectations it’s like I’m adding to armor that keeps getting heavier, until I’ve reached the point where the whole thing is too much of a burden.” He frowned and took a drink. He was being too serious. “That’s why alone is best!” He smiled and took another sip.

“But is that the best response? You’ve never tried to find the right partner who could take off that armor?” 

Take off all those years of protecting himself? Was there anyone who could do that? He frowned for a moment before switching to a neutral gaze. 

“It’s not so easy.” 

“You say it’s not easy, and yet isn’t that belief part of your armor?” Natsuko was way too smart for his good. She smiled at him and went on. “I think there’s someone out there who’ll accept you for who you are, Zennie.” 

It was nice, but a lot easier for her to say, than for him to make happen. He was forty years old and the only person who’d come close to accepting him was Sakura. If she’d have lived past 17 maybe they would have married and had kids. Everybody else he’d met liked his money, his looks or his body, but not so much him.

The next day found him at a table tennis club he frequented. It was good exercise and a fast-paced game helped him think better. Maybe it was the kid in him, but he still enjoyed feeling his hair flying in the air as he played. It felt so freeing. Nobody was available for a game, so he made do with hitting into a net with the machine. He wasn’t expecting a good player to just show up until he did. He barely had time to process it all when some guy caught his serve and sent it spinning back to him. As it zoomed past his head, too close for comfort, his befuddled mind realized he was facing Yokozawa Takafumi, who looked surprisingly hot in a tee shirt and exercise pants. 

Yokozawa nodded and greeted him sheepishly. Maybe he felt guilty for almost giving him a brain injury? 

They started casually sending the ball back and forth as they talked.

“It’s nice seeing you here. Do you play here often?” Zen made sure to smile broadly as he spoke.

“Yeah, when life gets stressful.” 

“Really? I’m surprised you’re ever stressed.” He wasn’t, but it seemed like the polite thing to say to a guy like Yokozawa, who so far had been frustratingly unreadable. In all likelihood, Yokozawa probably found most things stressful. It would explain why he looked so uptight and annoyed all the time. 

“I do get stressed. Certain things set me off. Like when I run into people like you.” This response was exactly what pissed Zen off so much. Was it impossible for this guy not to act like a total asshole? Instead of venting his feelings, he decided to ignore it and smiled back.

“Nice penhold grip. Want to play a game? Loser buys lunch.” 

“Sure. I see you go for shakehand. Let’s play.” 

He must have not been paying enough attention; he was too busy thinking about the look on Yokozawa’s face because why else would he have missed that serve? Yokozawa smirked.

“Ah, sorry. I’ll try to go easier on you.” 

“That won’t be necessary. I was trying to go easy on you.” Okay that sounded ridiculous, but he had to save face. He narrowed his eyes and stared at the other man. “From this point on, I’m not holding back.” 

“Perfect.” 

Yokozawa proved to be a challenging opponent. They were evenly matched as well, and had drawn an audience before too long. He had been so close at winning. There was one point where Yokozawa missed his serve and Zen had screamed at the top of his lungs in triumph. He knew he was sounding like a middle schooler, but couldn’t help it. 

He had been so close, but Yokozawa won anyway 11-9. And to make it worse, the younger man hovered over him as he lay on the ground after failing to catch the last serve and smirked again at him. 

“I win.” 

The only upside was how nice Yokozawa looked in those knee length exercise pants. Or maybe that he managed to get rid of his furrowed brow and was looking relaxed for once.

They went nearby to a soba place. It was one of those hole-in-the-wall places that served surprisingly good food, especially the hourensou soba. But it was so bare bones, the customers waited outside and then stood with their soba near a small table. He felt a bit embarrassed taking Yokozawa there. What a difference this was from a one-star Michelin restaurant!

“You’re okay with a place like this?” He asked as they waited in line. 

“What sort of question is that? Isn’t that rude? And I like it here. It’s close, inexpensive and they make delicious food.” He couldn’t argue, seeing that’s why he went there too, but still. Wasn’t a real date supposed to be at a fancy restaurant with foods like foie gras? He unintentionally shuddered remembering the previous night’s pain. Thankfully, Yokozawa didn’t notice and the waiter showed up. 

“Horensou soba!” he cheerfully ordered only to hear Yokozawa echoing him. 

“You’re also a regular here? Yokozawa asked, looking strangely enticing with one raised eyebrow. 

The other man was clearly a hearty and fast eater. He slurped down his noodles with so much gusto, it was fun to watch, and the furrowed brow still hadn’t made a return, so that was a plus. Maybe he could enjoy himself with this guy after all?

“Sorry you had to treat me in the end.” Even though Yokozawa didn’t look in the least bit regretful as he slurped his noodles.

“It’s part of the game! And to tell you the truth, compared to that other restaurant, this is nothing. You’re amazing on the court. Did you play in school?” 

“In middle school. High school I was too busy with baseball, but I’ve played more for fun over the years.” 

“Me too. I grew up in the country. There wasn’t much to do so I was doing table tennis or some other after school activity to keep busy.” 

Yokozawa really needed to grin more often because it transformed his face. Maybe he was one of those people whose charms remained hidden, just waiting for a man like Kirishima Zen to uncover them. 

“You’re surprisingly plain, Mr. Kirishima.” Yokozawa looked thoughtful before continuing. “Of course, I’m hardly in a position to say that.” He slurped down the last of the broth. Meanwhile, Zen had barely finished half his bowl. What a perceptive man. Zen was an ordinary guy deep down. Everything else was window dressing. 

“Wow. You’re fast. If you have somewhere to go, you don’t have to wait for me.” 

“Are you sure?” You don’t have to be that excited to leave, Zen thought.

“Yes. I’ll just be here, mourning my defeat.” Yokozawa laughed and bowed slightly before departing. 

He was still contemplating what had turned out to be an enjoyable ad hoc date with Yokozawa that evening at the dessert bar with Takano and Yanase. It felt like meeting a different person, one who smiled, laughed, played hard and looked delicious. Nothing could ruin this moment. And the mango sorbet has just the right mix of tartness and sweetness, and in such a cute square format, too.

Then Yanase reached over and said happily, “I kissed Taki!” 

Taki? When did Yanase come up with that ridiculous nickname? And kiss?!

Anyone would choke from hearing that. Masamune had urgently called the waiter for water. He was a nice guy, all around. Sensitive, caring. It was kind of a bummer that he couldn’t find a decent guy to date. He wasn’t his type of course, though. Yanase continued peering at him.

“You okay? Want to hear what happened afterward? Because come on, we’re all guys here. We know you can’t just stop at one kiss. And those lips… they’re hot!” Yanase drew out his sentences while periodically looking at Zen to see if he was getting a reaction. Too bad for Yanase, he was a pro. Zen put on a bored blank expression and waited. 

“Ah.” He took another bite of the mango. “This sorbet is delicious.” 

Yanase was young and way too impatient and gave up. “Fine. He pulled away. Nothing else happened.”

Zen tried some of the chocolate mousse and kept his disinterested expression. Of course, nothing had happened. Who’d ever be interested in an idiot like him? Yanase reached over again so he was right in his face.

“You’re relieved, aren’t you?” Zen raised an eyebrow.

“Relieved? Why?”

“Because you,” Yanase smiled and pointed a finger at Zen’s chest, “don’t like losing.” 

“Can we just stop?” Takano. Who sounded impatient and somehow his low voice made him sound even louder. “This whole thing is wrong. Win. Lose. Life isn’t a game!” 

“Don’t be so serious. Think of it as revenge for all those jerks who’ve treated you badly over the years.” Yanase smiled, which was kind of a lame thing to say and Takano clearly wasn’t impressed. He stood up and faced the shorter man, looking angrier than he’d ever seen him. Takano was sometimes morose, but he wasn’t really the type to yell, even if he had the voice for it.

“You’ve completely missed the point!” 

Which is when the lights went out, and Kiyomiya Nao, the bartender, had told them they were closing. More like, he was sick of the loud noise. 

“Takano, did you have to yell like that?” He frowned, but it was hard to stay annoyed, especially after seeing Takano meekly bowing and apologizing. Takano’s bravery had clearly been used up. Yanase had that idiotic smile on his face as he put a comforting hand on Takano’s shoulder. 

“You’re taking this way too seriously, Takano. We’re not malicious people. Our role is simply to help Yokozawa remember what falling in love is like.” He started running up the stairs.“Thanks for the treat, Kirishima!” Luckily for him, Kiyomiya was a reasonable guy, and put it on Yanase’s tab, which served him right for kissing Yokozawa. Not that Zen wanted to be kissing him. No, that wasn’t the point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know nothing about table tennis aside from watching the AU, so apologies for any mistakes. Penhold and shakehand are both different ways of gripping the racquet.


	8. Chapter 8

**Takafumi**

Takafumi was at work, flipping through that annoying – no, _informative_ book by Amami Hikaru, Cinderella’s Guide to Romance. He was only reading it because of the proposal he was working on for the autograph session. He read on.

_Someone who avoids romance needs to change their brain from thinking ‘I hate romance’ to ‘I love romance.’ The best way to do this is Air Romance. To do this imagine yourself on a date with someone. As you imagine you will build awareness to prepare you for a real romance. Think to yourself how would you ask somebody out?_

Air romance. Huh.

Suddenly all his colleagues including Yukina and Hemni were dancing what looked like a number from a musical and Yanase Yuu slowly walked down a spiral staircase in a white suit, looking extra sparkly, almost Yukina-like. Yokozawa sashayed over to greet him.

“Takie, my love, would you go fishing with me again?” Yanase’s voice sounded silky smooth.

Takafumi found himself giggling, “I’m fine doing anything as long as I’m with you.” 

He shook himself awake. No. He did not just dream something out of Shōjo manga. In his office. In the middle of the day. 

He sat up, rubbed his eyes and read further. 

_Just as important: what would you talk about when you’re on the date?_

The colleagues returned singing and dancing. He was seated in a fancy cushion chair and Yuu was feeding him cake. Strawberry shortcake. His favorite. 

“Takie baby, you’re so cute.” 

Then Hemni in a butler uniform ran up to him with one finger pointing at him as he smiled and read from the book. 

_Next, imagine what a kiss would feel like?_

Yanase leaned over for a kiss and that’s when Takafumi realized: a) He’d been dreaming again, and b) He’d yelled so loud Hemni looked terrified.

“Hemni! We’re at work! Please don't… read out loud like that.” 

“Ah, Mr. Yokozawa! I’m just trying to make sure I get everything.” 

Immediately after, Mr. Sato screamed at him because his proposal wasn’t ready. Why was it that whenever he got annoyed at Hemni, somebody got even more annoyed at him? And why was Yanase Yuu in his head? It was a good thing nobody could see into his dreams, because he’d be embarrassed for the rest of his life.  


**Shouta**

Shouta sighed happily as he walked to the train to work. It was weird how many men got so excited by the idea of sleeping with a minor. No, it was disturbing, but it was all a joke on them, since they were really sleeping with somebody 30 years old. Some of these guys were even younger than he. This last guy from last night - what had his name been? - couldn’t have been older than 25. He probably wouldn’t be seeing him again, at least not anytime soon. He felt relaxed. _Screw you, Hatori, I can sleep around just like you did._ He tried to ignore that empty feeling he got the morning after a one-night stand. He frowned. No. This was good. He was single and living his best life. 

He’d almost made it to work Which is when he almost smacked into Takano Masamune who apparently worked nearby. They arranged to meet at a cafe nearby for lunch. Which ended up being a bit awkward. In the past, he’d only interacted with Takano in the context of him being that bastard ex Hatori's friend, and also first cousins's with Hatori's boss. It was funny how similar they looked and sounded, and yet Takano had somehow had gotten all the good attributes and Saga had gotten the looks. They were Good Cousin - Bad yet Sexy Cousin, and Shouta knew just how sexy Saga was, seeing how he'd slept with him a few times back in college. He frowned. He really should have warned Ta-fum, but Shouta had never imagined he'd ever meet Takano, who seemed to be a bit of a loner. He tried to imagine them on a date together and couldn’t picture it. He smiled brightly and took a bite of a scone. 

“So, Takano. How are things going with Yokozawa?” 

“Going? How do you mean?” 

“I’m talking about your date.”

“ _Date?_ It was just something casual. We went to an art gallery.” 

“Was it love at first sight?” 

“Eh? Of course not.” 

“Yeah, I don’t think that really exists. I guess what I’m really wondering is if you’re a masochist.” 

_“Hah?”_

“It’s just that Ta-fum’s not the friendliest guy out there. He’s my best friend. Don’t get me wrong, but he can be surly sometimes. I thought maybe that was your type.” 

“Wait a moment! I don’t know who’s calling me that, but I’m not an M or an S!” Woah. That guy’s voice was low, but loud. 

“Never mind, Sorry!” 

They each went silent for a few minutes as they ate. Then Takano looked up almost shyly.

“Did Yokozawa say anything to you about me?” 

“He said you were very attentive and kind.” 

“Shit, I feel like such an asshole.” Okay, so that was an unexpected response. And his expression was so pitiful. “I’m going to tell you everything, but please understand, we didn’t mean to be cruel. It’s getting out of control, though, and I’m worried Yokozawa’s going to get hurt.” 

Shouta leaned in. This sounded interesting, and he knew Ta-fum thought he could take care of himself, but anyone who tried to hurt him, would have a short but dangerous enemy after him. He hadn’t been Kendo champion in high school for no reason.  


**Takafumi**

Takafumi smiled to himself. He’d worked overtime, but he’d finished the proposal and the signs for the event. 

Time to go home. Hiyori had promised that she’d save him some curry and salad from dinner, and he was starving. He gathered his papers and headed to the stairwell. As he walked down the stairs, the lights went out, and the next thing he knew he was falling.  


**Misaki and Hiyori**

Misaki sat at the table and frowned at the table as he scooped another spoonful of curry rice in his mouth and watched the news. 

“Misaki, how many times have I told you to eat at the table and not while you watch television!” 

“I’m not making a mess! And I’m watching the news. There’s a blackout, by the way.” Hiyori sat down and they listened to the newscaster. 

_There is currently a power outage in parts of the Chiyoda, Minato and Meguro wards of Tokyo._

“Misaki, isn’t that where big brother’s company is?” Hiyori’s brown eyes grew wide. He knew they both tended to go overboard and make something big out a small incident, because of the car accident. And it didn’t help knowing he was responsible for his parents’ deaths, but this time he was going to stay calm. This was big brother, who was strong and responsible, and it was just a black out. 

“Hiyori, he’s probably still at work, so he should be okay. I think we should call him, though.” 

Hiyori nodded and opened her phone and started calling as the newscaster continued. 

_The cause of the outage is unknown, and we have no information about when the power will be back up._  


**Takafumi**

Takafumi awoke by his phone ringing and the pain in his leg. It looked like his phone was a few steps above him. It went silent. He tried to move and winced. His ankle had to be twisted, or worse, and he also had a bad gash on his leg. Maybe somebody was in the building? He tried to call out just in case, but nobody answered. Of course. Nobody would be here at this time of night. 

The phone rang again. Good thing he was tall. He barely managed to reach it. 

“Hello?” 

“Takie? There’s a blackout! It really caught me by surprise.” _Takie?_ Why was Yanase calling him that? And did he have to sound so cheerful?

“And?” He winced again from the pain which took away from the stern voice he was trying to project.

“Want to meet up? I’m at a dessert bar I often go to. Do you know it? I’ll send you the address.” 

“I can’t right now.”

“Are you sure? It’s quite romantic. They’ve lit candles.” 

“No. It’s not going to work.” He tried to get up just to see if he could walk, which turned out to be a bad idea, and let out a yell before he could stop himself. 

“Are you alright? Are you still at work?” Was that actual concern he could hear? That might actually be worse than his usual persona.

“It’s fine. Don’t worry.” 

“Do you have power where you are? I’m heading over. Stay tight.” 

He was in the middle of saying it wasn’t necessary when he saw Yanase had hung up. He frowned and cried out in pain. Why couldn’t he have just asked for help? Pride? Now he was stuck here, and all alone. Was he going to be lying in pain like this all night? No. This was ridiculous. He was getting out of here somehow even if it hurt like hell. He pulled himself up, and started walking slowly, wincing with every step.  


**Zen**

Kirishima Zen frowned at his phone. He’d just taken off his work coat, and about to leave his office and the last person he wanted to speak to was Yanase Yuu. 

“Kirishima here.” 

“Hi!” Why was Yanase always so cheerful? Zen considered himself a happy guy, but this level was unreal. “Did the blackout affect you?” 

“No.” What blackout? He’d have to check the news when he got home.

“I thought you’d like to know that Yokozawa is stuck at work with no power. Are you okay with that?” 

“With what?” He decided to opt for the disinterested approach. 

“Not running over to help. He sounded scared. It’s your chance to get him.” 

“Why are you telling me this?” And did Yanase really expect him to believe that a guy like Yokozawa would be scared by a little darkness?

“I’m trying to help. Because you need it. He rejected my kiss, but he liked it more than he’s letting on. It’s not going to take more than another push, and then he’s mine. But before that, I figured I’d give you a chance. Because I’m a nice guy.” Yanase had to be smirking right now. Zen could hear it in his voice. What an annoying brat.

“I don’t need it.” 

“Okay, then I’m going to go after him. I’m serious.” 

“Fine. Go ahead. I don’t mind.” Because he didn’t. Yokozawa was fine. Yanase was just trying to freak him out. And he wasn’t going to listen. 

At the same time, it couldn’t hurt to listen to the news. As soon as he got home, he turned on the radio. There really was a power outage near where Yokozawa worked. That still didn’t mean Yokozawa was in trouble. He flipped through a magazine, but his mind wandered back to his conversation with Natsuko the night before. She’d been so sure there was someone who could accept him for who he was. Then he remembered what an enjoyable time he’d had with Yokozawa at the soba place. He had felt comfortable with him, and even when the younger man had called him ordinary, it had felt like they were sharing a commonality they had. Before he could change his mind, he was grabbing his coat and keys, slipping on his shoes and running out the door.  


**Takafumi**

Meanwhile, Takafumi slowly climbed the stairs. He just had to get out of the building and then he could find a cab, but every step was sending shooting pain to his ankle. He should have just asked Yanase for help, but he didn’t want to owe him anything, and he didn’t want to see his smirk either. It was humiliating. 

Was that footsteps? It was too late to worry about pride. He yelled as loud as he could. Whoever it was must have heard him. Footsteps approached. 

And there was Yanase Yuu smiling his usual idiotic smile, and for once somehow it wasn’t so bad.

“Fancy meeting you in a place like this.” 

Did this idiot hear himself talk? And yet, it was maybe just a little bit… cute?

Takafumi grunted in response, and Yanase squatted near him.

“Are you having difficulty moving?” _What do you think, idiot?_ “You’re too big for me to carry, but if you lean on me, I can help you walk back to your floor, and then I'll get the first aid kit.” Yanase was being nice again, like when he picked up all the books and walked to the signing with him. It was disarming; it made him like him just a bit more each time, which was disturbing.

He was saved from contemplating anymore by the pain he had each step they took back to his floor. Yanase tried, but he was both shorter and slighter than he, so there wasn’t that much he could do. Still, just having him there made it easier. It was scary how quickly he became unraveled after being alone and helpless in a dark stairwell for not even two hours.  


**Shouta**

Shouta ended up walking to work in a daze after his lunch with Takano. At least at work he could immerse himself in his job as director of Human Resources for a marketing firm, but when he’d finished and gotten home it all came back. Then he distracted himself with dinner prep as he waited for Ritsu to come home. Ritsu's response had been pretty much the same as his had been.

“What do you mean it was all a game?!”

It was almost certain he'd had shown that same expression to Takano: shock and horror on finding that their friend had been used. It did answer questions they'd both had, mainly why three guys had been almost aggressive in their tactics to get a date. Still, this wasn't something adults did. This was something you'd expect from high schoolers. He had wanted to yell at Takano, but it was clear the man felt extremely guilty. Hr was the nicest of the bunch, and had done the right thing, by both telling Shouta and deciding not to participate anymore. He was a good man, who didn't have the confidence to say no at the time. According to the shy chemist, the goal of this fiasco was to help Ta-fum, but this kind of 'help' did more harm than good. If he found out, Ta-fum would maybe decide to stay single forever.

“Now what? I don't think we should tell him, Rittie. It might make him stop dating forever.” 

“We have to! He’s being _played_. And by people who are old enough to know better. It’s disgusting!” 

“But I don’t know how to tell him. Can’t we just wait and see what happens?” 

“No. And if you’re not going to tell him, I will!” Shouta bit his lip furtively as he watched Ritsu reach for his phone.  


**Takafumi**

It took forever, but they finally made it back to his floor, and he'd directed Yanase to the first-aid kit. He’d always wondered why they needed a couch in the office, but now he was thankful it was there. He sat down and stretched out his leg. Yanase bandaged up the gash on his leg, and also his ankle, but he'd have to see a doctor tonight. 

Takafumi looked up from his couch and tried to smile. “Thank you.” 

“You’re an idiot, you know?”

“What are you saying?” 

“Why didn’t you tell me what happened when I called you?” 

“I’m a grown man. I should be able to take care of myself.” 

“So what? I’m a grown man too, but when I need help, I ask. Seriously, Takafumi.” He perched himself on the couch. “I just wish you’d be more honest with me.” 

He frowned. “It’s not easy. For years I’ve needed to be independent. I can't rely on others. I had to be the strong one. Especially when there’s a crisis.” His phone rang, and as he reached for it, he started to bow slightly with just his head, when he felt Yanase’s arms around him. They were surprisingly comforting for such a young idiot. Takafumi felt himself tense up and then relax as the younger man spoke in a lower quieter voice. 

“Please start relying on people. You can depend on me. You don’t have to try so hard, Takafumi.” Takafumi sighed as Yanase stroked his back, which wasn't good.;. Except it was good. It felt so good. They separated and Yanase smiled gently and continued. 

“I really think that I-” 

They both looked up in surprise as someone close by ran towards them from the hall, only to be greeted by a sweaty out of breath Kirishima Zen holding a flashlight..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s a lot of shifting of viewpoints, simply because the action shifted so much in the jdorama, that it was impossible to even have just two voices. Viewpoints should be clear due to context, but I apologize for any confusion. 
> 
> In the jdorama, Kisa’s character didn’t work, so I made up a career for him.


	9. Kirishima

Kirishima sat in a cab wondering what the hell he was doing stuck in Awkward city with Yokozawa on his right and Yanase on his left.

The only thing he knew was he was an idiot. Otherwise, why would he have spent so much time and energy trying to reach Yokozawa’s office? First with the subway -not working-, then a cab -none to be found. He ended up taking a bus and it had taken 20-minutes of running until he reached the building.

And Yanase had _told_ him he was going to seriously pursue Yokozawa, so why had he been so shocked to see them, sitting close together? And him panting and looking like an idiot all dirty and sweaty. And as he struggled to modulate his breathing, he realized something almost certainly had happened. Or maybe not? Yokozawa had jumped up in alarm as soon as he had seen Zen, like maybe he was worried about sending the wrong message? Then he had screamed in pain. Poor guy. That had to hurt. Luckily the hospital was close to the building and it ended up being a sprain. 

Which is how he ended up here in the cab, stuck between these guys and trying not to look as awkward as he felt. Or as regretful. Because if he had shown up before Yanase, he would have been able to do more. He was taller and stronger than Yanase. He could have helped him walk and he would have gotten him to the hospital a lot faster. Now Yokozawa was in pain and on crutches. (What a guy. He was clearly in total pain, even after he received painkillers, and yet he managed to retain that stern fierce expression.

Zen was interrupted from his musings by Yanase.

“Kirishima, why did you come to Takafumi’s office, anyway?” _Takafumi?_ Since when were they on a first name basis? And why was it annoying him so much? 

Zen laughed nervously. “It was a funny coincidence. I had a last-minute errand close by and decided to stop in.” 

Yanase narrowed his eyes. What was he, an interrogator?

“Coincidence?” 

“Well, yes. I needed to use the toilet, so I figured I’d try my luck in Yokozawa’s building.” 

“In a blackout?” Yeah, that did sound suspicious. But he wasn’t going to tell Yanase he had purposely gone to see Yokozawa, and that he had been worried.

“I could have thought it out more thoroughly. It really was hard to see anything.” 

“Whatever. So, Takafumi, can I continue from where I was before?” 

Yokozawa nodded his assent, and Zen tried to keep his expression neutral while he tried to focus on anything else but Yanase’s voice. 

“I’m serious about you. I’d like you to go out with me.” Shit! And Yanase was clearly enjoying watching Zen squirm. What a jerk. How had they become friends in the first place? Oh. Through Hatori, who he’d just seen with his new boyfriend, who was cute and artistic as much as he was stupid. “Take your time, Takie, but don’t take too much time! Driver, I’ll get out here please. Kirishima, take care of the patient.” 

“Oi! Yanase!” What was he playing at? But Yanase had already ran off. To make it worse he somehow hit Yokozawa as he was backing back into his seat. 

Whebn they got to Yokozawa’s house, Yokozawa begrudgingly accepted his help getting into the building and up to the apartment but made sure to emphasize that it was only because he wasn’t used to his crutches yet. 

The big surprise was his sister and brother, who both beamed happily when they saw Zen and didn’t furrow their brows even once. Yokozawa Hiyori, looked more like Zen than he looked like either brother, or maybe it was their similar hair color. Misaki looked a little like his brother, but he was nothing like him. He was excited and bubbly and kept talking about his favorite manga. Something about a chef. Zen noticed the shrine in a corner of the living room which had photographs of a man and a woman. The man had dark hair and the woman’s hair was the same shade as Hiyori’s. Good thing he didn’t asked where their parents were. How long had Yokozawa been taking care of his siblings? Somehow Yokozawa being single for eight years didn’t seem that crazy anymore. 

They were energetic, fun, and nosy as hell, while their older brother kept his arms crossed and his scowl affixed to his face. 

“So, Mr. Kirishima, what do you think of my big brother?” Hiyori smiled and Yokozawa seemed like he wanted to say something but changed his mind. 

“Yeah! Are you two going to date?” Misaki asked loudly. 

Well somebody in this house gets straight to the point. 

“Misaki! Can you think more before you speak please?” 

“Big brother, it’s _fine._ You brought home this nice man for a reason, and it’s been years!” 

“He’s right, big brother. I was in elementary school when you were dating that weird guy with glasses.” 

“And I was in _kindergarten_! You can’t blame us for being excited!” 

“The absence of love is almost palpable.” Zen muttered quietly to himself.

“ _Hah_?” Or maybe not as quietly as he had thought. “Hiyori, Misaki - Mr. Kirishima was just stopping by, and he’s going to go home. We’re just friends.” 

Misaki pouted and his emerald eyes grew large, and Yokozawa’s face softened. Heh. You’d think a manipulative tactic like that wouldn't work on someone like Yokozawa, but it was turning out that he might be a big softie. 

“Only friends? Is that true, Mr. Kirishima?” 

“Ah, yes. Anyway, it’s been nice, but I should head out.” 

Yokozawa looked up at him and then seemed to concentrate on the wall in front of him. 

“Kirishima. Thanks for your help.” 

“No problem.” 

“Big brother you rest your leg. I’ll walk Mr. Kirishima downstairs!” Nice kid brother, but loud.

“Hey. I’m going too!” 

“That’s really nice, but I should be fine.” 

“Hey, don’t to crowd him!” 

In the end Hiyori went back when they got to the building entrance and Misaki walked with him for a few minutes. 

“I hope my brother doesn’t annoy you too much. He’s headstrong and can be rude at times.”

“I guess you’re right.” 

“He’s not trying to be offensive. Our parents passed away when I was five and a half. He was 20, and he suddenly had to become both father and mother to me and my big sister. He took on a lot. Anyway, I’m going to go back. It was nice meeting you. Good night.” 

“Good night. Careful on the way back.” 

Misaki waved and Zen tried to imagine a softer nicer version of Yokozawa Takafumi living in a house with loud and cheerful teens. Who knew?


	10. Chapter 10

**Takafumi**

_I’m serious about you. I’d like you to go out with me._

Takafumi frowned at the memory of Yanase. Like he’d believe Yanase’s lies. Still. Here he was supposedly hard at work and thinking of him. Maybe that had been his attention all along? He’d heard of young guys who’d gotten their sick excitement from playing with innocent people. 

It was challenging enough just getting through the day with crutches and a bandaged ankle. And it wasn’t Hemni’s fault, but something about his shocked expression when he saw Takafumi only served as an annoyance.

“Mr. Yokozawa, what happened?” 

Takafumi sighed and gave him a rueful smile. It wasn’t Hemni’s fault. Any of this. The director was right, even if she was annoying.

“It’s nothing big. Just a sprain. I was working late and fell during the power outage.” 

“Really? And who took you to the hospital?” Yukina. In all his sparkly glory and sticking his nose in out of nowhere. As usual. “A _friend?_ All with the signature sparkle and smiles that could blind a guy. And what was this ‘friend’ business? _Crap._ He’d seen Yanase carry in books at the signing, and now he'd never hear the end of it. Just lovely. Luckily he had a solution which was almost foolproof: nod, smile and ignore. 

Even worse was how the best part of his job was now a nightmare: Sales calls. He loved the freedom they gave him. Just getting out in the fresh air and moving his legs improved his day, but the crutches were cumbersome, it took him forever to get anywhere and Hemni didn’t seem to have received the memo that he couldn’t walk fast and kept speeding past him. He finally sent him ahead only to have some jerk smack right into him. He had managed to keep his balance but holding the crutches and the bag of books had proven too much. He sighed. Hadn’t this just happened? Which was when Yanase had shown up. He decided not to dwell on the statistical improbability of that happening in a huge metropolis and had let him help him up and grab the bag.

He winced as he started walking next to the younger man, but did this young idiot have to put his arm on his shoulder? He wasn’t an old man! 

“Please! Space!” Luckily, the pain subsided. 

“Sorry. I just wanted to help. You seemed to be in pain. Wouldn’t a cab be easier?” 

“That’s a lot of money.” 

“A few cab rides? Walking can’t be good for your ankle right now” 

“It adds up. I was careless and I don’t want to use household funds for something I should have prevented.” 

“What are you, a housewife?” 

“Not a housewife, but I’ve got a middle-schooler and a high-schooler to support, and their uniforms, school fees and exam money have to come from somewhere.” 

Yanase looked flabbergasted.

“You have _kids?”_

“Do I look old enough to have a 17 and a 15-year-old?” Seriously, did this man have a _brain?_ “They’re my sister and brother. Our parents died in a car accident when my brother was five.” 

“Wow. That sounds like a lot of work. I see what you’re mean. It’s a lot of responsibility.” That was a surprise. He expected a guy like Yanase to go overboard in his response. Usually people freaked out, behaved awkwardly or said stupid things. Maybe Yanase had a deeper side to him after all. 

“You’re like a momma bear, Takie.” Takafumi smiled and glared at the same time. Who was he, Hiyori? Nobody else called him that, and she only did that when she was teasing him. Yanase didn’t notice though. 

“I don’t have parents either. I was abandoned.” _Abandoned?_ he blinked. That sucked. He might have lost his parents, but when they were alive, they were good people who loved their kids. Maybe all this ridiculous was to hide his true nature? 

This couldn’t be happening. Was Yanase Yuu starting to sound like a good guy? Maybe that confession was genuine? He was a good listener when he stopped acting like an idiot, and he might not be dark-haired or so tall, but maybe he’d bottom?

Shit. He didn’t want to go there. Bad idea. Maybe these eight years really were starting to screw with his head. A good talk with Sho and Ritsu would help him figure things that, together with a beer or two before heading home. Misaki had dinner duty, and he promised not to do any major culinary experiments this time. In fact, it was something Misaki was a pro at: omurice and salad. His younger brother was an enthusiastic and creative cook, but a few of his ideas had been so dismal that Hiyori had taken to supervising him when it was his turn to make dinner.

The beer was cold and refreshing. And Sho and Ritsu’s shocked expressions and simultaneous reactions were amusing.

“He _confessed_?” 

“Did you give him an answer?” Ritsu. Who wasn’t wearing a hat for once. An answer. He’d completely forgotten about that part. 

“No. I was too surprised. I wasn’t expecting him to be so direct. Also, we were in the cab with Kirishima after we left the hospital, so it was awkward.

“It’s weird. I used to think he was obnoxious, but he showed up when I really needed him when I hurt my ankle, and today he showed up when I really needed it. I’m starting to think I was wrong about him.” 

“Are you _serious?_ Aren’t you letting your emotions take over?” Ritsu, who probably could have been talking about himself from all the times he had complained in the past about his relationships. “How do you know he’s not lying and misleading you?” 

“Don’t be such a wet rag, Rittie. It’s not like Ta-fum’s serious about him, right?” Takafumi smiled. Sho. Always so practical. 

“I guess not.” 

“So what’s the issue if he has a little fun? Anyway, Ta-fum, aren’t you late with going home? You told me it was your turn for dinner?” That was weird. He knew he told Sho earlier on the phone that Misaki was making dinner. He raised his eyebrow discreetly at his old friend, but let himself be walked to the door, while Ritsu spluttered in shock.

“We’re not done talking, yet!”  


**Masamune**

Masamune looked glumly into his lemon tart as he sat on a bar stool at what used to be his favorite place to relax. The last thing he needed was Kirishima Zen looking at him with disapproval. Even worse was Yanase Yuu’s idiotic smile. 

“I can’t believe this! You spilled the beans?” Why, yes, he had. And Masamune couldn’t give a flying fuck. Well he could, but he was channeling good old cousin Masamune, who was a lot more confident than he’d ever been, not to mention better at swearing. And he never should have gotten involved with the game in the first place. 

“I told Kisa, and I don’t regret it, because what we were doing was wrong.” 

“Which means Yokozawa found out.” Kirishima sighed into his chocolate mousse. 

“Oh well. It can’t be helped.” Yanase, who was sounding even more immature than he usually did.

“How can you just say that so casually. Yuu?” 

“It hardly matters, Zennie. I’m not quitting. He just needs a little push in the right direction.” _Zennie?_ How audacious could this guy be? 

“You can call me Kirishima. And I’m surprised you’d even want to continue at this point.” 

“I’m going to keep trying at least until we’ve slept together at least once. Otherwise, think of all the wasted time.” 

Ah. Now it all made sense. Yanase’s real goal was pissing off Kirishima, and it was working, judging from the expressions the older man was making. It was interesting. As long as Yanase kept him out of it. The younger man continued talking as Kirishima both glared and acted like he couldn’t care less and failing.

“Takie was so gorgeous today. I should have kissed him. He’s probably wild when he’s uncaged.” Oh man, Yanase was _terrible._ Kirishima jumped up in anger. Maybe that was a good sign. Kirishima might be a good match for Yokozawa, and if he cared this much… 

“That’s enough!” 

“Enough of what?” 

“You’re playing with Yokozawa’s feelings and he’s going to get hurt. Do you even care about that?” 

“It’s a little late to play the morality card, Ki-ri-shi-ma.” Yanase smiled brightly as he over emphasized Kirishima’s name. 

Takano frowned. If Kisa told Yokozawa he was being played, maybe he’d never want to date again. And never mind Yanase or Kirishima, he’d be partly culpable, and he should have known better than to do something that could hurt somebody else. He was better than that. He slugged down his beer and ordered a highball, while Yanase kept egging Kirishima on.

“Why did you show up at Yokozawa’s office last night anyway? Is it because you were worried that I’d get him?” 

“Please. It was part of the game.” 

“Really. If I hadn’t shown up before you, then you’d have been with him. All by yourselves.”

“Please. Not everybody’s an immature brat like you.” 

“I love when older people bring up how mature they are. How convenient! It saves you from facing reality, which is how terrified you are of being in a relationship You’re always going on about how you’ll get hurt or how much a burden dating is, when what you’re doing is running away from reality. You too, Takano. If you weren’t being so cowardly, a freeter like me wouldn’t have had a chance, so thanks! Oh, and thanks for the meal, Kirishima.” Yanase waved as he ran up the stairs to the street.

“What meal? Oi! Come back here! That jerk. Bartender, put his part of the bill on his own tab.” 

The bartender smiled in his usual sardonic smile. What must he think of us, Takano wondered as he looked over to Kirishima, who was also looking thoughtful.

“He’s right, Kirishima. We’re cowards. Would you have done anything if Yanase hadn’t been there? Yokozawa Isn't my type to begin with, but it sounds like he’s yours.” 

“Not you too, Takano. I don’t know if he’s my type, and I hadn’t thought that far ahead. I don’t think anything would have happened. He was in pain!” Yeah. You don’t really think he’s your type but you’d be so concerned about his health you wouldn’t try anything. Hypocritical much? 

Now if it had been him and Onodera -no, not Onodera, but somebody like him, they’d do more than just look at each other. Although probably not much more. Unless he wasn’t wounded, but just tired and gorgeous and hot for him the same way he was hot for -shit shit shit. He needed a cold shower now. 

Still. Just thinking of an Onodera look-alike desiring him was surprisingly comforting. Except it would never happen. Time to go home. He didn’t have a gorgeous man waiting for him, at least had Sorata to feed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yanase's kind of obnoxious in this story, because that's kind of how he is in the jdorama. I never realized when I first watched how much he eggs the other characters on. He's also younger and more careless than canon Yanase. 
> 
> I recommend reading _Always_ on fanfaction.net if you need some pro Yanase reading after this one. It's an oldie but goodie. 
> 
> I like writing a jealous Kirishima Zen, even if he's in denial. And so is Takano. And because a Takano who is sweet and sensitive deserves Onodera Ritsu, I can't help feeling sorry for him, because so far Onodera isn't interested at all. Which is okay because Takano only wants an Onodera-like guy. Yeah. That's totally it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Zen**

p>Zen stretched out on his couch, frowning as he tried in vain to get himself going for work. It was 8 a.m. and he should have been out the door already, and all he had accomplished so far was dressed. He ran his hands through his hair. That jerk, Yanase and that smirk of his. He was young and stupid, but had gotten Zen so pissed off, that it had taken him forever to fall asleep. Just the idea of him purposely taking Yokozawa to bed to get laid angered him. Not out of personal interest, but it was immoral. Takano was right. There were plenty of guys in Ni-chōme Yanase could pick up for casual sex, so why did he choose to play with someone like Yokozawa, who was clearly as naïve as he was difficult. His haughty aloofness could be annoying, but he didn’t deserve this.

He sighed. It didn’t help that his mother had called shortly after he got home. It wasn’t her fault. She was alone in a different prefecture, hours away and he was her only child. She had been a good parent and of course she was a bit lonely now with his father gone for five years now. But every sweater she lovingly sent reminded him more of his failures as a son. How he hadn’t gotten married or given her grandchildren. And it wasn’t just because he sometimes dated men. It could have happened. But it didn’t. Because after Sakura died the whole ‘get married have kids’ dream died with her. He winced. Using Sakura to cover up his imperfections; and yet it was true. What had been the point without her? 

He was saved from further uncomfortable self-reflection by his phone. Kisa Shouta wanted to meet for lunch and suggested a little cafe near his office. It was clear what this meeting was going to be about, given Takano had told all Kisa all yesterday. 

The shorter man looked surprisingly professional in a business casual way, wearing chinos a white oxford shirt and a sweater. Zen couldn’t remember what the man did for a living. He’d always assumed he was in manga like Hatori. As soon as they’d ordered the shorter man got right to business.

“So, Kirishima, I’m not sure if you know this, but Takano told us everything about a certain ‘game’ the two of you and Yanase Yuu have been playing with a certain Yokozawa Takafumi, who, incidentally, is my best friend.” The short man’s smile had a somewhat predatorial gleam as he talked. Although the man looked like a harmless teenager, there was something about him that reminded Kirishima of piranhas he’d seen at the aquarium. 

He gulped, stood up and bowed. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t even know what to say.” 

“Well that’s a start, but you’re talking to the wrong person. Luckily for you, we haven’t told him yet. Onodera wanted to, but I’ve managed to hold him off for now, because of Ta-fum’s accident. Still, I know Onodera, and he’s the type of guy who doesn’t like to sit back when injustice has been done. What I’m saying is we don’t have much time, because if Ta-fum found out, I think we can both agree that would be disastrous. Aside from all this, I was wondering what your general opinion was of Ta-fum.” 

“What do you mean?” And those two had to be old friends, because who else would call Yokozawa Takafumi a cutesy nickname like that? 

What did he think of Yokozawa? Until recently he’d thought him annoying, arrogant and purposely argumentative. Somehow after eating soba together his opinion had changed. Yokozawa had a nice smile and could even be nice when he wanted… His thoughts were interrupted by Kisa.

“I’m asking because I think he’s already fallen in love.” 

_Oh no._ But was it such a surprise that Yokozawa would fall for someone like him? He was handsome, had a stable job and had a friendly disposition.

“I didn’t realize.” 

“It’s okay, he doesn’t either. He tends to be dense when it comes to relationships.” 

“I had no idea.” Okay, maybe he had just a little glimmer. Eight years. Okay he had siblings to raise, but still. That would have given him more incentive to date somebody, not less.

“And that’s why I want you to do something. You and your friends have been running a scam, so it’s time to take responsibility.” Now this was too much. How was he supposed to just start a relationship like that?

“This is a bit sudden. I’m not sure if I can-”.

“That’s why I want you to talk to Yanase Yuu. Properly.”

“Yanase Yuu? That’s who Yokozawa likes?” Zen felt both relieved and annoyed at the same time.

“Yeah. Weird, right? I’d go for a taller guy, you know - somebody like you, Mr. Kirishima, but love is unpredictable, right?” Was it his imagination or was Kisa coming on to him? He was piranha one moment, flirtatious the next. He’d never seemed this freaky when he was married to Hatori. He opted for the old standby: pretend it isn’t happening. 

“This tiramisu is excellent!” _Hint: I’m not interested in short guys who turn into piranhas._

Kisa looked a bit annoyed and then laughed as if to shrug it off.

“I know the whole thing started out as a lie, but if Yanase fell for Takafumi, I’d support them. It’s been too long since Ta-fum’s dated anyone. I’d forget about the game and with everything going well I bet I’d be able to convince Onodera as well. So, can you help with Yuu?”

Oh, great! Kisa wanted his help getting Yanase Yuu, who only thought of Yokozawa as a quick lay, to date his friend seriously? Zen smiled, but inside he was fuming, and by the time he had was finished with work and getting ready to go home he was still peeved. What he needed was something to take his mind off it. He’d stop at the nearby bookstore. It was well-stocked and it would be relaxing.

Zen felt calmer already as he browsed the stacks. Something about being surrounded by the printed word made him calmer somehow. Now the big question: should he go for that new Usami Akihiko novel or something different? He continued browsing. He was about to go back and get _When the Panda Calls_ when he yelled in surprise as something hard smashed down on his right big toe. He looked up to see a crutch being lifted off his foot and Yokozawa bowing and apologizing. It looked like he didn’t even realize whose foot he’d stabbed.

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize. Are you okay?” If Zen hadn’t been in so much pain, he would have found it amusing seeing Yokozawa’s look switch from apologetic politeness to surprise and disinterest. “Oh. Kirishima. What are you doing here?” On second thought the disinterest annoyed him greatly.

“I'm buying a book. Why else would I be here? Are you here for work?” 

“Yes. I’m checking sales on our new book. I’ll show you.” 

It turned out to be a self-help book about falling in love, which was ironic given Yokozawa’s dating status. He tried to conceal a laugh but failed. 

“What’s the joke?” 

“Nothing. I’m just wondering if all the books you sell connect to your own life so aptly.” 

“And your point would be?” 

“Nothing!” 

Whatever this book was, it certainly was popular with teenage girls. In the short time they were in front of the display, multiple groups of girls had shown up and excitedly grabbed books.

“I see it’s selling well.”

“It’s probably because of the display. My boss is a bit of an artist and he ended up preparing it.” It was pink and flashy with pop up hearts and bunnies aplenty, but maybe young women enjoyed that kind of thing. Have you read it?” 

“It would be a bit odd if I was trying to sell a book I hadn’t read. I separate my private and personal life.” 

That had to be simple, seeing he had no personal life. 

Zen paid for the novel and walked out of the store with Yokozawa, who looked like he was expecting somebody to show up. Which he was, because standing at a light post across the street was Yanase Yuu dressed in a red plaid hoodie, covered by a mustard colored vest and jeans. They walked over to him. 

“You’re late.” 

“Yeah, I know. Sorry. Kirishima, what brings you here?” 

Zen waved his store bag. “I bought a book.” What was up with people? Did nobody buy books anymore? What are you doing here?” 

“I’m Yokozawa’s bodyguard.” Kirishima blinked. Yokozawa was a lot taller and bigger while Yanase was shorter and had a slighter build. _Bodyguard?_ Maybe if they reversed their roles.

“Seriously?”

“Okay, so normally it would be different, but I’m just here to lend a helping hand because walking with crutches can be difficult.” 

Yokozawa looked slightly embarrassed, but also somewhat happy, which was bad. Kisa clearly knew his best friend well. It was obvious he liked Yanase, and yet so clear how oblivious he was about it. Zen tried to ignore a strange emptiness he felt watching the two men. Yokozawa looked over to him and waved.

“Let’s get out of here, Yuu. See you, Kirishima.”  


**Masamune**

Why was Masamune doing this to himself? He should have known that going to a marriage bureau would be an exercise in torture. Maybe he really was the M everyone told him he was. And then the happy – way too happy- clerk showed him his “perfect match” which had “97% accuracy” and it ended up being Onodera Ritsu! Yes, he was his type, but still! 

At least this clerk hadn’t commented negatively on his wardrobe like the guy at the last place he’d gone. His look was put-together! It might have been a touch conservative, but he liked button-down shirts paired with ties and vests. This was how he dressed! It worked well for meetings with clients yet still comfortable under his lab coat. So that was a plus. Still, how could anyone look at him and come up with somebody high-class and most likely high maintenance as Onodera Ritsu! He frowned and cross his arms. 

“This has got to be a mistake. Can you check again?” 

“There’s no mistake. He’s not much younger than you are, educated and has a great job, and is serious about settling down with the right guy.” 

He was still trying to understand how of all the possible men who had signed up with this agency, the one person they picked for him was Onodera Ritsu as he made his escape in the elevator. Dinner. Then maybe a book or something on tv. And Sorata could shed all over his navy pants. Again. He really needed to get a new lint roller soon. 

He was about to press the button for the lobby when a shorter man with light brown hair, green eyes and a hat got on with him. Oh great! Onodera. Here. In all his gorgeousness. Not that it should surprise him. If he showed up as a possible match that meant he was signed up here. The other man didn’t recognize Masamune right away. He was mumbling something to himself about discrimination and second-class citizens. Then he looked up in mid frown. Crap. He looked gorgeous even when he frowned. 

“Ah! Takano!” 

“Hi. Want to get a bite to eat?” 

Amazingly enough, Onodera had agreed. They stopped at a nearby izakaya, where someone was playing a shamisen, and settled in at a large table with other customers.

“I was a bit surprised to see you today. I bet you get a lot of matches.” 

“Something like that.” Onodera smiled. 

“Did they find you a perfect match?” 

“No. Not yet. And you?”

He thought of his 97% accurate match and how pointless that had been. 

“Not yet. I think they have a glitch in their systems.” 

“Me too!” 

“Although it would be wrong to completely blame computers.” He glanced over to the other man who nodded in agreement and took a sip of beer. Onodera looked over at him and frowned.

“Why did you do it?” He looked over in confusion. Weren’t they there for the same reason? “Sorry. I was talking about Yokozawa. You don’t seem like the type of guy who likes deceiving people for a laugh.” 

“That wasn’t my goal at all!” 

“Was it because you’re in love with him?” Takano thought of the tall dark brooding salesman and almost shuddered.

No, “I’m not in love with him!” 

Onodera elbowed him and laughed. 

“I’m joking! Don’t take it so seriously.” 

Okay. That was awkward. Although Onodera looked nicer when he smiled. 

“I needed a push.” 

“Huh?” 

“I’m not popular with guys. I tend to fall for people who reject me because of my looks. I started telling myself that I didn’t care about trying to meet anyone; that I could still have a good life without it, but it’s a lie. I want to have somebody to share my life with; somebody I could love. I thought if I tried this, it would change things, and even if I got rejected it won’t hurt the same because it’s just a game. But I made a mistake. I might not get hurt, but what about Yokozawa if he finds out we were playing with him?” 

“That would be horrible.” 

“Yeah.” 

“But I think you’re kind, Mr. Takano, because it bothered you enough to try and stop it.” Shit, those green eyes. And he looked so sweet and if only... 

“Is anything wrong?” The way he tilted his head and looked a little concerned it should be illegal it was so cute. 

“Everything’s fine.” 

Except it wasn’t. How could he be falling for yet another guy who would reject him because that’s what always happened? Shouldn’t he have learned from his m

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Denial is the name of the game here for both Kirishima and Takano. And Yokozawa too. (I definitely do not ship him and Yanase Yuu, but part of the fun of writing an AU is coming up with matches -at least temporarily- which can be somewhat on the wacky side. Hence we've had Kisa and Hatori as ex husbands and now Yokozawa falling for Yanase Yuu.


	12. Chapter 12

**Ritsu**

When Ritsu showed up at the dessert bar with Yokozawa and Kisa, Takano, Kirishima and Yanase were already there. Of course. Takano had said it was a favorite haunt of theirs. Kisa looking a bit comical trying to help his larger friend down the stairs, but it was sweet. He looked down at the three men. Takano was wearing yet another variation on his pants, buttoned-down shirt, tie and vest just in a different color scheme. Did the guy even own jeans or a simple vee-neck? Ritsu frowned.

Why that stupid marriage bureau had matched him up _again_ with Takano he’d never understand. They were clearly incompatible. Yes, he was nice, but he was nothing close to the type of guy Ritsu wanted to date.

And the ‘marriage specialist’ today was even more offensive than the last had been. He kept bringing up his pre-op status as if it were a liability when he was about to transition soon! And then the guy lectured him about not misleading people, which wasn’t his intention at all! It’s not like he wasn’t going to tell any guy he dated seriously. It was bad enough that it was taking so long to get to transition without stuff like this.

As they slowly made their way down the stairs, he noticed Yanase calling over to Takafumi and Kirishima clearly trying to shush him. _Guilty much?_ He was feeling a touch of the guilt just knowing about this disgusting game. It made him feel queasy and not saying anything to Takafumi made him feel like a co-conspirator. 

They all settled in at the semi-circle shaped bar near the other men. He was on one end next to Kisa. To Kisa’s left was Yokozawa and then Yanase and Kirishima and Takano.

Yanase. What was his motivation? Ritsu decided to observe him closely. The freeter was young and friendly and that was it for positive things. Okay he was also good looking. Still, how far did that take a guy who had no career or job prospects?

“It doesn’t seem that long ago that we met at the divorce ceremony.” Yanase smiled. 

Ritsu nibbled on some rice crackers. “And?” He noticed Takano nodding.

“I really don’t understand why nobody’s gotten together since then.” What was his deal? He was acting like they all met at a goukon instead of a gathering celebrating their friend’s divorce! He finished his rice cracker and looked around. It didn’t look like anybody was going to respond. Why was it always up to him?

“I’m not sure if you’ll relate, but most of us have busy lives.” _Including a career. Oh wait, you wouldn’t know anything about that._

Kisa smiled at Kirishima. “Right, Mr. Kirishima?” 

Kirishima looked like he was wishing he were somewhere else, but also nodded.

“What I mean is it’s a waste since we just got to know each other. For instance, I wanted to ask you this for a while now…” He looked over at Yokozawa as he spoke, who, surprisingly, didn’t growl back at him. “Which of us three did you like dating the most? Ritsu noticed Kirishima almost choke on his drink and Takano looked like he was about to regurgitate his. 

“What?” Yokozawa wasn’t even looking that annoyed. What was with him. He should be getting up and giving him a piece of his mind. 

“Between Kirishima, Takano and me, which date was the best?” Yanase walked over to the two men and touched their shoulders for emphasis as he mentioned their names. 

“What’s your problem?” Kirishima looked annoyed. Before Ritsu could contemplate further Yanase went on.

“I don’t want to be grouped together with these two because they weren’t serious about dating Takafumi.” 

“I don’t joke when it comes to dating.” What a surprisingly low masculine voice Takano had. Sexy even. If Ritsu closed his eyes maybe. 

“Are you saying you were serious when you dated Takafumi?” 

This was bad. Yanase was clearly trying to annoy the other two men, but why?

“That’s not it!” Takano’s voice got louder and lower. He then realized the implications of what he said and went over near Yokozawa to presumably do some damage control. “When I say it’s not it, it’s not what you think I’m saying.” Yokozawa was ignoring him and Yanase smilingly went on.

“Even though back then you told us you were hoping you’d ‘get lucky?’” 

“That’s not true!” 

“It sounds like somebody’s not only an M but a super one at that.” 

“Really?” Ritsu found himself asking in surprise. This would make them even more incompatible. If anything, his type was S. Haitani loved role play. _Don’t think of Haitani!_ He was saved by Takano’s loud angry voice. 

“Oi! Don’t listen to him!” 

Kirishima put a hand on his shoulder and told him to calm down. 

Unfortunately, this seemed to have an opposite effect. 

“It’s all because Kirishima took up the offer!” Kirishima looked shocked and annoyed. No. This was bad. Kisa was right. If Yokozawa found out now about the game when he was clearly starting to like Yanase it would be a disaster. As he watched everyone look at Takano and Kirishima dubiously he knew he had to speak. Again. 

“Yuu! All these questions are tacky. And there’s no reason to be asking them. You’re just stirring up trouble.” 

“I think everything should be in the open. How is that trouble? And you know why? Because I want to be Taki’s #1.” Taki. How dare he call Takafumi that? He was at least eight years younger and they barely knew each other. Half the time Ritsu didn’t even call Takafumi by his first name and they were close friends! No. This guy wasn’t genuine. He was up to no good. The next thing he knew he was lunging for freeter.

“What gives you the right to call Yokozawa by his first name?” He was just about close enough to get in a punch when I felt arms hold him back. Kisa! Of all people, why was he stopping him?

“Woah woah calm down, Ritsu! And Yuu, you should be having this conversation privately with Takafumi because it’s private and Takafumi’s a private person. 

“Great idea! Want anything to eat or drink, Taki?” 

“I don’t need much. I guess another beer and maybe a small dish of edamame.” 

He left and Kisa started questioning Takafumi.

“So, he’s meeting you and accompanying you home every day?” 

“It’s not a big deal. The main issue is my briefcase and bags. It’s been nice having another hand, and it’s not like I asked him. He just started showing up.” 

“Still, you don’t want to take advantage of someone when you don’t know if you like him or not. I think you need to give him a proper answer to his confession.” 

Ritsu frowned. Didn’t Shouta see what a jerk this guy was and if nobody else was going to do something, he was. It was time for a one-on-one talk with Yanase Yuu.

He found him outside of the restrooms washing his hands. Ritsu adjusted his scarf and prepared for battle as he approached the idiot.

“What are you planning?” 

Yanase continued washing his hands and acted clueless. 

“What plan?” 

“Kisa and I know what you guys are up to, and if you don’t stop, I’m going to tell Yokozawa everything.” 

“Fine with me.” Ritsu frowned. Why was he so unconcerned? Then Yanase leant in just a bit too closely and stroked his cheek. “You’re so handsome, Ritsu, but maybe you’re sad that Taki is getting all the attention.” Ritsu pushed the offending arm away. 

“Right. Attention seeking. Because we don’t know anybody saying ridiculous statements just to get attention, do we.” _Idiot!_ How could Yokozawa like an immature guy like him? And yet he was clearly falling for him.

But Ritsu was mature. He would not fume -okay maybe just a little- and as soon as he could he was going to have a nice long talk with Yokozawa and get him to stay far away from this loser. 

Fortunately, he didn’t have to wait long. Takafumi decided to stop in at his place on the way home. They got back not a moment too soon because Ritsu was about to burst. They were on the couch and it all came rushing out.

“Takafumi, please date anyone - and I mean anyone- but Yanase Yuu!” 

“Eh? Why not?”

“He’s not just young he’s immature and he’s a sponge. You can’t have a future with a guy like that. He’ll take advantage of you.” 

“What future?” 

“Any future… you can forget any type of committed relationship with this guy!” 

“Why are you suddenly so against Yanase Yuu? You weren’t like this earlier.” Kisa asked in such an unconcerned voice it made him even more determined to try harder.

“Because now I know he’s a loser! Just please, date anyone else but him. He’s not going to make you happy.” 

“Is it because you like him? Maybe you’re jealous?” Okay. He liked Kisa Shouta. They were good friends for a while now, but this was too much! Two times in one day being told he was jealous! Like, he’d ever like a guy like Yanase Yuu. 

“I would never be interested in a self-absorbed immature brat like him!” 

“So, what were you doing with him in the restaurant?'' Oh great. Yokozawa now, too? Could it get worse?

“We were talking.” 

“Yanase told me you were flirting with him.” _That manipulative bastard!_ Ritsu’s voice started getting loud and shrill, but he didn’t care.

“Excuse me! Does that sound like something I’d do? And you’re going to believe him, even if it’s completely ridiculous. You’re going to believe him over me. Why are you letting a loser like Yanase trick you?”

“He’s not a loser. And he’s not trying to trick me. And why am I getting this crap from a guy who was dumped? I don’t need a lecture from you.” Yokozawa got up to leave and Ritsu knew he should back down, but somehow the words just came out anyway, way louder than he wanted.

“Fine! Don’t complain to me later when you’re hurt!” 

“It’s none of your business anyway. Bye!” For someone on crutches, Takafumi left the apartment quickly. Ritsu was livid. He was only trying to help Takafumi and this was the thanks he got!

“That stubborn idiot! Why can’t he just listen!” 

“Ritsu, calm down. There's no reason to get so irritated.” 

“You’re wrong. There is. He’s falling for this jerk and he’s going to get dumped because it’s just a game for Yanase. Anyone can see that in the way he acts.” 

“You never know. Love can spring up from a lie. Yanase might really fall for him. It wouldn’t surprise me. We know Ta-fum’s a great guy. Maybe Yanase will see past his rough exterior and realize how wonderful he is and fall head over heels. And then I’ll date Kirishima. He’s completely my type. And we’ll go on double dates. It’ll be fun.” 

“Kirishima? You’re starting to sound as delusional as Takafumi.” 

“Look, he’s an adult. We need to give them a chance. If anything gets too out of control, I’ll immediately tell Takafumi everything, so can you let it slide for now?” 

Let it slide. 

Ritsu was understanding better how Takano had felt being part of a game that had supposedly been for Yokozawa’s good. He’d go along with Kisa for the time being, but it felt so wrong.

**Takafumi**

Takafumi frowned at his monitor. What was up with Onodera Ritsu? He had been ridiculous last night. Ridiculous and irrational. Maybe Yuu was right and Ritsu secretly liked him. But that didn’t make sense either. Still, why had Yanase said that Ritsu had come on to him? And he’d seemed so upset. But Ritsu? None of this made sense at all. So much for a productive day at work.

His phone rang. It was Kirishima, who wanted to meet for dinner. He suggested an inexpensive place near Takafumi’s office. How considerate. He’d been there multiple times. It was a decent place with good set meals. Both Misaki and Hiyori were both planning on coming home late because of either school activities of studying with friends, so it worked out. And the last time they’d met he’d had actualy had a nice time. Okay part of that was because he’d whipped Kirishima’s butt in table tennis, but the outdoor soba place had been nice also. And Kirishima hadn’t been so different from him, when he wasn’t trying so hard to get Takafumi to date him. Like with that ridiculous limo and that horrifying cravat. 

They met. Kirishima was thankfully wearing a regular blouse with a cardigan. 

“So, Kirishima, what did you want to talk about?” The older man smiled affably. He really was good looking, but he without that annoying attitude some men have. Unfortunately, the older man then said something which made Takafumi wonder how he had graduated from dental school or managed to run his own practice. 

“I was just wondering how you were doing.” 

“But we just saw each other yesterday.” 

Then the waiter showed up and they both ordered the same set meal at the same time, which was a little weird given this also had happened at the soba place. Or maybe not. He knew the Ja ja men set was a popular choice. The waiter brought over their cutlery and cloth. He wiped his hands and took a sip of his water. Kirishima smiled.

“How are things going with Yanase Yuu?”

Suddenly Takafumi heard pictured Ritsu yelling at him not to date Yanase and he started choking on his water. 

“Why do you ask?” 

“I don’t know. Because of the time in the cab when he confessed to you.” 

“I didn’t give him an answer yet.”

“Ah?” 

“And what of it?” 

“I’m sorry if I’m being too direct, but I don’t think you should date him.”

“And why are you telling me this?” What was this with people telling him not to date Yanase Yuu suddenly?

“He’s not the guy he says he is.” 

“Explain.” 

“He’s also eight years younger than you.” Interesting how Kirishima completely ignored his request. 

“And?” 

“A relationship with a guy like that might work in the short term. I know from experience how flattering it is to date a younger man, but what about the future? When you’re middle aged, Yanase will be at the peak of his sex drive. It’s almost a certainty he’d end up cheating.”

“Why do the two things necessarily have to go together? Not all guys are like that. I’m definitely not!” 

“Please don’t take this the wrong way but you’re not a typical guy. But guys like Yanase are typical. They get older and then they want men younger than them.”

“These are just stereotypes. Guys who can only date someone younger to feel good about themselves are either shallow or lack confidence. And I’m not like that, and Yuu isn’t either.” 

‘“I just don’t think he can really relate to a guy like you.”

“What does that mean?” 

“Exactly how it sounds.” 

The waiter came with their food and Takafumi was wondering why Kirishima had seemed decent last time they’d met, because he was just as obnoxious as he’d been the other times he’d had to suffer being in his presence. He got up and picked up his tray. 

“Excuse me, but I’ll eat over by the counter.” 

Kirishima responded by standing up. 

“No, it’s fine. I’ll move.” 

“Ridiculous. I said I’d move and I’m moving!” 

“You don’t have to be so stubborn. I’ll move.” 

“I don’t want to eat with bigoted people who only see the worst in others.” 

“And I don’t want to be with someone who is too obstinate to accept the truth!” 

“Oi! You two! First eat and then go outside to fight. You’re bothering my other customers!” Oh great. They were so loud the chef was complaining. 

They apologized and started eating. This was the last time he was going anywhere with that jerk Kirishima. 

He was so annoyed he decided to head back to work to finish up a spreadsheet for the next day. This was the perfect time to finish up work: when it was quiet and empty. Yuu texted him asking how he was doing and when he’d want him to show up for the walk home. He smiled as he responded. It felt good having someone ask about his day. He hadn’t felt like this in years. And if Yuu was not exactly who he’d ever imagine himself with, who cared if it worked? 

“You’re still at work I see.” Takafumi looked up to see Usami Natsuko enter. She often worked late, so it wasn’t so surprising to see her there. They’d had their best (and maybe worst) conversations on nights like these. 

“Hi Director. I’m just getting a few things done to save myself time tomorrow.” 

“How’s your leg? It’s got to be hard to get around nowadays.” 

“It’s a pain, but I’m not doing as badly as I thought I’d be. Hemni’s really stepped up to the plate. He’s helping a lot and he’s been improving his sales pitch. I’ve always been hard on him; I’ve never noticed him properly. I guess if I hadn’t sprained my ankle I wouldn’t have realized. 

“Sounds like you found a silver lining.” 

“Yeah, I guess so.” 

“And maybe there’s another one? I noticed a nice-looking younger man picking you up a few times. You didn’t also pick up a boyfriend, did you?” Natsuko was the only one at work who he’d officially come out to. If anyone else suspected they kept to himself. Yokozawa tried to imagine dating – really dating Yanase Yuu. 

“I’m not really sure what he is. I don’t know. I’m not sure if I can believe him…” 

“Did he say he liked you?” 

“Uh…” 

“He did, didn’t he?” 

“Yeah. He confessed.” 

“Are you sure it’s that you don’t want to believe what he says is true? Maybe your pride is getting in the way. The older we get the harder it is. For me in high school it was so easy to just say ‘I like you.’ Okay, for you maybe it was harder. I didn’t have to worry about being gay. But the point is, it gets harder to be honest with ourselves as we get older. Our pride and egos get in the way. 

“I know it’s easier said than done, but maybe it’s time to throw out the pride if it’s getting in the way of what you really want. This way maybe you’ll get something more important and precious. Just think about it. I’m going to leave first. Have a nice night. Don’t stay too long!” 

Takafumi smiled to himself as she went out. Only Usami Natsuko managed to get away with telling him stuff like this. He would have yelled at anybody else. The director had a way with words and really should be publishing her own self-help book, not that Amami Hikaru was all that bad Maybe she preferred speaking one-on-one, but it was a waste. And maybe she was right? Eight years was too long for stupid things like pride. It seemed so hard to imagine, but maybe happiness wasn’t too far away?


	13. Chapter 13

**Yanase**

Yanase Yuu was in a good mood as he walked towards Yokozawa Takafumi’s office. He’d always loved games. The more challenging the better. He loved the rush he got after he won. As he got older it had gotten more difficult finding a decent challenge, so when he’d been asked along with those two old guys to try and see who could get somebody to like them, he’d been all for it. Yokozawa was a perfect challenge. If he could get this surly annoying guy to fall for him it would be the ultimate win. And maybe he’d find out how good he was in bed too.

Everything would have been perfect if his rivals weren’t so pathetic. They were fine when it came to casual conversation with friends, but they were surprisingly inept at dating. He hadn’t been too surprised about Takano. The guy had the self-confidence the size of an adzuki bean, but Kirishima should have had more fight in him. In the end he hadn’t been a threat at all. What was it with these guys? They were already boring old men. And Takano was barely in his thirties. 

Still, he had persevered. And at least dating an annoying guy like Yokozawa, gave him the challenge he desired. Still, every time he’d try to do something small like kissing the guy had gone ballistic. The disgruntled salesman did have his good sides. He was athletic and fun to be when he managed to stop frowning. And when he switched his boring business suit for casual clothing, he even looked somewhat hot. 

People night denigrate freeters, but not being tied down to a job made it possible for him to meet Yokozawa at his office every night and help him carry his bags. Just this alone was accomplishing what hadn’t worked earlier. He was slowly but surely making inroads. That proud façade was beginning to disappear. 

He sent a quick text saying he’d be in front of his building in ten minutes and received a thumbs up emoji in response. 

When he arrived at the building, Yokozawa was just leaving the building. Yuu ran to meet him and took his briefcase and an oversized shopping bag. 

The walk was nice. It turned out that Yokozawa had worked at Marukawa in the manga division before he started working at Usami Publishing. If only the older man knew what a coincidence that was. 

Soon they had arrived at his building. Yokozawa clearly didn’t want him to meet his siblings because he always said goodbye when he got out of the elevator. Yuu tried to picture his siblings and could only envision shorter Yokozawa clones. He accidentally on purpose let his hand brush the older man’s as he handed over the briefcase. Good. He’d gotten a blush out of him. He was sweet, this naïve man, more like a high-schooler than a 30-year-old. Even that slight nod he was making in thanks was kind of cute. 

“Thanks for helping with my things.” 

“Any time. Do you want to go out Sunday? I’d like to hear the answer to my question.” 

Silence. Okay, this was awkward. 

“Should I take that as a no?” 

“No. Sunday’s fine.” 

“Great. See you!” He walked out and headed home. It wasn’t officially his really, but It was a warm and comforting place to come home to and not just because it was spacious and up-scale.

“I’m home,” he called out as he took off his shoes and entered the apartment and smiled at his tall handsome brilliant lover who not only let Yanase stay in his home but trusted him and loved him. An idiot like him didn't deserve a brilliant man like Ijuuin Kyo, but he got him anyway. Wasn’t life great?

Kyo looked like had done a complete 180 since he’d seen him yesterday when he’d been in the throes of trying to make the next deadline for his manga, _Za Kan_ and crying that nobody was going to read it when he was consistently their best-seller. And he looked so delicious, all freshly showered and shaven. He smelled like heaven. As Kyo wrapped Yuu in his arms and led him to the couch, Yuu couldn’t help but give a sigh of pleasure. 

“I missed you today, Yuu.” Ah. Kyo must be not only needy but horny too. He could hear it in his voice. He looked up at his lover and ran a hand through his hair.

“Yeah. I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help with the manga. I had crazy hours at both my part-time jobs.” His made-up part-time jobs as an art assistant. Not that didn’t love drawing, he just loved having no responsibilities even more. Now if they could just get to the good stuff. He was practically on Kyo’s lap and could feel just how happy the mangaka was to see him. Instead Kyo gently pushed him off and took something out of the nightstand drawer. He handed it to him a with sad smile. Shit. Yokozawa’s tie! He should never have taken that home with him. He had gotten carried away wanting to see Yokozawa’s shocked expression, which had been hilarious, but not worth upsetting Kyo. He was way too insecure as it was. 

“Could you tell me what this is? You left it yesterday. Unless you’ve decided to become a salaryman?”

Yuu smiled and threw it across the room. 

“Don’t worry about that. It’s nothing.” 

“Just tell me if you’re seeing somebody else. I can handle it.” Right. He had this sad pleading puppy dog look which made Yuu feel a bit nauseous. He laughed instead. 

“I’m not seeing anybody! It’s just… a prop in a game I’m playing. I’ll explain everything later.” He put on his own lust-filled voice, which wasn’t difficult to do when he was with Kyo. “You’re the only one I want.” He grabbed the older man’s hands and pushed him back on the bed, which was surprisingly easy. Although he was a lot shorter, Yuu was the stronger one by far. 

“I need you. Please. Take me.” 

Kyo seemed to accept that explanation and smiled as he started working at taking off Yuu’s hoodie. Okay, so there were some wrinkles, but overall, he had it good!

**Takafumi**

It was time. Or almost. He was five minutes early for his meeting with Yuu. This way he could think more about what to tell the younger man. And he was finally crutch free, although he was still a little wobbly. What should he tell him? And why was he so nervous to meet this young idiot? Maybe because he’d never gotten serious with anyone since Saga Masamune? Not that he was that serious. He was exploring his options.

Yuu. When had he started thinking of him by his first name? Maybe after that conversation they had when he’d seemed so understanding and genuine. 

He was still pondering this when a tall person went up to him. Takafumi was hardly short, but this guy looked even taller than Kirishima. He had black hair with the face of a model. He was dressed in casual but clearly expensive clothing. He was smiling but his eyes had a distinctly unfriendly feel to them. 

“Hi. You’re Yokozawa Takafumi?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “My name is Ijuuin Kyo. You might have heard of my manga. I thought you’d like to know that Yanase Yuu lives with me. We’re lovers. I figured you should have this though.” He handed him a tie. His tie. The one Yanase had taken off him. “It’s getting in the way. Have a nice life!” 

In a daze, Takafumi started walking. He had to get far far away. Eventually he found a bench to sit down. Lovers. Ijuuin Kyo. As in one of the biggest authors at Marukawa, that Ijuuin Kyo? This wasn’t happening. How could his life turn to shit this quickly? And it had to be true. Why would someone like Ijuuin Kyo show up out of nowhere and with his tie? All this time Yanase had been playing with him. Ritsu had warned him, but he’d refused to listen. He was an idiot, a stupid naïve idiot!

At least Masamune had been nice about breaking up with him. He cared enough about him to do it in the right way. Instead of having his lover show up. Why had he listened to anything Yanase had said? His thoughts were interrupted by somebody approaching.

“Yokozawa?” 

He looked up to see Kirishima Zen in exercise gear, a beanie and a towel around his neck walking over to him. Great. The absolute last person he wanted to see right now. He was thankfully oblivious about Takafumi’s mental state.

“What are you doing in a place like this?” 

Which is when his day took an even more humiliating turn because the handsome dentist almost certainly hadn’t been expecting to see Takafumi look up completely bereft with one horrifying tear falling down his face. Shit! Maybe Kirishima hadn’t noticed. He’d cover it up by being loud and obnoxious. 

“I’m sitting on a bench. What are you doing?” 

“Having a jog. It’s perfect weather for it. Nice and brisk but not too cold.” 

“I didn’t realize there was a connection between jogging and dentistry.” 

“Brash and rude as usual. Nobody would confuse you for a bishie.” 

“You’re right. I’m not cute at all, and I don’t know why I believed the idiot who told me I was.” 

“What guy?” 

“Yanase Yuu. He’s dating another guy. He’s also living with him. And he’s a tall gorgeous famous mangaka. He’s basically everything I’m not. Did you know this about Yanase?” 

“No. How did you find out.” 

“I was supposed to meet him today except he didn’t show up. He sent his lover after me instead.” 

“And did you see Yanase after that?” 

“No. I was in shock. I started walking and then found this bench and sat down.” 

“Wait. You didn’t even confirm it was true yet?” 

“I don’t know why I would need to. There's no way this guy could know I was meeting Yanase at that spot unless he’d been told. It’s clear isn’t it, so why would I need to confirm anything with that jerk?” 

“Because you like him, don’t you?” 

“I don’t!” 

“So why are you so upset?” _How dare he?_ He jumped up off the bench. 

“I’m not upset. I’m frustrated that I let him mess with me.” No no no he wasn’t starting to cry. Not in front of Kirishima. This wasn’t happening. _Shit!_ “ The one thing I had was my pride. It’s not a lot, but to realize I’ve been played with by this jerk… that I let him play with me like that? I’m a complete idiot.” 

Takafumi kept trying to wipe the tears in a vain attempt that Kirishima wouldn’t notice. It was pointless but he couldn’t stop crying and now his humiliation was complete. 

Suddenly a small towel appeared in his field of vision. 

“It’s clean. I didn’t sweat on it.” He looked up expecting Kirishima to be smirking at him. They might have been yelling at each other not that long ago, but the expression on his face now seemed to be one of concern. 

He checked to see if anyone was looking, but there were few people nearby and anyone around looked too wrapped into their own lives to care about some weird crying guy. Kirishima’s voice was oddly soothing.

“Nobody’s here. Don’t worry.”

“Thanks. I just feel so fucking stupid. Like a complete idiot. You probably wouldn’t understand.” Takafumi continued to cry into the towel. Suddenly he felt strong arms pull him into an embrace and was too shocked to respond. He should have pushed him away, but he was exhausted. Who’d have thought that Kirishima of all people could be able to comfort him After a few moments they pulled away. 

Kirishima had this weird look on his face, like he was seeing Takafumi for the first time. He finally spoke.

“I like you, Yokozawa.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So finally things are moving. 
> 
> I kind of like Ijuuin x Yanase even with Yanase being the annoying immature brat who tramples on the feelings of Yokozawa. But since in the jdoroma this chapter translates into the end of episode 3 out of 10, we have a long way to go.


	14. Chapter 14

**Takafumi**

Never let your guard down. It was the most important rule he had, and yet he’d managed to let Yanase Yuu in, to his detriment. You’d think he wouldn’t be stupid enough to already let another idiot in and yet here he was.

He should have realized something was up when Kirishima hugged him, but he rationalized it was meant to be a friendly gesture. It all fit into a pattern with this man, who went back and forth between pissing him off and then being surprisingly nice, only to be an asshole again. Case in point, now. Out of nowhere saying _I like you, Yokozawa._

Which was when he punched the guy in the nose. Kirishima’s shocked expression would have been comical if he weren’t so pissed off. 

“Stop making fun of other people!” He yelled. no longer caring if anyone was looking. He was completely and utterly _done!_ Without looking back, he ran off. Sho had wanted a re-cap of his meeting with Yanase and he was going to get it! 

Except that going to Sho’s meant going to Ritsu’s and the last time he’d seen Ritsu was when he was yelling at him and stubbornly refusing to listen. Oh well. He’d apologize. 

When he arrived, Ritsu thankfully acted like nothing had happened, took one look at his face, went to the fridge and handed him a beer.

After a few slugs Takafumi told his friends the whole embarrassing sob story - okay, he might have underplayed the sobbing part. Ritsu looked upset, like he’d been hoping to be wrong about the bastard.

“Yanase already had a live-in boyfriend? What a slime! Did you know this, Shouta?” 

“No way. I would have told Ta-fum immediately.” 

Takafumi got off the couch and bowed low in front of Ritsu. 

“I’m so sorry I didn’t listen to you. Please forgive me.” 

Ritsu laughed nervously and motioned for him to stop.

“Please! It’s fine. Stop bowing! He fooled us all.”

“I guess, but if I hadn’t been careful, I could have fallen for the guy.” Because he hadn’t. He’d been flattered and a bit aroused at times, (It wasn’t his fault that the lack of skinship was starting to get to him) but that was it.

“Are you sure you haven’t fallen for him already?” Kisa asked while munching on dorayaki. 

“Meh, it wasn’t anything big. Seriously. What a jerk though. Who says ‘I love you,’ when you’re living with somebody? What sort of crap is that? That’s the last time I date anyone.” Takafumi sighed. Oh no. Ritsu who had that look on his face; his save the world face. 

“Wait a minute. Don’t say that so quickly! T are good guys out there. There’s three of us sitting here right now! Too bad we’re not each other’s type, but I think we’re better off as friends. The point is, there’s a wonderful guy waiting for you, so don’t give up!” Ritsu smiled to himself and nodded once to emphasize his point.

“I’m finding it hard to believe, because right after I met Yanase’s lover, do you know what Kirishima told me? ‘Yokozawa, I love you.’ Out of nowhere. Maybe he thought if one guy can mess with me, he’d like a turn also.”

“Wait,” Shouta asked. “Kirishima was there?” 

“It was after. We met coincidentally. 

“Okay, fine. Two guys we know are jerks. Okay, there’s a lot more jerks out there, too. Like our exes. But that shouldn’t stop you from trying: There’s way more guys out there than Yanase Yuu and Kirishima Zen.” Ritsu had clearly visited Optimism Village today. 

“And in any case the Yanase matter’s finished, Ta-fum.” 

“Yeah. The only good side. I hate this crap.” Frowning, Takafumi finished off his beer and crushed the can.

**Kirishima**

Drinks. Desserts. Your life can be crap in every way, but if there were delights like lemon mousse and shōchū Kirishima Zen would get by.  
.  
It helped that he had decent company in the form of Takano Masamune. More importantly, Yanase Yuu wasn’t there. He should have listened to Takano about the game. And the reason he joined had less to do with supporting his old neighbor Natsuko’s well-intentioned but flawed scheme to get Yokozawa back into the relationship game, and more with wanting an enjoyable diversion. Still. He would never say he loved Yokozawa when he was in a relationship with somebody else. Okay, so he did just tell him he loved him. Why had he done that again? He frowned and studied his dessert. The lemon mousse here was delicious. So smooth and airy, and the taste - perfect; not too sour, not too sweet.

He looked up mid bite at Takano and didn’t like his friend was giving him.

“I’m still trying to understand you. You told Yokozawa you _liked_ him. Why?” 

Oh great. He had been hoping to think about that later. Like sometime next decade. This was ridiculous. He was a mature adult. He was an old pro at self-reflection and critical thinking. He took a nice cleansing breath and forced himself to think. 

“I don't really know why I did it. It was obvious that he’d fallen for Yanase, but he’s too prideful to admit it. He had to have felt horrible. I was just taken aback that Yokozawa could cry.” Yokozawa had almost looked cute in his desperate attempt not to be found out with his hair a mess. Except that he was miserable, which wasn’t cute at all.

“Well, he’s human.” 

“Still… a guy like Yokozawa who’s so headstrong crying over Yanase Yuu of all people. And I feel somewhat responsible. If only I’d stopped him properly this wouldn’t have happened.” 

“the reason you said you liked him because you felt sorry for him?” 

“He looked so humiliated. It just seemed like the right thing to say.” 

“Maybe, but I think you could have said something else instead.” 

“Like what?” 

Silence. Takano fidgeted with his drink. 

“See? You can’t think of an alternative either.” 

Takano frowned and cleaned his glasses. 

“I still don’t think I would have said ‘I love you.” 

“Nobody says something like that when they don’t mean it.” Kiyomiya Nao, the manager and bartender, who disappeared with a tray of drinks immediately after chiming in randomly. He loved appearing out of nowhere and commenting on people’s conversations. Maybe his life was too boring otherwise.

“I hate when he does that. What does that even mean?” Zen frowned. He didn’t like the implications if he was hearing that correctly. 

“I think he’s saying that you like Yokozawa.” Yeah. Those implications.

Then the lights went out. This was a great place, but sometimes it had a quirky unpredictable side. Like Kiyomiya reappearing and telling them they’re closed only to disappear a moment later behind a closed curtain. Was this a bar or a theater?

He ended up going home, bathing and changing into one of his many sweaters his mother had gifted him. This one featuring different dogs with a light-yellow background. It was goofy but in a comforting way. As he ate a milk pudding he thought back to earlier when he was with Yokozawa, holding him close and realizing how close in height they were. It had felt good. The younger man was sturdy and muscular. But he knew that already from their table tennis match. 

“I really said ‘I like you?’ he mused to himself. “Does that mean I really like him?” He paused, take a bite and then he remembered their last yelling match.

“No freaking way!”

**Yuu**

Damage control. It was a full-time occupation lately, which annoyed him, even if it was his fault. Games really were his passion, but not when some of the non-playing characters decided they wanted in. Or maybe it was more like you’re at the theatre and the guy with five lines decides he’s now the main character. Case in point: Kyo, who was never supposed to know about Yokozawa’s existence meeting him at their designated spot before Yuu arrived.

Okay, so in the context of their life together, Kyo was a main character, but compartmentalization was the key to success in this game. And that meant Kyo in all his gorgeousness didn’t piss off Yokozawa right when Yuu was about to win. 

And the worst part was how Yuu had spoon fed him the information. Well he’d been slightly preoccupied at the time being overwhelmed by unbelievable pleasure, like crap Kyo knew exactly how to pleasure him. It was only after he woke up the next morning and discovered his lover gone when he replayed their conversation in his mind and realized. That sneaky Kyo, waiting for his most vulnerable moments to get the information he needed. But then again this type of thing was what had drawn Yuu to him in the first place. It felt surprisingly good that Kyo had gone to all that effort to ‘mark his territory,’ so to speak. 

Had they only met 3 years ago? It was like he had always been in his life. But it wasn’t that long ago. Yuu had gotten an internship one summer at Marukawa and was overjoyed he had been assigned to Ijuuin Kyo, his favorite mangaka of all time. At first he’d been so focused on retaining professionalism and making sure Kyo didn’t realize he was also a fan. He knew already from reading _Za Kan._ what a brilliant storyteller and artist Ijuuin was. What he couldn’t have prepared himself for was how gorgeous and hot he was. And then Kyo had started showing him in discreet ways that the attraction went both ways. It also turned out they’d both been burned by unrequited love. Lesson: never fall for straight guys. 

Maybe that’s why even though Kyo had never tried to tie him down -a guy had urges- Yuu had never strayed too far from him.

He had never intended to become a freeter. He worked hard to prove himself at his university and at Marukawa. As his university years ended, he thought he had everything settled career wise. One of the higher ups at Marukawa had told him that a full-time job was in the bag for him. Then his old neighbor who’d been practically an older brother to him, Hatori Yoshiyuki, who worked there as a manga editor gave them a horrible reference simply because he and Yuu had liked the same guy at some point. Lesson: never trust mentors who fall in love with the same straight guy you did. 

By the end of the internship he and Kyo were together and Yuu had moved in. Here he had unconditional love, a free place to stay indefinitely and all he had to do was provide emotional and physical support. Okay, he also did the grocery shopping and a lot of the cooking. (Thankfully, Kyo used an cleaning agency to deal with annoying things like cleaning the bathrooms and mopping the floors.) Yuu also worked unofficially as an art assistant as needed, and between the incompetence of some of the other assistants and how erratic Kyo’s behavior could be when he was stressed, his help was almost always needed at crunch time.

And in the end, go figure, Hatori, who had been married to another guy - Kisa Shouta- ended up with the so-called straight friend they’d both loved, because he’d turned out to not be so straight after all. Lesson: there wasn’t one. He still had a hard time getting his brain to fully process that. Thankfully, his love for Yoshino Chiaki had steadily decreased once Kyo had entered the scene. Still. Hatori. Something about him screwing him over so utterly still burned. Yuu had gone to the Divorce ‘Party’ but he wasn’t speaking to that bastard ever again. At least the party had led to the game. And he’d been spending more time with Takano and Kirishima and they were always amusing, especially when it was unintentional.

Kyo was forever, but he still needed to win this. Then Kirishima Zen could have Yokozawa. If he could get his head out of his ass.

**Takafumi**

Takafumi scowled. The closer they got to Valentine’s day the more his office resembled _Emerald_ at Marukawa, the shōjo manga magazine his ex Masamune worked at as Editor-in-chief. Except he’d been a regular editor when Takafumi had worked on a different floor in sales. It was one of the first innovations Masamune had introduced, turning the normally staid office into what liked like a ten-year-old girl’s bedroom. Pink everywhere, plushies galore and frills. Masamune had a good excuse; giving the editors the proper frame of mind to edit manga for pre-teens.

Their office had opted for a slightly older version, but the sea of red hearts and ribbons was driving him nuts. Focus. Valentine's day meant more possible sales for Amami Hikaru’s book. The meeting on this was in fifteen minutes and he had to get ready. He scowled as he concentrated only to find Yukina Kou appear behind him, extra smiley and sparkly. Did he wash his face in glitter every morning?

“Doesn’t this season get you excited, Yokozawa? Val-en-tine’s Day is coming!” Yukina put his arm on his shoulder in what was probably intended as a friendly gesture. Takafumi removed it as politely as he could, rolled his eyes and glanced over to his manager quickly.

“I haven’t done Valentine’s day since elementary school.” 

“But don’t you have somebody who'll want your chocolates?” 

“Oi. One: I’m a guy and two: can you please not talk about my personal life at work?” _And stop patting me!_ he imagined himself screaming. But didn’t. If Yukina had been anybody else though, he would have gotten a punch in the nose and then somebody tall and gorgeous wouldn’t be so sparkly anymore. He smirked to himself. 

In the end he’d worked on it with Hemni. He was surprisingly competent. He’d misjudged him. He even let Hemni do the talking at the meeting. Okay, so he was giving Hemni valuable experience, and the last thing he wanted to talk about was a holiday celebrating romance. And Hemni was ridiculously excited to do it.

“As we all know, on Valentine’s Day we have different categories. Chocolates for loved ones and other chocolates for friends, and where does that leave us as booksellers? But Valentine’s day isn’t just about chocolate. Yokozawa and I have worked on how to reframe this special holiday.

“Being an adult means you can say to your partner, ‘I love you! This book will show you how to get the most out of your love life. Unlike chocolates which quickly disappear, you will continue to reap the benefits of this book for years to come and that is the best valentine you could get.’ Hmm. It has potential.”

“The message is getting the most out of Valentine’s day by reviving your love life. How? With the help and guidance of actor, singer and respected life coach, Amami Hikaru. This book will teach them the language of love.”

Everyone chimed in. “They won’t say ‘I love you’ because they can’t.” Iguchi, who looked tremendously pleased with himself. 

“Exactly!” 

“But it’s kind of intense to say it, right?” 

Suddenly Takafumi was back with Kirishima, who was hugging him. And then giving him that weird look. And then i>I like you, Yokozawa.

“So Yokozawa, what are your thoughts?” Takafumi frowned. 

“It’s all beyond me.” He sighed.

**Kirishima**

Zen grabbed the chart as he walked towards an examination room. It had been back to back patients for the past three hours. It was great for the practice, but he needed a break. He looked for the patient’s name on the chart in his hands and putting on his friendly work voice, smiled as he entered the room.

“Soo, Mr. Kisa, what can I help you with?” He looked over at the man in the chair. He was short with dark hair – no, no, no, not the human piranha!

“Hi! My front teeth are bothering me.” Yeah. For a guy in pain he seemed to be in a good mood. 

“Okay. I’ll have a look.” Not surprisingly, he couldn’t find anything wrong. But he was a professional and that meant keeping that work smile plastered on his face whenever a patient was in the room and keeping it as genuine as humanly possible. “There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong here.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes. I’ll raise the chair now.” _And then you can leave._

“It’s so strange. I guess I was imagining it. You’re popular by the way. It was hard to get an appointment.” 

“Ah? You should have told me. I could have fit you in.” _Why did I say that?_

“I wouldn’t want to be a bother.” Like that was believable.

“It’s not a bother. Don’t hesitate to ask if you need assistance.” 

“Oh? In that case, are you available on Sunday?”

“Sorry. We’re not open Sundays.” Pretend ignorance was bliss.

“I meant are you free Sunday? There's a movie I've been wanting to watch. I was thinking we could go together.” 

“Ah. I’m not good at sitting for so long.” 

“We could go ice skating.” Great. Kisa wasn’t getting the hint at all. 

“I can’t stand being in the cold.”

“What about Bear Park? They’ve got great rides.” 

“I’m sorry, but I get horrible motion sickness, so I don’t go to amusement parks.” 

“Okay, so what would be okay?” 

“That’s a great question! He laughed and wished Kisa would take the hint finally. _Nothing with you._

“Do you like Ta-fum- I mean Takafumi?” 

“Eh?” Where did that come from. He almost dropped Kisa’s chart in his surprise. “I’m not sure what Yokozawa has to do with this.”

“You took him out to eat.” 

“Ah. Well that was part of that whole… project we were doing.” 

“Fine, but you wouldn't have done it if you weren’t fine with it to begin with.” Oh good. This guy was way too persistent. Somebody should really tell him how much of a turn off it was. “Never mind. It’s clear you don’t like me.” Wait. It’s not that he didn’t like him, it’s just that he didn’t _like_ him. 

“What are you saying? It’s just I’m not good with movies, ice skating, amusement parks-” 

“But a meal should be fine?” Ah. Why did he get himself into more of a mess just not to appear like a jerk?

“That should be okay.” Kisa Shouta gave him a sweet smile. 

“Perfect! Then I’m looking forward to it!” _And I’m not._

He kept his smile on his face until Kisa had left and then grimaced. Why was he always his own worst enemy?


	15. Chapter 15

**Takafumi**

Takafumi sighed as he walked away from his office building, his briefcase slung over his shoulder. The day hadn’t been bad, just long and exhausting and he was sick of thinking of people like Kirishima Zen or Yanase Yuu. As if reading his mind, he looked up and saw Yanase, dressed in his usual colorful patterned hoodie and chinos, and smiling like an idiot.

_Seriously?_

He looked away, pretending not to recognize him and kept walking in the vain hope that he would just go away. Instead of following him. 

“You’re angry right?” Takafumi sighed. Yanase wasn’t going to leave until they talked. Might as well get it over with. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“I guess you’re jealous.” 

“And you’re an Idiot. If I were jealous it would mean I like you, which I don’t.”

“You don’t?”

“The only person I’m angry at about any of this is myself. I’m not thinking about you at all, so you can go away and stop following me.” 

He walked on. Table tennis. That’s what he needed. A good game of table tennis would take care of his stress from dealing with arrogant assholes. 

First dinner. He got home and sniffed. Curry. The rice was ready in the cooker. And somebody had also prepared a salad. He washed up and set the table. 

Dinner went well except for Misaki asking him again about Kirishima. 

“Are you sure you’re only friends? I kind of liked him.” 

“He’s a little too old for you.” 

“I didn’t mean it that way!” 

“And you already like somebody else.” 

“Big sis! You told me you wouldn’t tell anybody!” 

“Relax. It’s just our brother.” 

Misaki pouted. He looked as cute as he did when he was younger, and yet he was already having crushes? Although it made sense. He’d had his share by fifteen.

“It’s embarrassing.” 

“It’s cute! I used to have a huge crush on a celebrity too you know. When I was younger.” When she was younger. 

“Okay. Who is it already?” He tried to think of famous celebrities. Nakama Yukie maybe? Nah. Probably somebody younger. Toda Erika maybe? He could see Misaki going for one of those cutesy girls.

“U-sa-mi Aki-hi-ko!” Hiyori said teasingly in a sing song voice. Misaki hid his face. 

“Nooooo, it’s not true! I only like his fiction.” Since when did Misaki read literature? He smiled. Interesting. Misaki was turning out to be a bit like him in more ways than one. If this kept up it would be up to Hiyori to give their parents any grandchildren, especially seeing as he was never dating again, and he wouldn’t want to adopt on his own. Yes. Hiyori was their only hope He’d do his part as her kids’ older wiser uncle. 

“Interesting. When did this happen?” 

“I don’t know. I read one of his novels. It was weird because it was a happy ending pretty much, but I just felt this weird emptiness, and I couldn’t stop crying! I mean I did stop but I was crying a lot.” 

“Was that before or after you saw his picture and thought ‘he looks hot’?”

“Before! Wait! What are you talking about?” 

Ah. Those innocent crushes on famous people. It was almost enough to lift his mood up. 

At the table tennis club, he changed into his exercise gear and started hitting the ball against the wall. He was just getting warmed up when he missed the serve from the machine. Oh crap! Some poor guy was about to walk right into it. He yelled out in warning, but it was too late. He cringed as the ball hit its unintentional target. He ran over and looked down at the guy dressed in a polo and shirts. He had a nice body. Then his eyes moved up and only managed to contain his surprise. 

“Kirishima? Sorry about that.” He grinned sheepishly. 

They ended up playing another game. 

“I see your leg is better?” 

“Yeah,” Takafumi smiled innocently. “Good as new.” He smirked as he served a particular good one, which Kirishima caught way too easily.

“You have a lot of energy too.” 

“It’s all the stress that I’ve built up.” _Concentrate._

Serve. 

Hit. 

Serve. 

Hit.

Serve. 

_Shit!_

Somehow the ball that had looked like such an easy hit ended up just centimeters too far, causing Kirishima to scream like he’d just won All-Japan Nationals.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!” 

_Overkill much?_

His opponent had the decency to realize he’d gone overboard although he kept his triumphant smile as he spoke in a much calmer voice.

“Ah. I guess I won that one.” He had a nice smile at least. 

What the actual hell? It was all because Kirishima had confused him. At any rate Kirishima had bought him some soba last time. It was his turn, but it wasn’t exactly dinner and he had only a little cash on him. 

He ended up treating Kirishima to ishi-yakiimo from a cart which they ate as they walked. 

“Sorry for making you treat me.” 

“You won. It’s not really a meal though. Sorry about that.” 

“It’s fine. I already ate dinner. This is perfect and It’s delicious. The last time I had this was when I was a kid. I had a cold and my mom bought it for me.” 

“It’s similar for me. There was a guy who had a cart by our grocery store, and I used to beg my mom to get me one whenever we finished shopping.” 

“The trick is finding the good ones. Sometimes they taste amazing and other times they’re just okay.”

“Yeah, and you never knew until you take that first bite.” 

“But that’s part of the fun.” They both chuckled. 

Takafumi found himself enjoying himself. It was weird. Kirishima seemed like such a jerk and then he became nice and genuine and fun to be with, until he was a jerk again. 

He looked over at Kirishima who had an odd look on his face. Oh great. He’s going to ruin it by confessing stupidly.

“What is it?” 

Eh? Out of nowhere Kirishima grabbed him and, still holding on to him, moved them both farther onto the sidewalk.

Not again!

Then a small group of bicyclists flew by exactly where they’d been earlier, and it all became clear. Well, sort of clear. Kirishima could have loosened the grip now they were safe. 

It was like he didn’t realize what he was doing, because a moment later he abruptly let go.

“Well, I’ll be off! Thanks for the treat!” Before he could respond, Kirishima had already disappeared down the street.

**Ritsu**

There was a good turnout at the speed dating event, which was good. The more people there the more chances of meeting a guy who wasn’t a clunker.

And it couldn’t have come soon enough. Weeks ago, Haitani the jerk had sent him an evite which he’d conveniently ignored because who goes to their ex’s wedding? Then he got a paper invite in the mail as well, which he had stuffed in a drawer unopened. Then late last week when he’d just had a productive meeting with his subordinates about a new proposal and Haitani called him because he hadn’t replied. He didn’t miss that side of Haitani’s personality; wanting Ritsu to do something right away. It had been bad enough when they were together, but now? He finally looked at the evite. It was on Valentine’s Day. How sweet. 

Which is when he decided the dating event made a lot of sense. If he met a good guy today maybe he could even be his plus one at the dreaded wedding. 

And how hard could this be? They had one minute to talk before you shifted to the next guy. At random they had chosen half the participants to stay seated while the other half moved around, and he got to be one of the guys who got to stay seated. So that was a good sign, right?

And if you looked at it as a dating game show it could even be amusing. He psyched himself up. 

Guy #1: 

“I see you work in PR.” 

“Yes.”

“You must work hard.” 

“Yes. We’ve been unbelievably busy, and I recently become a section head which I’m excited about.” And without any help from a certain CEO of Onodera Shuppen either!

“Amazing! I’m so glad because I’m almost certain I’m about to get laid off.” 

Oh. Right. Thank you next!

Guy #2: 

“Wow. I’m so glad to be here. It’s so important, but with how busy it is at work it’s difficult.” 

“I’m so there. It’s been so hectic for me too. It’s a good thing I like my job.” Great! This guy wasn’t a leech!

“Work can just take over, which is why I need to focus on what’s even more important, getting married and starting a family. And now that we can legally adopt, I want to marry somebody who can stay home and be a full-time house husband. I’m one of four so that’s my goal. When I was growing up, my father worked hard, and my mother stayed home with us kids cheerfully cooking and cleaning… and every morning standing at the door handing his briefcase to him.” 

Great. This guy lived in an ideal world which only existed in fictional tv dramas set in the past. 

Guy #3: 

“Hi. You look cute. Want to leave here and get a room?” 

“Uh. I’m here to look for a relationship-“ 

“Me too!” 

“Uh…” 

“Come on. We all know what everyone here wants. We’re guys, and the best way to judge compatibility is in the bedroom.” 

Guy #4: 

_Takano Masamune?_ Who looked just as surprised to see him as he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ishi-yakiimo was translated in the jdorama subs as sweet potato, but it’s not quite the same vegetable apparently. I saw a video on you tube of a guy driving down a street announcing on a loudspeaker ishi-yakiimo.


	16. Chapter 16

**Takafumi**

Usami Natsuko was always in his way lately. It happened periodically, where she realized that her ultimate mission was to save Takafumi. Or at least that’s how it seemed to him. They’d survived their big pre-Valentine’s Day event at least and the director had taken him to the dessert bar which seemed to be a big favorite with a lot of people he knew lately. Supposedly it was to celebrate the success of the event, and she told him she’d tried to invite multiple people, but – surprise – in the end it was just the two of them, because her real goal was to nag him about his love life. (Or lack thereof.) They chatted while they waited to be seated.

“We’ve sold a lot of books today.” 

“It’s because of Yukina’s display and Hemni’s excellent sales pitch.” 

“I invited Yukina and Hemni for drinks, but they both said no. It seems like less people drink nowadays.” 

“I think you’re right.” He, on the other hand, was counting the moments until he had his first glass of beer.

It must have been busy. Usually he’d have been seated by now. Oh great. Kirishima had shown up as well. Takafumi debated whether to say hello when the director called to him. 

“Is that you, Zennie?” _Zennie?_ The caramel haired man came over and smiled. 

“Good to see you Natsuko. How are things?” 

“Wait, you know each other?” All this time his boss knew Kirishima?

“We come from the same little town. Did you come here alone, Zen?”

“Not really.” Kirishima looked around awkwardly. Then Takafumi heard a familiar voice. 

“Ta-fum? What are you doing here? Sorry for taking so long, Mr. Kirishima. I got a phone call.”

 _Shouta?_ who was smiling over at Kirishima sweetly as he walked down the stairs into the bar.

Kirishima almost winced as he smiled. Wait. Kirishima and Shouta came here together? That rankled for some reason. Natsuko seemed to be going the same place he was and was looking back and forth at the two men in amazement.

**Masamune**

Masamune didn’t know why he’d signed up for the speed dating event, except that it couldn’t hurt too much. He ended meeting a) a guy who didn’t say anything to him but looked at him like he was traumatized, b) a guy who kept apologizing but he was hoping for somebody ‘cute’ - translation: you’re ugly and c) a guy who, on learning he was chemist, told him how he thought chemicals were destroying the world. Then guy #4 turned out to be Onodera Ritsu, who looked extra delicious when he was surprised and was mouthing out his name ending. They ended up ditching the event in favor of getting drinks nearby.

Now Onodera was drinking his beer and making more unintentionally cute faces as he spoke. 

“I didn’t have high expectations. It’s speed dating, but it was so pointless. I think we should get our money back.” 

“Sorry.” He knew he was hardly appropriate dating material for a prince like Onodera, but it still stung. Onodera smiled and gave him a pat on the back.

“I didn’t mean you, Takachi! You’re one of the good ones.” Takachi. Masamune usually detested nicknames, but somehow Onodera pulled it off.

“Good ones?” 

“You’re a nice guy. You’re sensitive and genuinely care about other people.”

He sighed and mumbled under his breath so it wouldn’t be heard, “Well that’s how it usually is.” Friend zoned. His typical experience with gorgeous men like Onodera Ritsu. 

“I didn’t quite hear you?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Let’s drink, Takachi!” 

They drank companionably. Onodera put his arm around him in a friendly way. It was sweet, he’d just have to ignore that he was way too attracted to this oblivious man. Onodera turned to him and smiled.

“Somehow it feels nice being with Takachi.”

“Really?” 

“I wonder what it is. I guess it’s because I can be myself with you. I wonder why?” Suddenly, Onodera’s smile brightened, and he slapped the table in excitement. 

“I know! Because we’d never date each other!” Well, yeah, but maybe he didn’t have to say that out loud.

Suddenly this specimen of gorgeousness slumped over, all his brightness was gone. After a few moments he raised his head and looked miserable. 

“My ex is getting married.” Onodera handed him an invitation and wrapped his head in his arms. His ex was a major asshole to invite Onodera to his wedding. 

“That’s why I went to the matchmaking event.” 

“Yeah.” 

Onodera frowned and slugged the rest of his glass. 

“It seems like maybe I’m fated to be alone. Forever.” Which is when Masamune’s heart melted. 

“Don’t say that. You’ll find somebody. You’re a great guy. You shouldn’t give up!” 

“Yeah?”

“Of course!” 

“You’re not just saying that?” 

“I’m not!” 

Ritsu suddenly jumped up with a determined look on his face and picked up the invite. 

“Fine. I’m going to celebrate properly at my ex’s wedding tomorrow, but it’s going to be lonely afterward… Takachi, could you be with me?” 

“Eh?”

“After the wedding could we meet for drinks, so I don’t have to be alone when I’m at my most pitiful?” 

He smiled. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be friend zoned if he could help Onodera at his most vulnerable.

“Sure.” The relieved smile on Onodera’s face made him smile back.

“Great! Let’s have another drink to seal the deal, Takachi.” 

Takachi. The nickname was ridiculous for a guy like him, but if it made Ritsu happy who cared?

**Takafumi**

Back at the dessert bar, the four of them ended up sitting together on two couches facing each other with a small table between them. He was with Natsuko and Shouta with Kirishima. It was good they had decent food here. The event had started at 11 and didn’t end until 5 and then they had to stop back at the office to drop the supplies off. He’d barely had a bite to eat all day.

And Shouta – his best friend forever and they’d always stay that way, but some of the things he did drove Takafumi nuts, like how overboard he was going in his pursuit of Kirishima, who needed to stop drooling.

“You two were neighbors?”

_Shouta seriously? You’re practically sitting on him._

Kirishima smiled and discreetly moved over a bit. Natsuko was either oblivious or- wait she was never oblivious. She had to be purposely ignoring it and clearly enjoying herself.

“Zen used to come over often for a bite to eat. We loved having him.” 

“Her cooking was delicious!” Kirishima smiled. He looked like one of those guys who were spoiled when they were kids. At the same time, he acted so down to earth and normal sometimes. He was so hard to read. 

“Also, there were practically no boys on our street so we pampered him.” 

“Yes. I had it good back then. Thanks, Natsuko.” He looked over at Takafumi and pointed to his plate. “Yokozawa, I see you like to eat.” 

“I had a long day at work.” He glared at Kirishima. Was this really the same guy he ate yakiimo with yesterday? 

“I don’t know how you do it, Ta-fum. Working on Sunday sounds so annoying. I’m glad my job finishes on Friday.” 

Natsuko smiled at Shouta and Kirishima. “Are you two on a date?” He’d forgotten how direct she could be. He either hated it or loved it. He remembered just arriving on the scene at Usami Publishing and after only two weeks there she had managed to get him to tell her his whole sordid story with Saga Masamune and had listened and then said, “Oh. I see you’re gay. What a jerk.” After her unnecessarily clarifying that she meant his ex was a jerk, he had warmed up to her, and she’d become a bit of a mentor at times. And today it should have been good. He didn’t like when Shouta slept around and maybe with Kirishima he’d settle down. So, why was the idea of them getting together pissing him off?

Shouta looked cutely over to Kirishima and squealed, “She said we’re on a date, Kririshima!” Then he squished in closer again which clearly was unappreciated. Kirishima moved again and waved over the waiter, handing him his glass.

“Mr. Kiyomiya, can you get me a refill - actually get me something stronger this time.” Takafumi stifled a snort. _Sho’s already driving him to drink._

“Kirishima treated me to a one-star Michelin restaurant.” Going to a fancy restaurant must be Kirishima’s usual first date routine. “The food was amazing. I’ve never been to such a high-class establishment before!”

“Is that so?” Natsuko smiled. She was clearly in observation mode, which gave Takafumi a great idea. 

“It’s funny how so many guys think they need to take dates to fancy restaurants just to make themselves look good. What do you think, Director?” Takafumi looked at Kirishima and smirked as he spoke.

Not realizing that this was a thinly veiled jab at her old neighbor, Natsuko put her finger on her chin in thought before responding. 

“It could be because they lack self-confidence.” Takafumi smiled at Kirishima who was frowning. Oh good. He’d gotten the message.

“But the food was delicious!”

Shouta got up and bowed at Kirishima. “Thank you so much!” 

“It was nothing. I’m glad we went since you enjoyed it so much. Still, now that we’re on this topic don’t you think it’s strange when a guy goes to a huge effort to bring a date to a fancy restaurant, and the person’s so picky and difficult they don’t even appreciate it? What do you think, Natsuko?” Takafumi wasn’t going to glare, except how could you not when looking at that self-satisfied smile. That bastard!

Natsuko gave some thought again before responding. Was she understanding what was going on here?

“In my experience, the people who are the hardest to please are usually the most unpopular.” 

Kirishima smiled at Takafumi, clearly pleased with him himself 

“I think you’re right. It’s like they don’t have an appealing side to them at all. It’s kind of sad.” _Shouta, you traitor!_

Kirishima and Sho started talking and Natsuko bent over and started whispering in his ear. 

“Takafumi, you need to be more careful.” 

“And you need to stay out of my business.” Okay, that wasn’t so nice. She’d helped him a lot over the years, but he was done being nice today.

“I’m just worried they’re talking about you.” So she had understood. 

He decided to concentrate on his food. 

“It’s still not your business!” he whispered in an annoyed voice between bites.

Meanwhile, Shouta kept moving over closer and then Kirishima discreetly moved away a moment later and if he didn’t stop soon he was going to embarrass himself.

“Mr. Kirishima, what type of person do you go for?” Correction. Shouta had already embarrassed himself and he didn’t even know it. Maybe that was for the best.

“Eh?” 

“Do you like people who look gorgeous? Do you like people who are in shape? That sort of thing.” 

“I don’t have a specific preference when it comes to looks.”

“Ah. You focus on the beauty that comes from within.” 

Kirishima sighed and put down his drink. 

“I’m attracted to people who are genuine, fierce and who make me feel comfortable around just being myself.” 

“Amazing! There's hope for me then!” 

Ah, poor surprised and disappointed-looking Kirishima. 

“What I mean is that if you had a particular look you like it’s out of my control, but personality - that’s adaptable.”

Shouta looked away for a moment and Kirishima rolled his eyes. Takafumi had to hide his snort behind a short fit of coughing. 

“I don’t think that’s how this works.” 

“It’s okay. Because I’m the type who would do anything for the guy I like.” Was Sho always like this in the past? It was almost painful. The only good thing was how uncomfortable Kirishima was, except he was the type of guy who’d never show it, so he was smiling affably. And it was amusing. Or should have been. Kirishima was a jerk. So Takafumi should be happy to see him squirm. And he was!

Sho was so happy later as they walked together to get some fresh air, that Takafumi decided to keep it to himself how clearly disinterested Kirishima was. 

“Are you going to ask, Ta-fum?”

“About what?” 

“About Kirishima and I.”

“Is there anything to ask? You only went for a meal.” 

“You’re right, but if he hadn’t been interested at all he wouldn’t have gone on the date.” Unless he’d been pushed into it somehow, which wasn’t so implausible given how persistent Sho was being. 

“It makes sense.” 

“And it’s almost Valentine’s Day, so I’m going to try my best!” He looked cute pumping his fist in the air. 

“Sounds like a plan.” Shouta went off towards his train and Y breathed in the cool air to clear his head before heading home.

**Zen**

He was finally free from the frightening Kisa Shouta and the annoying Yokozawa Takafumi. He and Natsuko had moved over to the bar to talk, or in Natsuko’s case most likely, to lecture.

“Kisa’s very direct isn’t he. He basically all but said he likes you.” Not to mention all the pawing and way too much ‘accidentally’ brushing against him, or the very much unappreciated hand on the thigh. He seemed sweet but how shameless could a guy get? 

“It’s nothing like that. Things happened and we ended up getting a bite to eat. That’s all.” 

“‘Things happened?’”

“Basically.” Hint: Please change the subject.

“What happened with Takafumi after you both went out?” Oh great. Even worse.

“Oh. Nothing really.” Because that first date had been a disaster. What an ungrateful little-

“And who was that Freeter again? I haven’t seen him around lately.” 

“Ah, Yuu?” 

“Yes, him. It seemed like a lot was happening with those two before.” 

“You didn’t hear what happened?”

“No, I didn’t.” 

“It turns out he was living with another man the entire time.” 

Natsuko frowned and looked shocked.

“And he never told Takafumi?”

“No. He only found out because Yuu’s lover met him and told all. If only I had known I would have tried harder to stop it, but I didn’t and Yokozawa ended up hurt.” He was stubborn and surly and a pain in neck, but that was too much.

“I hope Takafumi doesn’t know about the game at least.” 

“That’s my ultimate fear. If he found out that I asked him on a date because of your request, he’d never believe anything I said to him again.” 

And maybe that would be good, since Yokozawa was so stubborn and annoying, so why was the very thought of him finding out making him feel so anxious?


	17. Chapter 17

**Takafumi**

If Takafumi thought his office had completely lost it with its Valentine’s Day decor, it was nothing compared to his gorgeous sparkly supervisor. Yes, he was nice, and friendly, but he was also too friendly. He knew Yukina wasn’t trying to harass him, but the guy didn’t seem to understand that people needed space!

There were almost at the finish line until the dreaded holiday, but the last leg of the race is always the worst. Takafumi ended up waking up getting to the office two hours early just to delay the inevitable, but before he knew it, Yukina entered, somehow more sparkly than usual. He practically danced into the room while talking in a sing-song voice.

“Good morning, everyone! Amazing news! The books are selling so well, they’re practically flying off the shelves!” Emphasizing his message for some reason entailed putting his hands on Takafumi’s shoulder, which he tried to shove off without being violent. Well, excessively violent. This was his supervisor.

“It’s because of your display, Mr. Yukina!” Hemni, who was gushing way too eagerly. 

“And how’s the perpetually single guy?” Yukina. Putting his hands where they don’t belong. Again! 

Takafumi managed to not punch the man in the nose just barely and moved away on the pretext of putting a file into somebody’s inbox. Even if nobody looked at them anymore. 

“Seriously, Yokozawa! It’s time you found somebody to give chocolates to. Wouldn't that be wonderful?” Smile. On second thought, maybe it would be worth punching his supervisor in the nose just once?

*******

Ritsu’s place was busy with Shouta and all Yokozawas present. It was odd that Sho hadn’t found his own place yet. With his salary, he wouldn’t have any problem finding a suitable apartment. But then he’d be alone and Sho had always thrived in the company of others.

It was nabe night and everyone was busy either chopping food or bringing it to the coffee table in the living room. It was nice, working companionably together. Hiyori was complaining about her boyfriend, Mino Yamato, which was surprisingly not nearly as awkward as he thought it would be. Well, aside from him instinctively wanting to kill the guy for making his kid sister unhappy. His role had been so much simpler when they were younger, but it was always going to be a bit odd. It was impossible for an older brother to fill their mother and father’s shoes.

He put down the platter of meat. Matsusaka beef! Ritsu had splurged. Takafumi smirked as Misaki was practically drooling over it. Well, he was a growing boy, and he was still only 154 cm. He frowned and switched his attention to his sister. 

“I just feel unloved. He used to say he loves me all the time and now it’s like he’s forgotten!” 

“All the time? He’s more of a passionate guy than he looks.” His bad attempt at humor clearly wasn’t working because she frowned. 

“That’s the whole point! He used to say it so much but not anymore!” She sulked. What he wanted to say was you’re seventeen and life is just beginning. Chances are they wouldn’t last once she entered college anyway. But he couldn’t tell her that. To her this was of life-threatening importance. 

“I don’t think that means he’s lost interest, necessarily.” he sat down on the couch and put a brotherly arm on her shoulder, and Ritsu chimed in.

“Takafumi’s right. A lot of guys don’t say I love you all the time.” 

“I think the best way is to be direct. You should just ask him straight out.” Kisa, who thankfully didn’t add how he’d asked his ex if he loved him and that’s when the bastard told him he was in love with another guy.

Hiyori continued pouting, which reminded Takafumi more of her ten-year-old self.

“But then he’ll think I like him a lot!” They didn’t look like siblings, but they were both tsundere. 

Ritsu smiled and also sat down. 

“I get you. It’s like the saying goes, ‘the one who falls in love first loses the most.’” 

“Winning, losing... it’s not about that. If you love somebody you tell them.” Takafumi smiled over at his oldest friend. Like it was that easy. Some of us with less confidence would disagree!

“I like it when the guy says he likes you first, though.” Ritsu, who clearly needed a boost in the confidence department. It was good he was starting transition tomorrow. It wouldn’t solve his core confidence problems, but it would give him a boost. 

Hiyori still looked frustrated. Maybe what she needed was a change of perspective.

“Look, Hiyori, the main thing is how the guy feels, not how much he says ‘I love you.’ Yamato could say he loves you a hundred times a day, but how much would that matter if he cheated on you?”

“Takafumi!” 

“Relax, Ritsu. I’m not saying that’s what he’s doing. I’m saying, hypothetically, what would you do?” 

“I’d dump him and never forgive him.” 

“Okay so here he is, almost certainly not cheating you, but he’s not saying I love you so much. I don’t think it’s a problem unless he changes how he acts with you.” 

The door rang and Sho got up to answer it. Ritsu had a surprised look on his face. 

Sho giggled and had that innocent look on his face Takafumi knew all too well. That smile had meant nothing but trouble for as long as he knew him, like that time when they were twelve and he decided he should paint his family’s apartment door pink and wanted Takafumi to help him. 

“I thought it would be more fun if we had a bigger group, so I invited a few people over.

Shouta quickly ushered them in. And three of his not so favorite people all entered, Takano, Kirishima and Yanase. Takano was a nice guy, and if he looked too much like that other Masamune, Takafumi had gotten over it by now, but Kirishima and even worse, Yanase… best friends or not, he was going to kill Kisa Shouta. 

Meanwhile, his siblings were introducing themselves politely. 

Then the three men introduced themselves ending with Kirishima. 

“You don’t have to say that! We met you already!” Misaki shrieked. That boy should have come with a volume control. 

He went over to his siblings and whispered in their ears. 

“There’s a lot of adults here, so try to behave like one, please.” He might be their brother, but he still had a responsibility to make sure they grew up to be people who were nothing like Yanase Yuu.

Kisa had decided he was the host and clapped his hands to get everyone’s attention.

“Right! Well, we’re all set up here, so let’s get eating. There’s more than enough for everyone.” 

Takafumi found a seat next to Ritsu, who bent over and whispered in his ear. 

“Why are they here?” 

“I don’t know. Why are you asking me?” 

Takano looked up. Oh great. Of all the people who could have overheard them, did it have to be the nicest of them? 

“I hope we’re not butting in on something.” Takano looked around glumly. 

“You’re fine! It’s just we didn’t know you’d be here.” Interesting. As soon as Ritsu spoke Takano smiled and looked a lot more confident. Hmm. Ritsu and Takano? Maybe he could help Ritsu forget his ex. 

Then he noticed Kirishima looking over to him with a look that was impossible to read. He was either bored or worried or something completely different. 

“Are you sure it’s okay?” Why did he have to be so good looking? Even when he was slightly pouting and looking awkward, he still looked amazing. 

“Don’t worry, Mr. Kirishima, everyone’s fine!” 

“Yeah. Shouta and I thought it would be fun if we surprised everyone, right?” 

“Sure, Yuu!” When had those two become friends? And his name is Kisa, Yuu. Kisa. He’s eight years older than you. 

“I’m not understanding the surprise you were looking for.” Ritsu scooped more nabe into his rice bowl. Takafumi nodded in solidarity. 

Kirishima frowned and put down his bowl. “If we’re interrupting something, we can leave. It’s not a big deal.” 

Kisa picked up Kirishima’s bowl and filled it for him, which is when Takafumi remembered how flirty Shouta had been lately with Kirishima. 

“Try this combination, Mr. Kirishima.” Sho was fluttering his eyebrows at Kirishima. lately? What was up with him? Had he binged binge on old rom coms?

Kirishima took it politely and gingerly took a bite. 

“Thank you. It tastes delicious.” 

“I’m so glad!” 

Yanase smirked.

“Kisa, Kirishima, I‘m getting interesting vibes here. Could it be? Are you guys…”

Sho smiled that innocent smile again. 

“Is that what it looks like?” he asked eagerly.

“There’s nothing happening, idiot.” 

“Hmm. I guess that makes sense. We all know Kirishima likes Taki, after all.” 

Takafumi who was mid-bite glared at Yuu, then noticed Kirishima doing the same and both Hiyori and Misaki looking wide eyed. Just what he needed.

Both Ritsu and Misaki yelled, “ _Really?_ ” together. 

“I don’t know what he’s talking about.” Kirishima said it quicker than he could, while Yanase laughed. 

“It’s just a joke. You should stop taking everything so seriously.” Takafumi was going to kill this guy, 

“If it’s a joke, why say it?” 

“So, there really wasn’t a point then,” Yokozawa mumbled mostly to himself, thinking, again, of Kirishima’s confession.

“Eh?” Oh great. Kirishima heard him. Looks like he needed a mute button. 

“Never mind. Kids! Eat as much as you like. Enjoy!” 

“Yey!” Misaki yelled happily. 

Yuu reached over and grabbed his bowl. 

“Here, Taki, I’ll get you something. What do you want?” 

“That won’t be necessary! Takafumi growled and grabbed it back.

“Oh, come on, let me!”

“No thank you!” This was ridiculous. They were seriously having a tug of war over his bowl. Takafumi easily won and added more food to his bowl. 

Yuu sat down and pouted. 

“Can’t you forgive me already?” 

Great. Now Yuu was going to talk about their relationship - or lack of it - in front of his kid siblings. 

“I told you already. I’m not upset.” 

“Yes, you are. And I was telling you the truth. I like you.” 

Takafumi glanced over at Hiyori and Misaki. Misaki had gone to use the bathroom but Hiyori was sitting and staring at Yuu with her mouth wide open. _Crap!_

“You’re being too persistent, Yuu. Give Yokozawa some space. You’re annoying him.” 

“Yeah, Zen? And suddenly you’re so cool? It’s not fair. Why does Taki have to tell me off?” 

Let’s see. Maybe because you decided to go after me when you have a live-in boyfriend? 

“Because you don’t stop bugging him.” Or that. He hadn’t asked for an advocate, but still... 

“And? Why is this your business? I think you should tell everyone the truth, that you like Takafumi.”

“I don’t know where you’re getting this.” 

“This is so annoying. Just say it already. ‘I like you.’”

“I can’t say that if I don’t like somebody!” Kirishima yelled so loudly that everyone turned. 

Oh-kay. He needed out. 

“I have an early day tomorrow. Hiyori! Misaki! We’re leaving! _Now!_ ” 

“But I didn’t get any meat yet!” 

“We’re leaving, Misaki!” Hiyori grabbed her brother and followed.

**Ritsu**

The party fizzled out after the Yokozawas left. Kirishima had yelled and all but said he didn’t like Yokozawa. Which was weird because hadn’t he just confessed to him the other day?

Still, why was Takafumi so upset? It’s not like he liked the man. He had complained enough about how annoying he was. Still, Yuu never stopped goading people. It was getting old.

The freeter had left soon after Takafumi and company, with a smile on his face. It was like he’d fulfilled his mission and now it was time to leave. Back to his wealthy lover no doubt. 

Then Takano and Kirishima left together, probably headed to that dessert bar they loved. Takano really was a great guy and it was such a relief that he was going to be drinking with him after that horrid wedding less than 24 hours now. 

As they cleaned up the dishes, Ritsu couldn’t help complaining. 

“I’m getting really sick of Yanase Yuu. He hasn’t stopped causing trouble. It’s like he’s enjoying it!” 

“Because he is. I’m just wondering. Ta-fum looked really upset. Do you think he liked-”

Before Shouta could finish his sentence, Ritsu felt a horrible wave of nausea. Kind of like the one he’d had this morning. And yesterday. Except much worse. He barely had time to excuse himself and run to the bathroom before he regurgitated his entire dinner. 

He must have just eaten too much. He didn’t usually eat much beef normally. That had to be it.

**Takafumi**

Dinner at home had been quick. Ochazuke. Which was a perfectly presentable snack. It was too late for anything else and they had school and he had work tomorrow.

“I still don’t know why we had to leave! Hiyori, how much meat did you get?” 

“Three slices.” 

“That is so unfair! I got none! None!” 

Normally he would ask Misaki to be quiet but all he could think of was Kirishima. He’d have to make it up to Misaki. Maybe he’d take them for yakiniku later in the week. 

What was the deal with Kirishima? What was he thinking? 

Misaki and Hiyori kept talking about something Takafumi could barely wrap his head around. He went over to the sink and rinsed out his bowl, still somewhat dazed, quietly wished them good night and left,

**Zen**

Kirishima smiled he loved this dessert bar. Given his chosen profession, he shouldn’t have liked sweets so much, but he couldn’t help himself. And this chocolate Takano had given him was surprisingly good.

“It’s crazy how my appetite deserted me, earlier. And they even had Matsusaka beef!” 

“it’s because you said something stupid.” Kirishima blinked. Takano must have meant to say that Yuu said something stupid. 

“The chocolate tastes good.” 

“I just came up with that. It’s an exclusive. I’m thinking of giving it to Ritsu.” It took a moment for Zen to realize who Takano was talking about. 

“Oh, Onodera?” 

“Yeah. We’re supposed to meet on Valentine’s Day.”

“Really? When did that happen?” Onodera and Takano? Nice. 

Takano was waving his hands around way too vigorously. 

“No, no, no, it doesn’t mean that. We were just drinking together.” Right. Like that was believable. 

“It looks like you got close, though.” 

“It’s not what you think. Ritsu’s gone through a lot. I just want to cheer him on. He acts strong and independent, but he has his weak side. 

“I usually get so nervous around some guys where it’s hard for me to carry a conversation. But with him I can be myself. So, he was sad, and it made me wish I could take care of him. Still, an independent guy like that… it’s not like I can do anything. But I want to, anyway. Weird, right?” 

“I don’t think so, no.” It was weird how easily this could have been about Yokozawa. He was strong and independent, but he had a vulnerable side to him. That had to have been at least part of why he’d confessed to Yokozawa. Also similar was how he could be himself with Yokozawa. Okay, when they weren’t yelling at each other. Or maybe that was part of him being himself. He frowned. What did that mean?

Whatever.

He’d messed up tonight. What he’d done, he wasn’t so sure, but it needed to be fixed. 

He discreetly called called Natsuko the next morning, who kindly told him exactly where Yokozawa would be, which turned out to be a huge Books Marimo in Chiyoda. 

The salesman was in front of the store with that business suit he always wore -he must have owned multiple sets of the same outfit- setting up a Valentine’s Day display. He had a shelving cart and was slowly stocking more Amami Hikaru books on the display. Yokozawa looked up and frowned and Kirishima smiled affably even as he wondered why the guy couldn’t just smile back. This was what pissed him off the most about him!

“Hi. I see your books are selling well.” 

Yokozawa barely acknowledged him.

“Do you need anything? I’m busy working, so if you don’t you should leave.” 

Was this his regular brashness or was it worse? It was worse, wasn’t it.

“I just wanted to clarify something I said yesterday.”. 

Yokozawa looked up with an indifferent expression on his face and kept working on the display.

“About?” 

“That if I don't like somebody, I can’t say I like them. I just want to say I meant it.” _When I said I liked you._ “Anyway, do your best.” 

He’d accomplished his mission. Hopefully, Yokozawa would understand him better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Misaki and Takafumi are clearly related: they're both LOUD.


	18. Chapter 18

**Ritsu**

Ritsu smiled to himself as he waited to see his doctor. Today he’d be given a new prescription for hormones and a full schedule for his transition including a projected surgery date. He’d already had his blood taken.

With all this done, he’d confidently attend his ex’s wedding ceremony. Then Takacchi, the older brother he always wanted would drink with him. 

It wasn’t perfect. Perfect would be already dating the love of his life and bringing him to the ceremony and smirking at all Haitani’s friends before heading to his place for the night. 

Then his doctor had entered. Kondo Chizuro. She was nice, professional and understanding, even when she’d told him disappointing information, like when his mother had flushed his hormones down the toilet. She was looking at him with a nervous smile on her face. And without any papers the medical assistant told him she’d be going over with him. 

“Mr. Onodera? I have some news.” 

“Bad?” 

“I don’t know what to call it. For many it’s wonderful news. For you…” 

“Just tell me, please!” 

“Congratulations, Mr. Onodera. You’re pregnant.”

**Takafumi**

Takafumi sighed as he entered the office and looked around. Good. It was empty. After a day spent visiting at least six bookstores it was good to finish his work in quiet. Not that he hadn’t enjoyed all the walking and the hectic stores themselves, he needed a break now before heading to an empty home - both kids were coming home late. He took off his coat and scarf, got comfortable and took out the Amami Hikaru book and opened it to a random page.

Love moves around an axle. It’s important to show your partner affection so that romance can bloom. The wheel of love can move when you give your partner affection. If you don’t put in ‘fuel’ you’ll never succeed, so stop hiding your true feelings, and tell your partner ‘I love you’. It will change your life. 

HIs phone rang.

“Big bro, It’s Hiyo!” 

“You sound happy.” 

“I am. I gave Yama chocolates and everything’s fine. He even said he loved me!” 

“Amazing. See you later.” He smiled. At least somebody was happy. As long as Yamato didn’t try anything funny

He frowned thinking about the book and started talking to himself. It was a bad habit but with nobody around, who really cared?

“’Stop hiding my true feelings.’ What are my true feelings?” Then he envisioned Kirishima Zen with that annoying smirk. 

“What the hell is up with this guy? He said if he didn’t like someone, he wouldn’t say he did. But he hugged me and said he liked me. So, since he won’t say what he doesn’t mean that means he likes me.

“But last night he got annoyed when Yuu was trying to get him to say he liked me, acting like he didn’t want to lie. So that means he _doesn’t_ like me. 

“What the hell? He’s the one who confessed. Why am I the one who’s confused? He should just take it all back!” 

He was about to fling the book in frustration when he heard a voice. 

“Take what back?”

Of course. Who else would be in a deserted office but Usami Natsuko? She walked over and handed him a box. “You shouldn’t be here all alone on Valentine’s Day.” _She should talk!_

“What’s this?” 

“Chocolates. I figured you’d be too busy to buy any, so I thought I’d treat you.” 

“I finished middle school a long time ago.” 

“So? Back then you were a child. Now you have real opportunities. Shouldn’t you take advantage of them? Like giving some chocolates to Zen for instance? _Oh great._

“Why would I do that?”

“It’s just intuition.”

“Intuition?”

“I’ve known this kid since he was five. He’s always had a stubborn side and it’s hard for him to be honest about how he feels. It’s funny how similar you two are.” 

“I’m nowhere as obstinate as he.” 

“It’s okay! I think your stubbornness meshes wonderfully with his! Still, if you both continue to be stubborn, you’ll never give yourselves a chance to understand each other.” 

“I don’t think that’s the issue. He’s obtuse. I never know what he’s thinking.” 

“Today’s a perfect opportunity to ask.”

“I don’t know. I’ve had enough.” 

“Why?” 

“He’s not serious! For some guys it just flows off the tongue: I like you. Even if it’s fake. I just fell for this crap, so I know what it’s like. Kirishima is doing the same thing."

“Don’t be an idiot. What you’re saying is ridiculous. Unless you’ve become an empath now?” 

“Eh?”

“How do you know if he means what he says?”

Takafumi frowned. What if Kirishima really said he liked him because he really felt that way? Is that why he had tracked him down at the store? Who goes out of their way to meet somebody just to say they meant what they said? The whole interchange didn't make any sense.

Natsuko used the silence as an excuse to give him more unwanted advice.

“You know what I think? You’re scared of getting hurt, so you’re protecting yourself, but If you keep deciding how things are going to be before you do anything, nothing's going to happen.”

She rested her hand on his shoulder a moment and then said goodbye and left. 

Kirishima Zen. He barely knew the guy and yet they’d spent a lot of time together lately. He started to remember… 

Going for soba together and ordering the same type. Ordering the same set meal again. Right before they started yelling at each other. Beating him at table tennis. Eating baked sweet potatoes, while walking down the street and smiling at each other. 

_Kirishima hugging me and telling me he likes me._

He frowned, then before he could change his mind picked up his phone. When Kirishima picked up It sounded noisy in the background. That made sense. Dental Clinics often stayed open later for patients who wanted appointments after work hours.

“Kirishima here.” 

"H-hi. It’s Yokozawa.” Shit. Had he stuttered? “It sounds like you’re still at work.” 

“Yeah. It’s one of my late nights. Can I speak to you in half an hour maybe? I should be finished by then.” 

“No!” 

“Eh?” 

“I mean I need to come over now.” _Because I need to know how you feel. And if I don’t ask you now, I’ll never do it._

“Now?” Shit. He had to think of a good excuse and saw Kirishima’s towel which he’d laundered and brought to work. Why had he done that? Whatever. He had his excuse.

“I have your towel. I need to return it.” Kirishima laughed. 

“That’s nice of you, but it’s not urgent.” 

“It has to be now. I mean, I need to ask you something.” Why was he making it so difficult?

Kirishima stopped laughing and answered more quietly this time. 

“Fine. I’ll wait for you.” 

Takafumi put his coat and scarf on, grabbed his briefcase and Kirishima’s towel and ran out of the office.

**Zen**

Zen put down his phone and shook his head as he processed what had just happened. Yokozawa was so unpredictable. It seemed like they were on a pendulum that went back and forth. One way led to anger and frustration and the other way to camaraderie and maybe even joy?

The problem was he never knew which direction they were in until it was too late.

It was clear that returning the towel was a pretext, but for what? 

He finished with his last patient and then frowned as he looked at his phone. He wouldn’t have time to change. He cleaned up his workspace and freshened up before heading to the front desk to wait for Yokozawa. It was empty.

He heard footsteps and the door opening. He had a good feeling about this. Maybe this game hadn’t been such a bad idea after all, if it led to meeting the first person he’d ever connected so strongly with since Sakura. 

He looked up smiling ready to meet his destiny only to meet Kisa Shouta. It took all his effort to keep his smile plastered on his face. 

The short cute man looked almost sweet as he stretched out both hands in front of him while bowing slightly. It was a box of chocolates. 

“Hi. These are for you. Please take them.”

He hadn’t felt this awkward since high school when he received so many chocolates and confessions, but the only one he wanted was from the girl who waited until the last possible moment before disinterestedly throwing a box at him in front of all their classmates. And deep down they both knew he loved her teasing. 

At any rate, Kisa deserved a civil response. He laughed nervously and took the box.

“Thanks. I hope you didn’t go to too much trouble for me.” 

“It was fine. They’re real. The chocolates and my feelings. I like you.” 

And this is what you get if you don’t take care of something right away. He should have told Kisa right away that he wasn’t interested, and it would have saved them both trouble.

“Ah, I see, but even if you say that…” He was an adult. How difficult could it be to come up with a nice gentle brush off?

Kisa frowned and looked up at him and his brown eyes got huge. 

“You dislike me, right?”

“It’s not like that.” 

“Is it at all possible for you to grow to like me?” 

He knew he must look like a deer in the headlights, but how do you respond to that without sounding like a total asshole? What should he even say? _Actually, I’ve fallen for your best friend?_

He was still trying to find a good response when Kisa reached up and grabbed his head, lowered it and kissed him. The man was surprisingly strong, and it was so sudden, it took him a moment to react and pull away. 

He looked up to see Yokozawa in the doorway looking flustered and shocked. Yokozawa picked up the towel he was returning. 

“Uh… the towel,” he stammered before running out of the building.

The next thing Zen knew he was running after him yelling Yokozawa’s name. He finally reached the other man and grabbed his arm.

“Let go!” 

“First, let me explain. It’s not what you think.” 

“What do you mean?”

“Kisa randomly kissed me right when you arrived.” 

“Randomly? You’ll just kiss back any random person who kisses you?”. 

“No!”

“No? But isn’t that what just happened?”

“It was completely unintentional on my part, and why do I have to defend himself so much?” He knew he was yelling but he couldn’t control it. 

“I don’t know!” 

“And why are you so angry?” Okay so he also was angry, but that wasn’t the point! 

“I’m not angry!” 

“It’s not your business to begin with.” 

“You’re right. It’s not. Bye.” Yokozawa flashed him a glare before starting to walk away.

Shit! If Yokozawa left, and then he’d never know why he wanted to see him in the first place! 

“I’m not done!” Then he took a deep breath and lowered his voice. “Why did you come here? You said you had something to ask me.” 

Yokozawa didn’t seem to be in a hurry to respond. 

“Yeah. I do.” Good. They weren’t yelling.

“Whatever you want to ask, I’ll answer.” 

“Good.” 

“I’ll be completely honest with you.” 

More silence. Yokozawa frowned, and was he blushing? That had to be his imagination, but somehow just the thought of Yokozawa blushing because of him made him feel a little red, which of course was completely his imagination.

Yokozawa kept looking at him uncomfortably. Finally, he sighed and nodded as if psyching himself up. 

“I want to know what you’re really feeling. About me.” 

Wow. That was cute. Surprisingly delicious in fact. Who knew such a sullen stubborn bear of a guy could be so sweet or courageous? Yokozawa Takafumi deserved something in return, starting with his complete honesty. 

“I like you.” 

He moved closer and looked into the other man’s eyes and repeated himself for emphasis.

They were so close. Just a few centimeters and they’d be kissing. They were all alone too. Perfect. 

Then Yokozawa’s phone rang and they both backed up a bit in surprise. The only good part was how annoyed the guy looked when he picked it up. He was annoyed and disappointed. 

“Yuu. What do you want?” 

Then they heard footsteps and Yanase approached them with that annoying satisfied smirk on his face.

“Wow! You get confessed to, Yokozawa?” 

Eh? 

He put his phone away and started clapping. 

“And Kirishima Zen, Congratulations! You said you wanted to quit, but you ended up deceiving us and you won the game.” 

Why was he doing this? He was going to ruin everything! Yokozawa looked at Yanase with a surprised look on his face. 

“Game?” _Shit. No. No. Don’t tell him!_

“Yes, Taki. It was all a big game, just to see who could get you.” 

“A game?” Yokozawa looked like he was in shock. And that bastard didn’t even care, which was almost as bad as how everything was ruined.

“Why are you doing this?” 

“Aw, Zen, relax. I’m just telling him what happened. Poor Takafumi hasn’t dated in eight years so to get him to fall in love again his nice boss Mrs. Usami made a game for us. Aren’t I correct, Kirishima?” 

Why was this happening? Yokozawa was looking more and more hurt. Yanase turned to him and smiled. “Was it fun, Yokozawa? I’m kind of bummed I lost. I guess I’ll have to treat you another time, Zen! Bye!” He turned away from them, waved and walked off, his mission fulfilled and Yokozawa looking at him and he could just say Yanase was lying, but the wasn’t and he had to face it.

“Kirishima, can you please explain what’s going on?” 

He looked so vulnerable. Zen couldn’t say no because it was true! The asshole was telling the truth! What the hell was he supposed to do now?

“Kirishima?” 

He nodded and just stood there watching as Yokozawa stared at him, his face red and angry; an expression he knew he wouldn’t be forgetting anytime soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the reason I made Onodera Ritsu a pre-op transsexual is revealed. The original character becomes pregnant. I apologize for anyone annoyed by that plot point. 
> 
> It was the best of times it was the worst of times all within the space of five minutes for Kirishima Zen. And yes, this Yanase Yuu is really a bastard. 
> 
> Also, the reason I made Onodera Ritsu a pre-op transsexual is revealed. I apologize for anyone annoyed by that plot point.


	19. Chapter 19

**Takafumi**

It was the best of the times it was the worst of times. And all happened within ten minutes, max.

First, Shouta kissing Kirishima, which shouldn’t have been as horrifying as it was nor as surprising. He’d seen Sho flirting with the guy, but somehow Takafumi hadn’t thought of it as serious. 

Then, when he just wanted to go home already, he had to suffer through Kirishima running after him and yelling while telling him not to yell. If he hadn’t been so angry, he would have told him to look in a freaking mirror. _Idiot!_

But in the only good part of this disaster he didn’t. Instead, Kirishima had stopped yelling and listened to him talk. It was painful to get the words out and agonizingly slow. And yet Kirishima had patiently waited, and it had been just as nerve-wracking as he knew it would be, but afterward he’d felt victorious.

And then Kirishima said I like you, and he felt a warmth he hadn’t felt in years, not to mention the beginnings of an arousal.

And that’s when Yuu showed up and - 

Everything had been a game? Including all that bullshit talk from Yanase about being abandoned as a kid no doubt, and just now with Kirishima being so sweet and patient. All that was a lie?

After what seemed like years, he managed to find his voice. Kirishima was avoiding eye contact which made him even more pissed off. His voice came out more as a growl. 

“I want to know exactly what happened. Now.” Kirishima looked up and it was impossible to read his expression. 

“It’s how Yuu said. Natsuko asked us to approach you and between Takano, Yuu and I, find out who could get you to like them first. It started out as a competition, but after that-” 

“All this was a lie. The only reason you asked me out was ‘for fun.’” 

“That was only at the beginning! But once I got to know you-” 

“Enough! How can I believe anything you say? You’ve already lied too much!” 

“This isn’t one! And I’m normally way too busy to waste my time with awkward annoying people like you. I certainly wouldn’t do it for fun!” 

Oh. So not only did he admit he was messing around, he had to throw in an insult? _Asshole!_

Somehow his hand turned into a fist and he was about to strike when Kirishima defensively put his arms in front of himself, a move that would have looked cute ten minutes earlier but looked pathetic now.

He put his fist down. Like that would solve anything. Nothing would solve this mess. This ultimate humiliation. And he’d thought Yuu had been the worst. All this was an act? All for a fucking competition? 

“I hate you!” He roared as he ran down the street too upset to care that he was yelling at himself. 

“I’m a complete idiot! Who else would be deceived by two different people all within two weeks! Idiot!” 

The entire night he tossed and turned and the next day at work everyone was pissing him off ten times more than usual. 

Like Hemni. Okay, he’d been wrong about him. Still, why hadn’t he completed yesterday’s work report? Even worse, he submitted it like it had been done! 

“Hemni, what’s with this?” he yelled as he showed his subordinate the form.

“I’m sorry. Yesterday was really busy.” 

“Then you should have done it at home!” Was he the only one here who had a proper work ethic?

“I make it a principle never to bring work from home.” 

“Who are you? Yoshitaka Yuriko? Stop making excuses.” 

He really should have stopped. This wasn’t even him being angry at Hemni; it was him being angry at Kirishima, Yuu, Takano and at Usami Natsuko, the woman who had always said he was on his side and wanted to help him and then goes and betrays him like this. What had she been thinking? 

His colleagues started whispering about him. Except Takafumi could clearly hear everything they said. 

“Wow, he’s pissed. It's been awhile since Yokozawa raised his voice like that.” 

The other colleague looked like he was commentating at a sporting event. It helped that he came to work every day in different MLB or NPB jerseys. 

“The wild bear’s back and scarier than ever!” 

He was just about to tell the guy off when Yukina came over and smile-frowned at him. How that was even possible who knew, but Yukina managed it. 

“Why are you so grumpy today? Put on a smile! What happened?” 

“I don’t smile on demand, and I’m doing my job. Hemni’s my junior and I’m teaching him. That’s not being grumpy.”

“You seem grumpy to me. Give him a break! It was Valentine’s day yesterday, right? So Hemni was busy with his girlfriend, right Hemni?” 

Hemni blushed and nodded. 

“I don’t get you, Yokozawa. We all know you must have been just as busy, right?” He nudged him and winked. 

“I wasn’t.” 

“Aw, were you rejected by a ma-” Shit! Did this guy not realize he didn’t talk about his sexual orientation at work for a reason?

“Stop! I don’t know what you’re talking about. And I’ve been thinking of saying this for a while; Love, romance, men… women. Can we please change the subject? If I were a woman you wouldn’t try this crap, because you’d realize it’s sexual harassment, or maybe your insensitivity is the reason your wife left you?” 

There was complete silence. Yukina looked deflated and everyone was staring at Takafumi, like he was the bad guy when day after day he had to suffer through Yukina’s harassment. Then he heard somebody coughing and he turned around. Great, it was the director. 

“Takafumi, can you come in my office?” 

Like his day could get any worse, but if she wanted to give him hell for annoying Yukina she first had to explain herself and that little game she had started. He sat down and immediately started talking.

“I heard about what you did from Kirishima.” 

“Ah.” She said that calmly. 

“Ah? That’s all you have to say?” 

“It’s true, so there’s no point in arguing.” 

“Why did you do it?” 

Natsuko took off her glasses and put on that look she had when she wanted a heart to heart conversation, which only made him more annoyed. 

“Because I wanted you to be able to fall in love again. I just want you to be happy.” 

“And you didn’t think that maybe manipulating a fake relationship would have completely missed the point?” 

“I was thinking that something genuine could have sprung up from it. And it looked like it was heading in that direction with Zennie.” Takafumi jumped up as she finished her sentence. The last person he wanted to think about was that bastard!

“it was a complete failure. Excuse me. I’ll be leaving first.” 

He ran out before she had a chance to stop him.

**Masamune**

Masamune frowned and looked around the dessert cafe. It felt like he had just been there Probably because he had been there for hours last night waiting in vain for Onodera Ritsu. He must have had a good reason for ditching or not answering his phone. In the end, Masamune had opening up his gift wrapped box of chocolates that we had been looking forward to seeing Onodera eat and eventually went home where he conjuring up uncomfortable scenarios involving Onodera getting hot and heavy with a much better looking guy he met at his ex’s wedding.

Tonight he had Kirishima for company, and while he was a nice guy and they had good conversations, when compared to Onodera, well, any comparison was pointless. 

He usually loved the gâteau au chocolat, but today it was missing something. He was such an idiot for falling for a guy like Onodera. As if reading his mind, Kirishima sighed and picked at his slice. 

“The gâteau au chocolat today tastes more bitter than usual.” 

Kiyomiya stopped in and chimed in in his usual random way while preparing drinks.

“Is that so? Could it be because of your embittered hearts?” Seriously? How was this guy so spot on? And was he hinting at something by saying hearts instead of heart? “Did anything happen?” 

“Not really.” Kirishima frowned and picked at his dessert. 

Right. Like that was believable. Kiyomiya raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying it either. Then he waved at a customer entering the bar. Takano turned around. Yanase Yuu, who had his usual carefree smile on his face which made him look idiotic most of the time. No. All the time.

“Hey guys, what’s up?” 

“Don’t ‘what’s up’ me you asshole!” Oh great. So much for a relaxing low-key evening with good conversation. What had happened between those two? Yuu sat down on a bar stool next to Kirishima and pointed at the cake on their plates. 

“That looks delicious. I’ll have what their having, Mr. Kiyomiya.” 

“Did you even hear what I said?” 

“Sure. Why are you so pissed off?” 

“Because of what you-” Yuu smiled and leaned over towards Masamune as if divulging a secret. 

“Takano, did you hear the news? Taki dumped Kirishima.” So that’s why Kirishima was in such a bad mood. And now Yuu wanted to include him in their argument. _No thanks!_

“Uh, no.” 

“Fine, but do you know who caused it?” Kirishima looked at him angrily. Which is why Takano stayed away from conversations like this. He was an innocent bystander. Yuu must have had a death wish because he gently pushed Kirishima on the shoulder and laughed.

“Oh please, Zennie. It was all you. I just helped it along. And wouldn’t it be selfish of you to date Taki while not telling him that it all started as a game? Oh, and guess who said that before me: You, Kirishima.” 

Kirishima frowned and stared down at his plate. 

“You’re right.” 

“It’s not a big deal. We’re back to how we were before the game started. And if you want to change your situation, work.”

“It’s okay. I’m done. Now that I’m thinking it’s better it ended this way. I was frustrated, but when I look at everything calmly… 

“What then?” 

Suddenly the lights went off. What was with this place? 

Kiyomiya ran back and apologized, saying it was an accident, but somehow it hadn’t felt so accidental.

**Takafumi**

The entire day he couldn’t stop thinking of the game. If the director wanted him to date Kirishima, then why hadn’t she just fixed them up? Okay, so maybe he would have rejected it off hand, but that should have been _his_ choice to make! Instead, she opted for this fake game.

As usual, he dropped in at Ritsu’s on the way home. They must have known at some point, and as he suspected, they had found out at some point but had neglected to tell him. Takano, the best of the bunch had felt guilty - as he should have! - and had told Sho all. 

“So how long have you known?” They were on the couch and drinking beer. 

“Um it wasn’t that long I’m sorry. We were worried you’d get hurt, and because of that we didn’t say anything.” Ritsu looked like he was worried Takafumi would blow up again, but he was way too exhausted, and he’d probably would have done the same thing they did. Then Shouta spoke. 

“I knew it didn’t start out real, but I just thought if things went well with you and Yuu it would have been great anyway.” Okay so maybe he could be a little pissed off. Especially when it involved his best friend, who hasn’t been so quick to mention his part in last night’s disaster. 

“How would that be great, Sho? You think that would be worth having to lie to me all the time?” Shouta started realizing the implications of everything he said and looked contrite.

“I’m sorry, Ta-fum.” 

“It’s fine. It’s all over now.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes!” He drained his beer for emphasis.

“And that includes Kirishima?” Kirishima? Sho liked the jerk that much?

“I never want to see him again!” 

“So, it’s not an issue if I date him?” 

“It’s none of my business what you do with Kirishima.” And now if Shouta could stop being a broken record… 

“Ah. So, why don’t I get dinner going? I’ll make your favorite, Ta-fum. Omurice!” 

“It’s my turn to cook dinner for Hiyori and Misaki.” He ran out before Shouta could complain. 

He was going to put up a Mille-Feuille Nabe but somehow, he just kept cutting and cutting the Napa cabbage. He thought of Shouta, who really should date again because he’d had that rough break up. Still. Was he that infatuated with Kirishima? And why was it pissing him off? 

“Who gives a crap about that liar bastard anyway? Shouta can have him!” 

Shortly after, Misaki, Hiyori and Yamato came home. They must have walked together. 

He tried to smile. Everything was fine. 

“Welcome back. I'm making dinner!” 

Misaki looked at him dubiously. 

“It’s fine, big brother. Take your time.” 

Hiyori came over and inspected the mound of cabbage, which looked a lot larger than he realized. 

“What’s up with all the cabbage?” 

That was enough for three nabes. Except you don’t shred cabbage for Mille-Feuille nabe. _Shit!_ Well they’d have cabbage salad. And a huge stir fry. 

“It’s healthy. We need more vegetables in our diet!” 

Misaki groaned and pouted.

“But I want meat!” 

“Don’t be a spoiled brat!” Misaki gulped and Takafumi sighed. He could be annoying with his co-workers but his little brother - that crossed a line. They were getting older, but they were still kids and they were relying on him. He put down the knife and went over to Misaki and Hiyori. He put a reassuring arm on his brother’s shoulder. 

“Don’t worry. I’m putting chicken in the stir-fry.” 

“Thanks, big bro! You scared me!” 

“Misaki! Hiyori! From now on I’m going to do my best and work hard, to make sure you’re happy no matter what! Do you understand?” 

Somehow this hadn’t come across as reassuring as he’d hoped. 

“I get it!” Misaki nodded. 

“Yeah. Thanks.” Hiyori looked more like she was worried about his sanity. 

He went back to deal with the mounds of cabbage, while pretending to ignore the conversation happening right in front of him. 

“Big sister, what was that all about? Why is he acting so weird?” 

“I have this weird feeling he got dumped.” Dumped? They never even made it to the dating stage, and It was all Kirishima’s fault, that lying bastard!

“That’s perfect,” Yamato said confidently. “Chopping up vegetables is the best thing when you’re heartbroken.” Takafumi tried not to laugh. Like a seventeen-year-old would have so much experience in that area. 

“But how are we going to eat all that?” 

“You’ll both figure it out somehow. “ 

Then they all ran away with Misaki heading to his bedroom and Hiyori and Yamato going to Hiyori’s bedroom. Takafumi made a note to make sure he didn’t stay too long. 

He took out a couple of chicken thighs from the freezer and slammed them on the counter. If falling in love meant having to survive embarrassment and humiliation than he was better off remaining single for the rest of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoshitaka Yoriko is an actress who was in a jdrama as a woman who decides never to work overtime. 
> 
> And the jdrama the original character for Yokozawa was really chopping mounds and mounds of cabbage. Can you say Takatsuki Shinobu? 
> 
> So basically, nobody’s happy. Well except for Yanase Yuu.


	20. Chapter 20

**Takafumi**

Takafumi sighed as he neared his office building. The good thing about cutting massive amounts of cabbage is he had a week’s worth of bentos prepared. Maybe that Yamato brat had something with chopping vegetables being good for heartbreak. In any case he was ready for busy day at work where he would forget all the events of the past two weeks. He’d ignore Yukina and the rest of his co-workers and get cracking.

Now if he could just get to the office without running down people, but this woman appeared out of nowhere. He apologized profusely and helped her pick up her packages. She looked like she was in her late ‘60s with mostly white hair. 

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you.” 

“It’s fine, but could you maybe tell me where Usami Publishing is? I keep looking for it and going in circles.” 

Takafumi held up his shopping bag and pointed to the Usami logo. 

“I’ll walk with you. I work for them and I’m headed there now.” 

“That’s wonderful! I was looking for them on the map and kept getting lost. Oh, here. A big strong man like you wouldn’t mind taking my bags, right?” She handed him four large shopping bags as she talked. 

He somehow managed to arrange his own three bags to accommodate hers. 

“Okay. Let’s go.” He smirked as he watched the woman start leading the way and then stopped as she remembered she had no clue where she was going and laughed. “Wait. Where are we going again?” 

It turned out she was an old friend of the director’s, who started fussing over her.

“I wish you’d told me you were coming. I could have met you.” 

“I know how busy you are, Natsuko. I didn’t want to interrupt.” 

Like she wasn’t interrupting anything by randomly showing up? It wasn’t his problem though. He started to walk out, only to be stopped by the director. 

“Let me introduce you, Satoko. This is Yokozawa Takafumi from Sales. 

“Takafumi? What a nice name!” This woman was way too chirpy for 8:30 am, and he had sales reports to look at. 

“Satoko’s known me since I was a child back in our hometown. She’s always helped me.” Well that was sweet. Maybe she and Kirishima’s parents were friends. And now he was thinking of that lying bastard. He frowned, but the two women were too busy reminiscing to notice.

“You’re right, Natsuko, and now you’re a mature woman with your own publishing company.” 

“And I owe it all to you!” Great. Now they were done with the reunion, he could leave.

“Ah. That reminds me. Takafumi, can you hand me the bags you carried?” What was he? A messenger boy? He picked up the bags from a table and handed them to Satoko, who clearly get her eyes checked because they had been right in front of her. She took out a box and gave it to the director. 

“For you, Natsuko.”

“Thanks! Ah! Masuzushi! You remembered! There's nothing like our hometown masuzushi.” 

“I thought you’d like it. Now, Takafumi, could you give out all the rest of the gifts? Thanks!” 

“Yes, Takafumi will happily do that for you.” Eh? This also wasn’t part of his job description! “I’m sorry you went to so much trouble though.” 

“Oh, please. It was nothing.” 

He sighed, picked up the shopping bags and started walking for the door when he was pulled back by the director. Again.

“Oh and one more thing. After you’re done, can you help Satoko get to where she’s staying?” 

“I’m sorry, but I’m busy.” He ignored Natsuko glaring at him, and Satoko looked at him with a sad look on her face. 

“This must be so annoying. I apologize. I’m never in Tokyo and everything is so confusing here.” Oh great. Now he looked like an uncaring jerk. He took Natsuko aside and whispered in her ear.

“Can’t you get somebody else?”

“No, and it’s an order.” She smiled happily at her friend while glaring at him. At least he’d get paid for this colossal waste of time.

**Ritsu**

Ritsu couldn’t believe it. He didn’t usually believe in signs but what else could he think when he entered the meeting to discover they were discussing a client’s current campaign they were working on geared towards pregnant women?

The whole night he had been arguing with himself: 

He should keep the baby because Japan was in the middle of a population crisis, and Ritsu could help! 

Okay so maybe one baby wouldn’t solve the nation’s crisis, but it was a start. 

But that meant even more delays with his transition. 

But wasn’t that selfishness? 

But a baby was already growing – a real live being and this was his only chance to do this, at least physically. 

He kept going in circles before he fell asleep only to come into work and discover his boss going on about expecting women. 

“Alright. To recap, the projected market is expecting women. They’re expanding their range of maternity wear and have hired us to help them double their sales. Although we’re primarily focusing on women in their 20s and 30s, we also need to include women in their 40s, as some women are having children later.” 

Maybe they’d also focus on pre-op male transsexuals? 

He frowned as he remembered the appointment with Dr. Kondo. She had him do an ultrasound, and that’s when it finally sank in. as he looked at the baby – okay it looked more like a blob at this point- and realized this was really happening. At least he had a top notch doctor who was also good with patients. She knew an excellent ob-gyn who had experience with patients like him. He just had to make the decision soon, because if he had the baby the expected due date would be sometime in mid-July. 

“Onodera, a moment?” He looked up. His boss was waving to him. He nodded and walked over.

“Of course!” 

“I have amazing news about the presentation we did for Nissan last week. They accepted our proposal! The deadline is July. We’ve got a 10-million-yen budget. “ 

“That’s wonderful!” _I worked on this for the last two weeks!_

“And as you know I keep my promises. The proposal was your baby and you’ll also be heading the project, Onodera. I have complete faith. Do your best!” 

_July?_

**Shouta**

Shouta smiled to himself as he walked to Kirishima Dental. He had called ahead so he’d arrive when it wouldn’t be so busy, and Ta-fum had said he didn’t want to date Kirishima, so there was no reason he wouldn’t be successful. Okay there were plenty of reasons, but that wouldn’t stop him.

The only thing he didn’t understand was why Ta-fum had shown up at Kirishima’s clinic on Valentine’s day, but maybe it really was to give back the towel. He’d always been careful about returning other people’s belongings to a ridiculous degree, so it wasn’t so farfetched that he had gone out of his way to return it. 

After a short time waiting, he was shown to Kirishima and he practically salivated. Shouta never had a thing for guys in scrubs before and wondered why, because Kirishima looked hot. 

They spoke while Kirishima cleaned up and prepared for the next patient. Or at least that’s what it looked like he was doing. It would have been nice if he turned a bit and looked at him, but the whole time Kirishima kept busy with whatever dentists do in between patients and kept his eyes down.

“Thanks for seeing me. I’m sorry about what happened the night before.” 

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” 

“You’re not angry?” 

“Something this little doesn’t bother me.” 

“I’m relieved.” 

“Uh… Kisa? I’m sorry for not saying this earlier, but I’m not interested in dating anyone right now.” 

“Is it because you’re worried about Ta-fum?” Maybe there really had been something going on after all? 

“No. Not at all.” 

“That’s good with me. I’ll be patient and wait, and Ta-fum says he backs me up.” 

“Really?” Why was Kirishima frowning? Something wasn’t adding up. 

“Yes. I said I liked you and he’s completely okay with it.” 

Silence. This was so awkward. 

“I’ll wait for you, Mr. Kirishima. See you later.”

“Wait!” _Now what?_ “I already have somebody else I like. I’m sorry. I should have explained more clearly.” 

“I see. It’s fine. I completely understand.” 

Shouta ran out fuming. What the hell? Kirishima liked somebody else and it didn’t take a genius to figure who it was. He frowned. He was going to have to meet his so-called best friend soon to discuss this interesting new development.

**Takafumi**

Satoko kept reminding him of someone and it was annoying him. Maybe it was one of his teachers from elementary school? She had a teacherly way about her and she was also persuasive, because otherwise how could he explain why he was sitting at her son’s kitchen table drinking tea when he was supposed to be at the grocery store buying food for dinner?

She hadn’t really needed his services as a guide. She didn’t have any problem on the subway or finding the upscale apartment building where her son lived. Then he had to listen to her talk as she cooked. Her son had to be one of those patient guys who let his domineering mother do whatever she wanted. She went on and on about her trip and all the people she met, and he smiled and zoned out during most of it. 

“How’s the soup? I don’t often get to cook meals for my son so I’m taking advantage. Of course, my main reason for being here is for a marriage hunt.” 

“It’s delicious. What’s a marriage hunt?” He envisioned an omiai, but with swords and spears. 

“It’s me sick of waiting at home taking action by coming to Tokyo to look for either a husband or a wife for my son, even though he’s already forty years old!” Interesting. Her son was bi. That must be nice to have a mother who was okay with that. He always wondered how his parents would have reacted when he got the courage to come out. In the end he never had the chance. 

“You’re okay with your son marrying a man?

“As long as his spouse is a good person and he gets me a grandchild somehow, I’m fine! Of course, it would be simpler if he found a woman, but the important part is finding a good person. With patience. Which they’ll need in bucket loads to deal with him.” 

“I see.” 

“It’s becoming more common for parents to go on omiai in place of their children, but it’s such a pain because nowadays kids just want love and passion without the commitment. 

“Are you married, Takafumi?”

“Ah… not yet.” And probably never. 

“I see. Are you dating anyone?” He could see where this was going and inwardly groaned.

“No.” 

“If you’re fine with men, what about my son? He’s got his own private clinic.” How lovely for him.

“I’m not interested in dating anyone right now.”

“But are you interested in men?” She said it so casually, as if she was asking him about his favorite color.

“Uh… I am. I’m just not looking now.” _Or ever._

“I understand. Also it’s different for men. You don’t have as much pressure to get married as women do. Even I wasn’t interested at first. I had a fulfilling career and good friends.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes. I worked as a nurse. It was exhausting because I had the night shift. Love and passion weren’t top priority. Sleep was! I guess I can’t complain about others, can I?” She laughed. She wasn’t so bad when she wasn’t busy with her mission to get her son married. It was refreshing talking to somebody who could laugh at themselves. 

“So why did you marry in the end?” 

“The only reason that makes sense. I would think it’s obvious. I fell in love!” Like he was supposed to know that? She poured a small amount of soup in a little bowl and sipped. “Ah. The soup is perfect.” And that was his cue to leave. He got up and started putting on his coat. 

“I better be going.” 

“Already?”

“My siblings are waiting for me and I still have to make dinner.” 

“Wow. Amazing.” 

“Thanks for hosting me.” 

“But I didn’t do anything yet!” 

Takafumi smiled and got the hell out of there before Satoko could set him up on a pointless date with her son.

**Zen**

Some days he loved his job and some days he couldn’t wait to leave. Today he couldn’t wait to leave. He was restless. Maybe he’d go for a jog or play table tennis after dinner. But first he was going to lie on his couch, put on some music and relax.

He entered his apartment and discovered a pair of women’s shoes, and he knew only one woman who had access to his apartment. He frowned. She should have been safe and far away in Kameyama. 

He took off his shoes and went down the hall.

“Mom?”

His mother walked in from the kitchen out of nowhere, and he jumped. 

“Welcome back!”

“Mom, you scared me! How long have you been here?”

“Just a few hours.” 

“I would have met you if you told me you were coming.” Would it be so difficult for her to call before visiting? He knew he shouldn’t have given her a spare key to ther apartment, but she had made a fuss. Also, he was her only child and she was a widow after all. Still. It got old quickly. 

“It wasn’t necessary, and you’re busy when you’re at work. Anwyay, why don’t you change and we’ll have dinner?”

Zen groaned, watched her leave and rolled his eyes. Seriously. If everything had gone right instead of horribly wrong, he could have had Yokozawa here and how well would that have turned out? Not that it mattered, because that was never happening. And that was a good thing, because Yokozawa was stubborn and annoying. He took a quick shower and sat down for dinner. 

She was going on about a marriage hunt which somehow caused him to envision a reality dating show set in the sengoku period. Like a mashup of _Real Love_ and a Taiga drama. Finally, he gave up trying to figure out what she was saying. 

“What’s a marriage hunt? I didn’t realize you wanted to remarry.” Which wasn’t a bad idea. She would be less lonely and hopefully happier, and it would take the pressure off him. 

“Not for me, it’s for you!” Zen almost spit out his oolong tea. 

“What?” 

“You’re taking your time, so I thought I’d push things along.”

“Thanks, but I don’t need help.” 

“I knew you’d say that! And I’ve let you handle this for how many years so far? Nothing’s going to happen if I don’t get involved and I want to see grandchildren while I can still enjoy them. Oh!” He watched as his mother jumped up and went to the guest room. His mother had way too much time on her hands. She returned and handed him a folder “I made a profile for you.” 

He opened it and saw himself smiling. He cringed. That picture had to be at least five years old. It was from a conference he’d spoken at. He looked horrible with this hair short but long on top, and his eyes were bugging out like he was shocked. Of all the pictures she could have chosen it had to be that one. Not that it mattered. He put the folder down and pushed it towards his mother.

“Sorry, but I’m not planning on getting married so please stop.” His mother responded by pouting like a kid. She took the profile back and looked at it. 

“I’m not giving up, Kirishima Zen! And I shouldn’t because you’re a great catch!”

This woman was going to be the death of him.

**Ritsu**

Takano Masamune had to be the nicest guy who ever lived. It didn’t matter that Ritsu had ditched him - okay it did matter- but he was still the same sweet Takachi, who didn’t know that he also ditched the wedding ceremony. Just getting home in one piece after the doctor’s appointment had been a miracle.

He had felt bad ignoring Takano’s phone calls but what could he have said? _I can’t come because I just found out I’m pregnant and I’m freaking out?_ He ended up sitting on the couch for hours trying to process everything. He needed a drink, but didn’t want to drink alcohol because the baby and then wondering again what he was going to do. Then he called in the morning and profusely apologized and asked him if they could meet for dinner. He also had lied and told Takano he ended up swamped with work. Another thing to feel guilty about. 

Takano was wearing his usual uniform of pants, an oxford shirt with a patterned vest on top. He must have a collection. He had a sweet smile and even his glasses kind of suited him. There had to be a good guy out there for him, because Takano Masamune deserved the best. 

“I’m sorry again that I couldn’t make it last night.” He sipped his barley tea. 

“It’s fine. You were busy at work. There's not much you could have done. Have you tried this beer though? It’s delicious. I’m going to order a second bottle soon. Would you like some? Oh. You’re not drinking?” 

“I overdid it at the reception, so I’m taking a break.” The reception he didn’t go to. It really was true that once you start lying you can’t stop.

“I hate the type of events where you feel pressured to drink. I’m not really a light weight, but I know it can be annoying. At any rate, you should try to be careful with your health.” 

“Thank you.” If his mother told him the same thing, he would have gotten annoyed but with Takachi it was like the older brother he always wanted – all protective and loving. 

The waiter came with their tray of chicken, and Ritsu was starving. The whole day he had been hungry. Could that already be from the pregnancy? He felt a surge of panic and took a breath. It felt so frustrating, wanting to tell everyone, and yet needing to keep it a secret from them at the same time. But maybe there was a workaround to this… 

“Takachi, I have a question to ask you.” 

“Sure.” 

“It’s a little weird. Let’s say you’re bi.”

“I’m not, but okay.” 

“And the last person you dated was a woman, but you broke up.” 

“Fine.” 

“Then you find out that she’s pregnant. What would you do?”

“You’re bi, Onodera?”

“No, it’s not me.” It was Haitani, so technically he wasn’t lying! “I’m trying to help a friend.” What was he saying? Did anybody believe stories where you say it’s a friend? And another lie, and he detested lying. 

“Ah.” Takano paused. He must have been wondering why Ritsu was asking him such an unexpected question. He smiled and finally responded. “It’s hard for me to know because I’ve never been in that situation.” 

“My friend’s the one who’s pregnant and it’s been frustrating for him because he’s supposed to be transitioning - he’s a transsexual - and he just found out he’s pregnant. His ex isn’t in the picture. If he doesn’t keep the baby, he’ll be able to have his transition now, but this is his only chance for him to have a biological child. I want to support him, but I have no clue how, and I admire your opinion, so I thought I’d ask you.” 

“I’m not really sure. It sounds so complicated. I’m trying to think.” He paused again. “I guess, if it were me somehow, I would want to do what’s best for the child. Is your friend able to care of a child financially and emotionally? He needs to figure that out for himself though. The best you can do is to show you support him.” 

“Thanks. That’s… helpful. I’ll try that. I’m sorry for asking such a convoluted question.” He laughed while he studied Takano. If he told him the truth - that he was the pregnant man in question what would he think of him? He still remembered thinking he could trust his best friend and it had ended up blowing up in his face, but how was he supposed to know that An would tell his parents? 

Takano just smiled. 

“Don’t be. It’s fine.” 

What wasn't so fine is how he was able to work and take care of his baby. His baby. Somehow that sounded pretty good. 

“Anyway, what should we eat next?” Ritsu smiled and handed Takano a menu.


	21. Chapter 21

**Takafumi**

Takafumi’s day started with Misaki besieging him in the entryway as he put his shoes on.

“I just wanted to remind you that two nights ago we had cabbage. Then we had cabbage for breakfast and lunch. Fine. But then it reappeared at dinner and now for breakfast again. And there’s cabbage in the bento, right? 

“Well…” 

“Okay so we’ve had cabbage for two days now. Please! I’ll be good. I’ll pay attention in math class! Please no more cabbage!” Aw. Poor Misaki. Hiyori also chimed in. 

“We’re going to turn into cabbage at this rate.” 

“Oh, please. We don’t have that much left.” And cabbage was good for them. 

“Please, big brother! We’ll make dinner for a whole week if you just spare us!” 

“Hey, Misaki, next time check with me before offering my services.” Hiyori ruffled his hair as punishment. 

“Oops. But we will, right? And you love cooking.” 

“That’s true. But no weird experiments.” 

“Okay. I’m fine with you two cooking for a week and. That’s worth finishing the cabbage by myself.” 

“Yey!” 

And after another hard day at work, he was finally leaving. It was weird not having to run to the grocery store, but Hiyori had that covered. All he had to do was go home, relax and have a beer before dinner, or maybe drop in on Sho and Ritsu on the way and have a beer with them. Then he heard a woman call out his name.

“Mr. Yokozawa! You’re just the man I wanted to see! I’d like to invite you over for dinner.” 

Or maybe not. 

How long had this Satoko lady been waiting outside of his office building for him? He didn’t know what the hell was going on, but Usami Natsuko had to be involved. He smiled and took her groceries, while thinking how interesting it was how the same woman who yesterday couldn’t manage to find a building could now find a grocery store and no longer had a problem finding Usami Publishing either. 

They ended up back at her son’s upscale apartment. The guy must be doing well. The furnishings looked expensive and elegant. 

Satoko - it was weird not knowing her last name - made tea for them and they sat down around the low table in the living room. It was interesting that Satoko was fine sitting in her son’s apartment with a man she barely knew, but then again who knows what Natsuko had said about him. 

“Thanks for coming over. How’s the tea?” 

“It’s wonderful, thanks.” 

“Good. I’ve been thinking about my son - how he’s still single and why. Maybe it’s because my husband died when he was young, and I never remarried. I bet he’s planning on moving back and taking care of me when I’m older. And even though he has wonderful qualities he’s still single at forty. That’s when people start thinking there’s something wrong with single men. At this age they start treating them as perverts, perverted child molesters. Imagine that? How rude people can be. 

“And he’s such a wonderful son too, although you might think I’m biased; he’s responsible and caring. He was barely in elementary school when his father died. I had to be both mother and father. I worked and raised my son, but sometimes I think he raised himself. He put himself through college. He had a partial scholarship, but the rest he paid for by working part time for years and he never told me. Meanwhile I had thought I had been doing a wonderful job, but in reality, he was an easy child to raise. 

“He sounds like a wonderful son.”

“Yes. The thing about him though is he never lies. He literally can’t do it. It’s a bit of a limitation.”

“How so?” 

“I’m sure you’ve had times when lying would make things easier, but he’s never been able to do it. Such a clumsy boy. Maybe that’s why it’s been difficult for him to find a life partner. He needs somebody who can support him and that's not so easy to find.” 

Takafumi took another sip of his tea. A guy who can’t lie. That didn’t sound bad, especially after discovering what a lying bastard Kirishima Zen was. Not that it mattered. He was done with dating. And who knows, maybe she was exaggerating to try and “sell” her son. Satoko continued. 

“Another problem is he’s never gotten over his girlfriend from high school. She was sick. And even so I still prepared a profile for him.” She opened a folder and started talking to it. “You’re giving me so much trouble, Zennie!” She looked up, smiled put down the folder, as if most people talked to omiai profiles, and got up.

“I’ll get some more tea.” 

Wait. _Zennie?_ No. This wasn’t happening. But it all fit. She’s an old friend of Natsuko’s. Kirishima grew up in the same village as Natsuko. Her son had his own clinic. So did Kirishima. He leaned over and gingerly opened the folder, and was greeted by a picture of Kirishima Zen, who looked better in long hair and with eyes so bugged out he looked like he was shocked by something.

He looked up just in time to see the man himself enter his apartment. 

“I’m home!” 

Kirishima looked so confused on seeing Yokozawa he started to turn back.

“Oh. I’m sorry. I must be in the wrong apartment.” 

Which he somehow had a key to? Then his mother entered.

“Welcome back!”

“I’m home!” Kirishima answered automatically, probably without thinking, then looked from his mother to Takafumi. _“Eh_?” 

“This is my son, Zennie.” Talk about awkward. It would be better to pretend they didn’t know each other. Kirishima would probably prefer that as well, and his mother wouldn’t have to know anything. He looked up and smiled. Or tried to anyway. 

“I’m Yokozawa Takafumi.” Or maybe not. Kirishima looked at him like he was wondering if he’d lost his mind.

“Like I didn’t know that? What are you doing here?” 

After an abbreviated explanation he ended up being stuck having nabe with the Kirishimas. Mrs. Kirishima was a good cook, and hot pot worked. She was the only one having a good time, though and she rubbed her hands together happily as they settled down to eat.

“I love hot pot! There's nothing like it, especially when it’s fresh and bubbling hot.” 

Takafumi looked at Kirishima who didn’t look happy. Well he wasn’t happy either. Lying bastard. His mother didn’t know her son very well if she thought he couldn’t lie, because he proved he was perfectly capable! 

“I really should get going.” He got up and started reaching for his briefcase. Satoko in response jumped up. 

“No, stay! You said you don’t have a boyfriend waiting for you. He should stay, Zen, right?” 

Kirishima instead of answering kept eating and acting oblivious. Takafumi gave in and dropped his briefcase and sat back down. 

“You really don't have a boyfriend, Takafumi?” 

“That’s right.” 

“So how about dating my son?” 

“What?” He kept a polite smile on his face. Of course. This woman was serious about marriage hunts! He would pity Kirishima having a mother like that if he wasn’t such an asshole. Kirishima looked up and finally spoke. 

“Do you know how rude this sounds, Mom?”

“What’s the problem? You’re both single! And it would be a waste to let this handsome man get away, Zen!”

“I don’t know about that.” Staying single was preferable to dating Kirishima Zen.

“He’s right, Mom. Can you stop saying ridiculous things?” Wait? Had he heard that correctly? How ugly did Kirishima think he was? 

Kirishima finally realized the implications of what he said and tried to backtrack. 

“When I said ridiculous, I wasn’t talking about your looks.” Yeah. Nice try. 

“Don’t worry. I understood you perfectly.” 

“So, Takafumi, who’s your ideal man?”

“Hmm. Let me think… People who aren’t liars. There are some guys out there who don’t think twice about telling complete untruths or messing with your feelings. I hope you haven’t met people like that.” 

“I have and men like that are the worst!” Let’s see what Mr. Honesty has to say about that one, Takafumi thought and smirked. 

“I never lie, and I don’t recall messing with anybody’s feelings!” Kirishima yelled. Good. He struck a nerve. 

“I’m making a general statement.” Takafumi smiled. Or at least that’s what your mother thinks. 

“Oh.” 

“Even worse, Mrs. Kirishima, are the men who think they’re interested and then don’t commit.” 

“I hope I’m not offending you, but aren’t a lot of men like that?” 

“You’re not offending me, and I’m not like that. Maybe I’m different. All I know is it’s impossible to even think of having a relationship with a guy like that. It’s a non-starter.” 

“I’m not like that! “ Kirishima practically flung his chopsticks down in anger, and his mother spoke this time. 

“Zen, we’re speaking hypothetically, remember?” Yeah, remember?

“Ah, right.” Kirishima frowned and picked his chopsticks up. 

“And while I'm at, there’s the type of guy you catch kissing somebody and then they say, ‘it was an accident.’”

“That _was_ an accident! I didn’t realize you were the type to hold grudges, Yokozawa.” 

“Why would I do that?” Maybe because what you did was low? 

“It’s petty for you to hold a grudge when I apologized.” 

“You call that an apology?” 

“What else should I have said?” Takafumi ignored Mrs. Kirishima, who was looking back and forth between them like she was watching one of their table tennis games. 

“How should I know? It doesn’t matter because I can’t trust you anymore.” 

Okay. Time to get out. 

“Thank you for the meal.” He grabbed his coat, scarf and briefcase and ran out.

**Kirishima**

Zen should have realized his mother was up to something in the morning when he overheard her on the phone with Natsuko, but once he’d gotten to work he barely had time to breathe the entire day and he’d forgotten all about it by the time he’d finished with his last patient.

And then his mother called asking him to meet her and Natsuko at the dessert bar. Natsuko must have told her about the place. 

He didn’t think much of that either. They served good food and had a nice atmosphere. It was only when he arrived and noticed Takano, Yanase, Onodera and Kisa all sitting at the same booth with his mother that he realized she had definitely been up to something with Natsuko earlier. 

Natsuko was nowhere to be found though. And neither was the tall, sullen, gorgeous, annoying, passive aggressive Yokozawa Takafumi. Of all people for his mother to meet on the street, it had to have been him? His old neighbor had to have been involved. 

They all climbed into a booth. It was Yanase, Takano and him on one side and Kisa, Onodera and his mother facing hem. At least Kisa wasn’t across from him. 

They ordered food and drinks. The only good part in this. Especially the High Ball he’d ordered. 

Then he overheard familiar voices nearby.

“Why couldn’t we have our meeting at the office?”

“It’s fine to eat out once in a while, and I’m paying, so enjoy!” 

Yokozawa and Natsuko. He sighed.

And as annoyed as he was with the man, somehow, he felt a bit more comfortable seeing him, which made absolutely no sense. The guy hated him. Natsuko seated him right across the tabler from Zen, which must have been the plan all along. 

Natsuko and Satoko found seats on the side of the booth. 

“Well, I’m hungry,” Natsuko said while pursuing a menu. Zen looked up at them and raised an eyebrow. 

“What’s going on?”

“It’s a goukon, Zennie! It was your mother’s idea.” Of course. 

“What are you doing, Mom?”

“Relax. I’m meeting these nice men. How old are you?” she smiled at Yanase. 

“I’m 22.” 

“22? So young! Interested in older women, handsome?” Was she seriously flirting with Yanase Yuu? It wasn’t serious, but it was interesting how his mother could still embarrass him. Yanase loved it. He leaned towards her and smiled flirtatiously back. 

“Actually, I am! Are you available?” 

“Don’t get near her, Yuu.” Not that he was worried. She slapped Yanase playfully and Zen rolled his eyes. 

“Your mom’s great, Kirishima!” _Yeah, you try being her son._

Now it was Kisa’s turn to be questioned. 

“And you? Are you even old enough to drink?” 

“I’m 30.”

“ _30?_ ”

Kisa took out his id from his pocket. He was probably asked that all the time. Zen hadn’t been asked for his ID since he was 22. 

“Ah. Wow. I’d never know it. And are you interested in marriage?” 

“Very!” 

He tried to ignore how Kisa was staring and smiling at him while talking. He noticed a man walking by with a tray. Kiyomiya! Perfect! He flagged him down. 

“I’ll get a refill!” And Kisa needed to look somewhere else for a boyfriend. 

He tried to remember if his mother had always been this relentless and single minded in the past. She had to be worried. He was forty. Still. This was verging on the obnoxious.

Meanwhile, she had moved on to Onodera. 

“And you?”

“I’m 26 and single.”

“And what do you think about getting married?”

“I don’t think it’s going to happen.” 

Ouch. Takano looked over sadly. It was obvious how much he liked Onodera, and painful how oblivious Onodera was. His mother continued. Hopefully, she would realize that nobody wanted a goukon and give up. 

“That’s so sad. Why is that?” 

“I just don’t think I’m suited for it.” Zen almost felt sorry for his mother. She clearly didn’t get this crowd at all.

“What does that even mean?” Maybe she was giving up. She turned and spoke to Natsuko. 

“What’s up with this bunch? Almost none of them want to get married?”

“I can’t really argue with them. Marriage didn’t work for me.” She picked up her drink and happily took a sip. And yet she was obviously enjoying this whole thing. He always thought Natsuko was a sweet lady, but maybe she wasn’t so different from his mother. 

“You were married at one point, though?

“Yes, but it’s a long boring story. Old and dead. Just like my marriage. Don’t worry about it.” 

“I don’t understand. So many handsome smart men all saying they’re not married and not even interested? I guess this mixer was pointless.” Finally! 

“Who cares if we’re interested?” He couldn't help himself from asking. It’s not like they were kids, well most of them anyway. They were adults who didn’t need an interfering busybody messing with their love life, or lack of it. 

“It’s because you say annoying things like that which make people refer to you as a 40-year-old pervert.” What the hell did his mother just call him? Yokozawa started smirking. It must have been him who came up with that, just to piss him off. As if reading his mind, Yokozawa commented. 

“Interesting idea.” 

Zen looked up and glared. 

“Did you come up with that?” 

“No.” 

“It sounds exactly like something you’d say.” 

“Why would I call you that?” 

“How should I know? And then you said to my mother?” 

“I can’t stand you and I never want to see you again, but I still wouldn’t call you a pervert.” 

_I can’t stand you. I never want to see you again._ Somehow that hurt more than if he had come up with the idea of him being a pervert. He was wrong to participate in the game, but did he deserve this… hatred? 

He needed out. Now. He laid his chopsticks down by his bowl. 

“Fine. I’ll be happy to stay far away from you and you won’t have to see me again. Mom, it’s time to go home.” 

“But we just got here, Zen!” 

“We’re leaving. Now.” He was already up and had his coat on, and she was still sitting down like he was just going to change his mind?

“But they all went out of their way to come!” 

“They can stay. Bye! Finally. She was putting on her coat. 

Zen tried to hold back from arguing in the car, but as soon as they entered the apartment and taken off their shoes, the words came pouring out. 

“I don’t know what you were thinking organizing that mixer!” 

“I was hoping you could fix things with Takafumi. I mean it was nice that you kissed somebody, but it sounds like you kissed the wrong guy.” 

“What I don’t need is you butting in!” And how could she not have heard Yokozawa clearly say he couldn't stand him? 

“What’s wrong with me helping?” How was that helping? 

“You need to stop already!”

“As your mother, it’s my job to worry about you!” Fine so she could worry from a distance, like her home up north in a different prefecture. 

“I’ve told you this so many times. It bugs me!” 

“No worries. When I’m dead you’ll have plenty of time to be alone! All alone with nobody to care or worry about you.” Okay so now she was combining guilt and morbidity and the combination was nausea provoking. She was his mother; indestructible. She was way too young for her to be taking about that, and she was also changing the subject! 

“It’s not your life it’s mine and I’ll live it as I please.” 

“Really? I just want to die peacefully.” She needed to get off the morbid track now. 

“Don’t you see I’m happy the way I am now? So why are you complaining all the time? And you need to stop treating me like I'm still a kid! It’s ridiculous!” 

“Sorry, but you’ll always be my kid!” 

And he clearly wasn’t doing a good job of proving he was an adult given he was tincturing the same way he used to when he was eight years old. Something about her just brought the kid out in him. 

He ended up seeking refuge in his bedroom and as he lay down, he thought of Yokozawa Takafumi and how what he said shouldn’t have upset him so badly. It shouldn’t have upset him.

Except it did. Hearing that rejection had been like a knife to the gut. 

He loved him. How else would have been able to say it? There was something about the man. Maybe his stubbornness? It bothered him sometimes, and helped fueled their arguments, but it also made him irresistible. Oh, and he was gorgeous. Zen oved athletic manly men. Men who would be fun to be around; enjoyable to tease the way Sakura used to tease him maybe? 

This was the first time he was comparing the two, and yet unlike with others he’d compared to her somehow it felt right. Like, Yokozawa was a worthy successor, and yet obviously not, because he was clearly not interested in giving Zen a second chance, and the realization made him feel empty and alone.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know how in different jdramas (or manga and animes also) well known brands and companies are changed to avoid lawsuits? I saw Gurugle in two jdramas, so I'm using it here. 
> 
> And the more I re-watch the jdrama and see Matsumoto (the character that's Kirishima here) eating desserts at the bar and then pudding after pudding at home, the funnier it is since he's a dentist.

**Takafumi**

Takafumi looked at his watch. If he left now from work, he’d make it in time to meet Sho at the dessert bar. Why they couldn’t meet at Ritsu’s who knew.

As he walked down the steps, he noticed Shouta at the bar slumped over. He couldn’t be drunk already, could he? 

Takafumi sat down on a stool next to his friend who didn’t seem to have noticed his arrival and frowned. 

“Sho, please tell me you’re not already drunk.” 

“I am!” Shouta sat up and smiled one of those smiles that didn’t quite meet his eyes. 

Takafumi sighed and ordered a beer. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Do I look okay?” 

“As a matter of fact, you don’t. Maybe you should switch to soda?” 

“I won’t. And why are you always like this, Ta-fum? So calm while you look down at little old me.” 

“Eh? What are you talking about? When do I ever look down at you? What's going on here?” 

“I’m drowning my sorrows. What else does it look like?” Oops. Maybe telling Sho to go after Kirishima hadn’t been such a good idea. 

“Okay, so can you fill me in on what happened?” 

Shouta raised his glass to get the attention of the bartender. 

“Mr. Kiyomiya, can I get a refill? He’s paying!” 

“Wait, why am I paying?”

“It’s for everything you’ve owed me for years now.” 

“‘Owe?’ What are you talking about?”

“Let’s see here. 2nd year middle school: Tsumori Yasushi, 1st year high school: Shiiba Mizuki, 3rd year high school: Shizukuishi Ryou.”

“And these people are?” He was a loner in school. Sho had been his only friend and he had forgotten the names of most of his classmates by now. 

“All the guys I liked back then!”

“Oh.” This made no sense. Sho was getting drunk because of crushes he had years ago? 

“What do you mean, ‘Oh”? You got all of them!” 

“How about no. I never dated anyone in high school - oh wait. I used to go to Shinoda’s house, but we weren’t dating. Whatever. None of those guys ever talked to me and they certainly didn’t confess either. Seriously, who was confessing to guys aside from you? Most of us would have been too terrified of being beaten up or worse - outed.” 

“I see. So, you have no clue how these rejections upset me.” 

“How could I when you’ve never told me before? And I’m telling you nobody confessed to me!” 

“They didn’t confess to you because they confessed to _me!_ I still remember Tsumori saying he wanted to speak to me and I was getting excited about telling him how much I liked him and he said ‘I like Yokozawa. Can you introduce me?’”

“I had no clue. But isn’t Tsumori the guy who used to say random things just to get a reaction? He was probably just messing with you.” 

“I doubt it. The worst was Shizukuishi. That jerk. I wrote him a love letter and he gave me one to give to _you_! Do I look like I work for the post office? I guess it’s nice to be tall and handsome!” 

“What the hell, Sho? Since when was I handsome?” 

“Since forever! And you don’t even need to try, as opposed to me who’s short, still looks like I’m in high school and only attracts pedophiles!”

“What are you really trying to say?”

“You piss me off! You've said so many times that you don’t want to fall in love, then meanwhile you have something going with Kirishima. And you _knew_ how I felt about him!” Did he? Sho had been so over the top with Kirishima it had been hard to figure out if he was just having a good time flirting or really liked the guy. 

“I told you there’s nothing happening.” And there wouldn’t be either.

“There you go again. Acting like nothing’s happening and totally ignoring people’s feelings.

“When gay marriage became legal, I told myself that I was going to get married before you. And that I’d be happy before you were. And that’s what happened. I’d been losing to you, but in the end, I won! And then I got divorced and here I am. Like nothing happened. And I don’t care anymore who gets what first. I just want to move on and restart my life. That’s what I’m trying to do here! And without even trying you mess everything up. 

“And what makes it worse? You’re not even playing fair.”

“Fair?” Now what was he going on about? 

“You like Kirishima.” Not that again! “It’s true, so why won’t you admit it. What’s worse is I asked you if it was okay to date him and you said it was, even though you both like each other!” 

“I don’t know where you’re getting that from!” Wait. Kirishima still liked him?

“Yes, you do! Admit the truth: You like him!” 

“I have no interest in ever seeing him again.”

“Right. So, listen to what he told me when he rejected me a few days ago. He said he can’t date me because he likes somebody else. And that somebody else is _you._ ”

“No, it isn’t!” Was it? 

“Are you pretending to be dense or do you really not see it? It’s cowardly and stupid, because if you like him you should just say so. See what not playing fair gets you? This was ridiculous! 

“I’m not like you! For you it’s easy to go up to someone you like - but I can’t. I would do it if I could!

“Do you know how jealous I’ve been of you and your confidence? You make it seem so simple to say you like somebody, but I could never do that. I still can’t. I used to wish that I would transform into a cute popular guy like you instead of the large awkward bear that I am. 

“And I don’t even know what you’re so jealous about either! I’ve only had one boyfriend! And he was in love with someone else! Even then I barely said I loved him. Maybe because deep down I knew the truth.” 

“So just say it! I wish you’d have told me! I could have helped! Why can’t you say it?” 

“Because I’m scared of being rejected!” 

“Which is why you haven’t had a boyfriend in eight years!” 

“It’s better than being divorced!” 

“ _Hah?_ That’s low!” 

“You started it.”

Which is when Kiyomiya walked over and nicely said it was closing time. Why did Takafumi get the feeling it was more than that?

They both had calmed down a little by the time they’d left the bar. Maybe they should have yelled at each other earlier? He never realized how jealous he’d been of Sho, and who knows how long Sho had been jealous of him? 

They walked in silence until they reached the junction where they would go their separate ways. 

“I was thinking, Ta-fum. I don’t think Kirishima’s the type of guy who would deceive anyone just for the fun of it. If he was, he would have been fine playing around with me. What do you think?” 

What did he think? It rang true. And if it were true that Kirishima still liked him, even after he said he couldn’t stand him and didn’t want to see him again? And he felt good, like maybe even all this they still had a chance? Because he liked the guy. Well not the abrasive arrogant Kirishima, but the one who was down to earth, genuine, and warm. The one who had said “I like you.” 

It was too early to know. Better to be quiet. 

Sho nodded and waved. 

“See you later then.”

**Zen**

It’s weird how the whole time his mother was here he couldn’t wait for her to leave, but now that she had gone back home, the apartment felt empty. He grabbed a milk pudding from the fridge. It was good none of his patients had access to his kitchen. Especially the ones he’d advised to stay away from sugar. His fridge was stocked with puddings, his freezer with ices and ice cream and his pantry with chocolate and other treats. He had been blessed with excellent teeth though, and sugar had always been his weakness.

Earlier, it must have been when Satoko had been en route home, she had left a brochure at the clinic for him with one of the hygienists. It brought back memories of when he was a kid. He loved a particular photo of his parents sitting at a fancy restaurant when they were young and living in Tokyo. They had their first date there, and one thing led to another and they got married, moved to Kameyama and had him. 

He remembered telling his mother as a kid that he’d take her there, and how her response was that he should take somebody he cared a lot about. 

And his mother had left him a brochure for this restaurant. A quick Gurugle search showed it not only was still around but also had excellent reviews. 

She was sharp, this mother of his. She couldn’t have made it more clear what he should do if she had told him explicitly: Call Yokozawa and somehow get him to agree to meet at this restaurant, and then, maybe something would happen, in the merit of his family history maybe or if his father was somewhere watching over him, like he always wished he was when he was younger. 

Still, it was foolish to call the man who said he couldn’t stand him, but what the hell, he’d do it anyway. He picked up his phone and found Yokozawa’s number.

And he answered, which was one step. He also didn’t sound annoyed. Okay, he didn’t sound excited, but it was a start. 

“Yokozawa here.” 

“It’s Kirishima. I’m sorry about the other day.” 

“Got it.”

“Can we meet one more time? I won’t bother you again. At 8pm? I’ll send you the details.” 

He waited for a response but got none. He also didn’t get yelled out. Zen continued. 

“I’ll be waiting for you,” and hung up before Yokozawa could tell him to fuck off.

**Takafumi**

What the hell? Why did Kirishima invite him to another fancy restaurant? Their first date -oh wait no that had been part of the game orchestrated by his lovely director- had been disastrous. He found a menu online though, and it looked decent with no snails or force-fed animals featured.

But should he go? If so, he needed to leave soon, and stop at home to shower and get changed. He’d worked up a sweat making the rounds of stores. 

Hemni chose that moment to show his hard work and Takafumi frowned as he inspected it. 

“Sorry, but this isn’t going to work. The entire staff at the bookstore will see this, so we need to show specific sales data. Look here for example. He took out a similar project he had worked on. He should have shown Hemni that before he started, but Takafumi had been… distracted. 

Hemni sighed and looked at his watch

“What’s the problem?” 

“It’s just I have a date tonight…” So that’s what it was. Technically, he also had a date, but it would be quicker and easier if he just fixed it himself. 

“Fine. I’ll take care of it.”

Hemni bowed happily.

“Sorry. I’ll leave it to you, then. Thanks for your hard work!” 

By the time he had finished it was already 7:45. He would go home to get changed first and be fashionably late. Except when he got home, he lay down on his bead. Ditching was simpler, wasn’t it? It’s not like they had done so well together anyway. Still, Kirishima had to be at the restaurant right now, waiting for him. 

He flipped through the Amami Hikaru book. 

The worst thing you can do is assume anything about your partner. When you make decisions only by what you’ve seen with your eyes- aren’t you possibly missing important aspects about them? This could prove fatal when it comes to love.

It was easier to stay home, right? Then Kirishima would give up and move on. Because he was a liar. Except Sho had said he didn’t seem like someone who would purposely deceive anybody, and it rang true. And how the guy’s own mother said he couldn’t lie. And Kirishima had said he liked him, and it had felt real. Except now it was almost 9:30 now. 

It was too late to change. He ran off to the subway but it was stopping earlier than it usually did, which meant he’d be walking the length of subway stops to get to the restaurant. 

As soon as he left the station he started running. It had to be 10. No, it was after 10 now. 

He finally entered the restaurant and tried to catch his breath as he looked around at a completely empty restaurant. 

He looked around and yes, he was the only customer there. Kirishima had given up. Takafumi was an idiot. Which is why he was never in relationships, because he couldn’t get a single thing right. _Idiot!_

He was still trying to get his breathing back to normal when he heard the front door open and there was Kirishima Zen looking breathtaking in a suit and tie putting his cell phone in his pocket, and completely calm as if Takafumi hadn’t made him wait over two hours.

“Oh, Yokozawa. I got a phone call, so I went outside.” 

What should he say? You’re gorgeous? I’m wrong? I didn’t mean what I said when I told you I hated you? 

“Yokozawa?”

“I’m… relieved.” 

“I said I’d wait for you, right? Why don’t we eat?”


	23. Chapter 23

**Shouta**

So Kirishima and Ta-fum were finally dating, and it didn’t even feel bad really. He’d find a good guy soon, somebody preferably gorgeous inside and out. Or maybe he’d just find another one-night stand?

But Ta-fum’s date sounded like something a middle-schooler would have come up with. Seriously, rickshaw rides, amusement parks and souvenirs? Okay it was nice he got them fans, but still. He would have pegged Kirishima as more of a fancy restaurant and hot sex kind of guy. Ritsu looked just as impressed as he fanned himself. 

“Rickshaw rides and souvenirs? It sounds more like a school trip. Did you even kiss?” 

“Yeah, I’m surprised. You’re supposed to give yourself opportunities for better things, like in the bedroom. You could have given him a sign you’re interested.” 

“And if you don’t do something soon, you’ll just stay in the friendzone, although that worked in my favor once with a friend of mine, but that’s a story for a different time.” That was juicy. He’d have to drag that story out of Ritsu later. Then he looked over at Takafumi who was frowning and avoiding eye contact, like he always did when he was too stubborn to admit that he was wrong. 

“It’s not so simple.” How could this not be simple? But then again this was the guy who told him he couldn’t even say ‘I love you’ to Saga Masamune, and Ta-fum had been obsessed with that jerk to an unhealthy degree. He probably couldn’t say ‘Kirishima you’re hot. Let’s go back to your place and do it ‘til morning.’ Shouta settled down with a snack and decided to let Ritsu handle the conversation. 

“How is it not simple? It’s not like you’re a virgin. You know what to do.” 

“Well, obviously but it’s been so long, and I want things to happen naturally.” Naturally? The unnatural part was how they didn’t do anything!

“But if you keep going along this way somebody else could come along and snap him up, which I can clearly see you don’t want. It’s not difficult. Go to his apartment and kiss him and everything will follow. Did you even discuss positions yet? Also, what about clothing? Some guys love thongs.” Yeah, that pretty much covered it. And not having stained underwear because that was a total turnoff. He might as well just ask.

“Your underwear isn’t stained, isn’t it?” 

Y: “Excuse me, Sho? I only wear clean clothing.” Well that was a good point, but you could never be too careful.  
“Maybe Kirishima’s into cosplay. ‘Sempai, don’t touch me there it feels so - good!’” Ritsu needed to borrow an AV. Shouta had an amazing sempai kouhai one. Maybe he should discreetly put it on his pillow or something. 

“Maybe just get a boyfriend, Ritsu.” That too. 

“I’ve got this amazing sexy fireman’s outfit you can borrow!” He had some good memories with that outfit. 

“What are you saying, Shouta? How’s he supposed to fit in it?” 

“Oh. Good point. I guess I’ll keep it for the future. Do you have anything, Ta-fum? “He probably didn’t though, because: eight years. 

“Why would I have sexy cosplay outfits?” Which is why he wasn’t at Kirishima’s now. 

“Okay, it’s time for us to go shopping!” Ritsu jumped up clearly ready to go now, which wasn’t such a bad idea. He jumped up excitedly. 

“And I’ve got the perfect place!” 

“This is not happening!” 

“Oh, come on!” 

“No thanks!” Ta-fum was so boring sometimes. 

“Fine, but only if you promise you’ll check out the store and try to buy at least one thing for a hot date with Kirishima.” 

He wasn’t really expecting much but Takafumi did send a photo of the storefront the next day so maybe he did find something.

**Zen**

Why was he sitting here with Yanase Yuu and Takano and not in bed with Yokozawa?  
He’d been asking himself that after the first date and now after the second. It was supposed to be romantic; he took him to a classic spot for kissing with amazing views of the Tokyo Tower. Other couples were there all lovey-dovey and they were awkward. Yokozawa looked hot in his leather jacket, which was ironic because he was clearly freezing. So they went back to his car and he drove back to Yokozawa’s, which is when he was planning on leaning in for a kiss, but instead there was his sister and what must have been her boyfriend smiling happily by the car window.

So, no kissing and no sex either. What was worse is they both desired each other, but Yokozawa wasn’t ready. He decided to drown his sorrows in glazed pound cake, cutting a small piece of his slice at a time and eating it slowly. 

Yuu was looking at him with that idiotic smile. Zen put down his fork and glared at him.

“What?” 

“I can’t believe you didn’t kiss.” Why had he told that idiot anything?

“Unlike you, I can read the atmosphere. It’s called being an adult. I want to get things right.”

“I thought the whole reason you stopped trying to go out with him was because it was ‘troublesome.’” Argh. Yuu kept on using his own words against him. He had said that but that was before he realized Yokozawa was worth it.

“Dating requires a more delicate touch when you're an adult.”

“Don’t forget it’s been eight years since Yokozawa dated, right? That does require a certain sensitivity.” Trust Takano to understand sensitivity. He was too nice for his own good. 

“That’s a ridiculously long time.” Yuu looked like he was frightened it would happen to him.

“Yeah. A baby born back then would be in grade 2 now. Yokozawa’s basically an STV.” 

“What’s an STV, Takano?”

“Second time virgin.” 

“Ah.” Which is maybe why Yokozawa looked so nervous when they had opportunities for taking things further. 

“It’s more pressure for you, although if you like that sort of thing it can have it’s good side, when you do get to the bedroom. Some guys can surprise you.” 

“Assuming they ever get to that point, which seems highly unlikely. Just don’t sit around because Taki might think you’re cowardly and dump you. Given his inexperience, he’s got to be waiting for you to make the first move.

Also, if you don’t do anything, I might just take him away from you.” As Yuu said that he winked, leaned over, and grabbed the small piece Kirishima had just cut and stuck it in his mouth. Why was Yuu such a brat? And what had he just said about taking Yokozawa away? Like Yokozawa would dump him for a jerk? 

“That’s not happening.” 

“You might not remember this, but I’m the one who kissed Taki. And next time I won’t be satisfied with just a kiss. This cake’s good, by the way.” Yuu did his usual disappearing act up the stairs as he waved goodbye. 

_Not if I have something to do with it_ , Zen thought angrily as he finished his cake, and then the lights went out. 

Kiyomiya was a great bartender and manager, but he had a heavy touch when it came to dramatics. It was way too early for closing and the place was full. Maybe it was a power outage? He was getting so used to these unpredictable occurrences, he sat calmly as other customers cried out in surprise. Then Kiyomiya showed up and started lighting large colorful candles.

“Thank you for your patience. We’re trying to conserve energy.” He said cheerfully amidst much cheering from the audience- err customers.

**Takafumi**

Another day, another meeting for another promotion in another bookstore. The good news was sales for Amami Hikaru’s book were never better.

“I was thinking we could add a good phrase here. Any of you remember an appropriate quote?” 

Hemni raised his hands like he was in school and Yokozawa nodded in his direction.

“I have one!” He flipped through the book, found it and started reading.

_Many people feel more confident after they’ve gotten the courage to say ‘I like you,’ but what should never be ignored in an intimate relationship is chemistry. The first step in love is your use of words to express how you feel. The second is to reciprocate your partner’s “gestures.” Like = opportunity. When you flirt with a prospective partner you create an atmosphere for them._

His co-workers nodded.

“Got it.”

“Amami is amazing.”

“Right? But what do you expect from somebody wh’s also a singer and an actress? And she’s hot for being an old lady.” 

“And she’s so right, especially when it comes to men. We look for opportunities.” 

“Especially certain opportunities.”

“Oh yeah. Right?” 

Takafumi was losing the thread of the conversation. Or maybe he wasn’t. Sex. It was everywhere. And he had a gorgeous boyfriend just waiting for him to make a move and shit he was terrified! He had to think of something different. 

“What opportunities?” 

“Oh, come on. You’re a guy. Isn’t it obvious?” When had Yukina entered the room? “When a guy is dating, and their partner doesn’t let them get close because they’re so bulletproof, they might rethink dating them. A lot of us are cowards, right Yokozawa?” This was hitting a little too close to home. Was Kirishima getting frustrated? They’d only dated a couple of times so far. Still, they hadn’t kissed yet and it was probably all his fault. What the hell was wrong with him? Wait, why did he keep thinking of this at work? He frowned.

“I’m not like that, and can we leave the personal comments out of this discussion?” 

“Relax! I never said you were! Although it would be helpful if you worked on the sex appeal.” 

“Excuse me?” 

It pissed him off so much he was thinking about it as he ate lunch at a nearby restaurant. 

“That bastard, Yukina. Sex appeal isn’t everything. There’s also charm and intelligence. I actually have a boyfriend who is perfectly happy with my sex appeal.” 

“When did you start talking to yourself?” 

He turned around to see Yanase Yuu, probably looking for a free lunch.

“I’ll have what he’s having thanks.” Yuu pointed to the waiter, smiled, and sat down. 

“Don’t expect me to pay for you.” 

“Taki, that’s cold. Is this how you act in front of Kirishima? I’m surprised you’re even comfortable holding hands.” 

Takafumi glared at him. How did he figure that one out from talking only one minute?

“I can tell by that look how spot on I am. I don’t mind listening to your complaints if you like.”

“That won’t be necessary.” Because he was happy. Ever since that night in the restaurant he’d felt a joy he hadn’t felt in years. 

“I know it’s difficult after so long. Eight years! It has to be challenging and It’s understandable that Kirishima was complaining.” Wait, what? 

“Kirishima was complaining?” Shit. He was messing up already! 

“‘He’s so serious,’” Yuu mimicked Kirishima’s voice, and it was a bit creepy how good of a job he was doing. 

“He said that?” 

“Well, yeah and you shouldn’t think so hard about sex. It’s like riding a bicycle. You get back on and just go.” 

“Are you saying Kirishima’s a bicycle?” Why did he ask that? Because there was naked Kirishima -well his imagination’s version since he hadn’t seen this yet- under him and moaning, which was a bad image to be evoking now. 

“Or maybe you are. If you’re nervous why don’t you let me have a go? I’ll do whatever you want. I’m flexible that way.” Yuu had let his voice turn into a sultry whisper as Yokozawa could feel his face turn red and he jumped in surprise then checked if anyone was staring at him then glared at Yuu. 

“What the actual hell?” 

“I still haven’t given up on you, Taki and I’m amazing in any position.” Shit! They were at a restaurant! He tried to keep his expression neutral even if Yuu needed a punch to the nose.

“Dream on, Yuu.” He concentrated on his food and Yuu’s phone went off, but the brat didn’t seem to be in a hurry to answer it. “Maybe it’s Ijuuin Kyo. You should pick up.” It made no sense. Yuu was with somebody so why was he harassing him?

Yuu frowned at the phone. 

“I want to be thinking of only you when we’re together.” That was probably Yuu trying to be romantic. So cliched and ridiculous. Luckily, he was finished and could get the hell out of here. 

“Really? Well I’m done. Bye. The meal was amazing, chef!” 

Still. Kirishima had really said he was too serious? He was probably also frustrated. Couldn’t he be patient? Bering in a relationship wasn’t anything like getting on a bicycle. No. Yuu was just trying to get a reaction from him. That’s the type of jerk he was. He was trying to stir trouble.

**Zen**

Another night at the dessert bar. Yokozawa was working late, which killed his chances for a hot date. Oh well. He could be patient!

And it was good he was free because Takano needed his help. And he benefited by having a friend who was a flavor chemist, because he’d brought more chocolates in a slightly different flavor this time, and it was a win-win situation. He got delicious sweets and Takano had an honest opinion about his chocolates. 

“Ah. Nice. They’re slightly different this time.” 

“I added hazelnuts.” 

“Yes, that’s it. Nice touch.” 

“I was hoping to give them to Ritsu.” 

“You’re giving him chocolates again?” 

“I wasn’t able to give them to him last time.” Takano looked morose as he said it. Oops. He put his foot in his mouth. He really had to work on that. 

“Oh?” 

“I hope he likes them. When he said he wasn’t interested in getting married-” 

“I could relate to that actually. Maybe he just likes living alone.” He certainly did. And yet here he was in this new relationship with Yokozawa trying to nurture it like it was a delicate plant, which in a way it was. 

“I don’t think that’s the case. Maybe it’s because he feels all alone. It’s normal after  
getting your heart broken.” 

“Eh? That sounds rough. What happened?” Except Takano was hardly going to tell him. Hello mouth, here’s a foot. 

“A lot of things happened. The point is I wanted to give him a reason to smile, even if it’s because of something trivial.” Okay, sweet, but not what Zen wanted to hear. 

“So, when are you telling him you love him? You do love him, right?” Bingo. Takano looked horrified and then was equally obvious in his attempt to look oblivious. 

“What?” 

“Oh, come on! It’s all over your face.” 

Silence. 

“No?” Zen knew he was being pushy, but it was all for a good cause. Takano looked up and sighed. 

“It’s not that kind of love. That is, I can’t love him like that. The thing is-” Zen couldn’t handle hearing him any longer. 

“You’re making something simple way too complicated.” 

“Because I’m not in his league. It’s like he’s a prince and I’m a commoner. We’re from different galaxies.” This was sad. Takano was a good person, and giving up without even trying!

“Oi! How do you know what he wants? Did you ask? You’re going to give up now before finding out? The only thing you’re succeeding at here is torturing yourself.” 

“You’re right.” 

“Of course, I’m right.” He got paid to be right! 

“So, I should really just ask him.” 

“Yes!” 

“Okay! I’m going to do my best.” 

“Don’t waste any more time. Call him right away!” 

Takano started to get his wallet out. 

“It’s my treat tonight, Takano. Go for it!” Takano nodded, and put his wallet away.

“Then enjoy the rest of the chocolates.” 

As he sat and enjoyed his chocolates he sighed happily. Maybe Takano would get some good news. It felt good to help. Maybe he should have become a life coach. 

Then Kiyomiya appeared and seemed to be smirking as he cleaned the area where Takano had been sitting. 

“Yes?” 

“Nothing. I just think it’s interesting that when it comes to others, people can be a lot more direct.” 

Or maybe Kiyomiya should have become a life coach. That was just a little too close for comfort.

**Masamune**

They were at a Chinese restaurant and Ritsu was finally enjoying his chocolates, the fruit of his labors all for him, and it was way too sensual the way he opened up the wrapper and took a bite.

“It’s delicious!” Now he was licking his fingers. For once in his life he was jealous of a piece of chocolate. 

Whatever. They were here together, and he was finally going to confess. 

“Uh, Ritsu.”

“Umn?” Ritsu cleaned his hands and Masamune tried to figure out what to say. He should have planned this out better. 

“Please excuse me in case I’m mistaken but-” 

“Your fried rice.” Did waiters purposely pick the worst moments to interrupt? He moved slightly to give the waiter room to place the serving tray in front of them and waited for him to leave. 

“How do I say this? If you’re worrying about anything, you can talk to me.” Wait. That wasn’t ‘I love you. Please date me.’ But somehow it had felt right. There was obviously something bothering him. He felt that the last time they’d gone out for dinner. 

Ritsu laughed and took out his chopsticks. Even that laugh, it was a nervous laugh. Something was bothering him! 

“What gave you that idea?” 

“It’s just obvious.” 

“Takachi, you’re so sensitive, but what sets you apart from a lot of people is your sensitivity towards others.” For once the compliment annoyed him. Ritsu was deflecting. 

“But that’s not what I’m talking about.” 

“I know, but my worries aren’t the type that can be shared. I have to figure them out by myself.” 

But why? Why couldn’t Ritsu trust him? Ritsu smiled a sad smile.

“I can’t trouble you with my problems, Takachi, but I appreciate your concern.” As if to emphasize this Ritsu slapped him on the shoulder. But it made no sense! 

“It wouldn’t be a trouble for me!” He noticed nearby customers turning to look at him. He hadn’t planned on being so loud. Now. He had to say it now. It was his only chance. He looked at Ritsu and started talking.

“Ritsu, I li-” 

Ritsu held his hand to stop him. Okay. Talk about quickest rejection ever. 

“Okay. I’ll tell you.” 

“Ah. yes. Please! Maybe I can help?” 

“Fine. I’m pregnant.” 

“Eh? Isn’t that impossible?” Male pregnancy? He’d read his share of Omagaverse manga, but this was real life! 

“Not as impossible as you’d think. Maybe I should have told you earlier. I’m transsexual. It’s a long story, but it took a long time to get approval to go through transition and then my mother flushed my hormones down the toilet and then I couldn’t afford more and now, right when I was supposed to be starting transition again I found out I’m pregnant. It must have happened right before we broke up because he always wanted to do it the so-called ‘normal’ way. He never really accepted me as a man. He was bi and I think I was a novelty for him. Sorry. Way too much information.” 

Huh? How was that even possible? Onodera looked and sounded like a man, and yet, it made sense. Maybe. His mind whirled. 

Ritsu continued. 

“Anyway, that’s the story. I’m a pre-op transsexual and I’m pregnant, and if I abort, I can start transition in a couple weeks, but if I do that, I’m losing my one chance to have a biological child. And this all happened right when I became the head of a huge project at work. If I have the baby, I can say goodbye to the career I’ve worked hard to build. But giving up on a child because of work - it doesn’t sound right for me.

And every day the baby’s growing and I need to decide. I think you’ll agree that there’s nothing you can do to help, but I do appreciate that you care.” 

Ritsu was right. What could he do to help him make probably the most important decision in his life? And yet somehow that just increased Masamune’s love and respect. He was still trying to put this into words, when Ritsu got up and grabbed his coat and the chocolates. 

“I better head home. I need to make an early start tomorrow. Thanks for listening.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Zen**

This was ridiculous. They’d met three times now and so far, nothing. Yes, they had a good time, and Yokozawa was rusty, but still. “Second time virgin” whatever that meant had to be different from an actual one, surely?

Whatever. Tonight was the night. He had set the scene well. The outfit - his sexiest white skinny jeans paired with a white button-down shirt and a mustard colored cardigan which highlighted his hair, which looked perfect. People usually loved the cologne he wore, which, on second thought, might have made it a poor choice for Yokozawa. He was so different from almost anyone he’d ever dated. Whatever. He loved this cologne and hopefully Yokozawa would too. 

The music - it had to be classy but sexy. He had spent hours making the perfect playlist. He’d start with Serge Gainsbourg’s _Je’t’aime_ and end up with Marvin Gaye’s _Sexual Healing_. Okay, maybe that one was too obvious, but it was the last song, and he needed some freaking sexual healing at this point. It was crazy just how hot Yokozawa was and so oblivious. 

He probably needed relaxing, and what better than a smooth glass of Merlot that had been top rated at the wine store. 

So, there they were. Yokozawa was in his typical suit attire. It was after work though so it would have been unreasonable for him to go home and change. Still, these suits made him look ten years older. 

But it was fine. If all went according to plan, Zen would have him out of those annoying clothes soon enough. 

Okay. It was a good start. Yokozawa was sipping the wine. A big guy like him probably needed two glasses to get in the mood.

Zen was in the process of discreetly moving his arm around Yokozawa’s when he heard a shrill noise and yelled in alarm before he realized it was Yokozawa’s cell phone. What the hell? He needed to get relaxed more than Yokozawa if cell phone ring tones were shocking him.

“I’m sorry.” Yokozawa looked cute when he was embarrassed. 

“No problem. Get it.” He picked up his wine glass and gulped it while Yokozawa whispered although it had to be one of his siblings. 

“Eh? Shampoo? Check the cupboard in the bathroom. There’s a bottle there.” He hung up the phone and rolled his eyes. “Sorry. I don’t get Misaki sometimes. You’d think he’d know something like that.” 

“It’s fine.” 

Now. Discreetly, slowly - their hands were so close so it shouldn’t be too weird if they held hands. Patience. Yokozawa was sipping his wine. Good. Zen had already refilled his. This was ridiculous. He was forty years old with decades of experience. And yet he was channeling his teenage self at the worst possible time!

Slowly he reached over for Yokozawa’s hand only to be rewarded by what sounded like a high-pitched scream. He jumped up in surprise. Except it was just Yokozawa’s phone rang again. This was not cool! One good thing about Yokozawa being nervous was how busy he was being embarrassed that his phone was ringing again and missed Zen acting like a total idiot. 

“Sorry. Not again.” 

“It’s really fine.” Yokozawa nodded and answered the phone. 

“Yes? Hiyori? The extra toilet paper is in the hallway closet. No, it’s fine. See you.” 

Yokozawa looked up and shook his head. “I don’t get it. When I’m at Onodera’s they never call. And suddenly two calls. It’s almost like Hiyori’s spying, because she at least should know where the extra toilet paper is.” 

“It’s fine. It must be challenging trying to fill a parental role for your siblings.” 

“I’m used to it by now.” 

“I kind of like that side of you, it’s very nurturing.” He was about to say maternal and stopped himself, although that must be the difficult part, having to take the place of two parents, when he was barely an adult himself. Which is one of the reasons he liked the man so much. And that look he was giving was perfect. Zen leaned forward and started closing his eyes. 

Which is when Yokozawa jumped up, mumbled some excuse and was out the door before Zen could even figure out what he’d even said. Pudding. He needed pudding. And a shower. A cold shower. Or maybe a hot one. He shook his head in frustration. 

_Shit!_

**Shouta**

Being drunk was getting old. This was the last night he was going to let himself go, especially because it was only afternoon. He’d have an early night tonight, and tomorrow he’d concentrate more on his work and maybe go to that marriage bureau, he kept seeing ads for. The one Rittie had gone to. The only thing stopping him so far had been how elusive Ritsu had been about his experience. Apparently, they kept offering him someone completely inappropriate. Still, anything had to be better than this. He was a successful salaryman, a good guy, amazing in bed and fun to be with. But today, he was drinking. Two highballs later he contemplated his glass and noticed Kiyomiya. He always looked classy and he looked like he liked his job. If Shouta got a part time job here, maybe he’d get free drinks and meet somebody interesting.

But Kiyomiya didn’t seem so excited when he brought the topic up. 

“Don’t you already have a full-time job? 

“Well, yeah, and excellent benefits, but I’d love to work here on weekends.” 

Kiyomiya had smiled nicely while giving him what was so obviously the brush off except in such a nice way it was impossible to dislike him. Maybe he was single? 

All this had been overheard by Yanase Yuu, who was nice, in a little brother kind of way. He was very generously listening to Shouta rant, which was nice of him. 

“It’s funny. I’ve got a good career but somehow it doesn’t matter when you’re getting older.” 

“Oh please! You’re not old, and you’re cooler than most guys my age.” 

Well that was flattering but lies of course. He smiled and sipped his drink, which was supposed to be another highball, but somehow had turned into a milk tea. 

“Thanks. I’m just wondering how long it can last. It’s funny. I never wanted the perfect husband or the perfect house, but somehow when I married Hatori I thought that would make me instantly happy, when really the happiness needed to come first. Not that it mattered. I tried to occupy myself with finding the perfect furnishings for our apartment or making the perfect dish, even though Hatori was a better cook than I was. I was working full-time, but I still made sure to be there at the entryway to take his briefcase when he came home from work even when he came home at 4:30 in the morning! I thought if I were the perfect wife-husband, I’d be happy.” 

“While you were working? That sounds insane, not to mention fake. Like you were trying to fit into a mold that doesn’t work for most couples, gay or straight. That’s why you got married?” 

Shouta frowned? Was it? That was kind of stupid to get married just to be the perfect husband. that was without including all of the free time he’d spent helping Hatori when his mangakas screwed up and his magazine was close to missing their print date. Any time that happened on the weekend, or even some weeknights he’d rush in and help. He could get a job as a manga editor at this point. 

They ended up walking. Yuu was surprisingly insightful, even if his attitude to life was more careless than carefree. 

“So, have you decided to give up on Kirishima?” 

“It was that obvious that I liked him?” How embarrassing. 

“Kinda.” 

“I’m not going to keep pursuing him when he’s dating my best friend. Forget that!” 

“So that’s it? You’re giving up?” 

“I don’t see the point. Unless - is this about you and Ta-fum?” Maybe Yuu had fallen for him? It was a bit late at this point, wasn’t it? 

“Yokozawa? I was never interested in him.” 

Shouta was still trying to figure the implications of that when a woman approached Yuu. She looked like she worked at a hostess club with her red dress and fur trimmed coat, the makeup job that went just a little bit too overboard and the tacky chunky jewelry. 

“Yuu! It’s been so long! How are you doing?” 

Yuu didn’t seem so thrilled to see her. Wasn’t he with that famous mangaka? Maybe he was bi? Interesting. From the way Ta-fum had talked Yuu’s boyfriend sounded possessive. Maybe he had reason to be that way.

The woman noticed Shouta and started talking as if he weren’t there. 

“Is that your new boyfriend?” 

“No.” 

“You’re joking, right? He’s kind of cute, but maybe a little young?” Oh great. That again. “But you know, Yuu, that it doesn’t matter who you date, I’ll always be around.” 

Okay. So Yuu was bi and liked them older and super possessive. Although he looked more annoyed than anything else now. Well nobody likes desperation. Hatori didn’t. Especially when Shouta literally fell to the floor and begged him not to leave. Anyway. Yuu. He looked disgusted, while this woman kept going on. 

“Nobody loves you more than I do. Nobody in the entire world! You know this, right?” 

“Get a life!” 

“You don’t need to yell at me.” 

“We have nothing to do with each other. Don’t come near me ever again.” 

Okay. So maybe Yuu was getting sick of the possessive type. Wow. Shouta had never seen him so serious or angry before. It was strangely reassuring. He had normal emotions and took some things in life seriously. 

Yuu took off and the woman kept calling after him while Shouta stood there, trying to figure how to make his escape. He finally smiled and nodded as a farewell. 

_Awkward!_

**Takafumi**

Work was busy, which was good, because it saved Takafumi from having to think too much of how much he blew it with Kirishima. And he couldn’t even explain why he had run. Nerves. Or something.

Whatever. He was working, and Hemni was excitedly bringing a copy of the finished poster for the bookstores. It was sweet how happy Hemni was about a simple poster. 

“They’re finished, Yokozawa!” 

Takafumi looked over the sample and smiled.

“Good job. Bring them to all the bookstores.” 

Hemni gave Takafumi a salute. “Yes! I’m on it now!

Now to send Kirishima a message. He was trying to figure out what to write - should he apologize or pretend it didn’t happen- when a co-worker dumped a huge stack of papers on his desk. 

“Yokozawa, can you look through this and come back to me with ideas for the billboard?” 

He nodded. More work, but first, Kirishima. “Sorry about last night. I’ll make it up to you.” He sent it before he could change his mind and turned his attention to the pile. 

He kept periodically checking his phone for responses, only to be greeted by an empty mailbox. Sending another message now would be nagging. He started writing ‘What are you doing tomorrow?’, frowned and erased it. 

He ended up meeting Ritsu for coffee a week later. Ritsu had a decaf coffee ice cream drink, which was odd. Usually Ritsu stayed clear from high calorie drinks. Oh well. It looked good. Ritsu had the most relationship experience and could help. Takafumi tried to act casual, but his worry must have been obvious. 

“It’s been a week since he called you and he didn’t answer your message? I think you should call him.” 

“I know. I just don’t know what’s too much or too little. I don’t want to smother him.” 

“You sent him one message almost a week ago? It doesn’t sound like that’s an issue.” 

“I guess. My problem is that when I’m with Kirishima I question myself, like if I’m doing things the right way or if I’m messing up. I know I take everything too seriously, but it’s been so long, and I don’t know what I’m doing. Things just progressed on their own last time, and now…” 

“Wait. You do want him, right? The attraction’s there?” 

“Shit yeah. I just freeze when we’re about to do anything. It’s ridiculous.” 

“I don’t know what to say then. There’s no one right way in love and every couple’s different. There’s no correct answer. The only thing I’ll say is that you made your choice, so you should feel confident about it.” 

Ritsu was right. And what could it hurt if he called Kirishima on the phone. They were boyfriends, right? 

After Ritsu left he went towards the exit and called Kirishima. He tried to ignore his nerves, which shouldn’t have been there, and when he heard Kirishima’s voice he smiled. He liked this man. 

“Yokozawa here.” Well that was stupid, but whatever.

“Yes.” 

“I’m not calling about anything big. I just wondered if maybe we could get together.” 

“Tonight?” Kirishima didn’t sound excited. But maybe he was reading too much into it.

“Yeah. Maybe go for dinner or dessert?” At the dessert bar Kirishima practically lived at. 

“I’m sorry. I have tons of work today.” Takafumi frowned. 

“I thought you said you were closed today.” 

“It’s an academic conference coming up. I’m delivering a speech, so I have to do research.” 

“Ah.” 

“I’ll call you when it’s quieter.” Eh? Why did that sound like ‘don’t call me I’ll call you?’ 

Was Kirishima giving up on him already? Was that it? But Kirishima had been so patient with him. He wouldn’t dump him like that just because they hadn’t gone to bed yet. Would he?

He was walking to the train from the grocery store later when he spotted a man with caramel colored hair, black pants, and a purple cardigan. And it was Kirishima who looked way too hot in his skinny jeans. Takafumi was about to walk over, is when he saw the man wasn’t alone. No, he was accompanied by a woman who looked to be in her late 20s or early 30s. They started walking companionably and Kirishima laughed at something the woman said. She was beautiful and looked good next to Kirishima. Which is when Takafumi felt his stomach try to escape his body.


	25. Chapter 25

**Zen**

Zen looked at the message from Usami Natsuko and frowned. It was nice that she thought of him and the Chinese restaurant she suggested had good food and was close to his clinic. He’d had back to back patients all morning. It was nice for his bank balance, but a break would be nice.

Natsuko wasn’t alone and it took him a moment before he realized she was with Yokozawa, because his back was turned to him. Natsuko waved. l

“Ah, Zennie. Nice to see you!” 

Yokozawa looked up with a mild surprised expression but nodded in greetings and went back to his food. It looked good, but then again almost anything sounded good at this point. 

Taking off his coat, he sat down and smiled at his boyfriend, who he’d purposely given the brush off to a day ago. He felt a bit guilty, but this dating business was exhausting especially with a sensitive awkward guy with little relationship experience. It was worth it, but it would be even more worth it if they got to at least the kissing stage. Whatever. Relationships took effort. 

“I didn’t know you’d be here.” 

“Do I need your permission?” Shit? What was with that scowl? He pretended to ignore it and laughed. 

“Of course not. I just didn’t realize.” Natsuko was looking at them oddly. 

“Does it matter? You’re dating now, right?” Good question. What were they? Officially they were boyfriends, but it didn’t quite feel that way yet. Yokozawa wasn’t either answering so quickly.

Natsuko leaned towards them, like that would make them talk. She’d make a lousy interrogator. 

“Did I say the wrong thing?” 

“No.” He leaned over to Yokozawa. What are you eating? It looks good.” 

“Sweet and sour chicken.” 

The waiter showed up then with a hot towel and Zen pointed at the dish. 

“I’ll have that.” 

The waiter peered over. “Sweet and sour chicken?” 

“Yes.” He gave back the menu. Now if he could just figure out why Yokozawa was glaring at him…

“Are you sure you want to pick something so quickly?” There was something in Yokozawa’s tone which reminded him of the times they would get together only to yell insults at each other. But last time they were together everything was fine. So, what was the deal? He smiled again. Maybe he was just having a hard day. 

“Is that a problem?” 

“ I didn’t say it was.” 

Now Natsuko was starting to look at them oddly, and even the chef was looking in their direction. Ah, because this was the restaurant they’d been in when they started having a yell fest recently and the guy remembered it. Natsuko pointed to her food and smiled. 

“They have the best sweet and sour chicken here!” She started eating with gusto which would have been amusing, if Yokozawa weren’t acting so pissed off. 

“I don’t really care. It’s all just food.” Again? Did he really deserve this glare? 

“Ah. That’s how you choose things. Sounds a bit irresponsible.”

“ _Hah?_ I didn’t realize that restaurant choices had anything to do with responsibility.” 

“A guy who steals a pin steals an ox.” Okay, aphorisms now? He had to stop this now before it got out of control. He took a deep breath. He could do this. He had his share of irate patients over the years. He kept his voice even and calm. 

“Can you tell me what you're trying to say?” 

“I think it’s pretty clear.” 

“It’s not so clear to me, though. Did I do anything irresponsible to you?” 

“Are you pretending not to know?” Yokozawa raised his voice angrily, and yelling would be so satisfying. Except that would last two minutes and then he’d feel awful. He tried to get eye contact but Yokozawa kept looking away. He sighed and spoke as calmly he could. 

“I have no clue what you’re talking about.” 

“I saw you.” 

“You saw me.” 

“You were with a woman yesterday.” Maybe he had a doppelganger? 

“A woman?”

Yes. A young, beautiful woman.” Oh. _That_ woman. That already felt like days ago. 

“Young and beautiful?” She wasn’t all that young, but that clearly wasn’t the point. Yokozawa went on. 

“Yes. You were both laughing while you were walking together on the street. You told me you were busy with work and meanwhile you’re out with a woman.” He almost said, ‘so a man would have been okay?’ but stopped himself. 

“I can explain. She’s one of my staff members. She’s put in a lot of overtime lately when one of the dental hygienists got married, so I took her out to eat to thank her. I wish you would have called out to me. I could have explained it to you.” And saved him from the jealousy over nothing.

“Why didn’t you do that, Takafumi?” Sometimes it was good that Natsuko was so nosy. It was nice to get the back up. Yokozawa looked at them and then down. Ah, so proud and so awkward. Part of him wanted to bring him close and ruffle his hair and the other wanted to shake his shoulders and tell him to get with the program. 

“I don’t know. I just couldn’t.” Like he couldn’t say ‘I like you.’ And he freaked out over physical intimacy. Life was so much simpler when he was single. It had to be worth it though. Eventually, maybe. He looked at the man who was still staring at something in his lap. 

“Why couldn’t you?” 

“I… I still don’t know who I am to you. I didn’t even know how to call out to you. What would you have told her I was?” 

Shouldn’t that have been obvious? Except it wasn’t and that wasn’t just Yokozawa’s fault.. He hadn’t been helping by distancing himself. Before he could think of a response, Yokozawa was already out of his seat and putting on his coat. He mumbled something about getting back to work and ran out. 

Natsuko looked at him and raised an eyebrow. 

“And this is where you go after him.” 

“And then what? Nothing I say will be the right thing. Which is why I hate relationships. They’re such a pain.” 

“Stalling for time won’t help especially when the real problem is how you’re both overthinking everything.” 

Zen frowned and accepted his food from the chef, who wasn’t looking at him very happily. 

“Thank you, Mister ‘The Food Doesn’t Matter.’” Oh great. So now the chef was pissed off from that offhand remark he’d made earlier. He peered at the food and wondered how rude it would be if he asked for a to go container. Natsuko made a noise of disapproval. 

“When someone brings you food you eat it and enjoy.” _Yes, Mother!_

Fortunately, everything at this restaurant was delicious and once he took one bite it wasn’t too difficult to eat more.

**Masamune**

If only people came with manuals. They’d introduce themselves with a copy and you’d read about them and find out what made them tick before meeting them. Yanase Yuu probably only required a pamphlet, but he’d thought for a while now that Onodera Ritsu required a set of manuals.

And that was before Ritsu dropped the bombshell that he was a transsexual. It took time and research to process what that meant. The one thing he knew is he’d never fallen for a woman before and as far as he was concerned, operation or no operation, Ritsu was a man. Okay, sex might be a bit more complicated, but anal was anal, he’d just try to forget his partner was missing part of his ‘package.’ Except he wouldn’t have to worry because the chances of them going to bed were less than .000001 percent. 

Which led him on an interesting side path of wondering if his sexual orientation was more complicated than he’d ever realized, and if it even mattered. Which is when he uncovered a whole lexicon he’d never thought about in terms of gender identity and sexual orientation. 

He’d never had to think about this before, and he’d been a life long loner, so he didn’t know many people, ahd hadn’t known anyone who wasn’t cisgender. He didn’t even know that term existed until yesterday! He tried to imagine a young Ritsu realizing something wasn’t right and how challenging his journey must have been so far just to have what Masamune took for granted. For him being male was just part of who he was, like his black hair and his brown eyes or his love of Chemistry. He’d often asked himself how it was possible that he and his cousin looked so much alike and yet managed to look more plain and ugly than why he was born male.

Ritsu was so independent, with his own apartment and successful career, but he was juggling a lot with his transition and pregnancy and with no family support from what he’d said so far. He had friends, but everyone had busy lives of their own. Masamune wanted to hold him close, comfort him, to support him. Nothing Ritsu had said had changed his love. If anything, it only strengthened it.. 

And today only cemented it. They were supposed to meet at a park, but he got there a few minutes early just in time to see Onodera who was squatting down to be on the same level as a couple of kids who couldn’t have been older than four. They were complaining that their bubble blowers weren’t working, and he patiently helped them, gave them encouragement, and even cheered them on when they were able to get them working again. He looked so sweet and cute. Even if he didn’t keep his baby, he’d make a perfect uncle for Masamune’s nieces and nephew. Except he wouldn’t, because they weren’t going out and he had to stop imagining these types of scenarios! Except he didn’t want to. It comforted him. 

When Kirishima sent him a message in line asking if he wanted to meet at the dessert bar, it sounded like a welcome distraction, although If he couldn’t get Onodera out of his mind before he definitely couldn’t now. Those sad green eyes. That gorgeous mouth.

What he hadn’t counted on was Kirishima driving him nuts as he told him about his relationship woes with his so-called boyfriend. Yokozawa had seen him with a staff member and had gotten the wrong idea. What the two of them needed was to get laid. That’s what he’d have done if he were dating Ritsu. Why was it such a big deal? Go to Kirishima’s or a love hotel, do it already and leave him alone. That would solve probably half their problems right there. Instead he put on his patient face and listened to his friend.

“I just don’t get why he was that upset. And it was all based on nothing.” 

“He’s probably nervous. He’s insecure, and doesn’t know how important he is to you.” 

“But I told him how I felt! The reason I was playing things so slow was because of him.” 

“I see.” He didn’t, but it was the right thing to say. 

“I thought he’d appreciate it. Instead he complains that I lied, and I was with a woman.’ He didn’t have to tell me off like that!” 

“He thought you were acting suspicious.” If Ritsu were out with a sexy guy it wouldn’t make him happy. Except it would be worse, because they weren’t dating. 

“I told him clearly she’s a staff member!” Kirishima sighed and leaned back in his chair. “But that’s not the only reason I put some distance between us.” Why wasn’t this sounding so surprising? 

“What was it?” 

“I don’t know. We got serious about each other quickly, but it’s ridiculous. We haven't even slept together and he’s already this jealous.” Did Kirishima hear him when he said Yokozawa felt insecure or was this a one-way conversation?

“I think you’re having commitment issues. Isn’t it okay to settle down? You like Yokozawa right?” 

“Sure, but…” _but?_ He felt himself get more and more frustrated.

“But what? What’s the problem?” 

“I don’t know. Everything seems too intense now. When I was younger, I didn’t have to think so much about everything and it’s great that gay marriage is legal now, but I’ve never thought of myself as the marrying type. I think about marriage and what that really means and -” Takano had had enough. He slammed his fist on the counter, and Kirishima looked up surprised with his eyes bugged out. 

“What the hell? You’re an idiot! You’re worried about marriage when the main thing is how you feel about each other!” 

“Woah. I’m not used to you being so angry. What’s going on?” 

“Because you’re pissing me off! Do you even know how lucky you are? You both like each other, but you’re still messing around. Yokozawa at least has a valid excuse, but what’s ours? Seriously, what the fuck?” Kirishima was still staring at him, but thankfully his eyes had narrowed back to normal. And was he really that angry at Kirishima? No. That’s not who he was angry at. He sighed and continued. 

“I met Ritsu and I wasn’t able to tell him how I felt before he very sweetly rejected me. Which is okay. It’s not like I thought I had a chance. That’s why I’m angry, because if he liked me, I wouldn’t be sitting here talking about what we should do, I’d be doing it. Not like it matters because it’s not happening. But you and Yokozawa like each other. So why are you wasting your time here when you should be with him?” 

He didn’t yell very often, and he swore just as infrequently, but sometimes it was necessary. He must have spooked out Kirishima ended up finding an excuse to leave, or maybe he was feeling guilty for talking about his relationship when he knew Masamune’s situation, which wasn’t what he wanted. 

Ritsu. How weird. Hadn’t he met Kirishima as a distraction from him and yet he couldn’t help himself from coming back to him, and it was a comfort. If he couldn’t be his partner and lover, he could be his best friend. He had a lot of experience with his sister’s kids so he could help Ritsu if he kept his baby. He’d cheer him on, go on errands, cook him meals, hold his hand or anything else a good friend needed.

Encouraged by all this, he picked up his phone. 

“Hello?” He sounded slightly unsure, although he had to know who was calling. 

“It’s me. Takano.” 

“Hi. What’s up?” Masamune smiled.

“I went to the dessert bar with Takano. We were talking.” 

“Hmm.” Did he know how cute he sounded when he did that?

“And he kept pissing me off more and more.” Ritsu laughed. 

“Really? That doesn’t sound anything like you.” 

“Kirishima said the same thing.” 

“And?”

“I realized something when I was yelling at him.” He felt his stomach clench up as he talked.

“What?”

“I was angrier at myself more than I was at him. Because I couldn’t say what I wanted to say before.” 

Ritsu didn’t respond. He had to know he was talking about his interrupted confession. If he had been stronger, he would have said it even after Ritsu had stopped him. He went on.

“Ritsu? I’ve been thinking. And I know that I can’t make your decisions for you, but I can support you.” 

“Umn?” 

“I want you to know that you're a wonderful man and very brave. I was reading online about transition. I just wanted you to know that. Ritsu didn’t respond. “You’re there?” 

“Yeah. Sorry. I’m listening.” 

“Thanks. Also I’ll support you whatever you decide. I want to help you in any way possible.” 

“Unh.” 

“Everything’s going to be fine. Have a wonderful night.” 

Ritsu hadn’t been in the mood for talking but Masamune could hear in his voice that he was making an impact. Who said being in the friendzone was that bad? If that’s where he was supposed to be, he’d do his best.


	26. Chapter 26

**Takafumi**

The last time Shouta had been serious about a guy he ended up working for Takafumi’s ex. And he was happy so it was okay, and what could Takafumi have said anyway? You’re not allowed to date anyone who knows Saga Masamune? Still, it had led periodically to awkward meetings. The irony was that after he’d broken up with Saga, he’d still go drinking with him here and there and tried to maintain a friendship, until somebody had told him he had to let go because it was upsetting him so much it wasn’t good for him. Oh and that person had been none other than Kisa Shouta himself. Still. It wasn’t his fault Hatori worked for Saga.

And Kirishima- It’s not like Takafumi had been honest about how he felt, so he couldn’t blame Sho for pursuing him. 

But this was different. This was his supervisor. His Sparkliness, Yukina Kou. The same one who drove him nuts half the time while trying to get into his personal business. If he and Sho started dating… 

It all started with Sho arranging to meet Takafumi for lunch. The plan was that he’d wait in the lobby at 12:15 for him to come down, but instead, he’d come up to his office, took one look at Yukina and went into a bishi induced coma (standing frozen, mouth agape) as he stared at Yukina until he was dragged away to the cafe where they now sat with their sandwiches and coffees. 

“He’s gorgeous! You never told me you worked for such a gorgeous man! Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Because he’s my supervisor, and he’s also very annoying. And he’s probably straight and we both know where that gets you.” 

“I’ve made men gay before.”

“That’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever said.” 

“But I’m already falling in love.” 

“You saw him for two minutes.” 

“Two glorious minutes. Please Sho. You’ve got to help!” 

This wasn’t good. Still, if it stopped Sho from resorting to one-night stands, it would be an improvement. But why did it have to be Yukina? Did that mean he’d have to hang out with his supervisor? Having to deal with him at work was enough torture.

“What do you want me to do?” 

“Nothing big. Just casually ask him if he’s ever dated men before and if he has go from there.” 

“Just casually ask him. You're talking about a man who is always trying to get into my personal business, and you want me to point blank ask him if he’s into men?” 

“Well, yeah. And maybe he’s bothering you because he’s been bicurious and doesn’t know how to go about finding a boyfriend. Little did he know the perfect man for him was his subordinate’s best friend! Please? How often do I ask for favors and you owe me because you should have realized he’s totally my type!” 

“You’re always asking me favors.” 

“Please?” 

“Fine. ’ll ask him.” 

Only for Sho would he suffer the torture of talking to Yukina Kou and ask him what he thought of men. He waited until the end of the day, so he could make a quick getaway after. And the conference room closest to the exit was free. Perfect. The one thing he hadn’t prepared was what to say. 

“I don’t know if you noticed my friend, Kisa?” 

“The short teenager with the shocked face. He was cute though. Ah, those were the days. High school feels so long ago now.” 

“Actually, he’s my age.” 

“You're kidding!” 

“No. We’ve known each other since middle school.” 

“He looks so youthful and innocent.” Innocent. Right. 

“I’m just curious what you think of-” 

“I don’t think we have any openings.” 

“No, he’s got a successful career in PR. I’m not sure how to even say this. So…” 

“So? Look. We are busy right now-” 

“Okay, fine. He’s gay and wants to know if you might be interested in him.” Okay. This was it. He’d never live this down. Maybe if he just ran out the door and pretend it never happened and Yukina forgot he said anything. But the annoyingly gorgeous man was smiling and looking even more sparkly if that were possible. 

“Ah. Yes, I figured that out already. I know when someone finds me attractive. They get this look in their eyes. It made me a little nervous because of his age though.” 

“I told you. He’s thirty years old. The only reason I’m bringing this up is he asked me and he’s my best friend. I’ll send you his contact info and do what you want with it.” 

With that he grabbed his briefcase and coat and got out of there before Yukina could say something annoying. Sho owed him big time now. 

When he got to the restaurant Ritsu was already there waving him over. 

“Takafumi! I’m here! I hope I didn’t make you miss work.” 

“It’s fine. I was leaving anyway.” He took off his coat and sat down. “Did something happen, Ritsu?” they usually met at Ritsu’s. Maybe he didn’t want Sho to know something? 

“I’m celebrating.” 

Takafumi ordered a beer and they clinked glasses, which is when he noticed Ritsu was drinking tea.

“You’re not drinking?” 

‘I'm not. I’m pregnant and I’m keeping the baby. That’s why I’m celebrating.”

“What??” 

“It’s Haitani’s.” That jerk. Of course. Takafumi leaned over and whispered. 

“But what about transition? And isn’t he-”

“Yeah. He’s married. It’s fine. I’m planning on raising the baby on my own.” Okay. He had to raise his siblings since they were young but he never would have chosen it. 

“By yourself? What are you going to do about your job?”

“So far I’m staying at least for now. There’s a huge promotion I was supposed to lead and I had to give that up, but I’ve spoken to my boss and they’re fine with me staying on and even working on it with the new lead they’ve found. It’s fine. 

“Even if I end up having to leave this job, i could work hard later and get another one. But this baby won’t come back. Ever. And it’s weird, but I didn't want to say goodbye.

celebrating even though I’m scared, because there’s certain things you can’t redo. if I let my fear get in the way, I’ll miss out on something important. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering ‘what if.’” 

When he left the restaurant Ritsu’s words echoed in his head. He was scared, but he was going to have the baby anyway.

Takafumi’s fear of an intimate relationship with Kirishima couldn’t be compared to what Ritsu was going through, but he also didn’t want regrets. 

He looked at his phone. One missed call from Kirishima. He called back but it said his phone number wasn’t available. It was time to face his fears. He packed an overnight bag at home and told Misaki and Hiyori that he was having a late night at work. If he timed it right, Kirishima would be getting off work by the time he got to this clinic and they could go to his apartment together.

And it was snowing. Well, flurrying, but he’d take any snow he could get. It was so beautiful watching it fall, and the air felt fresh and crisp. 

He sat on some steps which had a good view of Kirishima’s clinic waited. Thirty minutes later he started wondering if he’d mistimed something. Then he heard a familiar voice. 

“Yokozawa? What are you doing here in the cold?” 

He looked up, stretched, and got up. Why was he there. Well it was obvious. He wanted him. Except he couldn’t say that! 

“Ah. I thought I’d see the night sky… the stars.” Right, because everyone knows that Kirishima Dental is the best place in Tokyo for stargazing. Kirishima looked up and then at him with a quizzical look on his face. 

“The stars? I’m not sure if you can see them on a snowy night like tonight.” 

“You’re right. I guess I'll go home.” Why did he just say that? He was an idiot! Why was it so hard just to say what he felt? He stopped and turned around to face Kirishima. “Actually, can we go back to your place?” 

“Fine.” 

The whole ride there they were quiet. Which wasn’t helping his nerves. 

They got to the apartment, and he took off his coat and sat down on the couch while Kirishima started busying himself with a bottle of red wine. He really was gorgeous. Kirishima sat down, giving him extra space on the couch. Too much space. 

“Kirishima?” 

Kirishima must have seen the seriousness in his eyes because he moved closer. Takafumi looked down at his lap, as he felt his adrenaline rush. 

“The last time I liked somebody was eight years ago.” 

“Yes.” Kirishima’s voice was soft and calming. He went on. 

“I don’t even know how to love anymore.” 

“I see.” 

“That’s why I overthink things, and I didn’t know what to do. I was frightened to get closer because if I did… then maybe I’d fall for you even more and that was terrifying. I know I take things too seriously. But-” 

He felt strong arms embrace him and he looked up finally to see Kirishima smiling at him. 

“That’s intense, but if it helps, I also tend to overthink things. Why don’t we take a break from thinking, and just take a step forward?” It felt so comforting being held. But he wanted more. 

And Kirishima’s lips felt so good, his hair so soft, and his chest so muscular. He couldn’t figure out what was more exciting, the feel of Kirishima’s arousal through is pants or his own. He hadn’t felt like this in so long. Too long. Finally!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally. That did take a long time. Please feel free to imagine what you like or find an appropriate work of fan fiction here to scratch the itch. At any rate, I hope it's enjoyable. I'm more comfortable with angst or humor than with kissing scenes and I think it's obvious. 
> 
> Also the scene with Kisa freaking out over Yukina is not in the jdrama at all, because in the jdrama the only thing that happens with them is at the very end the Yukina character looks at the Kisa character and his mouth gets all wide and says "You're totally my type!" But Kisa and Yukina are so cute in canon, so I couldn't resist trying to work in a plot for them a little.


	27. Chapter 27

**Takafumi**

Takafumi slowly opened his eyes. It took him a moment to remember that he was in Kirishima’s bed with his insanely comfortable linens and Kirishima sleeping peacefully beside him. He smiled, then winced. He hadn’t felt this achey in years. He always topped with Masamune. At the time it had been a big ego boost. Until he found out the reason was that Masamune didn’t want to be reminded of his first love in any way, which meant the last time must have been in high school.

It was fine. Kirishima had asked nicely, not to mention he was amazing in bed, and he had mentioned being reversible so maybe next time they’d switch. 

He moved in closer slowly so not to wake his slumbering lover. He hadn’t felt this content, this close in so long. It was only now he realized how much he missed this. 

Nothing could ruin this moment. 

Except maybe the loud banging sound coming from - was that the door? He sat up at the same time as Kirishima, who still managed to look good half awake and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

The banging continued and Takafumi could vaguely hear a voice… it sounded way too familiar. 

“Kirishima, are you here? It’s me, Yuu. Can you let me in?” 

For some reason that freaked Kirishima out. Meanwhile Yuu kept knocking - no, banging on the door. 

“I know you’re home, Kirishima so open up already!” Seriously, these young guys. No patience! 

Takafumi didn’t know what was weirder; Yuu showing up or Kirishima freaking out. His eyes were bugging out as he frantically put some clothing on and then looked at Yokozawa. 

“Hide!” 

Then he ran off, presumably to deal with Yuu. 

Kirishima must not have been fully awake, because otherwise why would he ask someone 180 cm tall to hide in a bedroom. He could hardly hide under the bed. The closet was too small, and there was a sliding door. And why did he want him to hide in the first place?

He overheard Kirishima who was obviously talking loudly for his benefit as he went to answer the door. 

“Okay! I’m opening the door now!” 

Takafumi frowned. Was Kirishima embarrassed to be seen with him? That couldn’t be it, right? Maybe he was just trying to be protective because of how Yuu had treated him before? 

He decided to hide in plain sight, which meant not hiding at all in his case. He sat down on one edge of the bed. 

Hheard the voices come closer. They had to have been in the living room. 

“Okay, you’re here. Now, what’s this advice you want?” 

“I’m in trouble. I got kicked out and need a place to stay temporarily.”

“Sorry. I can’t help.” 

“Please! You’re the only one I can ask!” 

“I’m sure you have other people you can ask. I can’t help you.” 

Takafumi had to agree with that one. Especially now they’d finally gotten together. They’d have no privacy!

Suddenly the door slid open to reveal Yuu. It was a good thing he’d put on his undershirt earlier. 

“Oh! So this is your bedroom. And it comes with a Taki! How nice.” Yuu was smiling followed by a frowning Kirishima. 

“Oi! Who gave you permission to go into my bedroom?” 

“So, Taki, how was he in bed?” He was about to smirk and tell Yuu he was amazing, but Kirishima had other plans. 

“Stop! Okay. Fine. You can stay.” Seriously? Kirishima was giving up that quickly? Maybe this was why Yuu was a freeter: t worked. Yuu smiled and started to walk out. 

“Hurray! I’m going to go out and get some food. I’m starving.” 

So much for a little more closeness before work. 

He frowned as he entered the office. 15 minutes late! Still, he’d done enough overtime there since he’d started working there seven years ago to make up fo arriving late one morning. And he’d be okay if nobody noticed-

“Yokozawa!” He groaned. Of course. It would be Yukina. He was already regretting talking to him about Sho. Yukina wrapped his arm around him and gave him a sad look. “You know you’re late?” Yukina thankfully let him go and stepped back but he put his hand to his chin thoughtful and appeared to be studying him. “Interesting. Crumpled shirt, pants, suit jacket. Are you wearing the same suit two days in a row?” How the hell could he have realized that? He had been so careful, making sure he hung up everything, and that had been difficult in the heat of the moment! 

“What are you saying?” 

“Even your hair, it’s all messy.” Takafumi started taminf his locks. Except he’d been careful about that as well. Yukina was messing with him! To make it worse, His Sparkliness smiled smiled his innocent sparkly smile.

“I’m joking with you!” 

Then Hemni walked up to him and shyly said, “good going!” 

Did he have a sign on his back saying “I got laid”?

And he had completely forgotten about Hiyori and Misaki, who had made a point to greet him as he walked in after work with huge smiles on their faces. When they were younger this usually meant the apartment was a mess or they broke something. Now it meant interrogation. 

“Welcome home!” Misaki greeted cheerfully. 

“I’m back,” Takafumi responded. He had suspected they wouldn’t believe his excuse of having a late night at work, and he was right of course.

“That overtime must have wiped you out,” Hiyori said in her sweet voice, which, translated into Hiyori language meant, ‘you seriously expected us to believe that?’

He busied himself with taking off his tie while responding. “You’re right. I was so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open today.” Which wasn’t even a lie. Kirishima had insane stamina for a forty-year-old man! 

“So, were you with somebody?” Misaki asked, clearly not having mastered the lessons on sarcasm and innuendo like Hiyori had. Well, he was younger. 

“Kirishima, maybe?” Oh. Sibling teamwork. And he couldn’t lie. He told them enough times never to lie, so he could hardly do it now. Maybe a trip to Nakamuriya was needed. He quickly ran to the fridge, opened it and gasped.

“I completely forgot I had to get groceries after work!” 

“Didn’t you just go yesterday?” 

“I can’t believe I forgot! And we’re all out of enoki too!” Not that he needed it for anything, but they were all out! 

And he’d pick some up after he stopped at Ritsu’s. He decided to ignore Misaki loudly speculating to his sister how it was Kirishima. 

Ritsu liked the good news at least. And he looked good, although Takafumi still had a hard time wrapping his mind around him being pregnant. 

“Amazing. So, everything’s going well now?” Ritsu looked wistful. 

“Pretty much.” 

“What does ‘pretty much’ mean?” 

“Were you expecting a play by play, Sho?” 

“It’s not important. Let’s have a congratulatory drink. I’m really happy for you Takafumi.” 

Shouta got out a bottle of shōchū and was about to pour a glass for Ritsu who stopped him. That was weird. He and Sho were living together. You’d think he would have been told first, but Ritsu often did things which confused Takafumi. He must have had his reasons. 

“I’ll stick to barley tea.” 

“Why?” 

“I found out that I’m pregnant. And I’m keeping the baby.” Sho reacted basically the way he had. All spluttering and eyes popping out. 

“Eh? How?” 

“It’s Haitani’s. I decided to raise the baby by myself.” 

“Seriously? Does he know?” 

“I don’t see the point.” Takafumi frowned. He didn’t get this either. Still, his own biases probably didn't help. Ten years without his parents had numbed the pain, but it hadn’t been easy, but this was a different situation.

“How about him being the father?” 

“What do you expect me to do here? He’s married to somebody else. By law only one parent gets custody and it’s going to be me, and if he finds out, he could use it against me in court.” 

“He still has a responsibility to provide his share of child support.”

“I’ve been reading up on this, and most men don’t provide child support and I don’t need his money anyway. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy! It isn’t. But we’ll be okay. I’ve barely touched my inheritance from my grandfather. 

“But your son needs a father.”

“Yes, he does. That’s me. Which reminds me, that I’ve already made plans to start transition a few weeks after the baby’s born. Also, my father was never around when I was growing up and I’m okay. We’ll be fine. 

“All I’m saying is consider the baby. Is it fair to the baby that they don’t get to have both parents in their life?” 

“I already told you that’s not possible and I already told you that the law allows for only one of the parents to have custody. Or are you saying I should try and get my ex back and work it out because he’s married to somebody else now! You didn’t forgive your ex for cheating on you. You’re divorced! Oh wait. He left you, didn’t he?”

“Ritsu!” He tried to intervene. That was low. Okay so he had recently said something similar, which is why he knew not to do it now! 

“I’m fine, Ta-fum. And I’m glad Hatori and I divorced. We weren’t happy together anyway. And now I can find somebody better for me. Actually, I might have met him already.” Ah? So Yukina contacted Sho? He’d have to find out more about that later. When his friends weren’t having a sparring match. 

“Oh. You met somebody? Great. Stop lecturing me and focus on yourself!” 

“I don’t need you to tell me to do that. We’re completely different when it comes to relationships!” Eh? They were still arguing?

“Yes. The difference between us is I don’t need to be in a relationship to feel important and you do. Isn’t that somewhat pathetic?” What was going on? He had been better off with Hiyroi and Misaki! 

“Woah, can you relax, both of you? Why don’t I pour you a drink? I mean you, Sho. I’ll get you more tea, Ritsu.” They both continued on as if he hadn’t said anything. 

“Nice. So that’s what you really think of me?” Maybe he should send a message to Hiyori to air out the futon for the guest bedroom for Sho. 

“And if it was?” 

“Wait! Sho, we know you’re just worried about Ritsu but-” 

“You think so also, Takafumi?” Okay. Sho was angry. He never called him by his full name otherwise. 

“I think what?” 

“That I’m pathetic; that I can’t live without a guy, can’t be fulfilled unless I’m dating somebody?” 

“Of course not! And if you feel more fulfilled when you’re in a relationship, there isn’t anything wrong with that either. But right now, Ritsu needs your support.” 

“I know he’s not going to be happy this way.” 

“But this is his decision to make.” Sho thought for a moment. Maybe they’d stop arguing and then he’d suggest his place just to give Ritsu some space for a few days...

“Well thanks. But just because everything’s going well for you for once, you don’t need to get carried away.” Or maybe not? What the hell was his problem today?

“What do you mean, ‘get carried away?’”

“Wait a minute, both of you.” Oh. So now, Ritsu decided he wants to listen to him?

“Shut up, Ritsu!” As he instinctively yelled out the words he heard Sho echo him. Maybe that’s what best friends forever meant? Being pissed off at each either yet being in sync at the same time? “All I’m saying is I’m concerned about you.” 

“Well, you don’t have to be. Concentrate on your own problems.” Wait. Hadn’t Ritsu just asked Sho to do the same thing? 

“Okay, what does that mean?”

“I mean you’re just beginning a relationship. That’s totally different from a married couple where love can easily end.” Well that was a nice depressing thing to say to someone who hadn’t been with someone in eight years! “So you’ve slept together a couple of times. Big deal.” 

“Err… once.” And it had been a huge deal! 

“And now you think everything’s fine. When you never know.” 

“We’re actually doing okay. Finally.” 

“When not too long ago you’d been single for years?” What was his problem today? It’s like he wanted a fight! Maybe Yukina hadn’t called and he was upset. So, he should just say that in the first place instead of acting passive aggressive.

“Okay, okay enough! Go somewhere else if you want to fight. I’ve got a baby to worry about.” As if to emphasize this, Ritsu starts talking to his stomach. “Don’t worry, baby. They usually get along, but people are weird and things happen. Let’s go upstairs and have a nap.” It was cute, but weird at the same time.

**Yuu**

Yuu liked Kirishima’s apartment. It was even more upscale than Kyo’s, and had that single guy feel to it that he liked. Instead of going to the dessert bar they’d brought it to them, so to speak. Kirishima had brought out a dessert wine to go with their slices of sponge cake with strawberries and custard and had invited Takano too. Those two were hilarious. It would take his mind off of Kyo and being kicked out and - wait they were supposed to be taking his mind off of Kyo, not making him think more about him. And his sad eyes which had looked at him so mournfully as he told him to leave.

Whatever. This place was even better than Kyo’s. It even came with a gym he could use. And if he was maybe messing up Kirishima’s plans with Yokozawa (what a nice surprise that had been to find that they’d finally done it) well too bad. If he wasn’t getting anyway, Kirishima didn’t have to either. 

“I thought things were going well.” Kirishima moped into his dessert. 

“Finally, right?” Yuu smiled and in a fake companionable way put his arm briefly around Kirishima’s, who reacted just as Yuu expected to. He flung off the arm and raised his voice. 

“Why don’t you go somewhere else finally?” 

“Relax. I have zero interest in Taki. Do what you like. I won’t get in the way.” 

“I thought you were living with that mangaka so what happened?” Like he was going to tell Kirishima! 

“It’s all good there, don’t worry.” And if it weren’t, it would be soon, because Yuu already knew how to fix things. Hopefully. 

“I wasn’t.” 

“So, he might have seen me with a guy in Ni-chōme and maybe got a bit upset.” 

“And that is why you have so many problems. You’re careless and mess around with people.” Okay. Maybe just a little too close for comfort there? Not that he’d give Kirishima the satisfaction of knowing just how painfully correct he was being. 

“I’m sure he’ll come around. I think you should be worry about yourself.” 

“Why should I?”

“I’m still not finished with Taki. Now that he’s somebody’s boyfriend it would be extra exciting.”

“Yuu, this isn’t funny.” Aw, upright Takano, who was always too sweet for his own good. He smiled, and continued, trying to block out what Kirishima had said.

“So, you slept together once. That doesn’t mean he’s yours. See ya.” 

He made a getaway to the spare bedroom, and climbed on the bed.. It felt a little wrong to be threatening the same man whose hospitality he was taking advantage of. Even he felt a bit squeamish. He thought about how he’d been standing in front of a love hotel with a friend. Okay they had slept together a few times in the past. Because Kyo had been okay with stuff like that. But that day, he was there to comfort him because his boyfriend had, even more ironically, cheated on him. He had been innocent. Aside for the game he hadn’t done anything recently with anyone really. 

Then Kyo had seen him, which didn’t make any sense because he never went to Ni-chōme. 

And what had been horrible was how he just nodded and left. And Yuu could hardly leave his friend because he was in distress! And he knew just how horrible it was to feel alone and abandoned. 

But when he got to Kyo’s his nightmare had just begun. The mangaka had already made up his mind and only wanted to deliver his speech and then say goodbye. 

“You know, Yuu, I can’t say it didn’t bother me seeing you with another man in front of a love hotel. Because it did. But that’s not the reason I’m upset.

“I’m upset because you’re young and talented and I thought if you lived with me, you could jumpstart your career. You could be an artist, a mangaka, an illustrator or if you want a full-time art assistant. You could do so much, and yet you do nothing. I thought I could be a good influence, and I admit I have my own challenges, and maybe that’s why I couldn’t help. 

“Because all I’m doing is enabling you to do nothing. 

“And that’s aside from the infidelity. When we started dating, I figured you were still in college, and it wouldn’t be fair to ask you to be faithful, but at this point, I can't handle it, And I know myself. I’m a jealous possessive man, and if this continued, I’d be miserable. 

“So, I’m doing this because I love you. I hope you won’t find somebody else to sponge off but think about where you are and what you want to be doing with your life. And then maybe we can start over. I’ve packed up your things and I’ve made reservations for you at a hotel for two days. I know you have plenty of friends, so I hope after that you’ll be alright.” 

Then he had called him a cab and that had been it. He’d basically abandoned him. Not that he wasn’t used to being abandoned. He’d learned how to do it since he was a child. Somehow it was different. He felt so empty. Kyo had always been there for three years now and now everything was gone. He ended up calling Chiaki who needed an art assistant immediately. Perfect. He’d just ignore Hatori if he showed up. Then he called up Yokozawa who amazingly agreed to meet him for lunch. 

He purposely got to the restaurant early, and smiled as the tall man walked in. Was it just his imagination or did the taller man have a more relaxed disposition? It made sense. He finally got some after so long. He waved and pointed to the seat next to him. 

“I’m so glad you came.” 

“I hope you checked your wallet before you ordered.” Ah, such a perfect Yokozawa thing to say. 

“No worries!” 

Yokozawa ordered and sat down. 

“What would you have done if I hadn’t shown up?”. 

“I knew you would though, because you’re such a nice person.” 

“Whatever.” 

“The nice thing about you, is even if you’re sullen, awkward and bad tempered, you still can’t leave people in trouble alone.” 

“It’s called being a person.” 

“Right, but we know plenty of people who wouldn't do the same; self-centered people who are okay with hurting others and disregarding their feelings.” 

“You mean like you?” Ouch. It was clearly his turn to get painfully insulted. Yokozawa seen something in his expression. “What?” He furrowed his brows and frowned. It was a wonder his eyebrows didn’t just stay there permanently.

“Nothing. What can I say? You’re right.” He smiled, but inside he was cringing. Thankfully, Yokozawa was oblivious.

It was funny. If things might have been different maybe Yokozawa could have been a mentor. But instead he was lucky the guy was as nice as he was because most guys wouldn’t have given him the time of day after what he’d done. They finished their lunch and headed out. 

“Have you ever considered getting a job, Yuu?

“I’ve got a job.” Okay, so it was from his friend, and he meant dealing with Hatori, but Kyo would understand that he was serious. He knew exactly how difficult this would be. 

“It’s part time though, right?”

“I’m making money and I’m paying for everything on my own.” Starting now! Well, maybe after this meal...

And maybe if they turned right here than that horrid lady wouldn’t notice them. Shit. She was waving and distinctly calling out his name. Why her? Why now? Why ever? She ran up to him, dressed like she just came from the hostess club she worked at. How typical. She ran up to and hugged him. 

“Ah! Look who I’ve found, finally! I even went to your apartment, but you never showed up. I was worried you were hurt!” That’s because she had been given a wrong address. Which served her right for never being there all those years. Yokozawa probably had no clue who she was. She dressed more like a twenty-year-old than a forty-two-year-old. He pushed her away. 

“Since when do you worry about me?” Never when he needed her; when he was young and growing up practically in the streets because she was never home.

“All the time. I think about you all the time!” Right. Like that was believable. 

“Why don’t you do something else instead of following me?” 

“I just want you to accept my apology. Please, Yuu!” Like she ever thought of asking until it suited her purposes. 

“This has nothing to do with me!” 

“I just want to talk.” So maybe she should have thought of doing this fifteen years ago.

“There’s nothing to talk about!” 

“I know I’ve messed up. Because of who I am, I haven’t been a good mother to you really.” Because of who she was? Excuses!

“Why does it matter? Do you know how much you put me through when I was growing up? Do you ever think of that?” All those broken promises. The missed school events. All the missed birthdays. All those times spent alone. She was never there! 

“That’s why I’m here now. I want to apologize.” 

“And that’s all you’ve ever do is talk. There’s a limit to how many times you can say something and still expect me to believe you. I’m grown up now. I’ve been living on my own and you forced me into that so it’s a little late now for you to want to be a good mother.” 

He was done. He felt a bit sorry for Yokozawa who had been standing there awkwardly. Well now he knew he wasn’t lying when he’d told him he’d been abandoned. He just wanted to go home, where Kyo would comfort him. Then he remembered he’d been kicked out. It was a good thing he had his part-time job. He was starting to remember why some people threw themselves into their job.


	28. Chapter 28

**Takafumi**

Takafumi couldn’t stop thinking of what happened with Yuu and his mother. He took a sip of his beer as he told Sho all about it.

“Oh! I know who you’re talking about. She showed up when I was walking with Yuu near the dessert bar. I didn’t even realize she was his mother at first. She doesn’t look like the mother type somehow. She is his mother though, right?” 

“That’s what it sounded like. It was a bit of a surprise seeing him this way and with a mother like that.” 

“I got the feeling she was neglectful when he was a kid. It must not have been good whatever happened. He told her to go away and never come back. It was hard to watch.” 

“He must have been lonely as a kid. I don’t think he has any siblings either, and then he acts so carefree. Who knew? So did my idiotic boss call you?” 

“He did. He said he had to think about it. He’s never dated a man before.” 

“Okay that sounds bad.” Except it sounded good. Because Sho and Yukina did not belong together. “I’m worried. Straight men are bad news. I mean there’s obviously fine in general, but you know what I’m saying.” 

“Yeah but I felt a spark when I saw him and even on the phone. I can’t explain it.” 

“Well good luck.” 

“Thanks, but I have a good feeling about this. Anyway. Back to Yuu because I’m confused. You’re still see him?”

“Not really. He asked me out for lunch, but what he really wanted was my wallet.” 

“You went?”

“Well, yeah. He said he was in trouble.” 

“I don’t know. Do you think Kirishima would be so happy about that?”

“I don’t see why he’d care. Why?”

“Do you even have to ask? If you met Takano for lunch it would be one thing, but this is Yuu and stuff happened between you and some of it Kirishima doesn’t even know about. I just think it’s better to stay away from things which could lead to misunderstandings later.” 

“Oh please. Kirishima’s an adult. Nothing’s ever going to happen. Yuu’s still a kid and not a threat.”

“Or maybe because he’s still a kid it’s more annoying.” Eh? Since when had Yamato been sitting there? And Misaki with him. 

“When did you get here?” 

“Big brother, most men are full of pride and if it goes away it’s all over.” 

“Thanks, but last I checked I was a man too.” And Misaki was 100 years too young to be a part of this conversation! 

“And definitely not full of pride?” 

“Nobody asked you, Sho!” 

“He’s just telling you to be careful, big brother.” 

“Fine.”

**Zen**

He was going crazy. He and Yokozawa finally had sex and it only made him want more, but with Yuu in his apartment and Yokozawa’s apartment not being an option, his prospects for bedroom enjoyment were getting bleak. And it didn’t help that Yuu treated the floor like it was the garbage. He was splayed on the ground with snack bags all around him. How did he even afford all those - wait, those were his snacks! Yuu had even gotten to his almond crush pocky!

He took a step. Crunch. That was his Calbee Jagalico! He glared at Yuu who seemed oblivious.

“How long are you going to be staying here?”

“Oh. Hi. I don’t know.” _Hah?_ The bastard was making a mess, eating his food and cockblocking him at the same time and he didn’t know when he was leaving? Zen didn’t care that he was losing it as he yelled. 

“You don’t know? It’s been a week and you still don’t _know?_ Go back home!”

“The thing is it’s not really my place, but my boyfriend’s.” 

“I know that. That’s what I’m saying. Go bother him. Don’t you take anything in life seriously?” 

“But it’s fine here. I’m not annoying anyone.” As if to emphasize that, Yuu went over to the fridge, grabbed a bottle of barley tea, and started drinking directly from the bottle. 

“You’re annoying _me_! I’ve gotten nowhere with Yokozawa Since you’ve moved in and it’s all your fault! 

“Take him to a love hotel.” 

“You think I can just ask him that so bluntly? And this is my apartment!” 

“Whatever. Here.” Yuu handed him a ¥1000 bill. What the hell? 

“If this is for the rent it’s a lot higher.”

“It’s for Taki. He lent me money one time. Give it to him.” Eh? Since when did Yokozawa see Yuu? 

“One time?”

“Yeah. Anyway, I’m going to my part-time job. See you!” Yuu smiled and left leaving the end result of his snack carnage behind. Zen almost ground his teeth in anger. Well, almost. He was a dentist after all. 

Yuu was doing this on purpose. Sowing the seeds of confusion and anxiety. Because now Zen was trying to figure out what ‘that one time’ meant. How many times had they been seeing each other? 

Later at the dessert bar, he handed Yokozawa the money from Yuu hoping partly that he’d be surprised, but the younger man just seemed pleasantly surprised. So, they had seen each other. Which shouldn’t make him jealous. And it didn’t. Just maybe a little nervous. He tried not to think about how Yuu said Yokozawa was more tantalizing now he was dating. That comment was meant to piss him off. The problem was that it worked. 

“Amazing. He actually paid me back this time. I didn’t think it was possible.”

“This time?” Zen tried to keep his voice calm and neutral but inside... 

“I’ve treated him before too many times.” 

“So, you see him often?” What the hell? He barely saw Yokozawa and Yuu somehow was leeching off him and seeing Yokozawa all the freaking time? Why did it seem like he was the only loser here? 

“Eh. Here and there. I sometimes bump into him or he calls me. He’s a freeter. It’s to be expected. By the way did he ever say why he left home?”

“Just that his boyfriend needed space and some lady was following him, but for a guy like that you reap what you sow. Let’s talk about something more interesting. Let’s talk about what to do after we finish our drinks.” And how to get Yokozawa into bed again. He’d feel more secure with more skinship and he wanted to see how the man was in the driver’s seat. 

“What do you have in mind?”

“There’s a bar at the Teito hotel with amazing night views. Want to go there?” And then it would get too late to take the train and he’d casually suggest they stay the night. Perfect. Yokozawa frowned. 

“Aren’t we already at a bar?” He hadn’t thought of that point. 

“True.”

“Wouldn’t it make more sense just to stay here?” But this bar didn’t have a hotel! 

“You’re right.” He laughed. _Crap._ So much for that idea. 

“You’re funny saying we should leave a bar to go to another one. It’s kind of cute though.” Yokozawa looked so sexy right now and it was driving Zen crazy.

And this is why Zen should have said they should go to a hotel, but he didn’t want to freak out Yokozawa, which meant he’d be spending another night alone. Well not alone, because Yuu was in his spare room! He was going to kill Yanase Yuu!

**Masamune**

Masamune walked down his street in his usual ensemble of slacks, patterned buttoned down shirt paired with a complementary vest., this time in aquamarine shades. He’d been giving Ritsu some space since they’d spoken last. They’d spoken here and there but not for more than a few minutes and the last call was days ago. Maybe he’d just call and check in.

He answered on the first ring. He kept his voice neutral. Calm. Because he was a friend and not a lover even if he couldn’t stop himself from wanting more. 

“Hey. Just checking in. How are things?” Had he just heard a cough? 

“What do you mean?” What did he mean? What did mean?” 

“I was thinking maybe we could have dinner together.” 

“I’m sorry. I can’t.” More coughing. What the hell? 

“Do you have a cold?”

“It’s nothing big.” Ritsu then started coughing again and Masamune frowned. That didn’t sound good at all. 

“Forget it. I’m going to you now.” After he made a quick detour to the pharmacy.

“It’s fine. I’m okay.” This man needed to stop being so independent and let someone take care of him a bit! 

“I don’t know what you’re saying. You need to be even more careful with your health now. I’ll be there soon.

**Yuu**

Yuu sighed. He was happy working for Chiaki; and glad to be working again for once, but Chiaki as usual had barely started, which meant he barely had any work for Yuu. He just managed to get two hours in. To make it even more lovely, Hatori was there making lunch and also giving Yuu nasty looks. He could hardly believe the man used to be his mentor at one point. He was so antagonistic and for no reason. Yuu had gotten over Chiaki a long time ago.

He walked over to the playground across from Chiaki’s apartment, sat on a bench and sighed.

So many mothers and children. Each of them looking after their offspring with love and devotion. Something so simple and yet he’d consistently been denied it in his own childhood. When he was little, he was at the daycare center all day, and the weekends he was usually shunted to an old drag queen friend of his mothers who let him stay at his host club. 

This was stupid. He was old enough not to sit around and feel sorry for himself. He called Kyo, who didn’t sound so thrilled to hear from him. 

“Yes?” 

“Uh… I got a job!” 

“Really? Wait. Part time or full-time?” 

“Uh… part time.” Why was this man so sharp? It was like he could read his mind, which he usually liked, but not now. 

“For Yoshino?”

“Yeah. But it’s a real job.” 

“Ah. Good.” Kyo sounded like he was only half listening, which never bothered him that much normally, but somehow made him livid now. 

“Fine! I can see you’re not interested!” He hung up and immediately regretted his outburst.

His phone rang. Kyo! No. It was Yokozawa. He took a breath and picked up. This would be a good distraction from his messed-up life.

“Taki?” 

‘I’m just calling to say I got the money you owed me.”

“Ah. Everything’s going well with Kirishima?” Should he tell Yokozawa how frustrated his boyfriend was?

“Yeah. You could say that.” 

“Do you want to go on a date now?” 

“Like hell I do.” Yuu almost laughed. Yokozawa was so predictable, and yet so amusing. 

“But you hesitated.” 

“I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but I’m dating somebody, and even if I weren’t, I would never trust you.” 

‘Yeah, yeah.” 

“Anything happened since the last time I saw you?”

“Huh?”

“With your mother.” Yokozawa paused. “I know it’s not my business, but-”

“You’re right. It’s not.” Great. The guy sees him for five minutes with his mother and now thinks he knows what’s going on? “I just remembered I have other plans. See you.”

**Ritsu**

He hadn’t felt this run down and exhausted in years, and Takano meant well but… it was frustrating. He had bought out half the pharmacy. Or so it seemed. And most of it he couldn’t take. Which made him feel bad.

Takano quickly got to work putting on an apron and preparing a huge hot pot, after he gently led Ritsu to the couch and put a fever pad on him. It was hard to think straight, but something was wrong about this picture. Shouldn’t he be doing this? He slowly got up and started wobbling over to the kitchen area.

“Let me take care of this part.” He was fine! He’d had rest. 

“You need to rest. And it’s fine. I like cooking.”

“Yeah, but it’s too much. Let me take over.” 

“I’m sure you could make a better hot pot, but right now you need rest.” 

“I just don’t like that you’re doing all the work.” 

“It’s not about me doing work. It’s about you taking care of yourself and your baby, especially since you can’t take most medicines now, so it’s even more important to get enough nutrition and rest so you can quickly beat this cold.” 

This was so frustrating, and not good, because If he let Takano continue to help him, then what would happen when he eventually left? It was bound to happen. Just like with Haitani. And it wasn’t like they were dating so of course Takano would find somebody to love and that would be a good thing. 

As Takano lead him to the couch, which made Ritsu feel guilty again. He owed the man an explanation. Or something. He tried to get his thoughts together even though his thoughts were so fuzzy, and he felt so tired.

“I’m sorry. I guess I’m frustrated. I don’t usually get sick, and I’ve been doing everything for myself since college. That’s why I it feels so wrong to me. I haven’t had to rely on anyone since I was a kid.” 

Crap. Takano looked so frustrated and it was all his fault and he had done so much. Why did this guy have to make him feel so… weird and unsettled? 

“Also, you’ve done so much already, Takachi. You got me medicine and groceries. You made the nabe. I’m taking too much advantage of you. I’m fine now, so you should go home.” 

“If that’s what you want.” 

Ritsu was about to walk him to the door when he lost his foot, slipped and was on the floor. Takano ran to him. 

“Oi! Ritsu! What happened?” 

“It’s fine. I tripped, that’s all.” So much for Takano leaving. He helped Ritsu back on the couch and sat down.

“You have to stop being so careless! You won’t get better this way. Stay there.” He must not have trusted Ritsu with the propane cooker because he brought bowls over full of steaming food instead of preparing it at the table. 

He had to admit it tasted good. And Takachi was sweet. He would look almost hot if he switched out his boring wardrobe for some black jeans and a V-neck tee shirt and changed his hairstyle.  
“Ritsu?” 

He looked up to see Takano leaning over him. Had Ritsu been speaking out loud? Because he had changed into casual clothing and swept his hair to the side and looked so muscular and insanely gorgeous.

He had obviously forgotten that Ritsu was sick because he immediately started touching him under his shirt and kissing him. Who knew he was such an amazing kisser? And his voice was so low and sexy. 

Then he opened his eyes. Takano was gone. No. He’d never been there. Well. Not in his bed. And how had he even gotten to his bed? He didn’t remember walking up the stairs to his loft at all. And that dream! Was he sticky? No way! No. It was sweat. His fever must have broken. He’d have to take a bath before he started to feel cold. 

He peered over. Takano had managed to squish himself into the little hammock chair he had. He must have chosen it because it had a view of the loft. Ritsu smiled and checked his clock. Too bad he had to wake him. He looked sweet, although it was a bit surreal to see the real Takano after experiencing the dream version. Yes. Ritsu needed a shower. 

“Good morning, Takachi.”

Takano opened his eyes, jumped up and winced. That couldn’t have been a comfortable place to sleep. 

“Good morning, Ritsu. How are you feeling?”

“Better. I think my fever broke.”

“I’m so relieved!” 

Takano checked his watch and frowned. 

“I’m sorry. I’ve got to run to work. I’ll call you later.” 

Ritsu smiled. Maybe it wasn’t so bad to have someone to rely on?


	29. Chapter 29

**Takafumi**

“He detests me. I suppose it’s normal given how I raised him. And now I’m leaving the country because of my fiancé’s job. Yuu’s my only son, and I don’t know when I’ll see him again, so I was hoping he’d be able to forgive me before I go, but I guess that was selfish of me.”

Takafumi was sitting across from Yanase’s mother in a cafe trying not to show how awkward he felt. All because she’d been standing at the same intersection she was, after stopping at a small out of the way bookstore to check on some inventory. There he was minding his own business only to Yuu’s mother standing across the street and waving to him, as if the last interaction they’d had hadn’t been awkward enough. 

She was carrying a bouquet of flowers which were apparently rom co-workers in honor of her upcoming marriage. 

He hated when people who were jerks admitted to being jerks in an attempt to gain sympathy, because what do you say? You’re not a jerk? Instead he said nothing, smiled and nodded politely at appropriate moments and let her speak. 

“I never knew what it meant to be a mother. I know you’re supposed to live for your child, but my own life and job came first. Which doesn’t mean Yuu wasn’t important. Do you think it’s mean of me to think like this?” Well, yes, he did. If you couldn’t give what a child needed, which is love and nurturing, then you had no business being a parent. But he hadn’t been there when Yuu was being raised.

“It sounds like you didn’t have a lot of support when you were raising him.” 

“You’re very perceptive. His father was out of the picture before he was born, and it was just me. Btw, I love Yuu, so don’t get the wrong idea. I think about him every day. I was so happy when he was born.”

There was something unsettling about speaking to Yuu’s mother. He couldn’t help contrasting her with his own parents. Unlike his younger siblings, he had them in his life his entire childhood. Even though a lot of the time they were both working long hours he’d never felt neglected. Why was that? 

After dinner he sat in front of the shrine for his parents and studied their pictures like he always did when he sat at the shrine and noticed the similarities with him and his siblings. He waited until Hiyori was in the bath and Misaki was working on homework in his room and then it was time for that other thing he did every time he visited the shrine of his parents. He talked to them. 

“Hi Mom, Dad. I was thinking of you both. I mean I think about you all the time, but I figured you’d like to know that I started seeing somebody. His name is Kirishima Zen. He’s a dentist. Um… He has his own practice. He’s a good guy. Um… I miss you both. Hiyori’s graduating high school and she’s going to try and get into Mitsuhashi and Misaki’s going to be going to high school next year. We’re all doing well so you don’t have to worry.” They probably worried anyway. 

He felt himself tear up. Yuu was making a huge mistake by not seeing his mother. What would he do if he never saw her again and their last interaction was so negative? Even if she was a neglectful parent. He had to talk some sense into him somehow. Otherwise… Yuu would end up like him, wishing for the if onlys: If only he could seem the one more time. If only he could have come out to them when he had the chance. If only they had had more time. 

“Hey. You’re talking to Mom and Dad?” 

He turned around to see Hiyori walk in wearing pajamas and toweling her hair.

“Uh… yeah.”

“I hope you’re telling them you’ve got a boyfriend. I think they’d be relieved to see you happy.” 

He did but he didn’t have to tell Hiyori that. 

“It’s not like I tell them every little thing about my life.”

“Why not? I do. I think they’ve been worried about you… about all of us and telling them even the little things help them. I bet they’ve been thinking how is Takafumi? Even Hiyo has a boyfriend now!”

“Oi!” He smiled and fwapped his sister lightly on the head.

“I’m glad for you. Kirishima’s a great guy. You’re happy?” 

“Well, yeah. I guess I am.”

“I can’t believe it! You’re starting to blush!”

“I’m not!” And that is what happens when you’re talking relationships with younger sisters!

**Shouta**

Shouta sighed as he looked out from the cafe through the glass and put down the rental advertisement magazine. It was time to move on. Ritsu was having a baby and it was time he found his own place. He liked living with friends, but it was the right time. He could go to his friends’ apartments or meet them at restaurants.

He sighed again A week ago, Yukina had called to tell him he’d never dated a man before (bad news) and he had to think about it. (Slightly better news.) He still hadn’t called back. It was obvious. He wasn’t interested, and Shouta knew better than to fall for a straight man. But the sparkly man was at least curious. Otherwise why hadn’t he turned him down right away?

Ritsu would be laughing if he could hear his thoughts. He’d say how stupid it was for him to be going nuts over a guy he’d seen for a couple of minutes and spoken to for not much longer. And he’d be right. 

He was so busy pondering it took him a moment to notice an ash blonde lady knocking on the glass and another moment to recognize her as Usami Natsuko, Ta-fum’s power boss, who’d organized that ridiculous group date a while back with Kirishima’s mother. Kirishima. That had been a disaster. He waved and motioned for her to come into the cafe. 

Usami talked as she took off her coat and got settled.

“Hi!” She smiled and brushed some hair away from her face. Remember me?”

“You’re Takafumi’s boss. The Director. Are you related to Usami Akihiko, by any chance?” 

“Yes. I’m Usami Natsuko and Akihiko’s my son.” She was frowning. Maybe that was a sore topic. “Are you alone? 

“Not by choice! But… yeah.” 

“Would it be okay If I joined you?”

“Of course!” 

“You look a little sad.”

“It’s nothing. I’m making plans. I’ve been at my friend’s for a while and it’s time I got my own place. It’s a good thing, but I have a hard time with change.” 

“I hear.” 

“Also, I’ve had a lot of failures. Mainly with my marriage. Divorce and all that.”

“Ah. You think of divorce as a failing?” 

“Isn’t that what everyone thinks?” 

“True.”

“I think I remember you saying you were married once, right?”

“At one point. A long time ago.” 

“So why did you break up?”

“I’ve been asking myself that for a while now… I guess maybe a lack of confidence in the marriage. I was busy with my son and starting my own company and I didn’t spend enough time trying to understand how he was feeling even though he was supposed to be #1 in my life. It’s sometimes so difficult for people to understand each other. In any relationship. Couples, parents and children, friends…” 

“That’s true.”

“Maybe I should have tried harder back then. Who knows where we would be now. 

Shouta smiled. If he’d done something different would Hatori have still left him for Yoshino? Probably. Maybe Usami’s ex was a nicer guy than his had been. Okay, so he knew he wasn’t innocent either, but the one thing he had done right was in the loyalty department. And before Hatori he used to sleep with at least three different guys any given week. He knew that Takafumi wished he wouldn't go back to that, but that lifestyle was a lot easier than any of the relationships he’d been in. And what made it hardest was how deep inside he knew he still wasn’t over Hatori, and his pursuit of Kirishima and now Yukina, had only been attempts to escape the hard feelings he had with his ex.

Well it was time to change his luck and he’d start by seriously finding a new apartment.

**Zen**

Zen sighed. He had to relax. He kept overreacting about Yokozawa and Yuu and it was ridiculous. He’d even complained to Takano, who’d reverted to his calm and patient self after having a total meltdown the other night. Zen felt a bit guilty complaining to him now when he’d been rejected by Onodera, but Takano seemed okay with it. He didn’t think Yokozawa would ever cheat, and that made sense. So why did he keep worrying? Maybe it was the history the two had? Like how Yuu used to pick Yokozawa up when he still had crutches, or that ridiculous confession he made in the cab after the trip to the hospital. He didn’t know then that he loved Yokozawa, and it still had been torture! Or what about how Yuu told him he’d like to break them up? Okay not literally, but it was a clear implication!

This was ridiculous! Yuu was barely an adult and maturity wise still a kid, and yet he kept on getting under his skin! 

He would focus on something insightful Takano had said, which is that love is about change and not staying the same as when you’re single, so this was all part of the process. Somehow the transition to becoming a couple had never seemed so painful in the past. He was older, more entrenched. 

What they needed was a trip; even an overnight one would do. And as luck would have it, his academic conference was in Kyoto. It wasn’t such a long trip on the shinkansen, a little over two hours maybe. If Yokozawa could leave work early they could meet up after his sessions were over at five and sight see, and then they’d spend the night together. 

The next day they met for lunch. Kirishima had bought the train tickets and also brought some tourist pamphlets the conference organizers had mailed him. He was so excited he got right to the point.

“What do you think about a short trip to Kyoto?”

“Kyoto?”

“Remember that conference I was telling you about earlier? It’s there. I’ll be busy during the day, but I’ll be free by five. I was hoping if you could leave work early that day, we could meet maybe around six and do some touring together. I haven’t been able to see you since Yuu moved in, so it got me thinking. We could be together without anyone bothering us.” Wait. he’d completely forgotten Hiyori and Misaki. They were older, but he should have thought of that! “Unless you can’t leave your siblings at home.” he added to sound less clueless than he felt.

“It’s fine. Hiyori’s old enough to watch Misaki and Misaki’s fifteen. I like it.” He liked it! 

“Great.” 

“Yes. Let’s go to Kyoto together. I haven’t been there since middle school.” 

Zen must have looked goofy shaking his fists in the air gleefully, but he was so happy he didn’t care. 

“Perfect! I hope it’s okay that I already bought a ticket for you just in case. And here’s some touring magazines.” Yokozawa looked surprised, but also appreciative. Maybe this relationship business wasn't going to be so hard after all.


	30. Chapter 30

**Takafumi**

Takafumi had planned his work schedule perfectly, so he could leave in time for the 4:15 train to Kyoto. Kirishima would then meet his train and they had the whole night together. But first. Work.

The new book on achieving your highest potential was coming out soon. He was so busy even the loud comments of his co-workers were making about him. They clearly didn’t have enough work to do. 

“Doesn’t he look more motivated today?” 

“It’s like he’s having a good time.”

“He’s scary.” _Yeah, well screw you too._

3:55. Time to leave. 

He got up, and reaching for his coat and briefcase said “I’m leaving first,” which was probably a first for him.

Then Hemni touched his shoulder.

“Eh?”

“Sorry, but you’ve got a phone call.” Hemni looked so timid like Takafumi was about to maul him. 

It was Yuu’s mother saying she was in the lobby and hoping could he give something to her son. She was leaving the country tomorrow and it was her last chance. But he had a train to catch. Still. There were trains every thirty minutes. He took the gift, called Yuu who agreed to meet him. 

Which was fine. He could take the 5 o’clock train. That would still leave them plenty of time to tour, and he suspected Kirishima was mainly interested in visiting his hotel room anyway. 

“Taki? Why did you call me out of nowhere?” Couldn’t this idiot call him by his last name like a normal person? 

“Here. It’s from your mother. She asked me to give this to you. “

Yuu looked disgusted but took it anyway. 

“She is so annoying.” Yokozawa’s anger flared. 

“You shouldn’t say that. She’s your mother.”

“She’s never behaved like one.” he gave it back to Takafumi. “You take it. I don’t need it.”

“I don’t either.” 

“Fine.” He dropped it on the floor and started to leave. “Bye.” This was a disaster! 

“Wait. She’s leaving the country tomorrow. You should see her before she goes. I know your childhood was hard, but you are her son, and she’s the only mother you have.” Takafumi picked up the gift and stuck it in his briefcase.

“And why is it so important to you that I see her?” 

“Because you’ll regret it if you don’t.” 

“What does that matter to you?” 

“It doesn’t really, but I wasn’t much younger than you are when I lost my parents. I had no warning. One day they were just gone. I don’t even remember the last thing we talked about. I was in college and worried about my career and dating. I just thought of myself. There’s so much I wish I could have told them or done for them. I regret so much, and I will until I die.

“It’s not my job to judge you. All I know is you will regret it if you don’t see her and I don’t want you to become like me.” 

Takafumi handed back the gift to Yuu who took it, but smirked.

“You’re such an idealist. Fine. Spend the night with me and I’ll see my mother.” 

“ _Eh?_

“You’re supposed to be headed to Kyoto to see Kirishima. If you chose me over him, I’ll see my mother off properly.” Takafumi was too shocked to speak. “See? This is what happens when you just talk without really meaning it. You say this is for my sake, but it’s just to make you feel better. See you.” 

This was bad. He should be travelling to Kyoto now to Kirishima. But he could help - really help Yuu! Who was walking away. 

“Okay!” He yelled and Yuu walked back to him. “One night. You said spend the night so I’ll do that and nothing else.” 

It was a good thing Yuu had a key to Kirishima’s place. He could hardly just show up with Yuu at his own apartment. What would Hiyori and Misaki say, and he’d already told them he was spending the night in Kyoto. Yuu needed someone to be there for him tonight, but he couldn’t just say that. Instead he went with sounding obnoxious. 

Hopefully Kirishima would understand. 

He called him as soon as he got to the apartment, and Kirishima picked up right away. He was probably wondering why he hadn’t called en route. 

“HI. Did you catch the bullet train?”

“No.”

Before he could speak further, Yuu grabbed the phone and started talking. Why hadn’t he seen that coming? 

“Kirishima, guess who this is.” Yokozawa could only hear half the conversation but it didn’t sound good. 

“I’m borrowing Taki tonight. “

“We’re at your place. Just thought you should know.” 

Okay. Time for damage control. But what could he say in front of Yuu? He didn’t want to worry Kirishima, but it would be bad if he embarrassed Yuu. 

“Hello?”

“What’s going on?” Kirishima’s tone was light but obviously forced. 

“I’m going to meet you in Kyoto tomorrow. I promise. I need to be with Yuu now.” 

There was a pause but finally Kirishima responded.

“Is there a reason?” 

“There is.” No. I normally ditch gorgeous men and trips to Kyoto in favor of immature idiots who are barely grown up. 

“And it’s more important than our trip?”

“Please believe me and wait. I know that you trust me.” Or did he? Because he was asking a lot from Kirishima. He’d make it up to him. He’d explain more when Yuu wasn’t around and Kirishima would understand. How all this cocky confidence was an act to hide his insecurities and pain. Kirishima just had to believe in Takafumi a bit and everything would be right. 

After what seemed like a decade, Kirishima finally responded.

“Alright. I believe in you.” 

Yuu was smirking when he hung up, which almost made Takafumi rethink his plan. 

“Do you think Kirishima believes you? I bet he doesn’t.” 

“Why are you always like this?” I would be so much easier if Yuu didn’t feel this need to be obnoxious. 

“Like what?”

“Playing with people’s emotions - you love doing that.”

“Yes, I do.” he gently pushed Takafumi down on the couch and leaned over him. Which showcased his confidence but given their size difference, also his stupidity. “Stop dating Kirishima and be with me instead. You feel bad for me. Comfort me.” 

Takafumi felt like laughing. Instead he just lay there waiting to see how Yuu would respond, but it was obvious that whatever Yuu had been expecting hadn't been this.

“What’s the delay about, Yuu? You said you want to do it, so get going. It won’t change anything. You don’t have any feelings for me, and I don’t have any for you and it’s not going to solve any of your problems either. 

Yuu sighed and got up. Takafumi sat up and stretched his arms. 

“You said you were living on your own and were cast aside. I guess you want me to tell you ‘how sad’ or ‘that sounds hard.’ Maybe this is why you’ve been living so carelessly.” 

“You don’t know the first thing about me!” Ah. So much for that cool facade. 

“Isn’t that why I’m asking because I don’t know? Maybe it’s because I’ve raised my siblings, but I couldn’t leave you alone. I was worried about you.” 

“Are you a complete idiot? You’re that soft? After all the lies I’ve told you and even after I tried something outrageous just now? I don’t get why you’re like this. I don’t believe your kind words or your smiles! 

“My mother was never around. Every time she got a new boyfriend, she dumped me somewhere. Then she’d break up and come back and say crap like how she only had me, or she’d never betray me. Until the next time. 

“Do you know how it feels to be cast aside all the time? Then she’d just expect me to let her back in. She’s the only family I have but she never understood that. She was always coming and going so for her it’s not a big deal to ask me to see her before she leaves. This is how she’s always been. It’s complete bullshit!” 

Yuu threw the present on the ground with a crash.

The wrapping had partially come undone. It was a picture frame, now with a huge crack across the front. Takafumi showed it to Yuu. It showed a young child and his mother. It was kind of sweet. Yuu had been a cute boy. 

“Why did she give me something like this now? She thinks this can somehow make up for everything she’s done?” He was obviously crying and equally obvious in his attempts to make it seem like he wasn’t. 

“Maybe it was desperation. She wanted you to have this so much that she went to my office and begged me to give it to you. She might have lied to you a lot in the past, but deep down she cares. I don’t think that’s a lie. You can believe her when she says she loves you.” 

Yuu abandoned any pretense of his usual persona and held on to Takafumi as he cried. He obviously had needed a good cry but had been too proud to let himself. Too bad Takafumi couldn’t have met Yuu when he was still a kid and been there for him, but he wasn’t alone now. 

They both ended up falling asleep with Takafumi on the floor and Yuu taking the couch only to wake up at 5:30 am night, ravenous. That was also to be expected after a good cry. Takafumi made them a simple breakfast and then they had a real conversation; maybe the first conversation he’d had that didn’t involve Yuu trying to be obnoxious. If he took a quick shower and changed, he’d have enough time to get the train to Kyoto. It wouldn’t be the same but it would be something. 

“Yokozawa?” 

“Eh?” 

“If I told you I loved you- if I truthfully told you that, would you believe me?” Yuu sounded so sweet. He was young and he’d still had so much to live for. Takafumi nodded and Yuu smiled. Hopefully now Yuu could spend less time being a jerk and more on building a life for himself.

Which is when he heard a suitcase being dumped on the ground. He looked up. Kirishima was standing there with a sad expression on his face.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danger: Jealous Kirishima Crossing

**Zen**

What the hell?

Kirishima Zen didn’t anger easily and nothing much rattled him either, but this was different. This was Yokozawa spending the night in his boyfriend’s apartment with a guy who’d been after him! It was bad enough that what should have been a wonderful night in Kyoto had been spent alone tossing and turning wondering what the hell was going on. He finally grabbed an early morning train only to find Yokozawa and Yuu looking post coital slumped against the couch. Who wouldn’t be upset? 

And yet- 

He told Yokozawa he would wait for him. He told him he’d trust him. But the whole thing felt like a set up by Yuu just to screw him over. 

So there he was feeling like an interloper in his own apartment watching the two men look into each other’s eyes. Whatever was happening it was clearly ‘a moment.’ 

He coughed loudly which finally got their attention. Yuu smirked at him and quickly left the apartment. 

And Yokozawa had to be wondering why he came back. He certainly looked confused. 

“Something you forgot?”

Zen looked around desperately and noticed the spray bottle near one of his potted plants. 

“I didn’t water the plants! I can’t believe I forgot that.” He grabbed the bottle and started spraying. 

“Nothing happened last night.” Yeah right. Maybe Yokozawa should have looked in the mirror at his messy hair and wrinkled clothing first.

“I know. I trust you.” he smiled without looking up as he concentrated on the sound of the spray bottle. Lies! More like I’m waiting for you to admit your guilt he thought as he worked. 

“So why did you come back?”

“I said already. The plants.” His excuse sounded feeble even to himself, but he kept on spraying. Because plants. There were a lot of them. 

“But I told you I would meet you in Kyoto later this morning. I promised and I was just about to get ready to go. Was this more important?”

“You were the first to break their promise!” How convenient of Yokozawa to forget that Zen had been waiting for him to show up and been sorely disappointed! 

“I told you I’d meet you no matter what.”

“Right. So, you say.” 

“You’re doubting me?”

“And why shouldn’t I? You seriously expect me to remain calm after knowing you spent the night with another man?” 

“Eh? The other man was Yuu.”

“And that makes it worse! It wasn’t that long ago that you were interested in him! That makes you vulnerable!” Spray. Spray. Spray. 

“I was barely interested in him and I’m hardly vulnerable. Just let me explain-”

“You don’t know! What I can’t believe is how someone like you could behave like a… slut! It’s just too bad!” Wait. he was going too far. Why did he just say that? And he had to stop spraying. Yokozawa jumped up, his eyebrows furrowed, which normally looked sexy actually but right now…

“Oh really? I never thought you’d be so narrow minded. Didn’t you just say I trust you?’ What happened to that? Or ‘I believe in you?’ Who knew you’d be this jealous over a freeter who’s barely an adult!” 

“Hah? You’re attacking me? After you cheated!” because that’s what happened. Yokozawa chose Yuu over him. He really chose Yuu! 

“Cheating? I did not cheat on you! And if I did you would have deserved it for being a petty bastard!” How dare Yokozawa call him that? 

“Is that so? So why don’t you just leave?” No. No. This was where he said you’re right! I’m sorry! Then they’d hug and have makeup sex. Instead Yokozawa grab his coat and run out in a fury. 

What the hell?

**Takafumi**

You’d think a calm guy like Kirishima Zen would not flip out because he jumped to conclusions, or quickly believe the worst about somebody. But that’s exactly what happened. All Takafumi wanted to do was be a support for Yuu; to be the older brother he never had. And Kirishima didn’t even give him a chance to explain. And that ridiculous excuse about watering his plants. Like he couldn’t have waited until he got home?

The vision of a crazed Kirishima spraying like a madman stayed with him as he made the short subway trip to Ritsu’s. Maybe Ritsu would understand. Or maybe not. He’d been different lately. Well he was navigating a pregnancy and a postponed transition alone. Although he’d let slip that Takano had been helping lately. They should really get together. Although if their relationship was as volatile as his and Kirishima’s maybe they were better off alone. IT was hard to imagine Takano volatile, but Kirishima had always come across as easy going and calm and somehow a jealous Kirishima was completely wacked out. 

Ah. Breakfast, coffee, and venting with friends. What better way to spend a Saturday? Okay, Kyoto with a lover might have been better. 

“I can’t believe he told me I was a slut.” Ritsu frowned and patted his stomach as if to reassure his future child.

“He sounds petty.”

“Exactly! Even though I told him nothing happened. It makes no sense. I don’t cheat, but let’s just say I did, would I take Yuu to Kirishima’s apartment and do him there? No. I’d go to a love hotel.” Sho had to focus on the irrelevant steamy part. 

“You’d take Yuu to a love hotel?” 

“No! I just said I don’t cheat. You’re missing the point, which is he didn’t trust me, and he went on a rampage and flipped out!

“I think you’re being mean, Ta-fum. If you think about it, you’re the one who was in the wrong.” 

“Hah? How was I in the wrong?” 

“Remember how I said you should stay away from Yuu because it could lead to misunderstandings? This is exactly what I was talking about.” 

“Yeah, but I had to help him. He was in distress and needed support.”

“Yeah, but your boyfriend comes first. You told Kirishima you’d go to Kyoto so you should have gone to Kyoto. You know I’m right.” 

“Well, yeah, but…” He should have put Kirishima first, but somehow, he’d forgotten that in his crusade to get Yuu to speak to his mother. 

“Look, Shouta. Takafumi had his own reasons for helping Yuu. It’s his nature.” 

“Yeah, but Kirishima shouldn’t have to suffer.” 

“Why are you always defending Kirishima?” 

“It’s not about defending Kirishima, but about doing what’s right.”

“Let's agree to disagree. We all know Takafumi regrets what happened.” 

“Yeah. I could have explained the situation better when I called him, but Yuu was there and I I didn’t want to embarrass him. I guess I could have handled it better.” 

“Okay. So now you can apologize, and everything will be better.” It sounded nice, but maybe a touch idealistic? Still. Kirishima probably regretted what happened. He’d give him time to calm down and then call him or better, meet and talk it out.

**Masamune**

Masamune took a sip of his espresso and watched Kirishima enjoy his white wine. Except he didn’t really look like he was enjoying anything. Wasn’t Kirishima supposed to be out of town? Now if he walked into the bar and saw Ritsu sitting there it would be different, but Ritsu was probably home nesting or preparing to nest which apparently was also a pregnancy stage. So instead of the unattainable Ritsu he was with Kirishima, who was being quiet, and since Takano was usually quiet and it was a slow time at the bar it felt more like a library.

“I thought you’d gone to Kyoto?” He ventured timidly. 

“I did.” 

“Weren’t you supposed to come back tomorrow?”

No answer. That was obviously not the question to ask. 

At that moment someone walked down the stairs and sat next to him. Yuu. He ordered a coke from Kiyomiya and looked just as annoyingly cheerful as usual.

“You’re not with Taki?” Yuu smiled at Kirishima. 

More silence. How had he managed to get into the middle of more pointless drama? It was amusing, until Yuu invariably dragged him into it.

“I see. You fought!” Yuu said that as if it was something exciting. And maybe it was. Masamune always thought Yuu was wired a little differently emotionally. Kirishima looked annoyed but was clearly going for the ‘calm and collected adult’ look, but not quite succeeding.

“Why would we do that?”

“It’s only natural. Your boyfriend spent the entire night with another guy.” _Eh?_ If he was dating Ritsu and that happened, what would he do? Except he wasn’t dating Ritsu, was he. It did explain Kirishima’s weird behavior.

“Please. The other guy is you. Who could get jealous over something like that?” 

“Playing the tough act, Kirishima. So why did you come back from Kyoto?”

“I had something urgent to attend to.” 

“Like...?”

“It’s none of your business.” Probably because it was cleaning his toilet. 

“You’re lying. If you keep this up Taki’s going to leave you, that’s for sure. But you can relax. We didn’t do anything. Or maybe I should say I couldn’t do anything since he was shouting at me most of the time. He’s a weirdo, isn’t he?” 

“Like you can talk.” 

“You know something…?”

“What?” 

“I fell for him. Last night. Completely.” Okay. Who knew a guy like Yokozawa would have two guys after him? 

“Where is this coming from?”

“I’m trying to be fair, so I’m letting you know.” 

Suddenly the lights went off. This place was almost as weird as Yuu sometimes. 

And that was the strange end to an even stranger evening which didn’t have Ritsu in it. At least he had Sorata to pet at home.

**Takafumi**

Takafumi couldn’t get Kirishima out of his head all day and he was still there now as he worked on his laptop against the couch in the living room. Why were they so volatile? They’d had their moments before they were dating too. But he thought that now they were dating they’d understand each other better and wouldn’t yell so much.

Sho was right. Kirishima should have come first, or at the very least he should have called Kirishima and explained when Yuu wasn’t in the room what was going on. But he didn’t have the time to think it through, and Yuu had taken advantage of him. 

His phone rang. Maybe it was Kirishima. Which was good. They really needed to talk and the sooner the better.

“Hello.” 

“Hi. It’s me. Yuu.” 

“Ah.”

“I saw my mother off on her journey and I wanted to talk to you. Properly.” He smiled despite himself. Yuu did the right thing. Deep down he was a good guy. 

“I’m glad to hear. I’m not sure what we need to talk about though…” 

“My mom cried when she saw me. It made me realize that she really does want a relationship with me. I haven’t fully forgiven her, but if you hadn’t been so pushy about me seeing her, I don’t know if I could have done it. It’s going to be hard to trust people, but I’m going to try.” 

“That’s all you have to do.” 

“So…” 

“Yes?”

“What I told you today was the truth. I’m serious about you.” Oh. That. That would make the whole brother thing a little weird. And now that he was seeing Kirishima, Yuu seemed so much younger and inappropriate. Even though Kirishima had acted even younger today. _Shit!_ Why couldn’t things just stay simple for once! This phone call was becoming quickly dangerous. He had to hang up.

“Ah! I just remembered I need to wake up extra early tomorrow. I’ve got to go.” 

He hung up before Yuu could respond.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Entering the brother zone. 
> 
> And dentists: be extra careful of old burning flames.

**Zen**

Zen was supposed to be reviewing a paper for a colleague and learning techniques which could impact his practice in a profitable way.

Instead he’d been wavering back from the laptop and to his phone with Yokozawa’s contact info on the screen. And cringing as he remembered how ridiculous he’d been. He was his own worst enemy. Not Yanase Yuu for all his posturing. With his arrogance, stubbornness and pride, how could he beat himself? Tomorrow he’d call. They needed to talk and increase the skinship factor. By a lot. 

And maybe that was him sending an email. Which would be even better. 

He frowned as he read:

_Kirishima, how are you? I’m visiting Tokyo for the first time in years. Want to meet up? - Okano Haruma_

Suddenly he was back in dental school. When he was already too old for stupid crushes on good friends who were most likely straight. He decided not to take it seriously. Dental school was his life pretty much, and he was fine with using what little remaining time he had to relax with friends while wondering, ‘what if?’

He had convinced himself being friends was enough, while discreetly enjoying Okano’s beauty and gorgeous body, his cutely nerdy side and his infectious smile which made Zen want to either squeeze him like a plushy or ravish him. Or both. 

This went on for about a long time, until that amazing night when Okano made it clear that he’d known for months Zen had been lusting after him -and he’d thought he’d been so discreet too!- and liked him back.

The rest of dental school was spent working hard and playing hard with the best boyfriend ever. Until Okano dumped him right a few days before the graduation ceremony for the top student in their class. They’d lost touch after that. Which was to be expected. He had heard that they opened a clinic together and eventually married when it became legal. They hadn’t seen each other since they graduated.

So, why was Okano Haruma contacting him now?

**Yuu**

Yuu sighed as he thought of Yokozawa Takafumi.

Who knew that someone so stubborn and ridiculous could also be warm, caring, sensitive, and gorgeous – exactly what Yuu wanted in a man?

Not that Kyo hadn’t been what he wanted, but the age difference had been a strain. Yokozawa was also older, but the age difference was much more manageable. Kyo wasn’t much younger than his mother! Okay so his mother had been 18 when he was born, but still. 

When Kyo had sent mail asking to meet, he sighed. It would be difficult. Kyo was probably the most special man Yuu had ever met. Saying goodbye was going to be rough.

When Kyo showed up at the dessert bar, he was looking his gorgeous best. His hair styled nicely, no stress beard and dressed in his usual casual sexy style. 

They sat down in a quiet area and ordered drinks. Kyo smiled and got straight to the point.

“So, I’m thinking we could maybe start seeing each other again.” 

“Are you sure? I don’t have a full-time job.” 

“Yes, but working for Yoshino shows a lot of maturity. I can tell you’re serious. It’s a good start.” Except that one of the things he did today aside was tell Chiaki he was quitting. 

“It’s a good start, but I’ve got a long way to go.” 

Kyo must have realized something was up because he raised an eyebrow and his voice became quieter.

“What are you trying to tell me?” 

“It’s hard to say. I’m confused. I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done for me.” It was being with Kyo that was causing the confusion. He was so patient, charming, so handsome so everything he always thought he wanted. And yet… he wasn’t Yokozawa!

“Okay. But?”

“I’m in love with somebody else.” He said it! 

“Understood. You sound serious.” Shit! Kyo had that hurt look on his face, the one that made Yuu always want to comfort him. Which wouldn’t exactly send the message he wanted. Instead, he focused on his glass of beer.

“That’s because I am.” 

“Alright. Good luck with that. You know I’m always there if you need me. Anyway, I just remembered I need to meet my editor. I better go.” 

Usually Kyo was avoiding his editor. He most likely had an urgent meeting with his pillow and tear ducts. Yuu kept looking down and nodded a goodbye because if he looked up, he’d run into Kyo’s arms and mess everything up. He waited patiently as Kyo grabbed his coat and left. 

Shortly after he heard a familiar voice apologize. He looked up to see Yokozawa bowing to Kyo and Kyo waving him off. 

“It was my fault entirely. I’m sorry for bumping into you. Just promise me to treat Yuu gently. He’s surprisingly sensitive.” 

“ _Eh?_ What are you talking about?” Yuu smiled. Yokozawa was so cute when he was flustered.

**Zen**

They ended up meeting for drinks. Not at the usual bar. The last thing he needed was Yuu seeing him with another man, which was a pity, because the special was supposed to be matcha cheesecake.

Zen always thought he looked young for his age, but Haruma looked like he was still 25. It was insane. Aside from a few minor differences with his hair style and how he dressed he looked the same. Which was jarring. Like he’d gone back in time except back then he didn’t know Yokozawa Takafumi. It was hard imagining not having him in his life, as annoying as he could be. 

They both ordered high balls and Zen tried to keep the conversation casual, even as the questions bombarded him in his head-Why did you contact me? Why did you leave me for Hayami Koichi? 

“I came to Tokyo to look into starting my own practice.” 

“Ah?” 

I’ve been working with my husband’s clinic for years, but it’s not satisfying. I’d rather be on my own.” That was rather strange. His old Dental school friends always made it sound like they were a united force even coming with a ridiculous ship name for them: Hayuma. And their home in Shizuoka wasn’t exactly commuting distance to Tokyo. 

“What does your husband think?”

“Hayami?” Who else would Zen be talking about? “I haven’t told him yet. He’s not going to like it.” That was… unexpected. 

“Why are you telling me, then?” 

“Because you’re the only one I can rely on, Zen.” _Zen?_ After all these years? Zen? And after not seeing each other for years he had to pull the puppy dog eyes? Amazingly, he managed to stay calm. Or maybe not so amazing. It had been a long time. A lot had happened.

“I didn’t think you’d contact me again, after you dumped me, saying you were starting a practice with Hayami. I understand it now. I wasn’t ready for that level of commitment, but you were.” Except he was lying through his teeth. He had been ready to do whatever Haruma wanted. Adult adoption, moving to another country, anything. But it sounded good and at this point, who cared?

“Good point.” 

“I’m grateful for the wakeup call. I was trying to live the way you wanted me to when we weren’t meant to be anyway. I’m happy you got married and had the career you wanted with your husband. I realized that life’s too short to try to be anything but myself. I also think it pushed me to work hard and concentrate on my practice which I’m proud of.” 

“I hear you’re a great success nowadays. Are you with somebody?” Something was off. Haruma seemed nervous. Zen thought of Yokozawa and smiled. 

“Yes.”

“You think you’ll get married to them?” 

“We only started dating recently, so I’m not sure where we’re headed.” Zen didn’t need to tell Haruma that he went on a spraying spree that morning or how he accused his boyfriend of being a slut. 

“I don’t think time has much to do with whether you want to get married or not.” _Which is why you made that sudden decision to ditch me for Hayami?_ Kirishima kept unsaid.

Instead, he smiled as bright a smile as he could as he lifted his glass.

“You’re so right. Let’s drink to that!”

**Yuu**

How did Ijuuin Kyo manage to be transparent and at the same time impossible to read? He had to know that Yuu could hear everything he had told Yokozawa, right? And for what reason? With Kyo you could never be too sure. When he act the most calm was usually more like the eye of a tsunami; It only presaged bad things. No. He wasn’t going to let Ijuuin Kyo manipulate him. He’d always be grateful, but Yuu needed to press reset on his life which hopefully included Yokozawa as his new boyfriend.

The older man took off his jacket and ordered a beer and Yuu smiled to hide his nerves. Since when was he ever nervous with this guy? But that was when he thought his whole life was a game. Now… the game had just become very real. 

He had to stay calm and relaxed. That shouldn’t be too hard. He sat back and tried to relax. 

“Are you seeing Kirishima tonight? 

“I thought I’d drink alone for a change.” Yokozawa must have seen a gleam in his eyes because he narrowed his own so dramatically. It was kind of cute. “What?” 

“I bet you’re hoping he’ll show up though, right? Why don’t you just call him? He’s not a mind reader.”

“That’s not the issue. What ‘s the deal with your boyfriend, btw?” Ah. Change of subject. Things were obviously troubled in Kirizawa land. Kirizawa sounded good. But Yuu was rooting for Yanazawa instead. Or even Yokose. 

“We split up. It’s not fair for me to keep seeing him when I love somebody else. What about you and Kirishima? How do you see yourself with him?”

“What do you mean?” 

“Do you think you’ll get married?” 

“It’s a little early to talk about that. We just started seeing each other.” 

“So, I have a chance?”

“Woah. Wait. Step back a moment. You’re young. You should to be thinking about what to do with your life not worrying about other people.” 

How was his pursuit of a serious relationship with Yokozawa not thinking about what to do with my life? It was all part of the whole!

“I don’t understand.” He frowned. 

“Before you worry about relationships, think about where you’re going. What career do you want to focus on? Should you get more training or try to get a full-time job? These are the questions you should be concerning you now.”

Yokozawa had an annoying ‘I’d like to be your older brother’ look, which was not happy at all. But it was okay. Yuu could work on that. He grabbed hold of the only hopeful thing he’d said. 

“If I did all that would you consider me seriously?” Or maybe not. Yokozawa frowned again and bit his lip. Then he bent his head and put a hand on Yuu’s shoulder in a maddeningly brotherly manner. 

“I don’t think you're listening. The important thing is figuring out your life, not relationships”. 

“Fine.” 

Starting with paying for his own drinks. Yuu took out his wallet and handed Kiyomiya a bill to cover his drinks, while Yokozawa’s expression change from concern to surprise.

“See you later, Takafumi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so bummed by the death of Miura Haruma, RIP, and wanted to name one of the characters after him, even though that doesn't exactly do anything. Actually, I'd like to work on being more careful with my life but I don't need to talk about this here. It's such a tragedy though. 
> 
> So he's obviously not Miura, but the influence is there, If that makes sense hopefully.
> 
> And I named ex's husband Hayami Koichi after a character from Team Batista 2 played by Nishijima Hidetoshi even though that character was an ER doctor and not a dentist.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Your boyfriend's ex has plans. Run away.

**Ritsu**

It was a bit frightening how his body was changing. He was barely showing, but he already felt clumsier. It would only get worse as his center of gravity shifted.

He ran to the intercom and frowned at the picture of Takano. He was too nice! That was usually a positive thing, but his goodness just made Ritsu feel bad. He should be grateful, but he had to do this baby thing himself! And it would have been nicer if Takano called first. 

He pressed the intercom. 

“Takano?” 

“I thought grocery shopping might be difficult now. I know you didn’t ask, but I hope I got things you wanted. I don’t mind going back if necessary. Can I come up?” 

“Of course! Thanks.” 

As soon as Takano came in the door, Ritsu took the groceries from him. It was bad enough he’d gone a special trip to the store, he wasn’t also putting it away. It was like Takano was a mind reader because he could use most of it, and what he didn’t need yet wasn’t perishable and he’d need eventually. Or maybe the man had done an inventory the last time he was over?

“Thanks. It’s so nice of you. Do you have the receipt? I’ll just get my wallet.” 

“It’s not necessary. I was already shopping for myself.”

“What are you talking about? It is necessary.” 

Takano frowned, dug into his pocket and gave Ritsu the receipt. 

“When do you stop working?”

“At the last possible moment. I’ve got about three months. I’ve started working on a baby plan and a postpartum plan for after the baby’s born. I’m hoping to start transition right away. Well not right away but as close to it as possible. Baby comes first of course. I’m taking a nice long leave of absence after they’re born. 

“Your company knows?”

“Yes. I was supposed to lead a large project, but it conflicted with my baby’s due date. They were surprised, but my boss has been amazing about both the transition and the baby. They were surprised about the pregnancy, but it wasn’t too bad. Here’s for the groceries. Thanks so much.” 

Ritsu handed Takano a bill. It looked like the man was trying to hide a frown, which made him look surprisingly cute somehow. 

“Are you going to say anything about the baby?’

“To my parents? I will. My mother has wanted a grandchild for years and maybe now they might accept me.” 

“I meant your ex-boyfriend. He’s the father… err the other one, that is. Right?” 

“Yeah. Remember when I asked you about this? You couldn’t give me an answer. I remember you looked awkward because I’d put you on the spot.” 

“I didn’t know you were talking about yourself.” 

“It's fine. It wasn’t fair of me. He’s better not knowing. And I don’t want my child to feel like they’re the cause of an awkward situation. I want them to always feel loved and wanted. Anyway, I’ll make us something to eat.

**Takafumi**

Takafumi frowned over his kitsune ramen and beer. What was up with the director? He’d known Usami Natsuko long enough to know when she was behaving oddly. And she was acting super weird. All he and Yukina had done was suggest they host an informal workshop for girls where they could ask Amami Hikaru questions with an autograph signing afterward. How difficult could this be?

“I’m not sure it would be appropriate.” What did that even mean? How inappropriate could this be? A lot of high school and college girls would go to something like that. Amami Hikaru wasn’t their most popular author for nothing. 

And when asked why all she said was the following:

“Because…” 

Takafumi pressed on. 

“A lot of our readers would love to hear her speak and it would catch a lot of attention and be an excellent sales opportunity.” 

“I’m not sure…” 

“What’s the problem?” 

“Amami Hikaru has had some bad experiences with the media not treating her well in the past. I don’t think she’ll like this idea, so I don’t think I can ask her to do it.” 

Since when did the media not like her? Her books were mostly well received, aside from a couple of writers who scoffed at all self help books. They sold well. The director wasn't making any sense.

“What if you let me be the negotiator and I’ll speak to her?”

Which is when Usami had looked at Takafumi like he had just asked her if he could rob her of all her belongings. 

“ _Eh?_ ” 

“I know this is going to be a big hit. Please?”

“I don’t think so. The only reason Amami Hikaru wrote the book was because she trusts me. What you’re asking is for me to destroy that trust.” 

This woman was off the rails, because all evidence pointed to Amami Hikaru writing her books because she had something to say! She even explicitly stated this in the introduction in the newest book! Then Yukina had smiled this patronizing sparkly smile and put what was probably supposed to be a reassuring brotherly arm on his shoulder. 

“The director is right.” 

Yukina was the worst! What happened to ‘the director’s going to love this idea!’ or ‘I see a promotion in your future!’? All Takafumi could do is look at him in horror while discreetly shaking him off. As if in response, the director put an arm on his shoulder and looked at him with her motherly gaze. 

“I know you’re excited, but it’s a tricky situation. Also, she’s travelling outside the country right now. Let me hold on to your proposal and I’ll think about it.” 

Translation: Let me hold on to your proposal until I reach the paper shredder. 

He was still trying to figure it out all afternoon. Then Yukina introduced a new part-timer.

“Everyone, I’d like to introduce Yanase Yuu, who’s starting today as our temporary helper.” No. He couldn’t have heard that right. But sure enough, the man himself came up with his signature carefree smile. 

“I’m Yanase Yuu. I’m excited to work here! Please treat me well.” He bowed.

“Yanase, if you have any questions please ask Yokozawa. He’s our resident expert.” 

_Eh?_ Why him? Yanase smiled and waved over at Takafumi.

“I'll do that!” 

Wait. He wanted to be a big brother to Yuu, and what better way than to be his mentor at work? Yukina frowned as he studied Yuu.

“Yanase, it’s weird but I keep thinking we met before.” _Oh no._

Hemni’s eyes flashed in recognition and he pointed excitedly at Yuu like he was on a quiz show. 

“The autograph sessions!” 

Which is when Takafumi practically dragged Yuu out of the room.

"Yu- Yanase! I just remembered I need your help with something right now!” 

Takafumi tried to ignore Hemni and Yukina who were now connecting him with Yuu. That’s all he needed. He dragged Yuu to an empty meeting room.

“What are you doing here?” Of all places to get a job!

“Didn’t Yukina explain? I got a part-time job here.” 

“But why here?” 

“Oh. I decided I wanted to re-train as a graphic designer. I enjoy design and I can use my art background, but I’ll need training. I found a good technical school and I signed up for the next term. I was working part-time for a mangaka, but it’s either 15-hour days or nothing. My plan is to work by day and take night classes. The hours work well with my school schedule the location is convenient, and the pay was good.” 

That was surprisingly well thought out. It sounded like he was getting serious about his future. Still...

“It could be a problem though.” 

“Why?”

“Because you and I are…” What were they anyway? 

“Friends?” That gaze again. It was like he was boring right through him. 

“Well, yeah.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem. I won’t get in your way. I promise. I’m looking forward to working with you, Yokozawa.” 

With a smile and a bow, he left, presumably to find somebody who needed his assistance. 

Takafumi walked back to the director’s office. She didn’t seem concerned but made sure to mention how he was the one that requested part-time workers or how impressed she was by Yuu knowing exactly what he wanted and how focused he seemed. 

Responsible? Focused? It certainly looked that way. Whenever he looked up Yuu was doing something else from collating and stuffing envelopes, or making coffee, but people don’t change overnight. Something was up. 

He rather liked this new Yuu though. 

They ended up walking towards the subway after work with Hemni. 

“Hemni, remember we have a meeting first thing tomorrow.” 

“I’ve got it. I think we should come in early. You too, Yanase.”

“Me?” He said it so sadly, Takafumi almost laughed. That sounded more like the Yanase Yuu he knew.

“You’re our tea server after all!” 

Yuu smiled, but his mouth twitched. This type of thing had to be a shock to his system. 

“Ah! Got it.” 

“See you tomorrow. I’m headed this way. Have a good night.”

Takafumi and Yuu continued walking. Now what do they talk about? It suddenly occurred to him that their last phone call ended with Yuu confessing. How could he have forgotten? Probably because he’d tried to block it out. 

“Yokozawa, I’m also headed this way. You don’t have to be so awkward with me. I’ll wait for you to get back to me and until then I’ll be patient.” 

Yuu seemed distracted near the end like he noticed something weird.

“What?” 

Takafumi followed Yuu’s gaze and frowned as he recognized Kirishima, who was on his hands and knees looking for something. And he wasn’t alone, but with another man who was smiling sheepishly. 

They walked over and Kirishima got up in surprise, looking like he was caught doing something he shouldn’t. Then he noticed Yuu and his look changed to annoyance. 

“What are you doing here?” Of course, with that polite calm voice which seemed to come out when he was trying not to say what he really wanted. 

The other man moved closer to Kirishima. Who was he? He had shoulder length black hair and dark blue eyes and nodded and smiled at them in a friendly manner. 

“We’re going home from work. What about you? What brings you here?” With a ridiculously gorgeous built guy not much older than Yuu by the looks of it. 

“I thought it would be obvious. I’m trying to find something.

“What are you looking for? Maybe I can help?” Yuu seemed to be stuck in assistant mode. Meanwhile Takafumi kept checking out the other guy and it was obvious the guy was doing the same thing. Being this good looking should be illegal. Even Masamune wasn’t this gorgeous and that was saying something. And he didn’t like the predatory gaze either. 

“Is this your friend, Zen?” 

“Ah. Well, how do I say this, it’s not the same as a friend but -” Yuu made a loud tsking sound. 

“Just say it the way it is. He’s your boyfriend. Shouldn't you be able to say that kind of thing clearly? You too, Takafumi.” Takafumi blinked at Yuu who sounded almost angry. It felt weird. Like he was defending him in a way? Kirishima’s reply had been ridiculous though. The other man’s eyebrow had gone up as if he were surprised but he recovered quickly and was smiling again. 

“Ah. I see. You’re Zen’s boyfriend. Nice.” 

_That’s great. Now who are you?_

Shouldn’t Kirishima have introduced them instead of just standing there looking awkward> The other man looked from Kirishima to Takafumi, laughed and rolled his eyes at Kirishima. Which would be funny if it weren’t too familiar. 

“Ah, sorry. I’m not thinking. I’m Okano Haruma. It's nice to meet you.” 

He bowed slightly in introduction.

“Yokozawa Takafumi.” 

“Let’s just forget it, Zen. If we haven’t found it by now, it’s not happening.” 

“Yeah, but…” Kirishima kept looking at the ground. Okano responded by slapping him playfully on the arm.

“Your boyfriend’s here. Pay attention to him.” Or maybe this guy wasn’t so bad. Something was off though somehow. 

“What are you looking for? Maybe I can help?” Maybe Yuu was changing. He was being so thoughtful. 

“An earring. I think I lost it yesterday when we were drinking. It’s kind of silly. But I’m a bit attached because he gave it to me a long time ago.”

He? As in Kirishima? It made sense though. He acted like somebody who knew Kirishima well, or at least did at one time. So why was Kirishima spending time with him and why was his ex holding onto this earring?

“I can help.” Yuu smiled and walked over to Okano. “I’ll help look for the earring and you take Takafumi home.” 

For a guy who said he was serious about liking Takafumi, he was going out of his way to be considerate of him and Kirishima. He practically pushed them down the walkway. 

Takafumi frowned as he looked back at Okano and Yuu but kept going. This was good. They needed to talk.

**Yuu**

Kirishima Zen was an idiot. What the hell was he doing with this Okano guy and not even telling his boyfriend? He wasn’t even acting like he was dating Yokozawa. The way he’d stammered out his answer had been pathetic. And he had to know that showing up with Mr. Gorgeous without telling Yokozawa might cause confusion.

He frowned. He could hardly say anything given how he bribed Yokozawa to spend the night with him. 

Still. If Yuu were dating Yokozawa it would be different.

And this Okano guy. The whole time Kirishima had been looking for his earring he looked like he was disinterested. Almost as if he hadn’t lost anything in the first place. 

Yuu looked over to Okano who seemed busier playing with his hair than the ground, who must have felt he was looking and made eye contact.

“What’s he like?” 

“Who?” 

“Zen’s boyfriend.” Like Yuu was going talk about Yokozawa to a stranger? 

“You can ask Kirishima.” 

Okano laughed but didn’t say anything so Yuu continued.

“You’re his ex, right? That’s sneaky of you not to be honest. Isn’t it a little childish to taunt Kirishima’s new boyfriend?” Yuu continued looking for the earring while he waited for a reaction. 

Okano looked surprised by his question but smiled. 

“You’re smart. We dated years ago.” He got up and dusted his jeans, which was ridiculous as he’d barely been looking. “You don’t have to keep looking.” 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I haven’t even worn it in years.” 

“And maybe you never lost it in the first place.” He looked over at Okano who had a sheepish look on his face. “I’ll just tell Kirishima we found it.” Something about this man was freaking him out. “See you!” 

If he had let himself think more, maybe he would have realized the source of his discomfort was just how similar Okano was to himself. (If he was older, taller, and looked like a male model.) And the idea of him getting to Kirishima’s age and still acting like… that was just a little too much to take.

**Zen**

Why did Yokozawa have to meet Haruma? Why, why, why? And why was he feeling guilty when nothing happened? It was weird how he had been able to translate their unsaid conversation simply by looking at their body language.

Yokozawa: Who the fuck is this guy and what’s going on?

Haruma: So, this is the guy you replaced me for? (smirk) 

Zen had been so flustered he ended up acting like an idiot not to mention coming across as careless and insensitive. 

“He’s very good looking.” Yokozawa wasn’t exactly frowning but he was obviously fishing for information.

“Who?” Like he didn’t know. 

“Okano. You don’t have anything to tell me?” 

“Like what?”

“You were with him last night.” 

“That’s true. We dated in Dental school and I haven’t seen him in years. We met for a few drinks. Nothing to hide. And you were with Yuu…” 

“He started a part-time job today at my office helping out. We were heading in the same direction. He’s going back to school to study graphic design. It looks like he wants to get serious. At least that’s what he says. I just hope he sticks to his plan. That’s why we were together.” 

“I wasn’t worried. Yuu told me already that nothing happened the other day.” 

“And I told you the same thing. But you had to lose it completely.” Why did Yokozawa have to phrase it that way? Even if he was right?

“What are you talking about?” 

“I can’t believe you’re asking that. You freaked out about me being with Yuu even if nothing happened, so today you’re throwing it in my face. Like I’d be jealous just because you’re with another guy!” Even though he was clearly jealous? Why couldn’t he just say so then? 

“Then don’t bother me about who I’m meeting!” 

“That’s fine with me! Like I care?” 

“Oh, is that true?” Did Yokozawa care about him then?

“It is!”

“Well I’m going the other way right now! I have an important appointment I’m late to!” In his haste to veer in a different direction he smacked right into Yokozawa, who clearly had the same idea. 

“What the hell? You said you were going left?” 

“I am!” He ran off before Yokozawa could say anything. 

_Shit!_

When they’d left together, he had figured out what seemed like a good scenario in his head. It had gone like this: 

Yokozawa: Who’s the guy?

Zen: I’m sorry. I should have told you about Haruma. We used to date back in Dental school. He runs a clinic in Shizuoka with his husband. He randomly contacted me. He says he wants to move to Tokyo. I should have let you know. 

Yokozawa: It’s okay. I trust you. And I know you got upset last time because you care about me.

Zen: I do care about you! 

Yokozawa: Why don’t we have dinner at your place? (as he flashes that cute awkward smile)

Zen: That sounds great.

Proceed to dinner and lots of sex not necessarily in that order. 

But no. They had another yelling match. Why did this always have to happen?


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Harmless baby showers which are anything but harmless and men who are still attached to their exes.

**Ritsu**

It was funny just how alike Takafumi and Kirishima were, but not funny how they argued so much. Maybe partners being so different from each other was better in a way? Or maybe not. Takano was so different from Ritsu and what happened? Ritsu always felt like the bad guy. Well maybe if Takano wasn’t so nice all the time! He shook his head as if that would shake the Takano-laced thoughts from his mind. 

Takafumi. That’s who he was focusing on; the man who was pacing in Ritsu’s living room complaining about Kirishima. Again. 

It was sweet how Takafumi had sought refuge in Ritsu’s nest, though. And that’s what it was. The cozy nest for his baby. The weeks were flying by and he needed to be prepared. Ritsu got a beer for Takafumi and oolong tea for himself and sat back to listen while Takafumi either paced or sat down and slugged down his beer.

Apparently, some random gorgeous ex of Kirishima’s had decided to show up and acted like he wanted to stir trouble and that ended up with the new couple yelling at each other. But it didn’t even sound like they tried to talk about the guy. Takafumi smashed his empty can the way he always seemed to do when he was frustrated.

“What the hell?” 

“Sounds frustrating. At the same time, you act so much alike.” Takafumi frowned and furrowed his eyebrows. 

“How is that?”

“I can tell you but only if you really want to know.” 

“Of course, I want to know! We’re arguing all the time. You think I want that?” 

“Alright, but I wanted you. You’re both stubborn, can’t be honest about your feelings, you’re both your own worst enemies and you have horrible timing.” Ritsu waited for that to sink in before continuing. “Timing is so delicate. If it’s just a little off, you don’t connect. Or you miss one phone call and somehow -bam! That’s it! Relationship over. And over time if you’re just a little bit off you can both end up in completely different places.”

“Timing? What about Kirishima not wanting to introduce me as his boyfriend? Or how he looked at his ex like he was - I don’t know ashamed of me?” 

“Do you think he’s ashamed of you?” 

“I don’t know. It’s like he’s trying to impress this guy. And I just felt like I was the interloper.” 

“I think you should tell him that when you see him. That sounds more of a problem than his seemingly perfect ex, who probably isn’t perfect by the way.” 

“I know that. His ex isn’t the problem. It didn’t help though that the man is gorgeous and brilliant.” 

“Yes. You’ve already mentioned this about - what - four times?” 

“Yeah, because compared to him-” 

“Isn’t that your first problem? Kirishima chose you. He wants to be with you. In the end the most important thing is being with somebody who adores, respects, and understands you. Does he do that?” 

Takafumi looked upset but he seemed to be thinking deeply about what Ritsu had said, which was the point. He got up to get another beer and patted his friend’s shoulder. Then he had a brilliant idea. Have a party for baby Onodera. He’d invite everyone including Kirishima and the two could discreetly step out for a bit and talk alone calmly and hopefully understand each other better. And with cute presents for baby and delicious food, what could go wrong? 

Ritsu ended up making different finger foods with Shouta as well as ordering large platter of sushi because it was a celebration after all. 

Yuu, Takano, Kirishima sat on one side of Ritsu with Takafumi and Shouta on the other end of the low table in the living room while Ritsu got the fun of opening presents for the baby. 

Most of them were outfits. Ritsu enjoyed himself as he opened each one and displayed it for everyone to at least pretend to enjoy looking at. The last one a one-piece polka dotted baby outfit.

“Thank you everyone! I love this!” 

Ritsu frowned as he watched Takafumi all by himself taking the empty gift bags and tissue paper and calmly folding everything and walked over and whispered in his ear.

“What are you doing?”

“I thought you could use it for later on.” 

“That’s very nice, but the main idea was you and Kirishima talking to each other and so far you haven’t spoken at all!” 

Takafumi responded by frowning but got up to move closer to Kirishima. Good. Now Ritsu could sit down and rest. It was crazy how often he got tired lately. Shouta decided to give Yuu the third degree. Well, Shouta style. 

“Yuu, I heard you’re working at Ta-fum’s office? Why there?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“There’s so many places you could have chosen.” 

“It’s a coincidence. I saw they were hiring; the pay was great, and it works well with my schedule.” 

“You’re working seriously?”

“Ask Takafumi.” Everyone turned to Takafumi who shrugged his shoulders. 

“Yes, he’s doing well. He’s busy all the time. I think he’s working hard.” 

“That’s a surprise!” Ritsu tried not to laugh and Yuu just smiled instead of making a snarky comment which would have made more sense coming from. Instead he turned to Kirishima and acted more like his typical self: having what should be private conversations in public.

“So Kirishima, what happened after?” 

“After what?”

“After I saw you. You were going to go to his place, right?” Wait. The whole point was getting Takafumi to talk to Kirishima not to get Kirishima annoyed. 

“We ended up going different directions.” 

“Different directions? Wait. Did you fight again?” How ironic. It was like Yuu was Kirishima’s dad or something.

Then both Kirishima and Takafumi yelled out almost simultaneously: 

“We didn’t get into a fight.” 

“We don’t fight!” 

So why were they so defensive then? 

Thankfully, the doorbell rang. 

“Ah!” Ritsu cried out maybe a little too loudly. “That must be the sushi! Can someone get that?” 

Shouta ran to get the door and Ritsu managed to get up and went over to the kitchen counter where a couple of small trays of food were set. Takano was surprisingly good at making platters. Now the sushi was here they could eat and drink. Once he figured out why Shouta arguing with the delivery guy. He heard him yelling in an anxious voice. 

“Wait. Wait a minute. Who are you, anyway?” 

Ritsu looked up to see Shouta with a familiar tall man with messy brown hair. Haitani! What was he doing here? 

“Ritsu!” 

“What are you doing here?” 

“Why didn’t you contact me? If you had only told me I’d-”

“Not get married? Oh wait. You already are. What would you do? You wouldn’t dump your wife for me.” 

Haitani didn’t seem to know what to say. He was impulsive that way. He probably hadn’t thought things through. How had he found out about the pregnancy?

“Exactly. The truth is… this baby isn’t yours anyway.” Really, it could have been anyone’s. Not that it was. Ritsu had been completely loyal to Haitani. Unlike some people who treated their boyfriend like they were novelty items and had no problem dating other people at the same time! 

“What are you saying? I calculated it and it has to be me unless…” Ritsu couldn’t help enjoying Haitani’s realization that maybe he could have been cheated on. “Whose baby is it then?” Yes. Whose baby was it, anyway? Who should he choose? 

“Ritsu!” 

Ritsu wanted to wipe that offended look off Haitani’s face. Frantically he tried to think of a name to use as the father. Kiyomiya. From the dessert café. Hopefully, he’d forgive Ritsu if he told them he was the father. But before he could say anything Takano jumped up and yelled. 

“The baby’s mine!”

Ritsu looked at him in horror and watched how everyone looked either surprised or disbelieving depending on who it was. 

“It’s my child and I’m taking responsibility!” 

And this is why Ritsu was going to kill Takano Masamune.

Of course, the sushi guy picked that time to show up with the platter. Which nobody ate. He managed to get Haitani to leave, who didn’t seem to know what to say after his paternity was usurped from him. Everyone filed out except for Takano who must have used all his energy because he looked deflated now. Which was appropriate. 

Why had Takano said he was the father? It might have solved the problem of Haitani getting involved and maybe causing custody issues, but still! Takano was sticking his nose in Ritsu’s business. His intentions might have been good, but in the end Ritsu had to be as independent as possible and letting Takano come in and act like he was going to be there for him when he couldn’t be would be delusional.

But Takano had wanted to help! Which is why Ritsu didn’t yell the way he wanted. Instead they both sat down and Ritsu kept his voice even and calm. Well, calmer.

“Why did you say you were the father?” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Do you know how careless it was saying the baby was yours?” 

Takano jumped up and Ritsu almost flinched. 

“I didn’t say it carelessly!” What did that even mean? That Takano seriously expected to act like the baby’s father? There was no way he could be making such a commitment. So why was he saying that? So much for staying calm. He felt so frustrated and so horrible as he spoke which turned more into a horrifying shriek. 

“That’s even worse! I don’t think you should come here anymore. I think we should stop meeting alone too.” 

“Ritsu…” Why did he have to look so forlorn when a moment ago he had sounded so strong, tough, and manly. Why did he have to make Ritsu feel so bad when he was just trying to be strong for his baby? He needed to get Takano out of there. 

“Please just leave. You’re bothering me!” There. Ritsu would act as horrible as he felt. Now Takano could reject him and move on to somebody else who deserved him. Ritsu watched him get his coat. But instead of being angry he just apologized and left. 

Why did doing the right thing seem so wrong?

**Yuu**

Normally Yuu would have been having a blast right now. That whole clash with Kirishima and Yokozawa followed by Onodera’s ex coming in and crashing the party had been seriously entertaining. But Yokozawa was clearly upset about the fight with Kirishima and somehow that made him sad. 

The end goal was still the same. Yokozawa would be a lot happier with Yuu. He was younger and would treat him a lot better, but if Yokozawa were with Kirishima he’d step aside. The problem was that Kirishima seemed to be better at making Yokozawa angry, frustrated, or sad.

He, Shouta, Kirishima and Yokozawa had retreated to Yokozawa’s apartment where they set around the dining table. 

“Okay. That was unexpected.” Shouta liked stating the obvious. 

“Do you really think Takano’s the father?” Yokozawa asked from the kitchen.

“I don’t even think that’s possible. I mean the timing. Did they even know each other at that point? It doesn’t make sense.” Kirishima was an idiot but he made sense. If Onodera and Takano didn’t know each other Takano could hardly be the baby’s biological father. Which means Takano was trying to protect Onodera. Who knew he could be that brave?

“That’s impressive. Takano must really love him.” Yuu would do something like that for Yokozawa. Except Yokozawa wouldn’t be pregnant. But it was the principle! 

“He was being irresponsible. The only way it would have made sense to say that would be if he was willing to share responsibility for Onodera’s baby.” 

“He probably wasn’t thinking that far ahead.”

“He should have thought about it more. Saying something impulsively might do more damage in the end.” 

“Kirishima’s right, Yuu. What if Haitani asks them to do a DNA test when the baby’s born?” 

“He probably won’t.” 

Kirishima’s phone started to ring and he looked at his phone with a frown. 

“Sorry. I need to take this. Hello? What’s wrong? You’re crying.” At that point he left the room but quickly came back. Was the caller Okano Haruma?

“I’m sorry. Something happened. I’ll have to leave first.” Yuu looked at Yokozawa still in the kitchen and didn’t like the look on his face. Why was this idiot Kirishima making Yokozawa so unhappy? It pissed him off. And he was just going to leave without saying anything to his boyfriend? What the hell?

“What happened?” If he managed to get a bit into Kirishima’s face it was his own fault. 

“It’s not really your business, Yuu.” Kirishima seemed to be concentrating on getting out of there as soon as possible. 

“Well it is, because we haven’t all gotten together in a while.” 

“We’ll have to see each other again soon.”. 

“Fine. Just don’t tell me you’re seeing Haruma.” 

Shouta perked up. 

“Haruma?” Oh yeah. He was the only one who hadn’t met him.

“Kirishima’s ex boyfriend.” 

“ _Eh? _”__

__“Sorry, Sho. I meant to tell you, but it’s been crazy at work.”_ _

__"It's fine. I'm just your best friend. No, but seriously, it's fine." Yokozawa and Kisa were cute, but Kirishima needed to wake up._ _

__“I don’t know what he told you, Kirishima, but he’s messing with you.”_ _

__“And I should listen to someone with your track record tell me this about somebody you don’t even know?”_ _

__“Fine, but he didn’t lose his earring. He lied. Ask him and see what he tells you. He’s trying to get between you and Takafumi.”_ _

__“He’s not like that at all.”_ _

__“I don’t think you get the problem Kirishima -”_ _

__“And I don’t think you understand that it’s not your business!”_ _

__“You’re right. It’s not, but it’s Takafumi’s. He’s your boyfriend. You owe him an explanation before you run off to meet your ex!” Yuu felt surprisingly philanthropic because if Kirishima would maybe think with his head he would understand that Yuu was doing him a favor. What a selfish jerk!_ _

__Yokozawa looked so cute as he chewed his lip and looked over at Kirishima. So cute and yet so sad. Kirishima was a bastard!_ _

__“You’re seeing Haruma?”_ _

__“He’s in trouble. He needs to talk to a friend. I know you’d do the same. I’ll call you later tonight.” And he was right. Yuu had been the beneficiary of exactly that type of kindness before his mother left the country. It felt like so long ago, but it had only been a few weeks._ _

__“Ta-fum, what’s this Haruma guy like?”_ _

__“I barely met him. He’s around my height, extremely good looking and charismatic. They dated when they were in dental school and that’s all I really know.”_ _

__“Shouldn’t you run after Kirishima?”_ _

__“We’re both adults. I did the same thing to him recently when I wanted to help a friend. It can’t be helped.” Takafumi was so loveable. Even if Kisa knew he was talking about Yuu he still didn’t mention it to protect either his privacy or how vulnerable he’d been. Kirishima was an idiot!_ _

__“Isn’t this what you always say Ta-fum? Isn’t it an excuse not to do anything?”_ _

__“What should I have said?”_ _

__“How about ‘don’t go?’” They all turned around where Yokozawa’s siblings and the guy who’d talked were standing. Maybe he was his sister’s boyfriend. He was carrying various ingredients in his hand. He vaguely remembered the siblings from the hot pot party at Onodera’s awhile back._ _

__“When did you three get here?”_ _

__“We were hanging out and we got hungry.”_ _

__“And Yamato has this amazing fried rice recipe he got from his uncle that he wanted us to try so we went to the store and here we are.”_ _

__“I’m a fried rice pro!” Yamato smiled._ _

__“He’s right, big brother. Go after him!” Yokozawa looked annoyed but his younger siblings were sweet. It was like that old drama he saw in re-runs where the oldest brother took care of his five siblings except Yokozawa had only two and he didn’t have such horrible hair. Yuu never used to imagine that he was secretly their much younger baby brother who they found and adopted. Never._ _

__“Hiyori, thank you, but this isn’t your business.”_ _

__“It is! Because we don’t want to see you sad or cry.”_ _

__“She’s right, big brother! You deserve to be happy!”_ _

__“Like I’d cry! I never cry. And why are you both talking? You’re both one hundred -no- three thousand years too early to be saying anything!”_ _

__“It’s better to be honest than pretend it doesn’t upset you when it does.”_ _

__“Yeah. Go to Kirishima and tell him the truth. That’s what I’d do.” His brother was surprisingly fierce for such a little guy. But then again, he was Yokozawa’s brother._ _

__“I would if I could, but it isn’t who I am. There’s not much I can do about that.” Takafumi wandered in the kitchen where Yamato was starting to prep some vegetables. “Ah, Yamato, Great knife skills. Can I help?”_ _

__Yuu didn’t know whether to be happy or sad. He just wanted to wrap Yokozawa in his love like a blanket. Instead he watched him cook._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The show Yuu is references is Hitotsu Yane no Shita (Under One Roof) a classic jdrama from the 1990s with Eguchi Yosuke. 
> 
> Kirishima is arguably a lot more dense than he is in canon.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mixed messages sent by boyfriends can lead to insomnia.

**Zen**

He was an idiot. How could he still be weak to Haruma’s tears? It had been years and he still immediately ran to meet him, just like he did back in college, this time while envisioning Yokozawa’s confused reaction complete with furrowed eyebrows which didn’t feel good at all.

He should have said he was busy, politely of course. He could have done that after he got the first email. His life would have been a lot simpler, but he’d always hoped that after so many years Haruma would apologize or at least explain his reasons for dumping him. And here he was messing things up with Yokozawa even more probably. And it was probably nothing. The man had always been more on the emotional side. And yet… he felt a pang seeing his forced smile which contrasted pathetically with his puffy red eyes when they met at the restaurant. 

“I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t take you away from anything important.” Did he? Did it matter at this point? 

“It’s fine.” Okay they hadn’t stayed in touch, and they ended badly but they had a history and Zen cared about him. The way old friends do.

“I don’t know what came over me. I guess I finally realized what I’ve planned, and I’m scared.”

“It’s fine. Opening your own practice is a big move. It can be overwhelming. If I can help with anything let me know.” 

“Thanks. It’s not just that. When my husband and I opened our clinic, we had different goals. I thought we were building a life together and the practice was a part of something bigger, but for him it was the whole story.

“I don’t think he needed a husband. He’s already married to his work. I think he sees me more as a colleague. I got disillusioned. But it’s a big jump and I don’t know if I have the confidence to start over and the idea of being alone makes me sad. It’s silly, I know.” 

“No. You’ve spent years of your life with your husband. It’s not silly.” 

“Thank you. I think I made a huge mistake breaking up with you. I’ve always regretted what happened, but I didn't realize how much until I saw you again. We should never have broken up, Zen.” 

Zen managed to be excited, nauseous sad and freaked out all at the same time. 

“ _What _?” He managed to yell out in shock.__

____

**Yuu**

Yuu used to think people who did grunt work for a living were pathetic losers, but since he started at Usami Publishing he’d felt surprisingly fulfilled by how his little tasks made things easier for so many people. It helped that Yokozawa’s co-workers were nice and they appreciated his hard work. It wasn’t a job for the long term, but it was perfect until he finished school and hopefully found a full-time job as a graphic designer.

It also let him watch over Yokozawa, which was good because today the guy was falling apart, and it was just a little after four. The older man was half slumped over a laptop in one of the conference rooms and looked like he needed a nap when he handed Yuu the pages he wanted copied.

When Yuu got back Yokozawa looked more asleep than awake. Yuu called his name five times and finally touched him gently on the shoulder before he got a response. 

“Uh? Oh, thanks. You can leave them on the table.” 

Yuu carefully set them down and took a seat across from Yokozawa.

“Eh? I said it’s fine.” 

“I got it. I’m just wondering if Kirishima called you.” 

Yokozawa looked around to see if anyone could hear. It was either cute or sad how the guy could be falling over his feet but still awake enough to check for eavesdroppers, which would have been challenging since they were in a closed room and practically whispering. Somehow it made him seem even more lovable. 

“We shouldn't talk about personal matters when we’re at work.” 

“You look like you’re about to collapse and your eyes are red.” 

“That’s because of this project. It kept me up.” 

“You were up all night?” 

Yokozawa either didn’t hear him or was pretending not to hear. 

“Takafumi?”

Oops. He should have stuck to the last name. Even though he was half asleep he still managed to hear way too clearly and was now glaring at him. 

“You said you wouldn’t do this here. I’m fine, so don’t worry about me.” 

Yuu looked back at Yokozawa through the glass as he walked away and sighed. He really was in love. Kirishima didn’t deserve him. He took out his phone to call his former housemate.

“Hello?” From the sounds of it Kirishima was still at his clinic. 

“Why didn’t you call Takafumi? He was up all-night waiting for you.” 

“I got home late. And now he’s at work, so, I can’t call him.” 

“How convenient for you when the truth is you didn’t want to call him and why is that?”

“It’s none of your business.”

Yuu started laughing. 

“You’re wrong, but maybe you’ve forgotten how serious I am about Takafumi. Or maybe you just like shooting yourself in the foot. If you keep this up, I’m going to get him, especially if you keep making promises and not keeping them.” 

He hung up. The only reason he was being this nice was for Takafumi. 

Which was stupid because he was helping the enemy. But deep down Yuu knew the chances of Takafumi falling for him were slim. It was so obvious in his gaze. It was a similar look he’d seen on him when he was talking to his younger brother Misaki. Because that’s how he thought of Yuu, as an honorary younger brother. All this had to be karma for when he played with Yokozawa’s feelings just for the fun of it. So now it was his turn to be miserable and he deserved every minute.

**Takafumi**

Takafumi tried not to slump as he stood in the cold. It was 10:30 and he’d been waiting for Kirishima for three hours. After being up the entire night and then a full day of work. The only thing good about the whole freaking day was Yuu. It was kind of sweet how he’d been so worried about him, and he was even careful when others were around. He really was growing up.

But he’d been standing in front of his building for hours because Kirishima had said he’d come and why wasn’t he here when he’d clearly said he’d be?

Because he was dumping him and getting back with his ex. On paper it certainly made sense. They knew each other well, worked in the same field and Okano and had a lot more charisma and was better looking, not that Takafumi was comparing or anything. Except he was. 

He had been better off before Kirishima called him. Which was ridiculous since he had been up the whole night awake waiting for him to call, so how could this be worse? Maybe because it just confirmed his worst fears? 

Still. Before Okano decided to show up seemingly out of nowhere it wasn’t as if he and Kirishima were doing so great. Ritsu was right. If the timing doesn’t work, you can start out at the same station and end up in completely different places. Was that going to be them? And half the time they kept getting into arguments about stupidity and it didn’t help that Takafumi still couldn't express his feelings. 

All this had been stewing in his brain earlier when he was waiting for the call. Even Yuu figured something was up. And then he decided to write everything to sort out his feelings. 

He took a deep breath and imagined Kirishima in his head with all the good and even the bad. No. None of the bad. Just sweet Kirishima Zen and how the times they didn’t argue had been surprisingly wonderful. 

he wrote. 

He paused, closed his eyes, and started typing. It didn’t matter how it came out. 

_I wish you’d call me. I miss you. I wish we wouldn’t argue. I want us to be close, but I still don’t know how. Do you still want me? Can you tell me what you really feel?_

He opened his eyes and already felt a bit better. Maybe he just needed to believe in himself more. And then, as if rewarding him for his hard effort, his phone started ringing. Kirishima!

**Zen**

That Yanase Yuu. Giving him lectures as if he was an expert in relationships instead of barely an adult who’d already done enough damage himself to Yokozawa.

Except he was right. Zen said he would call. This was his boyfriend he’d indirectly caused to not get any sleep. How could he expect Yokozawa to trusted him if he didn’t do what he said he would? It’s just that Haruma’s confession had blown him away even if what he clearly wanted wasn’t a relationship but comfort. And a night of comfort had been disturbingly tempting. Which was bad considering that not too long ago he was yelling at Yokozawa for being a slut. 

He managed to get out of there with his loyalty intact but there was no way he could speak to Yokozawa after that. It was irrational but he imagined Yokozawa would have detected his temptations in his voice. And because of this stupidity he’d caused unnecessary worry to his boyfriend. 

Yokozawa answered right away, sounding somewhat awkward and quiet. Maybe it was the lack of sleep.

“Hello?” 

“It’s Kirshima. I’m sorry I couldn’t call last night.” 

“That’s okay. Was Okano okay?”

“He’s fine.” 

“Got it.” Except his confusion was radiating through the phone as if he’d said it clearly. Or maybe Zen was starting to understand Yokozawa language? 

“Haruma’s someone I saw a long time ago. Last night he needed someone to talk to and that’s it. There’s nothing else happening.” Yokozawa didn’t need to know that something almost happened. It didn’t.

“I want to see you.” Yokozawa sounded so needy and vulnerable. He might be awkward and difficult, but this was the man Zen wanted. He shook out his shoulders.

“I want to see you too. Are you at work? Wait for me. I’ll meet you.” 

“Yes.” 

He put his shows on and opened the door to see Haruma smiling at him. 

“Hi. I’m about to leave actually…” 

“Yeah. I’ll be quick.” 

Zen tried not to sigh, took off his shoes and ushered him in. 

“I’m sorry I said those things last night.” 

“It’s fine. I know you tend to get nostalgic about the past when things aren’t going well. I realized you weren’t serious. That part of our lives is long over.” 

“Ah. You saw through me. I guess that's why you didn’t stick around last night. You’re right. I was looking back more than forward. It probably wouldn’t work out even if we did get back together. It all worked out though. Koichi called me and we had a good talk. He thinks we should open up a second clinic and I’ll be the head dentist for that one.” 

“That sounds great. I’m glad for you.” 

“I don’t know if I ever told you why I broke up with you. I always felt like you were the one dumping me. I’ve never been interested in status but somebody to share my life with, and I think you liked the idea of being with somebody rather than actually being with anyone. You always seemed to care most about yourself. I hope the guy you’re with realizes this before it’s too late. Well, good luck.” 

Zen watched as Haruma left and managed to get to his couch before collapsing in a heap. All this time he thought he was the victim. Could he have really been somewhat at fault? Had he really been that inconsiderate or selfish a boyfriend? It made sense though. None of his relationships afterward lasted that long, but he’d always thought it wasn’t his fault, yet it explained so much. He _was_ selfish. What was the point of even trying? He went to the fridge, took out a pudding from his stash, and proceeded to eat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kirishima's confidence is definitely not the same as in canon. And Yuu is getting to have his chance to have a one sided love just like he does in canon. Or does he? (cue the tense music) 
> 
> At any rate goodbye somewhat annoying character who gave me the opportunity to use the name Haruma in a fanfiction. It's been lovely.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Vanishing boyfriend - Now you see him now you don't!

**Takafumi**

Love. It was like stabbing yourself all over again and again with a tack. Or maybe it was a see saw; you go up and down and up and down? No. It was parkour where you jump from one thing to another and if you don’t make it you plummet to your death. Takafumi had played parkour of the emotions yesterday jumping from confusion, frustration, paranoia, neediness and then maybe just a bit of contentment at the end. 

And all because of Kirishima Zen. When had he gotten so emotionally invested in this guy anyway? Did it even matter? He hadn’t felt this needy or vulnerable in years.

Kirishima had been so weird on the phone last night. Telling him one thing and doing another. He had sounded so distant, yet sad, like he wasn’t quite there, so he’d gone over to see him only to find the man was back to his regular self and maybe just a bit too intent on getting them into his bedroom. That must have been the problem. Kirishima was one of those guys who got a little wacky when they didn’t get it enough, and they hadn’t been intimate enough lately. 

He looked at his watch. Time for another brainstorming session on how to boost sales for their star author. He joined the meeting a few minutes late to hear one of his colleagues saying something obvious.

“After romance is marriage.” Yes. Marriage. He had joined his share of protest rallies for gay marriage back in college. (In sunglasses, an oversized hat and Masamune’s clothing just to make sure most people didn’t recognize him.) 

“Yokozawa, there’s a rumor you’re dating. How’s that going?” Eh? Why couldn’t this man focus on his own private life? This was why someone gorgeous as he was divorced? The guy had zero social tact. 

“It’s just a rumor.” 

Another colleague, Kiritani, smiled. “What do you think about marriage?” 

“It’s a bit soon. We just started dating.” Wait! Reverse! Rewind! Something!

Suddenly all his colleagues were freaking out. Was it that shocking that he was dating somebody? Yukina smiled again and clapped his hand on Takafumi’s shoulder. 

“So, you have a _girl_ friend?” 

“It’s not your business whether I’m dating or not!” He got up out of his seat, pushing Yukina’s arms in the process. The man needed to learn how to keep his hands to himself!

Hemni jumped up and started laughing nervously. 

“Ah, we need to come up with a marketing proposal geared towards working women who have boyfriends but don’t know how to get to the marriage stage.” 

The Marriage stage: Shouldn’t that be the end goal for him and Kirishima? Maybe they’d communicate better if they lived together? And what about the wedding? Kirishima would look breathtaking in traditional dress, but he would look equally gorgeous in a tux. A partner to share his life with, It sounded good.

**Zen**

_you liked the idea of being with somebody rather than actually being with anyone. You always seemed to care most about yourself._

Haruma’s words haunted him, maybe because he had been right. It would explain Zen’s broken relationships over the years. If Yokozawa hadn’t been so adamant about coming over, last night, maybe their relationship would be like a derailed train, with one of them detached and forlorn while the other going on their own way, completely oblivious. Maybe that’s why he’d felt so desperate when they had sex last night; Yokozawa would be a lot happier without him.

_I hope the guy you’re with realizes this before it’s too late._

He had to get his mind off Freaking Okano Haruma who was now back in Shizuoka with his perfect husband living his best life. After having the last word, which had always been his favorite past-time.

It was so much simpler when he could just be. He’d connect with someone and have fun but without all this stress. Still, when he stopped thinking of everything and just thought of the basics; he liked Yokozawa, liked spending time with him, which is how they ended up at the best bar in the world. Tonight’s special was a version of choux cream, but instead of cream Kiyomiya had used lemon curd and berries. Ah, c’est magnifique!

For some reason, the video screen was wedding themed and they watched a video featuring gorgeous athletic men in wedding tuxedos. 

“How do you like the cream choux?” 

“Nice, thanks. I like this video and the men in tuxedos. What’s your preference, Kirishima? A suit or a montsuki?” 

Wait. Why was Yokozawa asking him that? He’d never really thought of his preferences, maybe because deep down he never thought he’d ever get married. There was something classic and comforting about traditional dress, though. 

“I guess I’d wear a montsuki.” There. That wasn’t too bad. He picked up his glass of dessert wine and took a sip. 

“I’m not sure myself. There’s something amazing about a tux, and yet a montsuki seems timeless. Oh. I didn’t know Kiyomiya was a father.” 

Zen looked up to see Kiyomiya carrying a baby instead of his usual tray. 

“Cute baby,” He said to be polite. 

“Sorry about this. My wife had a last-minute appointment.”

“He looks happy enough with his papa though. He’s cute. Want me to hold him for a moment?” Of course. Yokozawa had that parental instinct from raising his siblings. 

“Actually, that would be helpful. Just for a minute.” 

Yokozawa took the baby and held it while smiling and making the ridiculous faces people tend to make when faced with somebody younger than three years old. 

“Have you ever thought of adopting, Kirishima?”

“Eh?” Adopting? 

“You know, children? Ever thought of having them?” 

Why was he asking this? Maybe because Yokozawa wanted to get married and raise a family? What would that be like? 

He imagined himself sitting in a nice house on a comfortable sofa while enjoying some gourmet delicacy. 

Out of nowhere five young drooling children surround him. They want his food! And why should he give them any? 

Then Yokozawa comes in looking haggard and exhausted and starts yelling at him to share his food because he’s the father. And then he realizes those grubby kids are his. His responsibility. And nothing he owns is his anymore. And he’ll never find anything anymore and he can forget about his stash of puddings in the fridge too. 

Zen blinked and looked at Yokozawa who was thankfully looking a lot less haggard and not surrounded by children or drool. 

“I think one child would be perfect.” 

“One?” 

“What made you ask?” 

“At work we’re discussing marriage right now because of one of our books. It’s for marketing.” 

Of course! Marketing. Yokozawa didn’t mean anything personal. And yet, how many children did he want? He had sounded disappointed that Zen only wanted one. Maybe his dream of the future included a large family? 

What if they had a huge family? The largest family in Japan? How would that look? What if they had nine children, and Hiyori lived there with her husband and her kid and Misaki would be there too of course. 

They’d be so noticeable a tv show would interview them. 

He visualized his huge brood crowded into their living room while they listened eagerly to the interviewer.

“The dad and mom of this family are working hard because they have fifteen members! I was trying to figure out how that adds up.” 

“Well it’s myself, my husband and our children plus my sister in law, her husband and her child and of course my brother in law.” 

“Amazing! You must be working extremely hard, Mom and Dad!” 

“Brother in law, you’re the best!” Hiyori cries out as she shifts uncomfortably. Well, she’s already halfway through the seventh month with her second. 

“And now it’s time for Misaki to find someone to marry!” Takafumi says happily as he wipes more drool or spit up from their youngest kid’s face. 

“I’ll do my best! I’m sure my brother in law will support us!” Misaki says, smiling. 

And Zen smiles, but deep inside he is screaming, “GET ME OUT OF HERE!” 

He must have shuddered because Yokozawa was looking at him weirdly and still holding Kiyomiya’s kid. Zen started to feel a bit nauseous.

“Uh, my stomach is hurting. I think better go home. Sorry.” He put some money to cover their bill. “Can you give this to Kiyomiya?”

**Shouta**

Just when he thought he’d had enough. 

Just when he thought he’d never hear from him because he was straight and, let’s just face it falling for a straight man is pretty much the worst thing that could happen. 

Just when he’d given up, he’d gotten the phone call. And Yukina Kou was every bit as sparkling and beautiful as he remembered. It was a good thing Shouta didn’t work for Usami Publishing because he wouldn’t get any work done. He’d be too busy drooling. 

They met at a cafe and it was like being innocent again. Which should have been impossible. Especially for him. 

They shared a scone and some Earl Grey tea. And after talking about trivialities, Yukina finally started talking.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I wanted to make sure I thought this through enough.” 

“I get it. You shouldn’t push yourself. I won’t be offended if you’re not interested.” _Just don’t leave me hanging!_

“It’s not that I’m not interested. I am. I don’t have a problem with it. I played around a bit in college. It’s been awhile though. I always thought it was a phase. I guess it wasn’t.” 

“It’s fine. I’m patient.” Well, that was a first. Shouta was never patient. Not about men he liked.

“You’re sweet. And beautiful.” Well if Yukina was going to have that look in his eyes, being patient might be a bit difficult. “What do you look for in a relationship?” 

That went serious quickly.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about that lately. I got divorced recently. I think I fell into the mistake of thinking a husband could solve all my problems. I think I’d like to eventually marry again, but this time I think my focus is building something good together. I want to keep moving forward and try to live my best life.” 

“I’m also divorced for a few years already. I think I was worried too much about what I should do and not enough on what I wanted to do.” 

Shouta smiled. He didn’t understand how Takafumi could have a problem with him. He was sweet and gorgeous and maybe they were going slowly but they were definitely headed in a good direction.

**Takafumi**

Hot. Cold. Hot. Cold. 

Ever since they met in the dessert bar Kirishima had gone back to cold, remote and unavailable. He frowned at the last message he sent him, not like he was obsessively looking at it or anything.

 _I’m going to be busy for a while. Sorry we can’t meet. I’ll try to contact you soon._

He sighed and tried to concentrate on his work. Which was difficult with his colleagues having a ‘meeting’ but what was really a coffee break right near his desk.

“Hemni, what’s happening with you?”

“I’m getting nervous, Kiritani. She keeps talking about marriage.” Oh yeah. Hemni was dating somebody. 

“How old is she?”

“My age. She keeps going on about quitting her job and becoming a housewife.” Housewife. One thing he didn’t have to worry about. Neither her or Kirishima would be remotely interested in becoming house husbands. 

“I never even thought about marrying her. Maybe we should break up now.” 

“The sooner the better if you’re going to do it.”

“You think so too, Yukina?” 

“Well, yeah. You don’t want to get caught into something you don’t want.”

“I know! I think most of my friends have!” It’s called growing up, Hemni. Get used to it.

“You can always send the classic ‘work is so busy. I’m sorry we can’t meet’ email. Works every time!” Eh? Why did that sound so familiar?

“Right. Then you step back and just let everything fizzle out naturally.” 

“Thanks, everyone! You’re a big help.” 

Takafumi looked at Kirishima’s message again and sighed. He basically said the same thing Kiritani had suggested to Hemni. Was Kirishima trying to get rid of him but too nice to say anything?

“Mr. Yokozawa, can you check this?” 

He looked up to see Yuu handing him a draft for an advertisement. Yuu used to spend time with Kirishima. Maybe he could explain his weird behavior. He just had to ask.

“Wait. Uh… how are you doing?” 

“I’m fine.”

“Have you seen Kirishima lately?”

“A couple of days ago.”

“Did he look okay?”

“I don’t know. He was eating cake. He seemed to enjoy it.” That wasn’t exactly helpful. He knew Kirishima liked cake. For a dentist he had a huge sweet tooth.

“Ah. Thanks.” 

“No problem.” Yuu’s smile seemed a bit forced. Because Yokozawa wasn’t exactly being nice questioning him about Kirishima when he knew Yuu liked him. He had to understand it would never work. Hopefully Yuu would get over him and find someone more appropriate. 

But Kirishima was going about his regular business at his favorite dessert bar. Why did it seem that the only person he was avoiding was him?

He headed to Ritsu’s for a beer and to vent.

“Maybe he really is busy? I wouldn’t bother him too much. It might be counterproductive,” Ritsu mused as he stroked his stomach. That had to be pregnancy thing. 

“You’re right.” 

“Do you ever think about what you want with him?” 

“What I want?” 

“Do you see yourself married to him?” 

“I haven’t thought about it much. And there’s Hiyori and Misaki. I’d want to wait until Misaki was in college.” 

“Oi, Takafumi. I’m talking about how you feel, not logistics. Let’s say he proposed to you. How would you feel? Overjoyed? Confused?” 

“I guess I’d be… happy.” 

“Okay then! I’m starving. Want pasta? I’ll make some Napolitan.”

“I’ll help. Btw, what about you, Ritsu?”

“What about me?”

“What are you going to do about Takano?”

“There’s nothing to do. I’m not seeing him anymore.” Ouch. 

“But Takano…”

“He likes me. It’s obvious. He’s a nice guy. He’s always so thoughtful and it drives me nuts!” 

“That sounds good. Why don’t you…” 

“Go out with him? Because he’d be happier with somebody who loves him and treats him well. I don’t want to burden him or ruin his life. So, I decided not to see him anymore. He’ll find somebody better.”

It would have been tempting to argue, but something about Ritsu’s serious expression told him it would be pointless.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Men may be from Mars, but the guys they date are from a completely different universe!

**Masamune**

Why didn’t he get the hint?

All those times Ritsu told him to go away. 

A normal guy, like cousin just for instance, would have left a long time ago, after yelling a series of choice expletives. 

But Masamune never been a ‘normal’ guy. 

All he knew was that when Ritsu told him he was annoying, he looked sad, like he wanted the attention and love, craved it even, but was too stubborn to admit it. Maybe he thought it made him weak. 

Masamune never pushed. When Ritsu told him to leave he left. The last thing he wanted was to be a stalker. Weren’t they friends at least? 

He met Yuu and Kirishima at the dessert bar. He shouldn’t have told Ritsu’s ex -and everyone else- he was the baby’s father. And yet it had felt so right. That ex of his frightened Ritsu and for good reason. What if he fought for custody and Ritsu lost? 

He picked at his chocolate mousse while his friends managed to reach all the sore spots. 

“He doesn’t return your calls?” Kirishima frowned, looking somewhat forlorn. He’d been acting weirdly lately. 

Masamune nodded sadly. 

“That isn't good. Does he at least answer your mail?” Yuu asked. Like he didn’t know it wasn’t good? 

“No.” He hadn’t sent that much mail anyway. He was trying to give Ritsu space. He was going through a lot and Masamune was trying to understand that. 

Zen took a small sip of his white wine and put on his sage advice look which normally wasn’t too bad but today made him want to throttle him. Just a little. 

“I guess it’s game over.” _Game Over?_ Did Kirishima really have to use that expression? It reminded him of that horrible love game they had all taken part in not so long ago. Yuu looked just as upset, but then he’d been particularly bad to Yokozawa back then. Maybe he felt guilty. 

“I can’t believe you’re saying that! Takano’s serious and I’d rather not be reminded of that ridiculous game that old neighbor of yours roped us into.”

“Sorry, bad choice of words. I wasn’t trying to refer to that earlier… fiasco. I simply meant it’s time for him to move on. Did you ask yourself if you were really prepared to take on a child, Takano? That’s a lot of work.” 

“I know, but isn’t it enough that I want to make Ritsu happy?” 

“Is it? Could you make his child happy? It’s not simple when you take on somebody’s responsibilities.” 

“Fine, it’s not easy, but why couldn’t he do it? The important thing is he loves Onodera, so he’s obviously willing to love his child too.” 

“What world are you living in Yuu? Taking on a child means accepting responsibility for another person’s life. A child doesn’t become an adult overnight! I have a hard-enough time dealing with my own issues.” 

“Wait. Does that mean you can’t take on Takafumi? You wouldn’t want to build a life with him and share his burdens?” 

“It’s more complicated. It’s not just about him.”

“I know this. I know all about parental responsibility and neglectful parents.” Something about Yuu’s voice struck Masamune. He looked up from his barely touched mound of mousse and saw sadness and desperation in his eyes. 

“Exactly. It’s not a simple decision! There's Hiyori and Misaki to think about. If we got married, I’d have to worry about them. And it’s not just until they’re grown up. They might be teenagers now, but then there’s college, and not everyone moves out right after college. They could need support for years to come! 

“It wouldn’t just be you. You’d be sharing the burden together with Yokozawa. You don’t want that?” 

“It’s not about wanting, it’s about capabilities. You’re talking about me marrying somebody and suddenly I’m responsible for three people! That’s a big deal!”

Yanase jumped up in anger. 

“What the hell? Why did you pursue him, then? You’re the worst. You lead him on when this is how you feel? I’m not going to do any of that crap! Unlike, _you_ I won’t make excuses or run away.” Yuu put down a bill to cover his drink, something Masamune still wasn’t used to and ran out. “Thanks, Kiyomiya.” 

Since when was Yuu in love with Yokozawa? He looked down at his mousse and gave up. He paid Kiyomiya and left. Weird. He’d never have thought he’d side with Yuu, but right now Kirishima was so badly in the wrong.

**Takafumi**

Takafumi was pursuing bridal magazines for inspiration. They sold dreams, even if marriage is anything but a dreamland. It was work. He knew that from years of observing his parents. They used to have their arguments, but they respected each other, or at least that’s how it seemed to Takafumi at the time. He’d also seen enough of marriages that didn’t work out like that train wreck of a marriage Sho had gone through with that Hatori bastard.

These magazines were not designed with him and Kirishima in mind or any nontraditional couples. Not that it mattered. Their market was also Amami Hiroki’s market: single women who dreamed about getting married.

He thought about how Ritsu asked him if he’d be happy if Kirishima proposed. At the time he thought, well, why not? Now he wondered why Kirishima would propose. The truth was he could propose to Kirishima, and why not? Except Kirishima had responded weirdly when he casually brought up the subject, responding as if Takafumi asked him what his preferred method of getting killed was.

He frowned, and then Hiyori dropped by. She took one look at the wedding magazine and ran in squealing. 

“Did Kirishima ask you to marry him? Did he? Did he?” Funny. Hiyori just assumed Kirishima would do the asking, which somehow annoyed him. 

“You’ve got the wrong idea. This is a reference for work.” 

“Oh. And I was so excited. Wait. You’re not just saying that to confuse me?” 

“Why would I do that? Anyway, what did you need?” 

“Oh yeah. It’s about that fee I was telling you about at dinner. It’s for that club activities overnight. You never gave it to me and the deadline’s tomorrow.” 

“Oh. Sorry, I forget. I’ll have it ready for you before you leave in the morning.” 

“Thanks. And if Kirishima proposes to you, it better be a yes!” 

“He didn’t.” 

“I believe you. I just wanted to get that out there.” 

As if it were that simple. What did he really know about Kirishima’s ideas for the future, anyway? All he knew was that he preferred a traditional wedding and having a small family, which made sense, because he was an only child. He must have been in shock when he met Hiyori and Misaki the first time. He would look breathtaking in a montsuki. He really was almost to gorgeous. Too bad he was also frustrating. What did he want? 

He had the fee for Hiyori ready the next morning. He never realized when he was going through the system how expensive educating a kid, especially starting in middle school. There was tuition, books, uniforms, and both had to take examinations this year. Hiyori to get into university and Misaki for high school, and some kids went to cram school. 

Oh well. This was all what he signed up for when he decided he’d take care of them. 

At work, Natsuko was being even more annoying than usual, even if it wasn’t really her fault. He’d never realized just how neurotic Amami Hikaru was. 

“I’m sorry, Yokozawa. I couldn’t persuade her. She doesn’t want to show her face, and I can’t exactly force her.” 

“Of course, you can’t. I’m just worried that the event is going to fail.” 

“Don’t worry so much. You’re brilliant. Show us your innate marketing talents.” 

“Okay. Any ideas?”

“I’m sure you’ll think of something. Anyway, you have a trip to Nagoya tomorrow to get ready for. I bet you have so much to do. You better get started!”

**Shouta**

Shouta frowned. He should have been drinking with Yukina. Or getting lunch with him. Or showing him the delights of the bedroom, Shouta style. Instead of any of those possibilities, he was sitting at a cafe waiting for Takano Masamune to show up, because Ritsu, the independent successful man who was strong enough to embark on the tremendous journey of parenthood and transition freaked out every time this idiot did something to help him.

Shouta should have told his friend to stop complaining and be thankful. Instead, he was meeting Takano to return yet another gift he’d sent Ritsu. 

And he felt bad, because the guy was just trying to be nice, and maybe he could have asked Ritsu what he needed first, but it was still sweet of him to worry that Ritsu might be cold, and maybe not everyone knew that people who were pregnant were usually warmer than normal and yes, okay he’d be giving birth in July, but wasn’t it a sweet gesture?  
He grinned nervously at Takano when he showed up as he handed him the shopping bag.

“Sorry. You went to a lot of trouble, too.” 

“I’m being annoying?” 

What was Shouta supposed to say? Yes, you are? Except he was being more pathetic than annoying, and he could hardly say that.” 

Takano sighed. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing. That’s what you’re thinking, right?” He laughed but it sounded joyless.

“It’s not that. Look, Takano, you’re nice and I can tell you really like Ritsu, but why did you choose him when there are so many other men out there.” 

“What do you mean?”

“He’s pregnant, and he’s going to have his hands full after he has the baby. Also, he hasn’t transitioned yet. Don’t get me wrong. I think he’s fine as he is. I just think most men would run. Wouldn’t it make sense to find somebody else?” 

“No way! I want him to be happy and to support him no matter what. Isn’t that what love means? Maybe before I Ritsu maybe I would have agreed with you, but not anymore.” 

Now if only Ritsu would worry less about being independent maybe Takano would have a chance.

**Takafumi**

Natsuko was right. About being busy for the trip at least. He frowned as he looked at his watch. The office was empty and tomorrow Hiyori had her overnight, which meant Misaki would be all alone that night Oh well. He was fifteen. He could handle one night on his own.

Yuu walked in smiling and handed him an envelope.

“Hey. Here’s your Shinkansen ticket for tomorrow and your receipt, and it’s not my business really, but…” 

“But?” 

“Did you call Kirishima?” 

Yokozawa frowned as Yuu unwittingly mentioned the one thing he shouldn’t have, because Kirishima didn’t answer his emails or pick up the phone. It rankled but Yuu was just being concerned. He had matured a lot lately. 

“I can call if you want.” Oh yes. That would go over well. Kirishima would just _love_ that. 

“Don’t worry. Kirishima said he’d call when he was less busy.” 

“And what if that never happens? Do you really think that’s what’s stopping him? I have a hard time believing it. I bet you don’t either.” 

Takafumi frowned. 

“I don’t know why he’s avoiding me. Maybe he realized he likes his ex, or maybe it’s something else. But if it’s not the ex, then-” 

“Yokozawa, I can’t tell you what his problem is. You have to ask him.” 

“I’m nervous. If I’m right… If what I’m thinking is true, then…”

“Then you can just choose me instead. I’m on standby waiting. Go for it.”

“Oh please. Be serious.” 

For a moment Yuu got this weird look on his face. There was no way he could be serious, could he? Then he laughed and slapped Yokozawa on the shoulder playfully.

“Please! I’m joking! But still, you could always make use of me to help you gain confidence.” He winked. There. That was the Yuu he knew. Over the top and trying to get a reaction. He might as well give him one. 

“Are you an idiot? Stop kidding around.”

“Yeah, well, I better head to class.”

“Good luck. Have a good night.” 

“You, too. Safe travels.”

As soon as Yuu left he called Kirishima but instead of Kirishima or his voicemail he got that annoying recorded message saying the caller wasn’t available. 

Everyone told him to fall in love, but where had it ever gotten him? Nowhere.

**Zen**

Zen frowned at his phone. Yokozawa again. And he still didn’t know what to say. He should never have gotten himself into his mess. When he was twenty-five maybe it would have been different. Back then, he dated somebody for enjoyment without any pressure for the future.

He ran to his usual haunt and tried to drown his sorrows in white wine which paired perfectly with the pavlova. 

Takano was looking at him disapprovingly. He must have seen who was calling. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to answer? Wasn’t that Yokozawa?” 

Zen’s sipped his wine and ignored him. He knew he was being immature , but didn’t really care.

Takafumi laughed.

“I don’t get you at all.”

“Remember how Yuu said I’m irresponsible. He’s right.” And Haruma had been too. “I like him, but if he wants to get married… I could be wasting years of his life.” 

“Oh please! Why are you suddenly worried about this now?” 

“Because it will be too late later on.”

“Fine. Break up and let Yokozawa find someone else. But are you really okay with that? I wouldn't. I’d be trying to make him happy. It’s kind of expected when you’re in a relationship.” 

He shouldn’t never have talked to Takano about this. The guy had to be in pain because of Onodera’s rejection. Zen wasn’t just being irresponsible but an uncaring bastard as well.

Then somebody else spoke. 

“That sounds like a difficult situation.” 

They both turned toward the unfamiliar voice to see a tall older man with sleek black hair wearing a leather jacket. When had this idiot shown up? He looked like either a business executive or a member of the yakuza. 

“Sorry. I overheard your conversation. I had a similar experience. In my case I ended up letting her go. At the time, I thought it was doing it for her, but now I think it was the wrong decision. Still, she’s happy now, but when I think back it still hurts. Maybe this pain just proves I loved her.” 

Zen didn’t know how to answer this and it seemed he like he was mostly talking to himself. 

“Mmmm.” The man seemed satisfied with his answer, but then looked at him intently.

“This is probably presumptuous of me, but you do love him, right?” Yeah it was plenty presumptuous and yet he found himself answering anway.

“Yes.”

“That’s good. What I think you should do then is to thank about his happiness first.” This guy was weird. He just met Zen, didn’t know anything about him, and yet knew exactly what he should do? He kind of reminded him of somebody, but he couldn’t figure out who at first.

The stranger smiled as if reading Zen’s mind, or more likely, realizing his mistake. 

“Sorry. Forget I said anything.” 

Natsuko. That’s who he reminded him of and her tendency to give unasked advice whether you liked it or not. Although that said, she was sometimes spot on.

And to make the night even creepier, Natsuko herself walked down the stairs and into the bar followed by Yokozawa. Zen felt guilty. The one guy he was avoiding shows up. 

Then he looked at the stranger who was staring at Natsuko in complete shock. And Natsuko seemed rattled although she quickly recovered and gave a small bow. 

Who was this guy, anyway?

**Natsuko**

Shiiba Fuyuhiko. Here. In Tokyo. At her favorite bar and looking every bit as handsome and unflappable as he did twenty some years ago, although if he was more wrinkled and had a pained look in his eyes - an uncomfortable reminder of the many mistakes she had made long ago.

And here they were walking together in Tokyo almost like he’d never left, well almost like she never left.

Thankfully, he didn’t mention this. He looked relaxed, but not exactly joyful.

“It’s nice to see you, Natsuko. You look content.” 

“Yes, I’m very satisfied with my life.” 

“I’m glad.” 

Despite herself she found herself ticking off boxes. Hair neat? Check. Makeup? Check. Kimono and obi on straight? Check, although if she knew he’d be there, she would have worn a nicer one. She started her own publishing company twenty years ago and raised Akihiko for ten of them by herself. She was an independent successful woman, yet Shiiba Fuyuhiko still had this power over her. He probably didn’t even realize.

She hadn’t seen him in so many years, it almost didn’t seem real. When he left Usami Group, he moved to Australia to start a high-tech company with a former colleague. 

“What about you?” She tried to sound casual. “Did you get remarried?” A ridiculous question. Akihiko would have told her. They weren’t as close as she’d like, but he’d tell her something like that. 

“Ah, no.” 

“Ah.” 

She watched as he looked up at the sky. Not that he could see much. In a city like Tokyo, the opportunities for star gazing were limited. Natsuko followed his gaze anyway, but only saw clouds and the flashing light of an airplane. 

“Do you remember how to find the Northern Star?”

She almost gasped as she remembered the trips they used to make to Kameyama when they were married and all the stargazing they did there. He was always pointing out the different constellations, but for some reason Polaris - the Northern Star- seemed to be his favorite. 

She had originally moved to Kameyama to teach primary school children right after finishing college. It was her attempt to flee from her powerful father and the future he planned for her. The future eventually involved convincing an eligible bachelor to join the Usami family through adoption and marriage to Natsuko. In her eighth blissful year of living in Kameyama, Fuyuhiko showed up and managed to charm her, even when she knew she should resist. 

She ended up with two choices: reject him and gloat at her father’s failed plans, or she could be his pawn and get married. And then she realized she had another choice and even better, she’d discover Shiiba’s true intentions. One particularly clear night when they were stargazing and looking for Polaris, she told him she’d marry him, but only if he stayed a Shiiba. She would join _his_ family register, and her father could find somebody else to be an heir. 

She was so sure he was going to say no. Part of her knew he had been too good to be true. 

But he had brought her close and looked right into her eyes and said yes. 

He said yes, yet she still ended up leaving him.

**Takafumi**

Was it his imagination or did Kirishima look guilty when he noticed him entering the bar with Natsuko? Right when he was getting to leave she showed up and begged him to join her for a drink, which was perhaps not advisable when he was leaving for Nagoya in the morning, but he figured one drink couldn’t help and she was paying.

Kirishima must have been here already when he called. Maybe he didn’t hear his phone ringing over the noise in the bar? Or did he just he ignore it? 

Natsuko went off to discuss who knows what with the older man she’d been exchanging shocked expressions with. They had to have a history. Not like it was his business or anything. 

He sat down at the bar next to Kirishima and ordered a beer.

“Hi. I’m sorry I haven’t called.”

“No. I’m Sorry for being impatient and calling so much.” 

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“I guess you’re still busy?”

“Uh… yes.” 

“I’m going to Nagoya for a business trip tomorrow. Can I bring you back anything?”

“Ah. Don’t worry about me.” Don’t worry? He was planning on getting something for Hiyori, Misaki and his office mates, so why not for his boyfriend? He could ignore it, but this was getting ridiculous. The only reason they had gotten together the last time was because he’d pushed for it. He had to find out what was going on. 

“I want to get you something. Isn’t that what you do when you go on a trip? I've been worried because lately it feels like we’re barely dating. Is there a reason you can’t respond to my email?” 

“I’m sorry. “I don’t have confidence in myself.”

“Confidence?” 

“I don’t think we should see each other anymore.” Takafumi felt like he just plummeted on the pirate ride. 

“Is it something I did? Do I bother you or something?” 

“it’s not you. It’s my problem. I need to think about our relationship seriously. But I need to step back a bit first.” 

No. This couldn’t be happening. Except it was. Having had his say, Kirishima dismissed him by turning away and focusing on his drink and Takafumi’s shock and confusion turned to anger.

Seriously? ‘It’s not you it’s me’? Did he really just hear that? 

Takafumi slugged down his beer, left money for Kiyomiya and ran out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're building to a crescendo here and the result is a somewhat intense chapter, where basically nobody is happy. 
> 
> But I am, because Shiiba Fuyuhiko has finally arrived. I wanted to include Haruhiko but it didn't quite work out, so he's not in the story and isn't Fuyuhiko's son. Also Fuyuhiko is less of a bastard here and genuinely loves Natsuko, as opposed to just using her to get power like he seems to have done in canon. 
> 
> Kirishima, and I know I've mentioned this before, is definitely less confident and more wishy-washy than his canon counterpart, but I hope he still comes across as Kirishima. My feeling is that he was an only child and lost his father when he was young resulting in a mother who spoiled him a bit, as opposed to canon Kirishima who's faced with racing a child on his own from practically day one and ended up much more mature as a result. 
> 
> And Yanase changes a lot throughout this drama.


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Just because you're doing something right, doesn't mean it won't hurt like hell.

**Misaki**

Misaki yawned as he got out of his bed and put his uniform on. He had studied so much for this stupid history test; it had invaded his dream. Tokogawa Ieyasu was trying to unify the country, and he begged for Misaki’s help. Of course, he did his part for his nation, but it would have been a lot more fun if he could have unified the country with his favorite manga chef instead.

Still. Takafumi always worked hard, even staying up half the night if necessary. Misaki might never have to go back to the warring states period, but he could try to get good, okay, _better_ grades. 

And that smell… Was Takafumi making tamagoyaki? 

He finished getting dressed, grabbed his backpack, and headed to the table, almost running into Hiyori and her overnight bag. 

“Good morning!” he said brightly as he sat down to eat, and then he almost gasped. Takafumi looked horrible. His eyes were bloodshot, and he looked like he was about to collapse. He worked too hard sometimes. Even Hiyori noticed. 

“Are you okay? You look exhausted.” 

“I’m fine, only tired. It took me longer than I thought to prepare for the trip.” 

“How long will you be gone again?” 

“Not long. I’ll be back by tomorrow evening. Remember to take with you the paper with the emergency contact information, but it’s for emergencies only, so don’t randomly start calling people.” 

“I know that.” He hadn’t been ten in a long time, and the whole thing wasn’t even necessary. Like anything would happen.

The important part was that he'd have the apartment to himself. Too bad Todo couldn’t sleep over. They could have had a game night. Still, he’d have fun alone, and the main point was showing his siblings how mature he was.

Still. He didn’t like to see Takafumi looking so haggard. He watched him grab his briefcase and overnight bag. Maybe he’d get some sleep on the train. 

“Have a great trip!” 

“Thanks. See you later.” 

As soon as Takafumi left Hiyori’s eyes bugged out. 

“Oh no! Misaki, my overnight’s today!” He almost burst out laughing, because she just realized this now?

“I know.” 

“But that means you’re going to be alone in the apartment tonight. Are you going to be alright?” 

“Of course, I’ll be alright. It’s one night.” 

“Are you sure?” 

Seriously? He was only two years younger than her! She was worse than Takafumi sometimes!

“I’m fifteen!” 

“Okay, but make sure you lock up and clean up after yourself.”

“I will!” 

Misaki felt so adult. Right after school he’d go shopping for ingredients to make the best miso ramen ever. 

School ended up going well. Even the history test hadn’t gone badly. 

And now his favorite part of the day: baseball. What he lacked in height he made up in energy, and today he was pumped up. The first time he’d been at bat had been pathetic. This would change everything. Right now! 

He woke up in the infirmary with a headache.

“You really shouldn’t sit up so fast.” Doctor Morita was looking his usual stern self. He only came to school a couple of days a week, and this wasn’t those days. He must have come in just to see him. 

“What happened?” 

“You were hit in the head with a ball. I’ve checked you over, and I don’t think there’s anything to worry about, but I want you to go to the hospital if you experience repetitive vomiting, if your headache keeps worsening, or if you feel numbness or loss of vision.” 

“What happens now?” 

“I’m a little nervous about you walking home alone. Can your guardian come and pick you up?” 

“Oh. My brother went on a business trip, but he gave me emergency contact information.” Why did Takafumi have to be right all the time?

Misaki took it out and read it quickly. Weird. Kirishima’s name was there but it was crossed out. That had to have been a mistake. He made the most sense since he was Takafumi’s boyfriend. 

“Can you call this man? Kirishima? I think my brother was in a hurry and crossed it out by accident. He would be the best person to call.” 

‘Of course. I’ll call him myself.” 

Misaki frowned. What if Kirishima had to cancel appointments because of him? 

Also, everything was ruined! The one time he tried to prove he could take care of himself, and he had to get hit with a baseball!

He felt even worse when Kirishima arrived looking breathless and disheveled. 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Kirishima. I got hit with a ball during baseball practice, and my brother’s away on a business trip and my sister has an overnight trip. I hope it’s okay 

“It’s fine, but shouldn’t we call him?” 

“He’ll just worry about me and everything’s fine. Okay, the doctor told me to go to the emergency room if I started to feel badly, but I think it was just a formality because I feel fine now. I bet nothing will happen.” 

“I think he’d want to know anyway.” 

“Please don’t bother him! I’ll tell him when he comes back. I don’t want to disturb him when he’s working. I can handle this.” 

Kirishima was a silent moment but looked dubious. What was it with adults who just assumed teenagers didn’t know what they were doing?

“Okay. I won’t call him, but on one condition: I’m staying the night.” 

“Eh?” 

“I used to be a teenager. Who knows what trouble you’d get into on your own?” It was nice of Kirishima not to make him feel like a helpless kid. It almost made up for him being an annoying adult a moment earlier. 

“That’s really mean!” He laughed to show he understood Kirishima’s joke.

Misaki ended up making napolitan and a salad. Quick to prepare, simple and not miso ramen, but it worked. Kirishima didn’t even seem that bored when Misaki started talking about Za Kan. Or maybe he was just being nice. 

He insisted on setting up the spare futon himself after Misaki got him the linens. When they had both settled for the night and it was quiet, he could finally ask what had been on his mind. 

“Kirishima? What do you like about my brother?”

Kirishima sighed, which seemed a bit weird, but maybe he didn’t like his personal life discussed. 

“I don’t know if this is such a good question to ask me.” 

“I’m just wondering. I mean, you like him, right?” 

“Why are you asking this now?”

“Because it’s the only time I can.” 

“Okay. I’m not sure how I feel. He’s stubborn, gets angry quickly, and he’s prideful.” 

“Ah.” That sounded horrible! And what was worse is it described him so well! (Well, part of him, if you didn’t know about his sweet caring side.)

“But when he smiles, I feel happy; when he cries, I feel pain. When he’s sad I want to protect him. I guess that’s not really an answer. Anyway, you should go to sleep.” 

That sounded so sweet though! 

“Wow. My brother’s lucky.” Kirishima sounded like he was stifling a laugh, but Misaki decided to ignore it. 

Kirishima was nice. And he liked Takafumi, even if didn’t say it directly, and that was practically a miracle.

**Takafumi**

On the Nagoya trip he’d kept himself busy, so he didn’t have to think about being dumped or how pathetically it had been accomplished. Not that should have made much of a difference, but just that motion he’d made as if he was dismissing him still made him angry and frustrated. 

The trip had been a success, and he had one less person to need a gift for. He’d certainly gotten enough for everyone else. 

He dumped his shopping bags on his desk. The nice thing about coming home on a Sunday afternoon is how much he’d get done in an empty office. 

“Welcome back!” 

Or an almost empty office. He’d never expect to see Yuu here on the weekend. Maybe Natsuko, but Yuu? Was this the same guy who used to sponge off everyone? 

“Thanks. I didn’t know you worked overtime.” 

“There were a few things I didn’t have time for on Friday, so I thought I’d come in today. How are you?” 

“I’m okay. Why do you ask?”

“You seem kind of quiet.” 

“I’m just tired from travelling.”

“That can be exhausting.” 

“Yeah. Well. At least I’m back now.” Back where he started, except worse off because what had dating Kirishima even accomplished? Nothing but pain and frustration. Even if there had 

“You don’t sound like yourself. Did Kirishima say something to you?” Why did he have to ask that? 

“It’s not important.” 

“You can talk to me. I’ll listen.” 

“Thanks. I don’t mind if you know. Before I went on the trip, he said he didn’t feel confident in us and that he had to take a step back, meaning away from me. I know I’m dense sometimes, but even I know what he’s saying. He’s done. I’m a difficult person to date, and he’s not interested.” 

“I don’t think that’s it. I think he does like you.” 

“Yuu, I’m thirty years old. You don’t need to say something to make me feel better.” 

“You don’t understand. He likes you. He said he didn’t think he could take Hiyori and Misaki on. He’s always lived by himself, so I think it’s about that.” 

Take them on? Two wonderful kids who were teenagers? How difficult could that be?

And as if reading his mind, he got an email from Hiyori. She attached a cute pic of her and Misaki smiling in front of a steaming pot of curry. _Welcome back! Dinner’s on us tonight!_ They knew he’d be tired. They were the best. 

Yet, Kirishima couldn’t take them on. This was exactly what he’d been trying to avoid. He wiped away a tear. No. Not now! Couldn’t the crying jag wait? Of course not. 

“This is why I never depend on anyone. I’ve worked so hard because... they’re relying on me.” And now he was full on crying and couldn’t stop. “I should never have fallen in love. I’m an idiot. I should have known it wouldn’t work. And now...” 

And now he loved a man who would never understand him or what was most important to him. 

At some point Yuu had come up and put his arms around him. Maybe it was the exhaustion, but it took him a moment to go beyond thinking how much he needed that. He finally gently moved Yuu’s arms from him. 

“Oi! You said you wouldn’t flirt!” 

“I’m not flirting. I’m trying to console you. I hate seeing you suffering like this!” 

Takafumi sighed. Yuu really was serious. He turned around to face him. He looked almost as miserable as Takafumi did. Poor guy. How long had he been like this? Takafumi had never really taken his advances that seriously. He just kept pushing him into the brother zone. 

“Can’t you give me a chance to make you happy? I promise not to hurt you.” 

“Oh, Yuu. I wish it were that simple.” Praying he wouldn’t be misunderstood he drew the younger man into another hug. 

“I could have made you so much happier. He doesn’t deserve you!” 

“I know. I’m sorry. Believe me. Right now, I wish I never fell in love with him. Look, I know this won’t help, but you’re a wonderful caring person, and I think you will make someone happy someday. Who knows? It could be me. It seems unlikely, but you never know. 

“Whatever. Now that I’ve done putting my foot in my mouth, why don’t you come over and have curry. My sister and brother are amazing cooks.” He stepped back, hoping Yuu had understood. He did care. In his own way. 

“You’re fine. You’re so honest and genuine. You don’t say anything you don’t really mean. That’s a big part in why I fell for you, you know? I think I’ll have to skip the curry, but will you get annoyed if I ask for one more hug though?” 

When had Yuu become so sweet? So, like another brother. Even if that probably drove him nuts. Not that long ago he would have yelled and swatted him away. Instead, he smiled and stretched out his arms. 

“Come here.”

**Zen**

Zen sat at the dessert bar with Natsuko (tonight’s special: lemon berry tart). If anyone would explain his stupidity, she could, and often did. 

“It was so weird. As soon as I heard Misaki was hurt, I ran in a panic.” 

“Interesting. Maybe because he’s Takafumi’s brother?” 

“Probably, even if they don’t look that much alike. He’s a lot more cheerful. He’s just as loud, though. But that could be it. He’s Yokozawa’s brother, and I… I it worried me that he was hurt and all alone.” 

“Zennie.” Something about her tone made him nervous. 

“Yes?” 

“You felt worried because you feel connected to him through Takafumi. And that’s how it’s supposed to work. You were concerned and you wanted to help so you didn’t think. You acted. That’s what bringing someone into your life means.” 

So, after all that worry and fear that he couldn’t take on Yokozawa’s siblings, he managed to do it. Only for one night, but still, he’d come through. And it hadn’t been so difficult. It had been rewarding. 

He liked Misaki. He could be annoying, and boring when he was going on and on about that manga he liked, but overall, he was a good kid. He also got Zen to think about how felt about Yokozawa in a concrete way, which was ironic since he’d already broken up with him.

And now he had to get him back. He’d call and apologize and… well Yokozawa wanted him still so hopefully he’d take him back. Yuu had never been the threat. No, he would always be his own worst enemy.

**Hiyori**

There was nothing like the smell of curry. It was so quick to make and yet so comforting and with Takafumi coming home after his trip and Misaki injured -of all the days for him to get hit by a ball! Not like he should ever get hit. Well, maybe sometimes he could use a little tap, but not on the head; maybe somewhere like his shin or something and only when he’s been extremely annoying and childish. 

Takafumi was frowning as he looked at Misaki’s bandage. Hiyori concentrated on dishing out the curry rice. 

“I still think you should have called. What’s the point of me having a cell phone anyway when I’m gone if not for you to call me for emergencies like these!” 

“I told you I was fine. You got us presents?” Hiyori snorted at Misaki’s obvious attempt to change the topic. Too bad their big brother was way too sharp. 

“Wait. I haven’t finished. Why didn’t you call me?” 

“I didn’t want to bother you.” 

“Yeah, but…”

“It’s fine. It wasn’t a big deal and can take off the bandage soon.” 

Enough already. They were all tired and if it’s one thing a cook hates is nobody eating her food! 

“Misaki’s right. He’s fine. Let’s eat. The curry’s going to get cold.” Unfortunately, this caused Takafumi to frown and cross his arms which meant another lecture. 

“That’s not the point. You two are important to me. You give me the encouragement to work hard. You should never think you’re bothering me. You can rely on me. That’s what I’m here for.” 

Misaki’s eyes grew big and his mouth trembled like he was trying desperately not to cry. He got so emotional sometimes. Hiyori wanted to hug him but that would just make him annoyed. _I’m a teenager! Don’t hug me!_ She probably did the same thing when she was his age. 

“I’m sorry! I promise I’ll call if anything happens from now on.” Misaki blinked some more, probably to push down his tears. Then he smiled and so did Takafumi. 

‘Good. So…” This big brother of theirs was weird sometimes. He purposely stopped talking and smiled for a moment before continuing. “Want to check out the gifts I got you?”

“Yes!” Hiyori yelped as she jumped up. She hadn’t realized how tense she had felt. She dug in to one of the shopping bags and unearthed a panda plushie. “Cute!” 

Misaki found what looked like a pillow shaped like a bear.

“Did you have fun at least?” 

“Misaki, it was a business trip. Fun isn’t really on the agenda.” 

“Oh please, I bet you had fun anyway.” She would if she went on business trips. Just spending a night in a hotel sounded exciting. She’d have a blast.

“Well, there _was_ a restaurant that served incredible chicken wings. Let’s take a day trip to Nagoya one day and I’ll take you.” 

“See? Misaki was right. You did have a good time.” 

“I had enjoyable moments and it was satisfying seeing how well sales is doing there. Just a moment. Phone call.” Like nobody could hear his phone ringing. He was funny sometimes.

Takafumi in a typical older adult brother move went to the next room prompting her and Misaki to follow and listen in. Okay, that wasn’t good, but they needed to know what was going on so they could help him. Or maybe they were just being his annoying curious siblings, but she didn’t really care. 

“Oh, Kirishima. I wasn’t expecting you.”

That’s weird. Weren’t they dating? Shouldn’t it be normal for him to call now? 

“We could meet tomorrow. I also have something I need to tell you.” Like, yes to a marriage proposal? She could get behind Kirishima moving in with them if he didn’t get too annoyingly adult. If he made Takafumi happy, she could handle something like that. 

“Okay. See you tomorrow.”

**Takafumi**

Takafumi had never felt so much at peace. Not like it felt good, but everything seemed so clear now. 

Once Yuu told him the truth - that Kirishima wasn’t comfortable with his brother and sister and never would be, only to go home to find that Misaki had been injured and how much worse it could have been… something like that had a way of waking you up. 

Relationships were nice, but family is forever. Maybe it was good Kirishima had dumped him, even if it had hurt like hell and it wasn’t exactly so great now, because he’d lost sight of how important Hiyori and Misaki were. 

And if he couldn’t date until they were out of college then he could live with that.   
He didn’t know what Kirishima wanted to speak about and didn’t particularly care either. 

He almost didn’t even care that he should have been there ten minutes ago, except that he detested being late. And there the man was, as tall and gorgeous as ever although perhaps sadder than he’d expected. Whatever. Kirishima was history. Except, he looked so vulnerable somehow. And that was exactly why he had to be strong. 

“I’m sorry I’m late.” 

“Kirishima” he started. He heard Kirishima say his name at the same time. Of course. Hadn’t something like this happened to them before? 

“Sorry. You go first,” Kirishima said.

“Fine.” Well he might as well just say it. “I thought about what you said.” 

“About that-” Wait. Kirishima said he could go first, and yet he was already interrupting? 

“I realize I feel the same way you do.” 

“Well, actually,” Takafumi twitched angrily. _Well, actually, can you shut up and let me talk?_

“I realized that I don’t feel confident in our relationship, and I think you were right to end it. Sorry.” 

As he walked away, he felt the emptiness returning. What the hell? He was doing the right thing, yet still he had to feel pain? Kirishima wasn’t worth it. He had done so much damage with all the wishy-washy crap he kept pulling, and yet sometimes Takafumi had like they almost had something really good. Why did it have to be like this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kirishima just can't do anything right can he?


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Nice guys finish last yet still make you feel like the unfeeling bastard you are.

**Takafumi**

Yukina was in extra sparkly mode and it was driving Takafumi nuts. Still, given how happy Sho had been lately it probably was a good thing, but did Yukina have to drag him into his lovely happy life? And did he have to get so close when he talked?

“Spring’s here! You look super excited, Yokozawa!” Yeah, if ‘super excited’ meant super busy. “I bet even you like talking about marriage!” 

Takafumi rolled his eyes. Too bad people didn’t come with an ignore button. He turned to Hemni. 

“Please take this to Books Marimo.” 

Hemni nodded and left, but that left him with Yukina who was now hovering over Takafumi’s desk and frowning. 

“What’s wrong, Yokozawa?” 

“Why would something be wrong?” 

“Well, normally you’d be yelling at me.” And did Yukina ever wonder why he was yelled at? Maybe because he was nosy? Takafumi frowned and didn’t respond.

“Seriously though, I’m there for you If you want to talk…” 

“Well, there was something…” 

“Yes?”

“Could you please stop bothering me when I’m working?” 

Yukina didn’t even have the sense to look embarrassed. Did he think that because they published self-help books that made him an expert in counseling? 

Then Yuu announced to everyone in the department that he was paying for lunch at the Chinese restaurant nearby. Yuu was clearly enjoying himself as everyone found seats. 

“Order what you want. It’s my treat!” 

“Are you sure you can afford this?” Wasn’t it just a few months ago that he was getting people to pay his tab? 

“It’s fine. The restaurant’s affordable, so I can handle it, so don’t worry. The waiter’s coming. What do you want to order?” 

“I guess I’ll have the pepper steak lunch set.” 

A familiar voice said, “Right away!” Yokozawa looked up. 

“Yamato, you work here?” 

“My uncle owns the restaurant.”

“Wait. So, the chef is…?”

“My uncle!” 

This was awkward given how a while back, he and Kirishima were yelling at each other and the chef had yelled at them to shut up. He seemed cheerful now, but how did he cook with his eyes practically closed? Weird. 

They found a table. 

“I wanted to apologize.”

“I’m not following. Why?” 

“For making you uncomfortable the other day when I was talking about Kirishima.” 

“You don’t have to apologize, in fact you helped me. I broke up with Kirishima.” 

“Not because of anything I said I hope.” 

“Don’t worry. I would have realized it eventually. My siblings are my top priority. He didn’t fit, and I shouldn’t have tried to force him.”

**Natsuko**

Natsuko frowned at the window as she watched the rain pour down. Why did Fuyuhiko have to come back? When he was somewhere else and not contacting her, it was easier to forget about him or her guilt. 

But after seeing him and knowing that he was somewhere here in this large metropolis somehow the guilt had resurfaced as fresh as ever. 

She sighed and called Akihiko, which was probably a bad idea. He certainly seemed to think so.

“Mother, I’ve got a deadline. Can we make this quick?” 

“I just wondered if you knew your father was in town.” 

“Of course, I know. He’s been in town a week already.” 

What an idiot she was. She knew they kept in touch somewhat, was Natsuko who Akihiko resented.

“Oh. Good.” 

“Well. It was okay. Is that all you wanted to know?” 

“Of course not. I wanted to know how you’re doing. You’re still with that nice salaryman, Takahashi?” 

“Yes.” 

“Let me take you two out to dinner. What about next week?” 

“Mother, it’s fine. Don’t bother. I need to go. Bye.” 

Natsuko sighed. How had she _not_ screwed up with her only son? He still resented her for leaving Fuyuhiko, and the worst of her mistakes was how horribly she’d reacted when he came out to her when he was in college. And somehow no matter how she tried, she couldn’t fix anything. Everything she said was usually interpreted badly. 

She thought back to her conversation with Fuyuhiko; the companionable way they had walked together, so nostalgic and pleasant. 

But then he stopped and looked at her intently - so seriously.

“I won’t ask you this again, but do you remember how to find Polaris?” 

Except they both know that he wasn’t asking about Polaris, but about the night he proposed to her. She ended up mumbling some excuse and wishing him well she walked away as fast as she could without looking like she was running away, which was stupid since what else would he think she was doing? 

If only she could have done things differently. 

She looked over at her subordinates and watched Hemni animatedly talking about something. The one thing she’d done right in her life was founding and running Usami Publishing. If only she could fix her relationships the way she ran her company.

**Shouta**

Ritsu was getting huge. Well, bigger. Soon he’d be so busy he probably wouldn’t have time to kick back with him and Takafumi, drink a couple of beers-well barley tea for Ritsu- and just talk without taking care of a cute little baby all the time. 

At least Takafumi was acting more like his usual self instead of the crying mess when he came over after that bastard Kirishima dumped him. It was ridiculous. He knew before they dated that Takafumi was raising his siblings, so why start date Takafumi to begin with? And to think he liked that guy not that long ago. Gross. 

“I’ve decided.” Takafumi announced, “Life’s already full enough without complicating it even more with dating.” 

“I agree. Love and romance are overrated. Shouta, you’ve converted me. From now on its casual interludes only. With tall, gorgeous men. Introduce me! Well, after I have the baby.” 

“‘Casual interludes?’ Aren’t you going to be a little busy taking care of your child?”

“As his uncle, I’m sure you’ll want to spend quality time with the baby, which will give me a little time for gorgeous men. No, but seriously, I’ve given up on finding a partner.”

“I disagree!” 

“Well, of course you disagree. You just started dating Takafumi’s supervisor!” 

“How is that going, anyway? Yukina looks happy enough but there’s no way I’m asking him.” 

Shouta sighed happily. How many years had this beautiful gem been hidden away at Usami Publishing? 

“It’s going well so far, although it was a bit slow at first. I don't understand why you told me all those horror stories about Yukina, though, Ta-fum, he’s sweet. He’s also a quick learner if you know what I mean.” 

“Spare me! I have to work with this guy!” Shouta laughed. 

“Well, I’m happy for you Shouta. And I’m starving! Let’s make dinner. I’ve been wanting omurice all day. Omurice with the egg runny. I can’t wait to cut into the omelet and see the egg run into the meat and rice. That’s the best!” 

Shouta stifled a chuckle. Ritsu was obsessed with food lately, probably because of his pregnancy. When he wasn’t eating or working, he was planning his next meal. Shouta was just grateful most men did not get pregnant. He’d never have the patience.

**Masamune**

Masamune’s head was full of Ritsu. Ritsu telling him he’s annoying, but looking so sad, and yet so fiercely independent. If only he could turn off the Ritsu playlist that ran continually in his head.

Maybe that’s why he agreed to helping Kirishima pack so he could move to Kameyama to help his ailing mother.

How he got Yuu to help was a mystery. 

“Are you sure you want to move back to Kameyama?” Yuu asked as he closed another box.

“I don’t really have a choice.” 

“Got it. Are you going to see Takafumi before you go?”

“I don’t think so. He broke up with me. It would be weird if I called him.”

“So what? You still like him. Isn’t that more important than your pride?” 

“I guess not.” 

Kirishima sat there looking defeated. He’d been acting weirdly ever since he talked about not being able to take on Yokozawa’s siblings. Yuu looked at Kirishima with a disgusted expression on his face. 

“Fine. Go ahead and leave. He doesn't need you anyway. He has me to protect him.” 

He dumped the box down angrily and ran out. 

Masamune smiled sadly. Poor Yuu. One-sided love was torture. He was an expert. Kirishima continued to sit silently. Masamune grabbed another box and they worked in silence. Finally, after ten minutes he couldn’t handle it any longer. 

“What’s the real reason you aren’t going to see Yokozawa?” 

Kirishima sighed. 

“It’s all my fault. I hurt him. If I saw him now it would just add to his confusion, and I’ve messed up enough as it is.”

**Takafumi**

It was a good thing Kirishima broke up with him. A great thing. Because after the bombshell the director broke, he didn’t have time to date anyway.   
It was weird. He had brought up the workshop and Amami Hikaru to the director every day and each time he’d asked he was told the same thing, that she wasn’t sure yet if she could bring it up. 

When she asked him into her office, he didn’t even think of Amami Hikaru. She looked like she was going to give him a lecture on getting enough rest or dating again. He sat down, waiting for the worst. Instead he got the best.

“I was speaking to Amami Hikaru, and I decided to ask her again about the event you wanted her to appear in. She says she’s available on the 20th. Can you set it up?”

“Of course. It won’t be a problem at all!”

“Are you sure? I know I’m only giving you a couple of days to prepare.” 

“It won’t be a problem. I’ll get on it right away.” 

“Excellent. I’ll leave it to you then.” 

“Thank you so much! Excuse me!” 

And Yukina had told him he thought it was pointless designing posters and other promotional materials in case the elusive author changed her mind. Now, because of his forethought, they could put this together quickly. He stood by the break table and clapped his hands.

“Alright, everyone. We’ve got permission to have the workshop with Amami Hikaru on the 20th. Hemni, make arrangements for the venue and Kiritani, please check the backup posters we prepared and send them to the printers. After that we’ll work on distribution.” 

Now he was knee deep in working out logistics. He took a bite out of a pastry Yuu had given him. He really was turning into a sweet caring person; unlike a person he was too busy to be worried about anymore.

**Ritsu**

This was ridiculous. He’d just had breakfast two hours ago, and he was already starving. They started looking at him oddly at work when he walked in with these huge bentos, but he couldn’t help it. He was hungry! 

And now that Shouta had arrived home with the groceries, he could make something tasty. Maybe a gratin. Yes, a gratin!

He frowned while looking at the shopping bag. Why hadn’t Shouta gone to the regular store. Last time, it had been the same too. Something didn’t quite make sense, but he couldn’t figure it out. 

“Shouta, thanks, but you don’t have to get me all these groceries.” 

“I told you I was shopping already.” 

“Yes, but you went to one of the most expensive stores and it’s not even nearby. Since when do you shop there?” And then it all made sense. When Takano had gone shopping for him, he’d also used this store. He pursed his lips in annoyance and looked intently at Shouta. 

“You’re not the one shopping. These aren’t from you, are they?” 

“Uh, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Oh please, Shouta, you’re a horrible liar.” 

“Fine. Okay. You’re right. They’re from Takano.” 

Ritsu wanted to yell, but he thought of his baby and instead grabbed his phone and set up a meeting with Takano for later at the dessert bar. This was getting out of control. He had to take a stand. Takano was wasting his time. He deserved so much better. What he needed to do was to get the man to detest him. Then he’d move on and find somebody better and more appropriate for him. 

Still, he couldn’t help putting more effort into styling his hair and the clothing he wore, but that’s only because he hadn’t been out in so long. 

Why did Takano have to be so nice? 

The man was already there when they arrived. Ritsu bowed stiffly. 

“Takano.” 

“Hello, Onodera. Kisa. It’s nice to see you both.” 

“I’m going to get straight to the point. I asked you not to do this anymore.” 

Takano looked confused.

“It’s not his fault, Ritsu. Uh, he knows about the groceries, Takano.”

“Ah.” Takano nodded. 

“It’s not his fault, Ritsu.” 

“How is it not his fault?” 

“I offered to help him.” 

“Why?” 

“Because Takano was working so hard, and because he’s serious about you.” 

“And that’s what’s so annoying! All this unwanted attention is infuriating! I’m sick and tired of having to deal with any of this!” Good. Takano would have to start hating him now. 

“I’m sorry. Please don’t get upset at Kisa when I was the one who was at fault.” 

“I’m not getting upset!” Which sounded stupid when he obviously was. 

“I’m being a nuisance aren’t I. I’m sorry. I promise not to bother you anymore.” 

With that he took his coat and left. Why wasn’t he yelling or saying how horrible Ritsu was? Why did he have to look so sad and pitiful? This wasn’t how he wanted it to go at all! The only one getting angry was Shouta. This was a disaster!

“I can’t believe this. How could you call someone nice like him annoying? I don’t understand you-” 

“It’s for his own good! I want him to be happy! I know he cares about me. I know he likes me and thinks about me a lot. And that’s why I’m doing this! It’s for him!” 

“But you’re the only one who can make him happy, Ritsu!” 

How could that be when there was no way he could make Takano happy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's synopsis was brought to you by Onodera Ritsu 
> 
> And yes, lots of angst. But good news for Erotica fans, at least they're happy. Just don't get blinded by the sparkles.


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes your feelings have a way of catching up to you.

**Takafumi**

Preparations were finally complete. They’d distributed posters and flyers to all the bookstores, social media platforms and mailing lists and everything was ready at the venue.   
Takafumi felt relief and exhaustion. All he wanted to do was go home and take a bath but first he had to treat Yuu who had worked as hard as the fulltime staff, maybe even harder. He didn’t have that much time. It would have to be something quick. And if he had a quick snack it might appease Hiyori who had taken to giving him lectures about not eating enough or getting enough sleep ever since Natsuko had told him the good news. She was right, but he didn’t want to hear that from his younger sister. 

As he and Yuu walked toward the subway they saw someone selling ishi-yakiimo from a cart. Perfect. When he met Yanase Yuu months before he never would have imagined they’d become friends, or he’d think of him as a younger brother. Thankfully, Yuu had completely stopped talking about liking him and seemed to enjoy their relationship being platonic. Takafumi strode up to the stand and purchased a roasted sweet potato for them both.

“Thanks for all your help. You really made a big difference.” 

“Of course. Thanks for the treat.” Yuu took a bite and smiled happily. “Delicious!” 

“Ah. You got a winner.” 

“A winner?” 

“Yeah. You never know what you’re going to get until you take that first bite.” 

As he was saying that he started to have deja vu. Then he remembered. Him and Kirishima bundled in coats getting ishi-yakiimo after Kirishima beat him at table tennis. It was in the early days when sometimes he drove him crazy and other times genuine and fun to be with. 

He missed Kirishima, which was stupid because of what had happened, but that didn’t change how he felt. And yet it was annoying. Hadn’t he just said he didn’t have the confidence in their relationship? And yet just thinking of that happy memory brought other good memories to mind. He must have had a weird look on his face because Yuu was looking at him oddly.

“Hey. You okay?” 

“I just remembered something I had to do back at the office. I’ll see you.” Maybe Kirishima was at his dental practice. He sometimes worked weekends to accommodate his patients. He didn’t know exactly what to say but he had to see him, but it didn’t matter. 

By the time he reached the clinic he still wasn’t so sure what he was going to say but it didn’t matter in the end. He frowned as he read the notice taped on the door: 

_Due to personal circumstances, we will be closed for the time being. Thank you for your understanding._

Personal circumstances? What personal circumstances? And why did he even care? What was he doing wasting his time looking for Kirishima? He sighed and started walking back to the subway station. 

He should never have dated anyone. Falling in love had always been an emotional nightmare from his first crush to Saga Masamune to Kirishima. It had been a complete disaster and most of the time he was frustrated and angry. He should have ignored everyone when they kept telling him to find a boyfriend.

The worst part was that they were all well-meaning, even – no, especially Usami Natsuko because despite being nosy, she just wanted to help him. He could hardly blame his failure with Kirishima on her. Maybe he was attracted to the wrong people? How else could he explain falling for a man who didn’t like children? That never could have worked. 

He was still looking blankly at his computer screen when someone entered and turned on the lights. He didn’t have to look around to know it was Usami Natsuko surveying her domain. Well, of course. 

He was getting sick of seeing that annoying look of concern on her face. 

“You’re working on your day off?”

“Yeah.” 

“Sorry for giving you such short notice for the event. I barely gave you enough time to prepare.” 

“It’s fine. The preparations are all done.” He looked at Amami Hikari’s book. “Is Amami a pen name?”

“I believe so. The kanji means beauty.” 

“So, Shining Beauty?” 

“Something like that.” She smiled enigmatically and sat down next to him. “Remember when you asked me why I started the love game that ended up failing so badly? I’ve wondered for a long time if people can lead a happy single life. I wanted you to ask yourself if it really was what you wanted, since you were single for so long. Anyway, I’m looking forward to the event tomorrow afternoon.” 

Later at home he was relaxing on his bed. He picked up Amami’s book and looked at the acknowledgements chapter at the end. 

“A long time ago an important friend asked me, if I remembered how to find Polaris- the Northern Star. Recalling the time we shared together I decided to look for it again so I could cave in my memory the brilliance I saw within him; to remind myself that the star shining so brilliantly somehow missed my heart.” 

Amami sounded so mournful and regretful. He’d never noticed it before somehow, sandwiched in between the praise and gratitude. 

His musings were interrupted by knocking on the door which ended up being Misaki who entered nervously. 

“Brother, do you have a moment?”

“What is it, Misaki?”

“I know it’s not my business, but did you break up with Kirishima?”

“I did.” 

“Why?” Why? He couldn’t tell Misaki it was because Kirishima didn’t accept him or Hiyori. The only thing that would accomplish is making Misaki feel bad for no reason.

“I thought it was for the best.” 

“Are you sure? When I hurt my head the other day Kirishima came over to help. He was the first person I could think of. They called him and he came to my school right away. Then he told me he’d be worried if he left me alone all night, so he stayed with me.” Wait, what? Why hadn’t Kirishima told him? 

“Really?” He forced himself to stay calm. 

“Kirishima told me ‘when he smiles, I feel happy; when he cries, I feel pain. When he’s sad I want to protect him.’” 

He said that? And he came over to help Misaki? It wasn’t like Misaki was difficult to be with, but still he came right away and stayed with him the entire night? Why hadn’t he said anything? 

Misaki kept talking. It was kind of sweet… yet annoying too. 

“I just think that maybe what he really wants is-”   
“Misaki, I appreciate your concern, but we’re not seeing each other anymore. I need to get ready for the event tomorrow night., and you should get to sleep.” 

They said goodnight to each other and Takafumi sighed. Then he clearly heard Hiyori “whispering” to Misaki outside asking for his report. He shook his head. Siblings! 

Nobody got much work done the next morning. Everyone seemed excited and nervous. Natsuko got them a couple of large platters of sushi in thanks which was nice. They had chosen a good venue for the event. It wasn’t too large or small and they had attracted a more diverse crowd of people than they had been expecting which was nice. Ritsu and Shouta showed up and so had Takano. Hemni tested the microphone. Everything was going smoothly. 

Until it wasn’t. 

The event was about to start and Amami Hikaru was still nowhere to be found and Takafumi was getting sick of Hemni coming out every five minutes to check. 

“Hemni, the director's the only contact for her and she’s not answering her phone. You’re the MC, so please go back and do something to stall things.” 

“Wait, why am I the MC?”

“Please. Make some jokes. Just do something.” 

Hemni would do a far better job than he could. If he got there and tried to make some jokes people would leave in droves. He frowned and checked the time. If Amami didn’t show up in ten minutes he’d have to make an announcement that there were unavoidable delays. 

He was starting to sweat nine minutes later when Yuu put him out of his misery. 

“The director’s here!” 

And not a moment too soon, because Hemni’s jokes were clearly falling flat on the audience. 

Natsuko came up to the stage, took the microphone from a relieved Hemni and bowed. Hopefully Amami Hikaru was behind stage. Takafumi stood on the side behind the curtain. 

“Good afternoon, everyone. Welcome to our event. My name is Amami Hikaru and I’m the author of _Cinderella’s Guide to Love_. 

Which is when all hell broke loose amongst the Usami Publishing employees. Takafumi stared at Natsuko and shook his head. And yet it all made so much sense. Maybe not all the times Natsuko said she had spoken to Amami when the whole time she was Amami. No, that part angered him a little, but that Natsuko would write a self-help book? That didn’t surprise him at all. 

Hemni was still in shock though and staring at Natsuko like he was seeing her for the first time. Natsuko either didn’t notice him or was ignoring him as she continued speaking to the audience.

“Are a lot of you here single? I’m also single. Divorced. Like many other people I fell in love and got married, but unfortunately it didn’t work out. At that time, the most important thing to me aside from my young son was my career. I wanted to succeed no matter what, but I didn’t leave enough room for my husband. I began to think that the only reason we got married was to have a child. We became more distant and our marriage became a burden until we went our separate ways. 

“But this was selfishness on my part. I’ve spent a lot of time since then wondering why I didn’t realize that when you’re a couple any burden that you share gets halved, while any enjoyment is ten times better shared. I realized all too late what it really means for two people to build a life together. 

“Six months ago, my ex-husband contacted me. When I read his letter, I knew what I’ve been regretting all this time was letting go of his hand.

“Don’t make the same mistake I did. Those of you who are dating seriously or married: don’t let go of the hand you’re holding. Hold onto it firmly. I wanted to share that with you as your elder my sad and foolish experience. 

“I’m sorry for getting carried away. Hemni, what's next?”

Suddenly a voice from the audience called out, and an older man stepped into the aisle. Okay. This was getting interesting. 

Yukina pointed from behind him. 

“That’s Shiiba Fuyuhiko who started that successful IT firm, Helix! Wasn’t he married to an editor?”

Kiritani was with him and peered out. “Yeah. I heard he was divorced.” 

Which meant this guy was Natsuko’s ex? It was almost like they were watching a play.

“Do you still want to go through life alone? Is that your plan?” Shiiba’s voice was low yet loud or maybe it was just because of the silence. 

Natsuko shook her head. 

“Even after we separated that person stayed in my heart. I was encouraged by him. He’s the only reason I made it this far. I made a big mistake in thinking I could be happy alone.” 

She stepped down off the stage and met her former husband in the aisle.

Was this really happening? His boss seemed so different so far. She’d spent so much time trying to help when she herself must have been in pain. 

“Will you hold my hand again?” Shiiba asked Natsuko. She stretched out her hands and he clasped his hands in hers. “Let’s see Polaris again together.” 

Takafumi felt his eyes tear up a bit. He probably had something in his eye. Natsuko was smiling and crying. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned expecting it to be Yukina, but it was Yuu. 

“Are you sure, Takafumi?”

“What are you talking about, Yuu?” 

“Haven’t you been holding on to somebody’s hand? It’s not too late, you know.” 

“I thought I told you to forget it.” 

“I don’t think you understand me. I’m talking about Kirishima. He’s leaving Tokyo. His mother isn’t well and he’s moving in with her. He’s on the 15:15 flight at Haneda airport. That’s less than an hour from now. You should meet him.

“Eh?” 

“Don’t worry about things here. Everything’s fine. Just go. The two of you are connected.” 

Since when was Yuu on Kirishima’s side? But he was right. Why else had he run over to Kirishima’s clinic yesterday? They were connected and even Kirishima recognized it when he talked to Misaki after their breakup. 

“Yokozawa, hurry!” 

He ran out and grabbed a cab. He was running out of time and the driver said it would take 40 minutes but maybe he’d get lucky…

**Shouta**

Shouta had always detested reality tv because it was more like surrealty tv, but what they’d just witnessed was genuine, and it felt good being with Kou, who was beaming. 

“I just can’t believe this whole time Amami Hikaru was our director! I’m so happy for her.” 

“Yeah. It made me think about my breakup. I’ve wondered why my ex couldn’t make me happy, but I don’t think I tried to give enough. I don’t really think I had enough desire to do that. And maybe that’s why I lost his love. The important thing is, I want it to be different with you.” 

“It will be!” 

Yukina’s smile made him smile. 

“I’ll be back. I just have to make a phone call.” 

“Come back soon. I’ve got big plans for tonight.” 

“I like the sound of that.” Yukina really was a fast learner. And so sweet. 

He left the auditorium and called Hatori, who didn’t sound pleased to hear from him but that was fine. He took a deep breath and began. 

“I just wanted to let you know that I don’t have any hard feelings about our divorce, and I wish you all the best.” 

Because making sure he was holding on to the right hand meant making sure he’d completely let go of the wrong one.

**Ritsu**

The auditorium had mostly emptied, and he and Takano were still sitting in the theater together. Ritsu looked over at Takano and smiled. 

“This was so special. I feel so privileged to get to be a part of it, don’t you?” 

Takano was smiling but looking on the ground. He had been rejected so many times yet never once gotten angry. And Ritsu wanted this man in his life. Takano nodded in agreement. 

“I feel the same way. We got to witness something important.” 

“It sounds like Amami Hikaru and her husband will be getting re-married.” 

“Yeah.” 

“So, I was thinking, why not us?” 

“Yes- I mean, what?” 

Ritsu watched Takano’s expression change and almost laughed. 

“Would you marry me? I want my Takacchi to be happy. I thought that meant finding somebody else. That’s why I tried to separate from you, but the truth is, life isn’t just about the happy moments. It’s sad and hard sometimes. I think if you ever suffered, I could take on half of that for you. Maybe that’s what real happiness is about. And if that’s the case, then I can make you happy.”

“Of course, I’ll marry you. I want to support you through everything. I’m so happy right now. I want us to laugh and cry together and live together.” 

It was so funny. If he overheard anyone else talking in such a sappy way he’d be cringing, but this was Masamune. His Masamune. 

“Great. Let’s be happy together.” 

“Yes. Happy together.” 

They continued gazing at each other. Finally, Masamune broke the quiet. 

“Okay, you can stop crying.”

“I’m not crying. You are.” He laughed and Masamune winked. Ritsu had never thought of him as the winking type, but how much did he really know about Takano Masamune anyway? Not nearly enough, and he couldn’t wait to find out more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So finally Ritsu and Masamune are together and Shouta is doing well with Yukina which was completely added in. The only time they meet in the drama is the "Yukina" character sees the "Shouta" character near the end of the last episode and his eyes pop out and he says to her "you're completely my type!" which honestly would make me think he was a creep but maybe that's just me.


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: You will get your happy ending whether you like it or not.

**Takafumi**

The wedding of Onodera Ritsu and Takano Masamune was unlike anything Takafumi had experienced, but then again, he’d never been to a wedding where one of the grooms was heavily pregnant, or had the other groom’s cat as one of their guests of honor. It was at their favored venue, the dessert bar, with the most eccentric bar master in town, Kiyomiya Nao as MC.

It had started out with a traditional Shinto ceremony at a shrine and then they’d gone to the bar. Takafumi didn’t know what was worse, the fact that Saga Masamune was here or that Kirishima Zen wasn’t. Was it that unreasonable to assume he would show up to his good friend’s wedding? 

He was exhausted and annoyed that he still spent so much energy anticipating Kirishima’s arrival, noticing everyone who arrived in hopes it would be him and being disappointed when it wasn’t. 

And yet he couldn’t keep himself from wondering yet again what would have happened if he’d gotten to the airport in time. Would they still be together? He wouldn’t have stopped Kirishima from getting his plane. His mother needed him, but that could have been the difference between them being together and reverting to complete strangers.

Whatever. Today was about Ritsu and Takano. They looked happy, and Hiyori and Misaki were enjoying themselves taking turns playing with Takano’s cat Sorata. Hiyori walked over holding Sorata with Yamato and Misaki in tow. 

“I can’t wait to get married. I think my wedding is going to have at least one cat.” Takafumi shuddered. Knowing his luck, she’d get married before he did. 

“Oi! Not until you’ve gone to college.” He quipped, trying to modulate his tone so he sounded more like he was teasing, but didn’t quite succeed. 

“But Yamato’s going to take over the restaurant eventually.” Misaki added. 

“Yes. Wait. That means I’ll become a proprietress of a restaurant?” 

“Is that a yes, Hiyo?” Takafumi rolled his eyes at Hiyori’s boyfriend. Then he heard a muffled cough and turned around. Great. Saga Masamune. It was strangely anticlimactic seeing him for the first time in years. He couldn’t thank Kirishima for much, but at least he’d inspired him to finally get over Masamune. Now he just had to get Kirishima out of his head. 

“Long time no see, Yokozawa. You know my cousin or Onodera?” 

“I’m good friends with Onodera but I’ve become friends with Takano recently.” 

“I never thought my cousin would get married and certainly not to a guy who used to be a girl. No offence. I couldn’t care less. It’s just surprising. They’re happy, so who cares. I came as a family representative because his parents were no shows. Big surprise. They’re not exactly the supporting type.” 

“Got it. How’s everything been?” 

“Work’s fine. I got married a couple of years ago.” 

“Congratulations. Is he here?” 

“No. Parties aren’t his thing. How have you been? I heard you were dating a doctor?” 

“Dentist. It’s over now. He moved out of town.” 

“Ah. Well, good luck with everything. Maybe we could go out for drinks or something?” 

_Translation: We can’t really do that but I kind of wish we could._

“That sounds good. Email me.” 

_Translation: I know this is never happening, and I’m glad you wish we could be friends, but I’d rather we never met again. It’s been lovely knowing you._

“Great.” 

He turned his attention to Ritsu and Takano, who were taking photos and acting like the nauseatingly cute newlyweds they were. 

Shouta came up to him and handed him another champagne. He must have talked to Yukina because lately he’d been toning down his nosiness. Who knew there could be a good side to your best friend dating your supervisor? 

“I guess Kirishima couldn’t make it?”

“That’s what it looks like.” 

“You’re not upset?”

“He moved so he could take care of his mother. Not much I can do about something like that.” 

“You could have gone after him. That’s what I’d have done.”

“I did go after him.” 

“I’m talking about after you left the airport. That’s when you should have followed him to Kameyama.” 

“We broke up for a reason. He couldn’t handle Hiyo or Misaki.” 

“We both know that was just talk. When Misaki needed him, he was there. That’s got to mean something.” Why did he tell Shouta everything again?

“I guess I was hoping he’d come to the wedding.” 

“Which is why-”

“I’m still single for all these years. I get it!” He frowned. Snapping at Sho wouldn’t help. He wasn’t saying anything Takafumi didn’t know already. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay. Oooh, look! Kiyomiya’s bringing out the cake!” 

A huge cake covered in macarons was rolled out and Takafumi smiled at the two grooms who looked like they were in their own little world. 

“This cake was created exclusively for this wedding. Okay, grooms, feed each other!” Kiyomiya was clearly getting into this MC job. 

Ritsu and Takano both took a macaron off the cake and fed each other to the sound of claps and cheers. Then Takano grabbed his husband and kissed him on the lips as the cheering intensified. Who knew that shy chemist had it in him? 

Eventually everyone started leaving to go to the after party, but Takafumi wasn’t in much of a hurry. He frowned. Yuu was still around too. He was being way too obvious about checking up on him when he could be going to the after party or meeting his boyfriend. Yuu had gotten back together with Ijuuin Kyo shortly after the successful Amami Hikaru event. Love worked out well for some people at least. 

“You’re going to the after party?” 

“Maybe soon. What about you?” 

“I’m going to meet up with Kyo. You’re doing okay?” 

“I’m fine. Thanks.” 

“See you then. Call me if you want to talk.” 

Takafumi sighed as he walked around and looked at the decorations. He was partied out. Time to go home and have an early night. And he was sick of hanging out with couples. He was happy for everyone but now that his closest friends had boyfriends the only person he knew well who was still single was Misaki and even Misaki had been hinting something lately about a school friend of his that might be more than just a friend. 

He was just getting ready to leave when he heard footsteps. He looked up to see Kirishima Zen looking surprised to see him, or maybe he hadn’t realized the wedding had started hours earlier? 

“Kirishima, what are you doing here?”

“What do you mean? It’s Takano’s wedding.” 

“It finished already.” 

“I kind of figured that out.”

“It’s considered polite behavior to arrive on time for your friend’s wedding.”

“There was a lot of traffic. It was unavoidable.”

“And you didn’t think to check traffic reports before you drove in? That would be common sense.”

“I don’t think you should lecture me on common sense.” 

“Right. Says the guy who goes away without telling anyone.”

“I don’t remember it being your business what I do.”

“It’s not.” 

“So, leave me alone.” 

“Alright.” 

“You’re really aggravating!”

“What’s aggravating?” 

“We haven’t seen each other in a long time and immediately you put on the harsh tone!”

“I’m perfectly capable of being nice; it depends on who I’m talking to.”

“Oh, is that it, then?” Takafumi couldn’t handle it anymore. To hell with being calm. He was done! 

“If I’m upsetting you, then why don’t you get the hell out!” 

“Okay, fine! Goodbye. Have a nice life!”

Kirishima turned around and went up the stairs. 

No! This was wrong! He had to stop Kirishima. He ran after him and grabbed his shoulder. 

“No, wait! Please don’t leave!”

Zen looked at him with a sad look. And suddenly what Misaki had told him Kirishima had said came in his head. He didn’t care if he sounded corny. Kirishima had to know. 

“It… It makes me happy when you smile. When you’re sad I want to cry. When you’re feeling down, I want to support you. I want to spend my life with you. Please come back to me.” 

“Wow. That’s… well, my mother’s feeling a lot better, so I was planning on coming back next week.” 

“Wait. I thought she was severely ill.”

“She fell down the stairs and broke her leg. I was helping her while she recovered. She’s healthy otherwise. I told Yuu before I left.”

He told Yuu? So why had Yuu made it sound like Kirishima was never coming back. He had been manipulating him, hadn’t he? 

“Oi. That Yuu!” 

“Eh?” 

“Never mind. I’m just muttering to myself.” Freaking Yuu! Some things never change! Although his intentions were good this time. 

“Anyway, what you said… that’s what I wanted to tell you the last time we saw each other, that I changed my mind. I want us to be together. I know that it can work. Will you give me another chance?” 

“Yeah. I’ve been hoping you’d come back for the wedding. I know about what you did for Misaki when he hurt himself.” 

“Yeah, well your brother’s a great guy.” 

“Yeah. He is. So, we could go to this after party thing.” 

“I’d prefer we went to my place.” Well there was that. 

“Sounds good to me.” 

They were never going to be that cute couple like Ritsu and Takano, but maybe they were okay just being themselves.

**Ritsu**

It was good that Ritsu was carrying small. He already felt ridiculous wobbling around everywhere already, but if he’d carried bigger it would be even worse. They ended up moving to Masamune’s place soon after the wedding and put up Ritsu’s apartment for sale. It didn’t make sense to keep two apartments and Ritsu was already nervous about having a baby in a loft even though the baby was still safely in utero.

Ritsu would have managed somehow even if Masamune hadn’t been so patient with him for months but his life would have been so much drabber and more incomplete. It was hard to believe they were already married for a month. They had their awkward moments as they got used to each other and navigating the bedroom had been interesting, but it was fine because they were learning and growing together. 

Ritsu kept looking at himself in the mirror. Now that he’d started his paternity leave it was finally clicking in how fundamentally his life was changing. It was a huge change marrying somebody but becoming a parent was a completely different level. Maybe that’s why he ended up telling Haitani the truth right before the wedding. He seemed happy for Ritsu and more importantly wasn’t going to be causing custody issues. He said he wanted to be a part of their child’s life which was more than reasonable. 

And here they were shopping for baby things. Afterward hopefully they’d stop at the quaint cafe they’d passed. He smiled as he spotted a cute bib with a panda on it. 

“Masamune, look at this! It’s so cute!” 

Masamune at the same time was showing him a rain outfit, and Ritsu almost laughed because it was an ugly monstrosity. Who made baby outfits that were khaki colored?

“I know it’s not as cute, but they could wear it in the rain. It won’t get stained and it’ll last a long time!” 

“You’re right!” Ritsu smiled. He decided not to remind his husband that babies grew fast, so it wouldn’t be useful for that long. Instead he put the bib and the monstrosity in their shopping cart and continued to the next aisle.

“Also,” Masamune continued, “they’re going to look perfect no matter what they’re wearing, because you’re their father.” 

Ritsu wondered if Masamune ever actually listened to what he said, because the sappiness was off the charts. But then again that was one of the endearing things about him. He smiled brightly at his husband. 

“And because you’re their father!”

**Yuu**

Yuu was trying to finish the logo designs he’d prepared to show his client, and If business kept up he could either quit his job at Usami Publishing or perhaps look into a transfer to their art department.

He was almost finished, and Kyo was distracting him. How life changes. A year ago, it would have been him distracting Kyo. Right now, the mangaka was in that annoying mood he got shortly after he finished a chapter; not ready to work on the next chapter but too restless to do anything else. Well aside from sex or cooking. Which would be fine normally, but Yuu had just hit his stride. And Kyo needed to stop touching him there.

“Aahhh! Kyo. Not now. I’m sorry. Soon, okay? I’m almost finished.” 

“You’ve been saying that for hours.” 

“Yeah, I know. I ended up having to re-do something. I’m almost finished. I’m talking five minutes.” 

“Okay. I’ll be patient. Funny. I remember when I was the boring patient one.” 

“Don’t worry. I’ll remind you just how interesting I can be soon.” 

“Mm. Can’t wait.”

***

Two days later Yuu was at the dessert bar chatting with Kiyomiya as he smiled to himself. The client loved his work for a full-scale rebranding. He had to go to their office to sign the contract but then he had his first paying client. This career thing wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. In fact, it was a lot of good and a major celebration was in order tonight with Kyo before they both got busy again. He was going to be in for a hopefully happy surprise when he showed up with reservations for Kyo’s favorite French restaurant.

Which is when he saw Takafumi in a booth with Kirishima. It was hard to tell from his conversations with his mentor since he tended to be vague, but it sounded like things were getting better. Still, he hadn’t expected Kirishima to propose so soon. But why else would he take out a ring box from his pocket?

And why not discreetly observe them? It was bad, but if there was a proposal happening somebody needed to be there to take photos. He opened the camera app in readiness. Takafumi looked flustered and annoyed at the same time. Yuu never understand how he did that. 

“Zen. You didn’t have to..” 

And then he opened the box. 

“What the actual hell is this?” Takafumi yelled angrily.

Now what?

“You’ve never seen Okinawan lion statues? They’re to ward off bad luck.” 

“Okay, but why now?” And why in what looked like a ring box? Seriously, how did Takafumi put up with this idiot? 

“It’s a souvenir from my conference last week in Okinawa. What were you thinking?” 

More like, what was Kirishima thinking? 

“Whatever. Thanks. I’ll see you later.” 

Yokozawa stuffed the box in his briefcase and ran out. 

Yuu sat down next to a befuddled Kirishima. Time for damage control. 

“I couldn’t help overhearing. What were you thinking?” 

“I thought he’d appreciate that I bought him a gift.” 

“By giving him weird looking figurines in what looks like a ring box?” 

“They’re not weird. It’s part of our heritage.” 

“Typical. You’re completely missing the point. Anyone would have thought you were giving him an engagement ring when they saw that box. That never occurred to you?” 

“No. Okay it looks like ring box, but in the first place-” 

“Wait. Explain later. Go after Takafumi now.” 

Were Takafumi and Kirishima the most dysfunctional couple in Japan? Seriously, it was like Yuu was the older one and they were the young idiots. Kirishima opened his mouth as if he were going to reply but instead put some money down for his bill and ran out after his boyfriend. 

Yuu smiled. Maybe Kirishima was starting to get it. Maybe there was hope for this couple after all? 

He smiled as he picked up his portfolio and coat. He had a boyfriend to surprise.

**Zen**

Yokozawa walked way too fast. Zen kept almost reaching him and somehow just missing him. Or not making the light in time. He was so close now… He gasped for breath.

“Just a minute. Wait.” 

Yokozawa had to have heard that, but instead of responding, the man walked even faster. Zen had to sprint to catch up to him. 

“Please stop. Yokozawa!” 

“I’m busy.” 

“Why are you so angry?” 

“I’m not!” 

“You obviously are. It’s because you start freaking out that I can never propose!”

“Eh? Propose?” 

“Wait, what?”

“You just said propose.” 

“I didn't.” 

“I think you did.”

“Whatever. Why should it be me anyway?” 

“You’re right. I could propose to you. And maybe I would if you weren’t always so infuriating!” 

He started walking faster, as if he was dismissing Zen, who had to get back in shape. It was ridiculous at how much he was wheezing from a little jogging. Somehow at home he never had time. He was too busy helping his mother. 

“That is so not cute!” 

“Like I ever said I was cute! And you were the one who gave me a ring box!” 

“It wasn’t a ring box!” 

“It looked exactly like one! Anyway, who’d want to get married to you?” 

“Fine. Forget it.” 

“You’re stubborn.”

“And you’re obstinate! I’ll take my shiisa back!”

“No thanks.” 

“Why is that? You clearly don’t appreciate them.” 

“Because they’re from you. So, you’re not getting them back.” 

“Is that so?” 

“That is so. And your screw up makes this kind of pointless.” Zen gasped as Yokozawa took out a box from his briefcase. Which looked very much like a ring box. 

“No, wait.” 

Yokozawa smirked and put it back in his briefcase. 

“And here I was thinking we both had the same idea. Oh well. Too bad.” And then he smirked. Yokozawa never smirked! Had he been taking special workshops with Yanase or something? 

“Can’t we pretend we were?” 

“Maybe. It all depends on you, Zen.” Shit. Now he was calling him by first name. This was way too arousing. At least for now. Later, in a better location it would be perfect. 

“On me?”

“Yes. On how you behave.” 

“Oh, really now.” 

“Yes. Really.” 

But Takafumi was smiling warmly. Which is when Zen took a deep breath and took out the box. The other box he’d gotten the same day he’d gotten the shiisa. 

“What if I said I took out the wrong box?” 

“Eh?” Zen smiled. That surprised him. 

“Okay. It wasn’t the wrong box. I was scared. I’ve never done this before. I’m closing in on 41 and I’ve never proposed to anyone in my life.” 

“Well, technically you haven’t done it now either.” 

“Oh. Fine. Yokozawa Takafumi, will you marry me?” 

“Okay.” He said it like Zen had asked him if he wanted to see a movie. 

“Is that all I get? An ‘okay?’”

“You’re not even going to get that if you keep this up.” 

“I just thought you’d react a little differently that’s all.” 

“How differently?”

“Does it matter?” 

“I guess not. I’m happy. I assume you are. Let’s call my mother and go to your place and tell Hiyori and Misaki. But first. Let’s stop at a hotel.” 

“Okay.” 

Somehow that okay sounded a lot better the second time around. 

And the two of them squabbled together happily ever after.

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized a few things about adapting this jdrama to a fiction story and they are: 
> 
> a. The plotline meandered a bit.  
> b. The characters don't do much self reflection. For example, Yanase Yuu changes from a manipulative bastard to a mature sweet guy but in the show there isn't much in the plot that really explains it or show how the characters react to him.  
> c. It had plot elements that sometimes were wacky or didn't work for my story. Like the drama ends with the main characters getting angry at each other. It's funny and Nakama Yukie and Sasaki Kuranosuke did an amazing job but that had to change. 
> 
> But it was really fun adapting this. And I had fun writing a Trifecta story (even if it's not so Trifecta really it's more like Quadfecta although that's not really a word.)


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end is the just the beginning of something else.

_One Year Later_

**Misaki**

Misaki was trying not to laugh as he watched Uncle Zen “play” with Takano Kaoru. Maybe he thought he was playing. It looked like he was terrified.

Takafumi came out of the kitchen and pointed to his husband. 

“Zen, what the hell are you doing?” 

“I’m playing with the baby. What does it look like?” 

“Like you’re about to go to battle.” 

“I know, right?” Misaki spurted out causing his brother-in-law to glare at him. “No offence intended, err, Uncle!” Misaki added. 

Trying to figure out what to call his brother’s husband had been challenging. Zen wasn’t an option. Neither was Kirishima since Takafumi was also Kirishima now. Brother didn’t seem right, though. Uncle had made the most sense since he was older than Takafumi, but the guy cringed every time he said it. Kirishima it was, then. 

Shinnosuke hadn’t been so helpful, although he had tried. He had a mother, an older sister and no older brothers who raised you since you were five and then got married to a man.

Kaoru took one look at Zen and her bottom lip started to quiver. Then she started making whining noises. 

“I don’t get this. Why is she annoyed? She ate and had a bottle. We just changed her so shouldn’t she be happy?” 

“Maybe she’s having a growth spurt.” Takafumi expertly took the baby from Zen and grimaced. “It’s obvious. she needs another diaper change.” 

“ _How?_ ”

“Babies love dirtying a clean diaper. Misaki was the same way. It was a good thing he was so cute, because I was always seemed to be the one changing him. This is a perfect opportunity for you to learn. Zen. I’m surprised you managed to get out of diaper duty the other times we watched her.”

Misaki tried to pretend not to hear. Why did his brother have to remember all the embarrassing parts of his childhood? It was a miracle he hadn’t shown Shinnosuke his childhood photos. Like when he tried to make omurice for the first time, almost destroyed the kitchen and had more ketchup on his shirt than in the food. 

“I thought you were going to be changing the baby. You’re the experienced one.” 

“You thought wrong. Come here and I’ll show you.” 

“Do I have to?” 

“Zen, you’re a dentist. You should be used to looking at disgusting things. Stop complaining and get over here!” 

It was nice when Takafumi was annoyed at someone other than his younger brotehr. Misaki sighed. If only he could go to Shinnosuke. Little Kaoru was cute, but he and Shinnosuke had just made the move from friends to boyfriends and every moment apart felt like torture. 

At least he had a boyfriend, a gay older brother who paved the way for him and an accepting big sister who loved him no matter what, even if she could be annoying as hell! 

And to think they met at an Usami Akihiko book signing. In the days when Misaki was just a little obsessed over the famous author. The line seemed to take forever but it was worth it, because at some point a cute guy behind him tapped him on the shoulder because he noticed Misaki reading the latest volume of _Za☆Kan_. It turned out they were in the same grade and high school. His name was Todo Shinnosuke. He was tall, handsome, and probably straight, but it was nice being with another fan. And if he had to listen to him talk about being rejected by girls it was okay. They had fun playing the _Za☆Kan_ game, or spending hours in cafes, where they indulged in theoretical discussions about favored head canons.

Then Takafumi and Kirishima got engaged. Misaki never gotten around to telling Todo about them. That way he wouldn’t have to find out what his friend thought about homosexuals. Todo assumed Takafumi was marrying a girl and Misaki never corrected him. 

Less than a week before the wedding he came over. They went to the kitchen for drinks only to find the place busy with Shouta, Ritsu and Takano with baby Kaoru on his lap busy helping Takafumi work out last minute wedding preparations. 

“Wow,” Todo explained happily. “Can I help? My older sister got married a year ago. Is the bride from Tokyo?” 

“Bride? I should think so. You’re looking at him!” Shouta laughed as he pointed to Takafumi. 

“Oi! If anyone’s a bride, it’s him.” Takafumi pointed to Zen who was peering into the fridge, probably looking for a pudding. 

“Oh.” Misaki’s heart dropped at Todo’s look of surprise. But Todo quickly recovered. “Congratulations. I meant it if you need any help. My sister did a Western style wedding. What type are you having?” 

“We’re having a combination Western-Shinto wedding, and thanks, but I think I have enough volunteers. You two do your _Za☆Kan_ thing.” 

They grabbed their snacks and headed to Misaki’s room. If Misaki had hoped Todo wouldn’t talk about it, he was wrong. 

“Seriously, Yokozawa, next time can you clue me in to important things like your brother being engaged to a guy?” 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to say it.” 

“How about, ‘my brother’s engaged to a man?” 

“I thought you’d think it was wrong.” 

“Maybe ask me next time instead of deciding how I’d think.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Do you have a problem with it? Maybe it’s not so typical to have an older brother who’s gay, but you should be honest with yourself.” 

“I don’t have a problem!” 

“Then why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was scared you wouldn’t want to be friends anymore.” 

Todo sighed. 

“I guess I can’t complain when I never told you about me.” 

“What?” 

“I started reading Usami Akihiko books because I saw his picture and thought he was gorgeous. I’m bisexual, Misaki.” 

“I… uh…” 

“I get it. You think I’m weird. I knew this was too good to be true.” 

“No. I just never thought I’d find another person who liked Usami Akihiko novels for the same reason I did.” 

“Wait, what?” 

“Yes.” Misaki didn’t care how red he was turning. “But I think you’re more handsome.” 

“Yeah? Well, I think you’re beautiful.”

And that was how Misaki and Shinnosuke started dating. It had been a great distraction between getting used to his new brother-in-law or Hiyori almost never being around now that she was in university. And one of things he loved about Shin was how responsible he was, which was why they weren’t together now, because he was helping his sister with her newborn. 

Dating Shin was even better when Yuu introduced Misaki to the best mangaka who ever lived, Ijuuin Kyo. They were sweet together even if Ijuuin was so much older than Yuu. Not that Misaki only liked Yuu because of his Ijuuin connections. It was nice having an honorary brother who was closer to his age. Also, as embarrassing as it was to talk about sex, he felt the least uncomfortable talking to Yuu. 

Kirishima sat down near him on the couch, sighed and looked traumatized by the diapering experience. 

“Do you think you’ll adopt a baby, maybe?” Misaki teased. “Sounds like Kirishima will make a wonderful father.” 

“What happened to ‘uncle’? And I’ll be happy to adopt somebody already toilet trained.” 

“It only gets worse from here, Zen. I should know. I’ve taken care of Misaki since he was five.” Takafumi sat down next to his husband. They were also sweet together in their own way. 

“That’s so nice, big brother!” 

“I’m joking. You’re great. So’s Hiyori. Even if she’s dating that Yamato guy.” 

“She didn’t tell you? They’re taking a break right now.” 

“Taking a break? What does that even mean?” 

“Ask Hiyori. I didn’t understand it.” 

“Papa.” 

Such a cute little voice Kaoru had. Which of her fathers did she call Papa? Or did she use it for them both? 

Kaoru looked at everyone as if she just realized none of them were her parents and started crying. 

“Papa!” 

“Uh oh. I think Kaoru finally realized her parents aren’t here.” Takafumi sighed.

**Masamune**

Masamune’s plan should have been fail-proof. He’d booked a suite at Hoshinoya Tokyo. It cost him a small fortune, but it wasn’t every day you celebrated your anniversary along with husband’s recovery from transition. The last surgery had been a couple of months back and shortly after they had a party with their close friends. But this was their private celebration. The hotel had private onsen baths, so it was like being on a trip without leaving home.

They needed this. Ritsu had worked so hard, first safely delivering Kaoru and then with transition. Masamune had never thought of him as a girl, but he had to admit sex was going to be less complicated now he had the typical bits and pieces. He’d gone through so much and it hadn’t been easy watching Ritsu in pain after the phalloplasty surgery. He felt so hopeless. If it hadn’t been for their friends supporting them and helping with Kaoru, he didn’t know what he’d have done. 

Dinner was delicious. They took a quick shower, changed into yukatas, and were about to head up to the onsen when Ritsu grabbed a hold of his sleeve. He turned to face his husband only to see the saddest look on his face. 

“Masamune, wait.”

“Is everything okay?” 

“I know Kaoru’s okay, but I’m worried. Maybe she’s lonely.” 

“She’s in good hands. They’ll contact us if there’s an issue. I have my phone with me just in case.” 

“You’re right. I do too. I guess you knew that already.” 

“Yeah. Let’s go. I can’t wait to see what this onsen looks like.” 

“No, wait!” 

Masamune let out a sigh and then regretted it. Ritsu looked sad. 

“I’m sorry. I know you’ve worked hard on this getaway.” 

“And you deserve it.” 

“Thanks.” 

“Any time. I love being with you. I want to give you everything, Ritsu.” 

“Thanks.” 

They smiled at each other. Maybe they could skip the onsen. 

Then Ritsu jumped up and grabbed his phone. 

“Maybe I should just check in on Kaoru first?” 

“It’s fine with me, but is that really what you’re worried about?” 

“I guess not. There wasn’t a problem the last time. I miss her.” 

“Of course, you do. She is one brilliant baby.” 

“But you’re right. I should have told you. I’ve felt bad for you. You were so nice about me.”

“What are you talking about? Being nice to you is my job. I’m your husband.” 

“I mean in bed with me… before.” 

“I wish you talked to me more about this.” 

“I didn’t want to bug you. It’s been so crazy with the baby and then transition. Was I selfish for wanting to transition so soon after having her?” 

“No. You’ve been wanting to transition for years. Okay. You didn’t nurse her so long. She’s doing fine on formula and she’s starting to eat food. And I love your adam’s apple.” 

“Nothing changed. You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” 

“I’m not. Okay. I am. I want you to be happy, but you’re not. And it’s not because you’re worried about Kaoru, although I know you miss her. Tell me everything.” 

“Okay. It’s ridiculous though.” 

“Oi! If you’re worried it’s not ridiculous. So out with it.” 

“I’m worried that sex is going to be a complete disaster, you’ll be unsatisfied and I’m going to ruin everything. I can see from your expression that you think I’m being ridiculous. Wait. Don’t cry!” 

Masamune rubbed at his eyes. Why didn’t Ritsu feel comfortable telling him? What had he done wrong as a husband that Ritsu couldn’t talk to him? 

“I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could talk to me.” 

“I can! We talk about a lot of things.” 

“Okay, but you kept this in and it’s hurting you. Please don’t do that anymore. If you can’t go to me, go to someone, but I hope you’ll feel comfortable going to me. I want to know how you’re feeling, even when you think it’s ridiculous.” 

“It’s just we were so busy with work and with the baby and then transition, and I thought I was just being stupid. I should have told you. I’ll try.” Ritsu was still sitting on the couch with his arms crossed and looking down. 

“Can you come to me, please?” Masamune outstretched his arms and smiled. Ritsu smiled and ran to him. 

“I just want you to be happy, Masamune.” 

“Well, you’ve achieved your goal. You’re fine. You’ve always been. Just talk to me, okay?” 

“Okay.”

**Takafumi**

Takafumi collapsed on the couch next to his husband, gazed at little Kaoru who looked so peaceful asleep in her stroller and sighed in relief. He didn’t remember Hiyori or Misaki being this challenging when they were nine months old but then again how much would he have known about it? He was in school. His parents took care of his siblings. Although he still remembered doing more than his share of diapers.

He picked up his glass of beer and held it up to Zen. 

“Good job. We did it.” 

“Yeah. Finally. I’ve never been happier that you’re a man than today, Takafumi.” 

“What does that even mean? Ritsu’s also a man.” 

“Yes. But he’s a man who got pregnant and have sweet but loud Kaoru. There's no Kaoru or anyone else coming from you, is there, Takafumi?” To emphasize that he patted Takafumi’s stomach. 

“Seriously, Zen?” 

“Sorry. It’s a side effect of all the diapers and spit up. I never realized how body fluids are such an intrinsic part of being a baby. At least she didn’t projectile vomit.” 

“Projectile vomit?”

“Yes. You should see some of the videos online. The vomit is literally flung from the baby getting everywhere. It’s nightmare inducing.” 

“Who watches videos of vomiting babies?” 

“I do when I’m researching possible babysitting dangers.” 

“Why did I ask that? I’m just surprised you never changed her diaper before. It’s not like she’s never been here.” 

“Either Ritsu or Takano were here, or I was at work most of the time you were watching her when Ritsu had his last surgery.” 

“That’s true. She’s a lot easier than she was then. It was the hardest when she was a newborn, though. Her little stomach was making her miserable. We spent the whole time holding her and walking around. But it’s still exhausting. Those two better be having a good time.” 

“Agreed. Doing it has to be a challenge with a baby around. Imagine, everything’s amazing and then the baby starts crying. Talk about a turn off.” 

“Trust you to focus on that. It’s part of being parents.” 

“What a responsible answer. How like you.”

“At any rate, Ritsu told me that once she’s sleeping through the night so she should be fine until the morning.” 

“Perfect. Want a pudding to celebrate?” 

“Thanks, but I’ll skip. I can’t believe you’re a dentist sometimes with all the sugary foods you eat.” 

“I have proper dental hygiene. It’s not my fault I have a sweet tooth. Anyway, more for me.” 

“Whatever you say. Want a beer to go with it?” 

“Vanilla pudding is best with a chardonnay.” 

“Unfortunately, we’re completely out of chardonnay.” 

“Oh well. Beer it is.” 

“You know you’re ridiculous?” 

“It takes one to know one!” 

Takafumi smirked at his husband, got a beer and a pudding out of the fridge, and sat back down. A year ago, this conversation would have been turned into a full-scale argument. Either he was getting used to Zen or mellowing out. 

“I’m going to move the stroller into our room. That way we won’t have to worry so much about her waking.” 

“ _Our room?_ ,” Zen yelled, causing Kaoru to shift in her sleep. 

“Oi!” Takafumi scream whispered. “If she wakes up, you are taking care of her by yourself until she falls asleep!” 

“Sorry!” Zen whispered. 

“And yes, Zen, our room. It’s unlikely that she’ll wake up, but somebody has to take care of her if she does, and she wakes up by six.” 

“On a Sunday. Why did we do this?” 

“Maybe because we care about our friends and want them to enjoy their anniversary.” 

“What can I say but you’re right. That doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy each other a bit.” 

“With a baby in the room?” 

“Well, yeah. It’s not like she’s going to know anything, and it’s been days.” 

“Yes. Poor Zen. So neglected.”

“It’s not just me. You’re also pent up. Takafumi felt a hand maneuver its way down his pants and reach its intended destination. He let out a gasp. 

“Don’t do that!” 

“Look how quickly you’re changing. It’s obvious you need this; maybe even more than me.” 

“Fine. You’re right. But after dinner. By the way, you’re getting really good at cutting vegetables.” 

“Is complimenting me your way of getting me to help?” 

“Maybe, but you really have improved. Would you? We’re having Sukiyaki. I got Matsusaka beef. We worked hard.”

“Now I’m getting hungry.” They both moved to the kitchen where Takafumi started taking out the meat and vegetables. 

“Save room for dessert.” Zen looked up with an eyebrow raised and Takafumi winked at him just to get a good reaction. The happy shocked expression was priceless. His husband drove him nuts at times and he did the same to him, but he was discovering more and more how good they were together. They had their stubborn and prideful moments but slowly they were both learning how to let go. 

“I think right before dessert we should embarrass Misaki by making out on the couch.” 

“Sometimes I think you’re the teenager, Zen.” 

“I’m young at heart.” 

“That’s one way to put it.” 

I wonder if they’ve done anything yet. I was hoping Misaki would come to me for advice.” 

“Can we change the subject? I like talking about this the same way I liked talking about Hiyori and Yamato when they were dating.” 

“But it’s happening. You’ve seen the way they’re been looking at each other.” 

“It’s hard not to notice. You don’t need to worry, though. He’s been talking to his other older brother.” 

“His other older brother?” 

“His honorary one. Yuu. He’s closest to Misaki’s age. It’s kind of cute.” 

“You’re not jealous that he didn’t talk to you?” 

“You think I want to talk to my baby brother about sex? And it’s great for Yuu and he loves when Misaki confides in him. He’s never had that before.” 

“That is nice. I used to wonder what it would be like to have siblings, but I usually ended up thinking they’d just get into my things. Also, my mother had it hard with just me after my father died. It was for the best that it was just me. I used to wish my father had never died.” 

“You were so young. I had it hard and I was an adult when my parents.” 

“Maybe I would have been more spoiled and irresponsible than I was. But yeah. My mother has never really recovered. 

“I also used to wonder what would have happened if my parents hadn’t died. How my life would have changed. I miss them.” 

“Yeah. At least we have Obon coming up.” 

“Do you want to go to Kameyama? We can stay over and then come back and visit my parents.” 

“That sounds good, although my mother will most likely drive us both nuts, but I guess that’s her job.” 

“How mature of you, Zen. Maybe there’s hope yet.” 

“Says one of the most obnoxious men alive.” 

“You forgot ‘in Japan.’”

“You’re right. Correction. You’re the most obnoxious man.” Zen paused and smirked. “In the world.” 

“Wow. I should get a prize.” 

“Yeah. Come here.” Zen grabbed Takafumi by his shirt and brought him into a passionate kiss. “That’s more like it. I’ll give you the rest of your price in the bedroom. For a limited time only. Like, now, preferably.” 

“Or we can finish and actually eat.” 

“Or we can put everything in the fridge and work up a sweat first.” 

“Then wake up in the middle of the night and eat junk. No thank you. Dinner first.”

“You’re such an old man sometimes, Takafumi.” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” 

Zen was pouting. What an idiot he was sometimes. But he was his idiot. And he liked that. He put down his knife, wiped his hands on his apron and grabbed his husband for perhaps a little interlude of skinship. Takafumi didn’t know when they shifted from just being two people trying to live together to being a family, but it had happened. Life was good and it was just going to get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was so much fun I'm tempted to write another AU based on a jdorama. 
> 
> I also hope that my portrayal of Ritsu wasn't offensive. I tried to write his story sensitively but I am cis so I don't really know what it's like. 
> 
> I never thought I'd write a story where Akihiko's married to Takahiro, Misaki's dating Todo, Kirishima isn't Hiyori's father and Yuu at one point crushes on Takafumi, but it was fun writing this. Thanks for reading!


End file.
